Reject Them Before They Reject You

This is a follow on to this post: rejectionCapricorn And Rejection. A lot of people weighed in around how they handled being rejected. I want to expand this discussion.

People with Venus in Capricorn or Venus in aspect to Saturn have a tendency to reject people before they can be rejected themselves. They are so sure the sky is going to fall it’s easier to fall the sky themselves than live with the threat which is often times imagined.

Generally speaking this manifests as you dumping them before they can dump you. This is extremely common. I did it myself when I was young. It’s something you have to resolve on your own.

To manage this, you’ve got to identify what is happening – you’re terrified of being rejected!

Once you see your own MO and what is driving you, you can train yourself to take risks with others until you slowly get on top the problem.

Have you ever ended a relationship because you feared being rejected?Β  What’s the astrology?



Reject Them Before They Reject You — 32 Comments

  1. I’ve probably not started one related to this.

    My Venus is Scorpio in a t-square with my Mars in Aquarius rising, and Saturn rx in Taurus

  2. Okay this is definitely a sign, that I have a rejection problem and this time it was spelt out to me.

    I have a heavily influenced Saturn Chart and I also have a Cap Venus. Some times I don’t start relationships because I think I have too many problems for another person to deal with. But the truth is I don’t (just stories in my head).

    But I’ve learnt recently that this is what is keeping me lonely and the universe has told me twice today. Thank you for the post Elsa. πŸ™‚

  3. Yes, lots of Capricorn including Venus. I’m always expecting the sky to fall so I have often pulled the sky down on top of my head myself to save it the trouble.

  4. I have venus conjunct mars and saturn in cap. I’ve taken rejection to a whole new level, before the world rejects me, i’ve rejected the world? crazy huh!

  5. Oh I’m even worse – if I even fancy someone and I know they like me I avoid them. Or if I can’t avoid them I don’t look at them. Or if I look at them, apparently it is not at all obvious I like them!

    My Venus is sextile Saturn though, so there must be other things at play too. Prob’ly Scorp and Pluto and Cancer.

  6. Like Bruce said, i’ve not started relationships because of this: I’ve got Venus mashed up with Saturn natally and it’s hard for me to separate the two. I’m now working on opening up to people, and possible love-interests, without rejecting them from the start. Very hard. And it starts with genuinely enjoying my own company. All i can say is: yay! Because i think i’ve found the key.

  7. I have weird rejection issues. I don’t want to be accepted by everyone else because I’m “just like everyone else” but I don’t want to be rejected because I’m different. Yes, i drive myself insane so often that my psyche can go there on autopilot now.

    To answer the question..yes, I have. Many, many, many times and it is only a pattern I recently noticed. I deals with a lot of relationship sabatoge and flat out fear I didn’t realize I had (12h Cap). It Mars/Uranus made it easy for me to motivated to bolt. And Scorp Merc and Lilith were just paranoid enough to talk me into it.

  8. I’ve got venus conjunct saturn, yet I’m not usually the one to break things off. I do remember breaking up with my boyfriend before I left for college. But we’d only been dating for like a month, we weren’t close and it wasn’t going anywhere, plus I was getting ready to go 5hrs from home for 4+ yrs. Otherwise, I’m usually the one to get dumped,

  9. I’m preventing them from happening right now, because I’m afraid of being rejected (and stopped trying for years, with people, even as friends, thanks to extreme anxiety and feeling tired of nasty people/not feeling able to trust anyone).

    Right now, I feel as though I’m just daring anyone to meet or date me, like “go ahead, punk, make my day.”

  10. I’ve done this several times, but I don’t straight out reject anyone, I make them reject me. I expect them to reject me anyway, and it’s easier to handle when I’ve done something to deserve it.

    Cappy Venus in aspect to Saturn.

  11. Wow – Venus in Cap, also squaring Saturn here. Yes…I’ve definitely rejected people *before* they rejected me. Caused quite a bit of upheaval and drama…I’m working on it… πŸ˜›

  12. Oh, and thank you for writing these… I think I said that last week, but I’m not sure. I woke up at midnight, after having dreamt about a boy from my past (teens) who asked me out just before we moved back over here. We’d been gone for two weeks, to California, and my mother, when I was talking to her about him yesterday, pointed out that he’d probably taken me for granted until I was gone for two weeks, and he missed me. I turned him down, because of the way he started to ask me: “I heard you had a crush on me” in front of both of our families, and just left me feeling even more embarrassed. I keep dreaming about these boys who wanted to date me when we were kids, and I was wary from the age of six, so I was exceptionally careful. Things have only been weird for me as an adult, and I miss those days – I dreamt of G. singing to me, and of D. having a nice chat with me (just friendly) at a BBQ or something, his wife inside, and knowing that we were talking (and being fine with it).

  13. I love to read about this.

    I’ve never ended a relationship because I feared being rejected. But I’ve done worse than that: I haven’t let it begin in the first place.

    I’ve got Venus in Cap and I was terrified all right.

    I still am but now I know better and I’ve got a plan.=)

  14. I have Venus-Saturn, Venus-Uranus, and a boat load of 8th House personal planets, so it would manifest as people reaching out, me being unsure and non-committal, and ultimately ‘rejecting’ them early because I felt if they got any closer/deeper they wouldn’t see what they liked. They’d be repulsed or change their mind or whatever. But since all I’m doing is putting lots of space between us, and they’re not that clingy with their friends to begin with. They don’t know I’m “rejecting” them so they keep coming back, and I know that they genuinely like me and are comfortable with me. I guess Pluto in the 11th keeps drawing them back, too.

    But, it really helps if you’re comfortable with your own skin through and through. Then there’s no reason people shouldn’t get closer. You don’t feel repulsive or faulty or etc. Not that the feelings don’t sometimes come back, but at least I know they’re just worries and irrational and can soothe myself when I start to get antsy.

  15. Oh yeah. I have Venus Saturn. I haven’t broken up with someone first, but I have:

    (a) NOT expressed interest in a fellow (and I mean, I won’t even speak to them, look at them, or acknowledge they exist after awhile) I found attractive because I figured they weren’t interested. To be honest, I think I was right every single time this happened–a dude’s gonna have to show some interest on his own first before I reciprocate and they didn’t care if I was on the planet either– but I am not the sort to “just take a shot and see.”

    Then again, I’ve really hated those moments when someone I found to be godawful told me that he really really liked me, so I don’t want to do that to someone else who clearly doesn’t care if I exist either. I hate that feeling and I am not going to inflict it upon someone else.

    (b) When it comes to friends, I realized recently that I really, really dislike asking people to do things with me (if they haven’t already indicated that they’d be into it). Because I get SO UNREASONABLY BUTTHURT if I ask and they say no or just ignore me. I was so steamed over the coven breaking up because I tried multiple times over the summer to get people together and they all just ignored me, or said they were interested and then didn’t show up.

    With regards to my ex-mentor, she vaguely indicated at one point the last time we talked that she hadn’t had the energy to plan anything, but if someone else had offered (note that someone else hinted, or so I thought)…so I made an offer, got an answer of “I’ve moved on magically and won’t do anything with you any more,” and assumed from there that the answer was a no to hanging out, especially since the ex-mentor then went on about all the new activities she was doing with other people now. I took the hint and went away. I recounted this to my shrink and she was all, “no, as long as you didn’t want to do magic with her, it was okay! you could ask!”

    Then it occurred to me that if ex-mentor is sooooo busy with her new life, she’ll probably be too busy, and reject me again, and I’ll get all butthurt AGAIN, and…oh, why fucking bother. She’s already out of my life. Why try to get her back? That never works.

    It is DEFINITELY easier and less painful to reject myself first. No question that I prefer that to “giving someone a chance.” I just flat out do not want to do that any more for pretty much any reason. The “chance” hurts me too much.

  16. Wow. Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in my first house. Yeah. Exactly. I have pulled the sky down, and done exactly what Opal does to. Exactly! I am getting to the point after my last attempt, as the 7th house Capricorn person put it, to have an affair with him, that I don’t care to ever have another relationship that is close again. I don’t even trust my ex anymore with my feelings, and he and I are friends still. We get a little closer every day, but I can feel myself stating to pull back now. I am going to pull the sky down again.

  17. I hate to disagree .. but carrie i think venus in aries fears rejection the most… we don’t even understand it… in my case every relationship brings a overwhelming sense of anxiety(which manifests as confusion and fear then anger & blame – coz the other person can affect me) … and unlike all other signs the aries in me tries to fix it even if it is all only in my head.. issues become larger than they are, insecure behavior manifests and everyone accuses me of over reacting, being needy one minute and aloof the next and generally being negative… i believe Kstew has been apparently doing the same off late and she is aries.. so this is another way to reject rejection (the abnormal behavior just pushes the other person away anyway)

  18. Venus sq Saturn – I write alot about it. Textbook case which I’ve finally gotten a handle on. I have done things like sunnysadge said above or like jenfulmoon. Not anymore. got past it. Yay!

  19. Currently dating a Cappy Venus who tried to pull this sort of preemptive dump on me after a fight we had back in January. I just told him that no, he couldn’t break up with me, and we got past it. Ironically, I think my own Venus Saturn conjunction helped me to manage the situation and understand what was happening rather than just run in fear.

  20. It’s so done to me! My (V in Cap) sq (Sat in Libra), not to mention stellium in Libra, has not alloud a exclusive relationship to develop at all. Hes tried in the past but has some serious conflicts. One of them being understandable. But I still dont see how it can be overcome. Anyways, he tries to sabotage, but Im like very resiliant. Before I even knew of the Astrology of it, I knew the love was there, especially after he said it. Anyways it takes a spine of steel for sure. And of course the feeling of true love. What reasonates has power and will prevail. “True love conquers all?” We will have to see…

  21. Yes, I did this when I was young, but only with perfectly wonderful me, not the ones I thought would reject me. Venus square Saturn. Moon and Jupiter in Capricorn; Moon opposite Uranus (the flight instinct). As I got older, I realized it had something to do with someone I loved leaving me when I was young — my mother, who died when I was 16.

  22. I don’t run away from relationships or intimacy, or passion; but I think I must somehow set up scenarios which I know deep down will end up putting the kybosh on the affair. But this is more to do with establishing boundaries than fear.

    I do feel this scenario at work in my friendships though. I’ve had several friends I cared for, amputate for no good reason that I can ascertain, and fear of that rejection does operate in myriad ways in my non-sexual relationships.

    Venus in Cap opp Saturn.Mars, sq Neptune and Jupiter/Chiron

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