How Projection Sets You Up To Be Victimized – Video

Do you have an opposition in your chart? Planets in Libra or a heavily tenanted 7th houses?  If so, you’re going to be inclined to project various things onto others. Here’s a good reason to curb your propensity: It makes you predator bait!

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How Projection Sets You Up To Be Victimized – Video — 63 Comments

  1. Point taken and lesson absorbed! I actually had an incident occur last August/September where I thought this guy was sooooooooo wonderful (meanwhile, he kept telling me he was an asshole – I should have listened)…and of course, turns out I was wrong 😉 Thanks for posting this, Elsa! So very true…

  2. Absolutely true. I let someone fool me years ago, and almost let him fool me again more recently. A friend of mine married this exact type, was struggling with it, and I had to say to her once (thank goodness she didn’t get mad at me for my honesty, but I can spot this guy in a millisecond after my experience), “It was horribly humbling, but necessary, for me to just admit to myself that my ‘love’ wasn’t in any way special. I wasn’t special either. I wanted to think that I had something unique and beautiful, but I was just a victim of a scam.” And seriously, once I did that, I moved on pretty quickly. It took a long time to reach that point, but I am still sooooooo relieved I did.

    Venus opp. Neptune

  3. good point at the end.. i think that’s one of the most important things when it comes to healing from such an encounter too.. realizing that there was “nobody there”. it was your own humanity stretched out to accomodate someone who doesn’t even have any, and will never have any.. no matter how much energy you put into trying to see that they do. ( speaking specifically about encounters with various different types of sociopaths that is )

  4. not years, but some pretty scary stuff.
    although i usually did the walking out. listened to my instinct soon enough, i guess. but eek.

    and i hate a certain kind of salesperson, too. same reason.

    i’m still shocked, every single day, it seems, at how little morals some people have.
    it didn’t take long as a teaching public school to really catch on to how much of that’s going on…

  5. Yes I did this twice last year – projected my values onto people who genuinely had none. One guy kept saying ‘Stop talking about morals and values – I have none.’ I didn’t think anyone could really mean that – HE DID!

    I really never want to do that again – can someone tattoo to my forehead – no assholes allowed in!

    Thanks Elsa.

  6. There was a point in my life when I realized that you can’t treat crazy people as though they are sane. Same basic idea. If you expect others to be able to function on the same emotional/social level that you do you are going to be disappointed some of the time.

    7th house Gemini sun, Mercury and Jupiter here and I used to think that it would all work out if I could just keep talking until we all agreed. Elsa P and Saturn in Virgo have taught me to hold my dang tongue most of the time.

  7. WOW. Almost half a decade. I never ever ever thought of things this way. I just did not understand my own behavior.

    Venus in Aries in the 1st OPP Neptune in Libra 7th

  8. What dolce said:

    I wanted to think that I had something unique and beautiful, but I was just a victim of a scam.”

    That hurt me the most b/c i thought those words were only ‘mine’. What mine really wanted from me was to attach to my ‘status and respectibility’ that he projected onto me. Like when people ‘marry up’?

    I turned myself inside out to to understand this guy.

    I think i wrote on the board that he uses things I said to ‘impress’ and ‘lure’ new victims. Has changed his ‘name’ to something I called him- says ciao instead of goodbye, sort of adapted alot of my ‘personal style, dress style, opinions, etc ‘. Maybe they don’t love but they sure know how to ‘up their game’ when they see something they think will work.

    His trip was to act like he was the success, for him to pay for everything to be the big deal and when I started to figure he wasn’t, he vaporized.

    The only thing left that bothers me and i hope someone will help understand this, is all the new targets have HUGE breast. You might have to put a bag on their face but they have huge breast. Now if you told me he was with a neurosurgeon, that wouldn’t bother me at all.

    Sometimes in my lower minutes i think, must have been very hard to be with someone so not his type to gain whatever he thought he might with me.

    Good news – women are getting smarter. In the 6 months since this happened, none of his new targets have worked out – he has had 4 — one lasted 6 dates, one 4 dates, one 1 date and one canceled before the first date after the first phone call. They just threw breast over their shoulders and walked. (just kidding – i’m jealous)

    So was I the only one dumb enough to not see him waving the big red flag?

  9. oh man, my ex used me as his personal makeover consultant too. he was ten times more dateable after the things he learned from me: wardrobe, grooming, manner, culture. :p

  10. Same here. In fact, I know some of the things mine used to get back an ex after I took off, and 1/2 of it was stuff he’d learned from me, the other 1/2 complete lies about me and how badly I’d hurt him.

  11. So if I haven’t actually experienced this, do you think I am delusional? I ‘ve seen all the (Venus Neptune, Pisces Saturn in the 7th, Virgo Asc– all me) projection posts and videos– wow. So if projection is bad, bad, bad, but energy is neutral– where does this leave us in terms of healthy management of our 7th houses?

  12. What I’ve been wondering for a while now is why we even want to project our stuff onto someone else – why would I want so much that someone else is like me and thinks and feels the same as I do. It feels really childish to not allow for the fact that others are different, that they are individuals, and somehow an abdication of responsibility for our own lives – like we need some sort of confirmation from outside for our existence. Strangely enough, I’ve found myself behaving a bit like this with a man I’ve been interested in – I keep finding myself telling him things about myself that aren’t strictly true because something in me thinks it’s what he wants to hear, and I can’t stand it, but it really feels like it’s actually being pulled out of me. So I did the synastry and there are a couple of major oppositions in there. Can’t no-one tell me this stuff isn’t powerful – it’s like if you are not mentally strong enough in who and what you know yourself to be, you will always be at the mercy of these forces.

  13. happened waaay more often than i realized. looked to partner with people with certain qualities that i wanted to have around me (but i hadn’t owned myself… because i’d bought some propaganda that i was too “innocent” to be like X and Y) instead of looking for it in myself… where i can actually hope to have some sort of control over it.

    these realizations are kinda’ endless. one can just keep falling deeper down the rabbit hole.

  14. (too “innocent” to use my aries is pretty darn ridiculous, in my opinion. my ascendant really fools some people.)

  15. It took me a VERY long time to understand how people can act the way they do when I find it so easy to act the way I do with some fairly stand-up morals. Fact is, they don’t have my morals. And I found that they tend to get more of what they want. So I have to find a balance between my holier-than-thou and thou-who-gets-what-she-wants. It’s harder some days than others. When explaining dating and men to ladies in general, when they angst (I’m better at giving advice than taking it), I say, “Take emotions out of the equation entirely. Men (generally) act out of a mental process alone, not counting emotions. It’s not that they don’t have them, they just don’t consider them a motivating force, at least not nearly to the extent that women (generally) do.” Or something to that effect. I readily admit I follow my heart around like a little puppy. The men I’ve dated? Never.

  16. Lupa said:

    There was a point in my life when I realized that you can’t treat crazy people as though they are sane.

    Amen. This is something I’ve thought about very recently.

  17. “why we even want to project our stuff onto someone else – why would I want so much that someone else is like me and thinks and feels the same as I do.”

    Easy: because we want to be understood, and we are all taught to think that The One will be the person who does that.

    Heck, I don’t want someone who’s utterly alien to me all the time. All we’re going to do is just be annoyed with the other one for “not getting it.”

  18. Wow. I totally project onto others. Recently, my boyfriend has figuratively dumped some cold water on me, making me realize this.
    After watching this video my first thought was, “I love Elsa.” Thanks to Elsa for making me realize these issues of projection in my life. Neptune in the 7th.

  19. that hit me pretty hard. I didn’t “fall” for a man but i did believe in a sociopath’s (female) web of lies and that ever so alluring charm they put up in order to pull the wool over your eyes… I hope I know better now. It breaks my heart to think that there are people out there enmeshed in a sociopath’s games, still. I think there needs to be more public awareness about sociopaths… it makes me angry that there aren’t. At age 14, what the hell did i know about NPD & Sociopathy?

  20. Jennifer, I think now that maybe we do it because each time we find someone interested in us we want them to be The One, instead of having the patience and courage to wait for someone who actually is The One. Fantasy vs Reality.

  21. wow i forgot I watched this video and commented months ago LOL thought it was brand new. Oh well, i absorbed something new this time. ( and my comment was eaten *tear tear* )

  22. There are some deep and insightful comments on here — I certainly have none to add, but I wonder if you are doing this or making yourself a victim of this (which may be two sides of the same coin ???) what if you shape up and start to cultivate those qualities you find yourself looking for, and then projecting, upon others? I’ve found myself time and time again staring down a hall of mirrors in a particular relationship and am just about fed up with projecting (for good and for ill) and being projected upon, especially now as I try to break things off, cite the reasons that it doesn’t work, and just get thrown back into the chaos of being told that everything is ok on his end, he’ll just soldier on, and then I think I’m the crazy one. This is turning into a major rant, so I’d better cut it short. (1st house Scorp. Mars opposed 7th House Chiron in Taurus — Argh! Maybe I am the crazy one, lol.) Keep up the insights everyone 🙂

  23. I have been a co-star in this movie. Four planets plus NN in my 7th house. I have learnt to accept my “shadow” side so I will never project upon a man again. What I loved about the other I ended up despising. As a whole person those types no longer enter my radar.

  24. “The first time someone shows you who they are,believe them.” -Maya Angelou
    I’m not being condescending. I have atleast three major oppositions.One involving Libra.This projection business is really interesting.Thanks Elsa.

  25. @Elsa; Great insight and wonderful tales! A query: Wouldn’t you agree that no matter the mirror, what ever the reflection will shine light? Oppositions, Libra, 7’s. It’s all interrelated, you know? That’s my two cents anyway.

    @Opal; I’m doing that now. Vowing celibacy too. Must weed out the men from the hunters.

    @thelioness; What’s NN? I hear you. Do you feel as though you’ve also not projected onto other people too? I feel it has for me. It’s like this really deep, clear release.

    It’s so wonderful to know the certainty of self.

  26. Neptune In 7th wide inconj Venus in 12th.. Yeah I project. Sextile Pluto in Libra in the 5th… My Yod is active and the timing of the planets its beautiful as Right now Trans Venus sits direct and not only on my vertex but on the trigger of my natal Venus/pluto/moon Yod — My moon at 29 scorp is what makes it a yod the venus/neptune is separate but active at same time.

    I hope this helps someone as it has me.. In my psych class we were learning about projective Identification its uses and it’s problems. Heres some info

    So you are a theropyst and your client comes in. He/she is talking about something benign.. Yet you feel intensly sorrowful all of a sudden.. its the moment to realize they are projecting onto you and use that identification to direct the session or remember it if the time is not right to use latter. The problem arises when the theropyst or person receiving the projection doesn’t differenciate and takes the projection as their own.

    Also in projection you are casting out that which is to much for you to dangerous for you to handle unconsciously.. its a defense mechonism. A way of dealing with the issue at a safe distance outside of yourself. If you are aware .. always looking for this and sensitive to it and can be used to integrate unintegrated aspects and heal unhealed wounds.

    HOWEVER, If you continue to project yourself away you lose SELF. Lose more by sending it away than by not projecting it in the first place. You end up empty and lost with nothing, or very little anyway, left to integrate and heal in the journey toward healing and wholeness…

  27. Lately, whenever I think about something I don’t like about somebody else, I’ve been asking myself, “Wait. Is it really me that’s A, B, and C? Because it very well could be…” Only after thinking about it for a few minutes, or an hour, or a day, and the answer is still no, then I rule out that I may be projecting.

  28. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” -Maya Angelou

    @Melody 1971- What a great piece of advice… People tell on themselves, we just have to be listening and willing to believe… Projection is a dangerous game. Elsa’s right.

  29. I found this video very helpful, thank you Elsa! I don’t think this was the first time I’ve watched it, but it was the first time I could relate and it really sunk in. But it also made me wonder… taking things one step further, and assuming our relationships are a mirror of ourselves, what would being in a relationship with this type of person say about ourselves? I would be very interested if anyone had any thoughts about this.

  30. THanks Elsa.
    Just came out of such a relationship. It’s exactly what happened, he said what I needed to hear at the time…my god. Someone so empty inside gives me the chivers, and I was filling his void and not living MY LIFE…Venus in 7th opposition Ascendant…..this is the last I’m ever going to project!!

  31. What a great post to give an example of projection. I’ve been in this victim situation before. It is a terrible feeling to project your imagery illusion on a man who just isn’t there to feed your victim attitude. What a hard lesson to learn. I know I have to be brutally aware of my projections if not, the cost is heavy.

  32. I also wanted to share that the projection/s are an opportunity to heal the illusion/s that we as people creatively makeup in our minds to fulfill a void, a habit, a genetic curse…or whatever. It’s tough but I find that once we know who we are, we attract to us where we are in our thought process.

  33. I have not had to experience myself personally but I have seen it time and time again. My younger sister was in a relationship for over 25 years and I was in utter amazement the entire time. Worst thing is she has not admitted that it was her choice to stay with him and allow him to abuse her. Everyone in the family tried to get her to see that she did not have to stay in that situation. Now that she is finally out of it she is not blaming us all for not getting her out of it. We are all going huh?????

  34. Man, I needed this video when it was first posted in ’09 but never watched it until today! Coulda saved myself some drama / heartache. *nods and smiles*

  35. this video is fantastic! there are entire movements of men utilizing these sociopathic tendencies to seduce women. Mele “players” often employ these tactics w great success. The best way to weed out these types is wait and watch. Actions speak louder than words, make sure the actions a man has backs him up before heading for intimacy.

  36. No, Thank You. Your intuitive insights and down-to-earth advice is greatly appreciated! I only wish I found this video (and this site) a long time ago.

  37. Thank you so much for the warning Elsa, I’m learning so much about the need to refrain from projecting thanks to you. My Virgo Sun is in the 7th house, my Virgo BML is in the 7th house, my Virgo Vertex is in the 7th house, my Libra Vesta is in the 7th house and my Mercury is in Libra (in the 8th house). I have definitely projected my ego, my shadow, my healing capabilities, and my thinking processes onto other people, and ended up with disappointment in my daily interactions a few years ago (especially when Saturn transited my 7th house in Virgo). Learning to own my ego, my thinking processes, my healing capabilities, and my shadow is improving the quality of my daily interactions.

  38. I went through this in 2002-2003. Looking back it almost as if I had lost my mind. He was Gem Sun Scorp Moon, I’m Scorp Sun,merc,venus,saturn and Gem Moon. I was so drawn to him without knowing why. The guy totally used me. When I finally came back to reality I amputated and glad I did.

  39. Just a short quick question. Am I likely to have this projection issue with Libra Asc (Libra-Aries 1-7 axis basically, no oppositions there, nothing in my 7H)? Thank you

    • Well, I have my 7th house Cusp in Scorpio…, Pluto, Jupiter and NN. I guess I do project some scorpionic qualities onto others, especially the ones that I don’t like. I have Saturn opposition Chiron with a 3 degree orb (I think too highly of my father?). And Venus in Libra (what Elsa said about desirability).

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