Years ago my husband told me he would not have married me if we had not known each other as kids. This was not personal to me. He said he just had no reason to marry. He’d had his kids. Sex is always available if you want to go hunt it. Why marry?
Now I’m not saying he represents all men. This is just a window into one man’s mind and last night I asked him a few more questions. “Would you not be lonely?”
“No. I don’t get lonely and even if I did, company can be had. You don’t have to marry to have company.”
“You wouldn’t want a women to cook for you?”
“I would. But women don’t cook for men anymore.”
I couldn’t anything else to say. Can you?
Now that I’m 48 and looking again, I’ll be interested to know what my new husband’s reason is for wanting to get married at his age (whatever it ends up being).
I left that out. My husband said he married for one reason and one reason only – he was madly in love and had no choice. 🙂
For me, it’s more like having someone to watch / have my back. That’s the most important thing to me, knowing I have someone to lean on when things are rough for whatever reason.
That’s pretty hard to come by and while long-term friendships can fill that void to an extent, they can’t quite cover it the way a solid marriage(esque) can, ime.
My husband told me that life is difficult and that it’s easier to go through it with a partner than alone. He is a Libra with Libra rising.
Its a good thing he said all that. The way to a mans heart is his stomach, and even though thats a cliche and not 100% gospel truth its still true enough in many cases. Not having that as a carrot on a stick and marrying for the love itself is a beautiful sentiment.
I’d love to have a partner in life, but men don’t seem to be looking for more than a hookup these days. Sadly, I can’t even find a man I want to date, much less keep. My last dry spell was 13 years. I’ll be 64 in May and I’ve done the math.
A lot of people I know who are getting married later in life are doing it because of health insurance coverage. They are living together quite happily,have had their kids, then realize if one party isn’t covered, their life can go to hell in a handbasket rather quickly.
Companionship, Sex, Childbearing
Same as when I was younger
But still no luck yet
Aw! I know a lot of women who still cook for their men, but I can understand that as a statement that could apply in a general way for a lot of things. It’s depressing.
And then, re: what Kathy said, women looking and finding men who just want a hookup. That’s so sad to me!
I really hope that men and women can feel positive about each other more often, and soon! Less taking, more giving. Realizing we need each other and have a lot to offer one another.
Same reason as Elsa. We first met as teenagers, ended up marrying–and divorcing–other people, and we reconnected after his divorce–28 years after having first met. If it were not for the fact that he had never stop loving me (and vice versa), we wouldn’t have gotten married. I had no reason to marry again and neither did he. I was divorced and happily single from the age of 31 until 43 and spent most of that time avoiding serious relationships with men (I have Saturn in the 5th and Uranus square Venus and Moon so every fling I started ended up with me walking away from a man wanting to get married!). Health insurance and companionship are not factors when you’re financially self-sufficient and have a strong social and family base. I believe more than ever that a man chooses to be with you and wants to marry you because he can’t fathom a life without you.
I have read that men who remarry live longer than those who do not.
Well, I still cook and I really enjoy cooking for those that I love. Cooking for someone I love is quite a passion for me ;). To make things that they like/enjoy that nourishes them, it’s very satisfying to me. I’ll just always be the cancer that I am 😉
Hmmmm, I don’t need my husband for sex, kids, or support. I never did. However, I do need my husband because I am a better person with him. Our relationship is worth the hard times, it has value to me. I don’t see marriage as a trade off for children or sex or labor. My marriage is a partnership. My husband and I decide we wanted to travel this life together. If for some reason my marriage ended, I would not be in a rush for another relationship. I am not the type of person to waste a lot of time and effort on a shallow relationship. Also, I am not going to give up my independence without a big trade off.
i cook! but that wasn’t why my spouse decided to marry me.
(babies. that’s what. and the fact that we get along.)
Nothing to add. It’s what I’ve been saying all along.
Marriage is an economic contract that has one giant benefit attached to it: Either spouse can leave his/her entire estate tax free to the surviving spouse. The tax is paid when the survivor dies.
I think older men who’ve been happily married and lose their wife for whatever reason (esp death) do prefer to marry again. They are are very aware of the plus side of marriage. Those who weren’t happy first time around do very often avoid repeating the mistake
Some men just need to be partnered in the same way as some women do – I know men who have spent hardly any time on their own, and others who’ve hardly ever lived with any woman
I don’t believe that all men and go out and get the sex whenever they want (unless they want to pay for it). Us single girls ain’t that deseparate that we going to sleep with anyone.
And unless you got a golddigger on your hands sirs – a 20 year old isn’t interested in a 40+ year old man unless he has money to lure them with.
Why do men think as they get older they have all these “options”? While us women 40+ are considered “dried up” and might as well settle for anything we can find. NOT TRUE!
I am single woman and I don’t get lonely – I like being alone. There is a big difference between needing someone and wanting someone to fill a void. If you want someone around just because you are lonely, than no one is ever gonna fill it.
I personally don’t believe in marriage – I think people who go out and get married out of desparation because they just “have to married” will often end up divorced.
Marriage isn’t going to solve your problems. To me it is a man made legal contract. You don’t need marriage to be with the person you want to be with. It all financial if you ask me.
Some people haven’t learned to be comfortable with being alone. Those people who have never been alone their entire lives have a hard time once their spouse dies or decides to leave them.
And yes, I can cook – but I don’t think an equal partnership is women do all the cooking. Men have two hands too – use em, fellas. The whole “woman have to do the cooking” idea should be left in the dark ages where it belongs.
My ex was a chef, so the cooking thing wasn’t really something I needed to offer. 🙂
My dad recently married in his late 50s. He didn’t need to — also thought it was for kids, etc. — but the woman he was with wanted to. So they did.
I’m almost 50 and people always ask me why i never got married. I always say ‘I never realized I was supposed to!. I believe in going where the Universe nudges me to go, and if someone spectacular shows up, super duper. I want companionship really…a best friend who’s my biggest fan and my biggest support. I believe men want the same thing. In fact, i think men need that even more than women…they don’t do that well without the support of a woman.
According to this, men under 30 aren’t really committing either:
BP..I agree that men who experienced a happy marriage tend to remarry. My grandfather did a year after my grandmother passed. He was in his 80’s and she was an italian widow who was a great cook:) I’m glad he had the companionship.
I have a friend who’s just been dumped by her beau of 7 years because he (age 70 she’s 64) does not want to remarry after a bad divorce ($$$) years ago.
Plus I’m sure the kids don’t want to have to share $$$ inheritance with a new wife when he’s gone.
A man in his late 50s once told me of a ha ha discussion he had with another man about how when he was younger it was all about sex and romance and now it’s about how healthy is she and can she help me move heavy objects. Our testosterone does kick in when we are older. Just try and hold us down. 😀
Save one, all of my long term bfs cooked for me. Maybe that’s why I stuck around so long.
I do see the trend in the NY article dolce linked to bearing out: that those who are more educated and in a higher class are more likely to get married. Not sure about marriage (although the average cost of a wedding has significantly risen and I notice a major dif b/w my friends who have weddings in terms of social class – the rich have a ball while the poor go into debt trying to emulate the rich), but I have def seen people put off raising children due to financial restrictions.
I know someone who wants to marry a man in his 50’s. This man has already had his kids and I don’t think he is looking to have more. I think honestly he wants a companion for his older years. Someone to take care of his she is 10 years younger than he and she isn’t picking things up. This man also isn’t good financially he didn’t work like he was supposed to so, now she is going to be a nurse maid to him, his purse and if he does have a kid with her, she is going to have to raise it and possibly alone this man’s brother was a few years older than him and he died. He is near 55 now and despite the constant promotion, everyone doesn’t live to be 90. If he lives, she will not have financial help he might be a baby sitter but I don’t know how, he didn’t take care of his own kid. and no matter what people say 50 is 50 it is not 40 years old and there are great differences in your body at 50. When people say their eye sight goes, they are not kidding. I heard this from several people who turned 50.
He also wants someone to take care of him.