Relationships That Break & Leave Sadness In Their Wake

I’m in  a strange situation right now, poised to do something to someone that has been done to me, many times. It has to do with this blog.

Sometimes a person comes along to comment or hang out here; I really like their energy. I won’t be the only one who likes their energy. I am talking about a person who might be funny or quirky or just contribute a lot of interesting material.  They don;t have to necessarily be around a lot or anything. But when I see them pop up, I get a good feeling from them.  They enhance my life!

Over the years there has been a lot of people like this. Most of them leave, eventually. I might leave myself, if I didn’t work here. Occasionally, they leave because of me but usually that’s not the case.

The person leaves for a personal reason, like they may feel over-exposed or something like that. In other cases, they leave because of another user. They just become fed up with someone’s comments or they feel they’re being stalked or whatever it might be. Sometimes they announce they are leaving. Sometimes they email me, personally and other times they just disappear.

I hate when this happens but after nearly twenty years, I know it’s part of what goes on. It’s hurt me enough, I learned to maintain emotional space from everyone. I don’t want to be too attached when they shoe drops.  To be fair, I have done this in my real life as well. Living On The Fringe Of Society.

I also said for years, that I would go into the woods when Pluto went into m 12th house. It has to do with the movie, Defiance.  Fighting For Freedom & Survival

This has occurred, but not strictly due to the losses I’ve experienced, blogging. I’m just the kind of person who loses a lot, I guess. And wins too.

But anyway, I am on the verge of leaving a loose group of people, in real life. It’s very similar to the situation on this blog. There is a figurehead, and a lot people around who interact in various ways.

The figurehead likes me.. maybe he likes me a lot, or at least he has at one time or various times or whatever. The point is, if I drop out of this group, he will feel pain. I just can’t believe I find myself on the other end of this kind of scenario.

The people who have left this blog had to do it for whatever reason. They could not and should not have stayed for my benefit, but you know what?  It sucks. It sucks on both sides.  Because no one can take my place the same way no one can fill in for the people I miss. We’re all singular personalities and we just have to be remembered. Not as the one that got away, but as the one that had to go.  With regret!

It’s like a death.  One person unplugs and both people die in some way. That place where they’d been connected to you is a dead spot you take to your grave.

This is horrible, isn’t it?  I am still hoping to find a way to hang on.  Because in my experience, when something like this happens, it’s permanent.

Does this sound familiar?

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Comments

Relationships That Break & Leave Sadness In Their Wake — 50 Comments

  1. ? yes.
    It hurts but you are valued and appreciated and that is a blessing. I hope you can hang on but if not I hope you can at least maintain contact with the figurehead.

    I’ve just recently left a group because I only felt pain around them. It wasn’t always that way which doubles the pain. But it had to be done. Not a fun time.

    Sending prayers your way.

    • me too. i also am going through this and its excruciating. i take it one day at a time. i don’t say we will never talk forever because its too painful. i tell myself I’m doing whats loving for myself and deep down we know that self care is the priority. especially when its a dead end with someone and you know you have reached the end of the rope. let go. love yourself. you never know who can come in or who can transform.

  2. Maybe the Mars-Pluto conjunction can help change your perspective on permancy and a (potentially) outdated assumption that broken relationships will always stay broken? I understand what you mean, and I’m sorry this is is happening in your life. At the same time though look at your marriage, as you’ve said y’all broke up when y’all were young, but where are y’all now? Back together. Not everything that breaks isn’t fixable something about it will just have to change when it’s put back together again. Figurative death and literal death are the two sides of the Plutonian coin, sorry to come of as presumptive, but it sounds like this is a more figurative issue with room and space to build off of. If y’all are still breathing, y’all still have time. I hope it all works out.

    • Sarah, I am going on my experience in scenarios that seem similar.

      The last time I broke off with someone, knowing it would hurt them, I was about 23 years old. I did get back in contact with that woman, decades later. We still had chemistry and talk from time to time (infrequently), but the connection is not like it was and never could be. Um… considering this for the topic of my next post.

      As for the people who leave the blog… the specific people I am referencing, they tend to stay gone. They surface with a mail now and then…every few years.

      In fact, I got a promo mail from one of them, a few days ago. That’s probably how I put this together. I don’t think it was sent to me, specifically, though it may have been. I think I am in an email database she maintains for marketing.

      As for my husband, that is very special relationship. He was made by God to be my spouse and vice versa. As you know, I believe this. So God gave us another chance and my husband told me way back when, if we did not take it, we should expect to meet up in the old folks home. That’s a very particular situation.

      All I’m saying with this, is sometime people leave because they have to. Like my best friend in 4th grade. Her family moved – left the state. That was the end of that. Facebook or no, it’s a bond that won’t be put back together. These are losses but they are something else too.

      Also, in this case, I would be leaving the group because it is the wrong group for me, rather than an individual. It’s just that a few individuals who are part of the group will be deeply impacted. It’s because they can *see* me and they know I am going to do more, see more and have more to say. But I’ll be gone… “somewhere where they can’t find me,” as Paul Simon sings.

      • Well that’s what I’m saying though it all changes if it’s meant to be put back together.

        If a person or people are still surfacing then wouldn’t you say they aren’t gone forever, the interaction/relationship has just changed, but there’s still an opportunity for communication? I would think so and I’d think it’s God’s way of offering an opportunity and giving us the power to decide if we say yes or not right now.

        No doubt your husband was made by god to be your spouse, from what I remember you telling me you found each other again, and from what I understood y’all were both two people who worked hard to not be found in your own respective ways, but y’all got found.

        And idk what kind of group it is you’re in, or how right not it is, I would say that just because you don’t fit in with a group doesn’t mean you’d have to cut everyone out all together. The dynamic of each individual relationship will change of course it’s not going to be the same.

        I don’t know if this will make sense, but I read an article from the New York Times “Nobody Tells You How Long A Marriage Is” the moral of the article was basically that you’re going to be married to multiple different people within that marriage, meaning that persons not always going to be the way they were 10 years ago, and I know you’re talking about a group of people and not just one person, but I think that lesson is valid for all relationships we have throughout life, whether they’re a spouse, a friend, or a group of people, it changes and people adapt to it however they choose. They’ll all adapt to the impact in their own way and it’ll be okay.

        Also that Paul Simon song is about someone who committed a crime and instead of facing their problems and facing the consequences or trying to right their wrong, (however you’d like to see it) knowing that leaving isn’t the right thing to do, but they still run away.

        That’s like a Neptune/Saturn/Pluto/Chiron kind of a song eluding (Neptune) consequences (Saturn) for fear (Saturn) of change (Pluto) and also having the power (Pluto/Saturn) to wound (Chiron) or heal (Chiron).

        What about the Beatles, Elsa? That Venus/Mars/Saturn/Pluto song? “We Can Work It Out” I bet you can if you give it a little more time!

  3. Yes, this sounds familiar. But am confused, Is this happening in your real life and on the blog as well?

    Ive done this. As I’ve gotten older I just don’t want to be part of something or a group that makes me feel any kind of negative way. And I don’t mean I want things to be all chipper 100% of the time but I can’t be around something that constantly angers me or makes me sad. Sometimes it needs to be done just to keep your sanity and energy clean.

  4. Yesssssss. So much so. I’ve been on an extended vacation and in that period of time, I’ve gotten shocking news of dear friends moving out of state. No forewarning. No hugs goodbye. No closure. Just done. Not just to me but to the others they were connected to as well. I’ve gotten used to people leaving or my uprooting with Uranus in the 4th and Pluto in my 3rd but man—this hurt on a visceral level. I cried ferociously. So I do understand why you’d say don’t get attached but I realized I squandered an opportunity to know these friends sooner bc of my own pride. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all… ❤️

  5. It’s about telling your truth – you gotta do it or you start to rot. And that’s not going to be good for anybody!

    It’s just life! We outgrow this, grow into that…it all just keeps moving along. Nothing wrong with the folks you are leaving. It’s just time to go.

  6. I think in the end we are all alone. I’m somewhat of an outsider on the inside, but people wouldn’t guess. There are things in life that you have to go through alone. Not lonely, but alone.

    People come, people go. They were not the first ones you liked and they certainly won’t be the last. (Uranus/Neptune 11th).

    Even in love you can’t devour a person and wear their skin. You can’t possess them or else you destroy them. Learn to let go of trying to eat their soul and let them be themselves, let them go, if the need arises. They are their own person, but you are your own person too. Focus on yourself. (Venus/Pluto)

  7. If you have made up your mind, then you need to leave and stay out. May sound harsh, but it sounds like you’ve already put enough thought and stress into the decision.
    Maybe it is your venus-neptune still working hard to find a less hurtful (to the person mentioned) option to deal with the situation. And I know how stubborn that hope can be.
    But if you’ve finally realized that it must be done, then you’ve got to do it. When you are sure and ready.
    Just my $0.02

  8. I think some of you are misunderstanding this.

    I am not leaving a person. I am leaving a situation; comparable to a situation where someone interacts on a forum of this type,

    And the decision is not made. It is being made. And I will not do anything until I have clarity and am damned good and ready. Because, by God, I grew up playing cards and I don’t let anyone and I mean, ANYONE rush my game.

      • Yes, this is a Saturn transit. You have to do what you have to do, even if it is hard or painful or whatever. This is not some game-y thing or a time to act rashly. I am too old to not know what I am doing and/or not consider the impact on the people around me.

    • Yeah, this is kind of hard to understand. I’m gonna try to guess: you want to leave a situation but it means you leave people behind along with it and you don’t want to have it go that far but…

      Been there. I had to drop out of a social circle because of a few guys. Which sucks, but sometimes absence is the only way to get rid of a bad situation.

    • Perfect Elsa.
      I’ve lived in my town almost all of my life. Will leave it soon but it is because I am ready to leave.
      My 11th house Leo soul is screaming for me to get out into the world. My very attached Taurus Moon and Scorpio Venus want me to hang here with my close-knit family and my best friend.
      As I told someone. My soul wants to go, my heart wants to stay. I am working to find a happy balance with God’s guidance and blessing.
      But you cant always find a balance for whatever reason. Because the soul can be ruthless in what it wants or needs to learn in this lifetime.
      And I know the leaving will be very painful for me and know there are others who will feel the pain just as much. I’m guilty of postponing the inevitable.

  9. Yes I think I have felt this way I think I have behaved this way for 40 years I’ve journaled and scribbled and watched my pencil marks against white paper and for unknown reasons or moods I can sit for an hour and then squash the whole thing just so easily I’m blessed with six sisters and when I am troubled and I need consult I reach in there directions they’re all different but they all seem to say the same wonderful little words and it almost amuse me Delete Delete text I think it merely means gone for now

  10. It sounds familiar.

    In the past I stopped being friends with someone who increasingly didn’t respect me in the friendship and I reached a point where I didn’t want to invest more.

    But this person and I were part of a trio (three friends) so the third person felt uncomfortable and hurt in the middle position. It was tough for them, very tough.

    This third person asked me to reconsider my decision yet I knew it was not reparable, the relationship. I felt liberated from my decision. In the end the hurt I caused this third person and how this person dealt with their pain resulted in this third person stopping our friendship, quite suddenly. I was amputated like I had done with the first person! Karma, possibly. Or not meant to be.

    It was a sad thing…

    I am currently part of a group (professional peers) and I notice every month that goes by that one member is quite repelled by me, my contributions and views. The rest like me and appreciate my contributions.

    It has reached a stage where I am planning to not sit diagonally or opposite to this person as I would like to reduce this person’s strong reactions to me (e.g. rolling of the eyes; looks elsewhere; looks uninterested; interrupts)…well, that is probably unlikely. I want to not see their reactions as clearly as I do now. This person can have very similar reactions to another person in the group I’ve noticed yet the repulsion observed towards them is not as strong.

    I’ll give it some months yet I might leave the group because of that one person’s energy. Life is too short for such situations and I know I could end up being quieter and quieter when I always like to talk.

    HI’ll keep observing and see if there is some common ground with this person. I’m hoping sitting not in direct view will buy me some months.

    If it becomes too much I’ll leave the group knowing the other members and the group will be impacted somehow.

    I have 8th house planets, scorpio rising and moon trine pluto. Every now and then someone is extremely put off by me. And the same reactions take place.

    As a Pisces sun, I will end up swimming in the opposite direction. Shame about the other members who are so interesting! Might meet them individually…

  11. Don’t know if I’m one of those people interesting people who brighten peoples day or not would like to think that I do. On the by chance I’m not doesn’t matter because I love this blog. It makes my day and I really miss it when life gets in my way of reading the stories information that is posted here. I always appreciate the information about what is happening in the heavens. The transits and the other other information which Elsa is ever so good at explaining without beating around the bush to the point that you miss the pertinent information.

  12. There was a man I loved – in my heart… totally, and in the actual doing, as best as I could at that time. A few times, he talked about that moment when one steps over the threshold between life as we know it and the afterlife. Everyone feels apprehension about this, even people with deep sincere faith. After a few of these conversations (a side note, I pray briefly, often, similar to how long distance swimmers take breaths) I found myself telling him that when *his* time came, it would be like a card game, in which he’d put his cards on the table, and win. And I don’t know card games. But, I felt that inner click that told me I’d just given him a key understanding. (And there, children, is a living illustration of 7th house Mercury: for one moment, I was a messenger, with an insight that I only vaguely understood, conveying to a man I love a perspective that spoke volumes to him.)

    What I think right now, Elsa, is maybe there’s a way to break the box (box being: expectations, how things *have to* go, and, public pressure to maintain those things). Betcha – and I’m not given to bets – nevertheless, I bet that you’ll find a way to make a new – different, fresh – way so that what’s good and dynamic can sprout from this. I think this is highly possible… but explaining how and why I feel it so strongly eludes me at this moment.

  13. One time, I joined a lovely group of people, but I couldn’t see them anymore because I got a job that was far away from the place we used to meet. They would’ve liked if I could stay, but there was no way I could continue being part of the group… I liked all of them, and I think they liked me too, but sometimes, life takes you somewhere else.

    • This seems to me what’s happening to me, except it’s more of a violent jerk over to the new land.

      I still want to make sure. Heavy 12th house transits. 🙂

  14. Holy moly, it’s like the energy of my life. Right now I have estranged myself from my mother, I have lost a lot of things and people, I’ve been misubderstood a lot of times. The only times I felt I have really pushed through peoole’s defenses is when I am being raw, honest, vulnerable. Not a comfy place for Scorpio. Out amongst people.

    Pluto is transitting my 12th house… Lots of losses.

    • Pluto is really secretive, nothing is on the surface…Everything is hidden. So people don’t really see what’s going on with you or don’t really care. You should’ve shed all the remnants of unnecessary contacts and groups when Pluto was in your 11th, so that you can concentrate now on yourself. Don’t try to fight this energy, but try to accept it. The Pluto energy will probably repell most people around you. Luckily Pluto is in Capricorn. This is a very nice energy to build structure, to build foundations for the future. There is real growth possible here.

      Is pluto aspecting any of your planets?

      Anyway, these were just some thoughts…

  15. I’m going through this right now.

    In short, I got very infatuated by a male classmate at uni last spring. And the feelings were mutual, he flirted so openly. He was so warm, Leo sun, Venus Libra. Like a summer breeze. And I got so addicted to his warmth, his attention, him touching my arm or innocently brushing my hand or knee. His hand on my lower back guiding me. His eyes looking deep into mine etc. I’m highly plutonian, I knew right there, I would crush and burn, and he would move on like nothing.

    During Autumn, he stopped gradually flirting. He was so indecisive. I guess the spark was gone for him, and nnow he did not know what to do with me.

    Should he be friendly friend? Or flirt. Or just stop all together being distant? (venus square mars)

    During the february eclipse, we both had mental breakdowns it seems. I started to struggle. Two voices inside of me “Let him go, his over you!” and “NO never! I don’t wanna give my drug up!”. I acted out, by turning into a cold wall. He got so defensiv and cold.

    But before, if he had hurt me somehow, I would not act out just smile and try to cover it up. And he would always ask me “How are you feeling?” and “You look worried?” “what are you thinking about?” etc.

    Now all that has stopped. Also he got back to his ex this winter. And now he is never warm and bubbly with me. He is either neutral a bit warm. Or neutral and almost cold and distant.

  16. We will soon graduate and never see each other again. This is so breaking my heart, I can not sleep, nor eat nor study. And I cry EVERY FUDGING DAY!

    When he stopped flirting (but he still have feelings, I can see it), I started to try to become an undisposable friend.
    I tried to connect emotionally with him. How desperat of me. It has not worked! He is Libra polite, but won’t let me in.

    He is so indirect I don’t get him nowdays. Everytime we are riding the same buss, he will either fall asleep and afterwards ask me why I can’t sleep. Or he will see I’m sleepy and ask me to just sleep. I always say “I can only sleep if I rest my head on someone next to me”.

    I mea, every fudging bussride we have this convo (like 5-10 times a month). Either he is really forgetful. Or he wants me to ask him to let me rest my head against HIS shoulder.

    Which I atlast did yesterday. I was sleepy, and he was silent. And I just asked “can I rest against you?” and he said in neural tone “yes do that”.

    And he let me rest on his shoulder. I mean, was this what he waited for? Was he happy? Or did his heart break like min did, bc this is the closest we will ever get? How do I know?!

  17. I just wanna know. If He has lost all his feelings for me, and I was just an uranian out of the blue lightning crush thing for him.

    Or if he actually is as sensetive as I am and this is his way of cooping, him trying to close his heart and be distant, bc he and I can not be and will not see each other again.

    (he is a sensetive person, with 4th house sun and pisces moon)

    I’m trying to prepare for the black hole of depression I will fall into as soon as June comes and we part ways. The summer will turn to hell bc I will constantly think of him and cry bc I lost…

    I lost an illusion, and it hurts as much as loosing a real partner.

  18. I just got home from someone informing me they are getting divorced. This will not affect me personally, at least not directly. It did however come out of the blue, I didn’t see it coming, but I do understand. Yet I am shocked. Shook to my core.

    Which tells me my reaction is more about me than about them.

    Mars and Pluto are in exact conjunction at the moment, smack dab in the middle of my 12th house, and in very tight opposition to my Moon.

    I came here as a result of this “news” I just received, in search of some way to regain my bearings. And this is the post that greeted me.

    Gonna have to mull all this over. (I’m still “shook to my core”.)

  19. I have left groups without looking back. Having Uranus and Pluto conjuncting my Sun, this is a way of life with me. I warn folks to not get too attached to me because I am erratic and never know which way I will be heading at any given moment. Just enjoy what you have until its gone.

  20. I’m making an exit like that currently, but in another context. I hang on to people I love very tightly, but when things are over, I am good with letting go, once I know it is inevitable or final. Uranus tied to Venus and Moon in my chart, it’s abrupt like that. The rug gets pulled from under sometimes, but Life goes on.

  21. Occasionally, I will come across an old comment and think, “Holy crap. I wrote that?” Makes me feel like I went around with my rear hanging out the window and didn’t know it. Over-exposed, indeed, ha ha.

      • lol
        it also makes me see how mutable i am too. always seeing every angle, perspective, and all the greys in situations with other people’s lives; although i’m black and white when it comes to relationships in myself. lol

  22. I’ve left here a few times and come back under a different name (which Elsa knows) because I eventually feel exposed here. Each time I come back I tell myself- this time I’m not revealing anything that might give away my identity, but then something slips, then something else, and pretty soon theres enough info to burn me at the stake so to speak. This place has a way of making you feel comfortable and really intimate enough with the community members to make you almost forget that it is a public space. It is a sacred space. A healing space. Unlike any other, anywhere.

    To be honest, I am much more interesting in real life. I am way too careful about what I say here. If there were a private hangout space here, look out! You aint seen interesting yet!

  23. “To paraphrase Ann Landers : Are you better off with them or without them?”
    Agree with Libra Rising’s quote (also happens I’m Libra rising too..)
    Alas, easier said than done. Some people I feel I could do without, and yet do not act on it. I feel that they haven’t done me wrong ON PURPOSE, so I can’t dump them on purpose either.
    THAT is a problem with Libra!

  24. Several months ago, I left a group I had bonded with. I had to leave because of the drama and misunderstandings, primarily by the head of the group, and other uncomfortable group dynamics that couldn’t be addressed. I have grieved a lot but it’s getting better. I still miss them because I cared for them. Sometimes it’s better for me to love from a distance.

    • “sometimes it’s better for me to love from a distance”, oh I love this line. Yes that words for me too.

      I also found a quote recently which helped me given these circumstances, ‘becoming a spontaneous friend’, because sometimes that is where I’m more rich as a person, giving spontaneously, meeting spontaneously someone, walking a dog, just out going from A to B. This seems to work better for me rather than a long friendship. anyone else find this? Aqua Sun 9thH

  25. I think if the relationship with the group and leader of the group is emotionally and spiritually meaningful then even at the point a participant leaves or moves on, for whatever reason, the synergy and connectedness is likely to last in some form or other. Then again, as a Pisces, with Pluto in the 12th, being invisible or “away’ feels familiar. Still, the point of this post, I think, is that as a leader of a group, the recognition that folks will come and go and often stay gone creates an emotional distancing that is necessary. Hope the leader of the group you are considering leaving is experienced and can cope with the loss if you do leave.

    • Thanks, Lindsey. He can cope. It won’t feel good but he knows people get moved around. I just know how much it sucks when someone you’re close or attached to someone. They leave and you have to stay.

      It makes me think of life as a bumper pool table. You kiss off a person then go down the hole. Sorry if this is depressing but it is depressing!

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