How To Quit Obsessing Over Someone Not Interested In You

“He’s Not That Into You?”  So What! Save Yourself Some Grief!

How to quit wasting your time on Mr/Ms Wrong, never mind feel a whole lot better.

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How To Quit Obsessing Over Someone Not Interested In You — 79 Comments

  1. What about people who stay in situations where it’s clear another might be better for each? Like if Elsa and the Aquarius-lover had tried to tough it out? (Not that you would, Elsa, as it seems you’re too confident and insightful for such a thing!) But is there an astrological reason for staying in something that isn’t “the best”? You know, like maybe some connections that are deep but not altogether positive? I guess that’s what I’m thinking?

  2. I think this is a lot about self-respect, too, Elsa.

    If someone isn’t into you, he’s not going to be chasing you.

    If someone’s into you, but not THAT into you, it’s whether or not YOU are being honest about how you want to be treated.

    He wants companionship, he’s going to come sniffing for it. He wants sex, he’s going to come sniffing for it. YOU have to decide if you’re okay with those intentions, or if you want more from a relationship.

    Why? Because if he wants a fun romp in the sack and you’re looking for someone to settle down with? You deserve MORE than that and need to go find it.

  3. Invisible79: I want to touch upon your Gemini comment, because it’s close to home here. I just dealt with this and we’ve come to a great solution.

    My BF is a Gemini and totally a social person, of course. He sees friends constantly, is always out and about with this one and that one, and you know what? It pisses me off some times.

    Not because I want him to change or stop. But because I’m a Pisces with a Leo rising and a Leo moon. I need ATTENTION. I need to be the center of the earth sometimes. When other people are getting more attention than I am, my feathers get ruffled.

    So, yeah. We talked it out and he has learned to compromise – to give me some stroking and make a big deal about me, at some point during his networking and socializing.

    I think it is definitely possible for “incompatible” to be compatible. To be “I’m willing to compromise for you, because I love you and you’re not making me change the core of who I am.”

    The trick is that your SO has to be WILLING, and if they’re not, don’t beat your head against a wall. He’s not that into you. 😀

  4. Katie said:
    “I used to be one of those young girls that would pine over a guy who would never reciprocate attraction. Back then, I thought something was “wrong” with me and then I spend hours and hours figuring out what’s wrong! I could’ve spent some of that time focusing on something for myself ”

    I’ve never been that girl (woman) until last year… I can’t believe how I let one person affect me so much. Normally, I take things to heart, and then find a way to let it go. I know there’s no way to change someone’s thoughts or feelings about me – if they change, it’ll happen on their timetable, not mine. Now, I know a lot more of what’s going on inside that person’s head, and his reasons for acting in certain ways; I was going through a hard time, my self-esteem had already taken multiple hits, and then what happened with him… I really took it personally. I’ve never let someone in that much, only to have them disappear on me for a few months, if at all.

  5. I love this video & the brilliance that is Elsa. However, in my experience, I’m slow to attraction & have dated men who pine & chase after me.

  6. my best friend told me that movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” was the story of my life, and therefore I should be earning royalties on it! LOL 😛

    Now I have someone who *seemed* like he wasn’t that into me, who is suddenly wanting me back! After I had kinda tried to move on. Maybe he suddenly realized I DO have the right hair, or whatever 😉 Said he had been doing some “soul searching” about the way he had treated me… that’s sure nice because he was acting like a total jerk before!

    time will tell, can’t always rule ’em out too quickly…

  7. AWESOME advice!! Given all my Scorpio/Pisces venus unrequited love stuff…I should play this video clip a few times a day, so it stays etched in my brain

  8. This one would have really hit home five years ago when I was pining (Venus in Virgo) for someone who I thought was my “soulmate”, but who was running circles around my little brain when he wasn’t straight out rejecting me.(He was a Gemini)…the sad thing is my Venus sq. Neptune would have insisted you were wrong…and that the truth was more “spiritual” than the average person could understand or appreciate…
    d.e.l.u.s.i.o.n.a.l

  9. Love it, love it, LOVE IT! So very true, and I think so much heartache could be averted if people listened to your advice, Elsa 🙂

    Of course, *my* problem is one where I can’t tell if he’s interested or not (he’s Pisces…of course! ha!)…I think he is though…*grabs her spear and makes ready for the hunt* LOL!

  10. Great Video! I just left a seemingly perfect Pisces Sun/ Taurus Moon/ Aries Venus guy because despite him chatting me up & romancing me to high heaven long distance he could not get his crap together to get on a bloody plane for 6 whole months!! He stood me up several times and lord am I ever happy I never actually waited for him at an airport.

    Are people with Venus in Aries arrogant enough to believe that they can abuse their partner infinitely and they’ll stick around for more??

    This Super Sagde Pisces Moon had enough! He also had a Leo Rising and talked about himself way too much 🙁

  11. I love this video soooo much! You’re advice about ‘not taking it personally’ is so key, but so many of my single women friends just don’t get it! They allow every disappointing relationships to chip away at their self-esteem and it’s painful to watch.

    I’m bookmarking this video and gonna force them all to watch! 😉

  12. “Oh, and here’s how that Aries/Libra/Leo energy expressed itself, “Dammit! There’s so much about me that’s wonderful! I want you to love and appreciate ME!!! After all, I chose you!””

    LMAO. I’m usually more humble, but I’d reached my limit by Mother’s Day this year, with the small number of men that I’ve had in my life over the years, and was going off on all of them in my head, and to my mother, because they screwed up something with someone so good. (Me.) I also called this one guy an idiot when he came back around, sounding more serious and wanting to move forward, pointed out that he already knew my feelings when he screwed up big-time, and why would he expect me to want him *now*? He’d made the wrong choice, and that was that. I wouldn’t normally say anything about another person’s choices, but I really had reached my limit, and I’m now 35 – I don’t have time to mess around. (I never felt that I had the time to mess around anyhow, and that’s partially why I’ve spent so much time single. I’ve known what I’ve wanted since I was a child.)

    I’m an Aries, who never seems to recognize her real worth, until I have to fight for myself, so I can see that as one of my screw-ups. I knew my worth, but didn’t trust others to recognize it, after what I’d been through when I was younger. If they did seem to recognize it, I wondered at times, how long it would be before they disappointed/hurt me. I mostly healed that part of myself, and now flip on anyone for deliberately crushing me/wasting my time and emotional energy, and breaking my heart.

  13. Oh boy is this timely. In fact, I was just drowning my sorrows about someone I’ve pursued since March. I have finally gotten the hint that he is “just not that into me”. It sucks.

    But this was heartening. Thanks Elsa.

  14. lol @ the venus aquarius guy! i’m glad he found a double aquarius in the end. So funny that aqua venus men like those quirky ladies. I should observe closely at our Double Libra Libra venus aunty, who is married to a Pisces sun/Aqua venus. I don’t know hardly any aqua venus men at all, so I need to observe how their wives are like. Probably super quirky! only females (my mother in law, sister, and my best Capricorn girlfriend growing up)

    it’s best to have compatibility! he might be looking at all the aquarius types of women. (not necessarily suns I notice, but quirky types)

    good video!!

  15. Loved this Elsa! I think all of the Libra in my chart attracts me to Venus Aquarius guys? My ex (who I wrote to you about a while back) has this. Cap with Libra Moon, Leo Rising and Venus Aquarius- Who did he lock himself into a relationship right away with? An Aquarius! He’s gained a lot of weight over the last year (as a Scorp, I’m loving it- Knowing how much his looks matter to him)- Clearly comfortable in his new relationship! And, I’ve made a decision to steer clear of that Venus placement from now on (it’s been trouble for me since high school).

  16. Leo Mars here.

    If a girl doesn’t like me, if she has various other personal reasons to change her mind or leave me…I don’t even think of her. I move on to next after a short break of being myself.

  17. Some years ago, I came across a very neat trick that I’m sure you know, Elsa. I found out that, as a woman– you want to find a man who represents the masculine planets in your chart, or your Sun and Mars. And likewise, for a man, if he can find a woman who represents his Moon and Venus. So, my Sun is in Gemini and my Mars is in Sagittarius. I’d been with a Sun Aries Moon Leo guy, unhappily. Oh, we were great friends, but that was all I wanted long term. I couldn’t help but think about a former flame, a Sun in Gemini, Mars in Aries, that I’d been most attracted to, but who had hurt me deeply, causing me to take refuge in the safe Aries/Leo friend vibe. After leaving both of these behind, I was thrilled to find love again with a Sun in Gemini/Mars in Gemini man– attraction and commitment were there in spades, but so was obsession, it turns out, and he was very controlling of me [He had Sun,Venus, Mars conj. in Gemini square Pluto in Virgo that conj. my Sun, ASC in Gemini]. I don’t recommend that your Sun conjunct the other person’s Venus/Mars-Pluto square! I felt drowned, unable to be myself, and my freedom was hard won from this entanglement, but I promised myself I’d settle for nothing less than compatibility and balance in my next relationship, and always ask for what I wanted, never putting my needs aside for my partner. Well, that inner work paid off! My next relationship was bliss! My new boyfriend had Mars in Sagittarius, just like me! And he also shared my Venus sign, Taurus, too! He was my Mars, and I was his Venus! And he had Mercury in Gemini, like me, too, which fulfilled my need for the Gemini/Air vibe in my partner. We were a very romantic pair– but alas, you can be mutually happy with someone, and still not be ready for the same things and goals. So, I walked away from him, not wanting to force him into something he wasn’t ready for, which was so hard for me! But two years later, I found myself with– can you guess? A Sun in Gemini, Mars in Sagittarius man! Exactly what I have! And it was like gangbusters. Within a year, married, kids, house. So, I did it: I attracted a man whose masculine planets were an exact match to mine! And I can tell you, nearly 20 years later, he still has the power to make my knees weak. Not that we always get along. We don’t. In fact, I think I was probably more compatible with the Venus in Taurus/Mars in Sag guy [Four years married to my husband, and my grandmother would still ask, “Whatever happened to that nice guy you used to go out with? Oh, you two were so cute together! LOL] See, my husband is mostly air and fire, and I have a lot of earth. So yes, he fits my image of what I like in a man– but I don’t know how well I fit his, though I know I look the part for his tastes, and am his “type,” but I can’t say I handle his female planets well– which are Moon in Sagittarius conj. Mars, and Venus in Aries (his idea of foreplay is war!). He picks a problem where there is none, and as soon as I’m annoyed– he pounces, ready for love! Having Moon & Venus in Taurus, I’m far more interested in a good massage over unnecessary annoyance, but I have to own up to the fact that my Mercury/Mars opposition predisposes me to passionate argument– and since it conj./opposes his Moon, I probably derive more enjoyment out of our power struggles than I’m willing to admit. And, with Venus, my husband and I do share an out of sign conj. [his Venus at Aries at 28 degrees and mine at 4 degrees Taurus]- so perhaps, I may be just the woman to give him the fight he so hungers for LOL [but he always starts it! I finish it!]. Luckily, as a pair of Geminis with Mars in Sagittarius, we move on within reason [until next time], and have a great big meal, a roll in hay, watch a good reality show that we laugh about. It’s never a dull moment around us, folks!

  18. I briefly dated an 3H Aries Venus man – he is a junior high teacher who loved being adored by his students. He definitely was looking solely for another “notch in his belt.” My rebuffs have only intensified his desire for a conquest. I’ve had to block his phone number twice (cell phone number blocks are only valid for 2 months with Verizon). However, I did have a passionate relationship with a man whose 8H Gemini Venus was conjunct my 4H Gemini Mars (Yes, we spent his money redecorating his house!). His Scorpio Mars on his ASC was conjunct my 9H Scorpio Neptune/Jupiter. Eventually, the relationship truly “burned” up. I was left physically and emotionally wiped out.

  19. Yeah try telling that to my Scorpio Moon/Saturn trine Venus….late degrees Pluto square cancer Venus and …8th house ruled by possessive Taurus with NN and Lilith in that house. Obsession is an emotional need. When I do let go of a person which could take years, that person will then not ever exist or cross my mind for all eternity.

  20. SO GOOD! This advice is like BAM.

    I’ve been divorced for just shy of a year now. I beat myself up all of the time. Why couldn’t I have been more like this or that, why didn’t I do this or that. If only we would have known…

    You know what, I’m like 99.9% sure he doesn’t love me. He has a type of love for me because I am the mother of his child, but he doesn’t love, love me. You know what I mean? What’s worse is that I TRIED to be what he wanted… for seven years.

    So, now I can stop rehashing the past and thinking about what I could have done, didn’t do or what I should do and just move on; I’ll learn to be myself. I really want to find someone, and I really want to share life with someone. I hope there is a man out there especially for me, I really do.

  21. ditto Kathy, I have Venus in Capricorn as well. Though I don’t like workaholics, just someone who does his job, loves it and does it with excellence. And Blue Collar guys are attractive to me even more than Corporate or Politician types as it is in the 2nd House which is a house ruled by Taurus. Earthy and a hard worker Or an artist of some kind, musician or other mediums. My husband was a landscaper and an artist : )

    So regarding this video, I agree with the premise and also have had the experience of the “easier said than done”. It took me five years to finally get over him already…lol His Saturn was conj. my Sun (in the 12th) my Venus in his 7th (Saturn ruled) and his Saturn conj. my ASC and my Moon/Pluto conj his Sun! It felt VERY karmic like we had shit to finish though we at first enjoyed each other’s company immensely. Then it started to all unravel very quickly when Uranus went into Aries and I finally broke away. It was tough, but I finally did it and felt liberated. The hurt remained for years but I never went back to banging my head against that wall again.

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