“I don’t think it will help you much to study the synastry. He’s got his issues and you have yours. This is not a problem with the interaction. It’s personal. It’s in your natal chart…”
It’s common that a person look at the synastry between themselves and their lover to gain insight into their relationship. This can be a big help. But if you’re 40 years old and you have struggled in relationships most or all of your life, chances are good that the problems exist inside of you.
For example, if I am a control freak, then I am a control freak, regardless who I am control-freaking next to. I am not going to resolve my problems unless I look in the right place and ask the right questions.
It may jolt you to realize the problems you’re having are due to your own nature, but there is a big payoff.
For one thing, when you spend less time analyzing your partner, you free up time where you can enjoy them. This is no small thing!
When struggling in relationship, are you more likely to look at yourself or the interaction between you and the other person?
For help to solve the problems that dog you in relationships, check out Finding Love With Astrology. It will catapult you into a new realm.
I wish I could resolve my control freak issues…
I think it all comes down to synastry. Some people actually LIKE control freaks (lazy people, mostly, haha).
I don’t mean that everyone should say “I yam what I yam” & leave it at that. If everybody YOU like doesn’t like YOU, you can change YOU. Or, you can change who you like.
It just takes longer for some people to find themselves or to find someone else who they can be with. Not everybody has an easy time in this reality and with other people, but it doesn’t have to be turned into a problem.
You are SO right Elsa! I had been on again-off again with my fiance for years, seeing the issues as all him, but when I took a look at how I was contributing and mis-perceiving, I realised that I was the problem, and that a shift in attitude and perspective was all it took to change the whole dynamic.
I wish this were the case, but I feel like it is synastry. I think we choose difficult synastry with someone because we are not taking responsibility for ourselves.
For instance, we may have in our natal chart a signature for neediness because we have never learned to take care of ourselves properly. We are too fearful to accept responsibility for our own life. So we choose synastry that keeps us stuck in some way and eventually we become bitter about it. That’s where it becomes a problem within us and not about the synastry.
For instance, with my own marriage, I know its the synastry making me feel stuck, but I also know that it doesn’t HAVE to.
So I think its both. But I wonder if you choose a hard synastry if it’s possible to work on your own issues within the difficult synastry. It’s harder than leaving and going into the same pattern again, but it might be the only way to learn.
I mean I realize I just confirmed what you said. It is about the individual and not about synastry, lol. Pisces fog.
What I mean is its definitely about synastry but ultimately its the individuals fault. I don’t know how wise it is ti throw away something because its difficult. Sometimes you can learn more sticking something through.
It’s pretty crazy how much ones perspective can change over a couple of years. I don’t even recognize this person^. Most of my thoughts were so confused and incoherent. I can’t believe this was me. I can say, I wholeheartedly agree with you now, Elsa. After about the age of 30, its definitely a personal problem. Im 31 now. . . boy saturn doesn’t mess around. lol
🙂 The problem is that I can hardly use any chart based evidence to resolve the love problems. I may for example find out that, owww, the poor thing has venus and moon south node. I should be more understanding then, and stop bugging him for things which he can’t change.
That’s right, he said his mother ignored him and found everything else more important than him. But when this adult has learned to be emotionally distanced as a result,a lecture on south node conjunct planets patters want help much 😉
Anyway, I learned from his chart, he expects me to be leading and to be strong. So I am playing out a bit of a Nikita in the relationship with a blend of my natural mother hen, and it seems to work a somehow.
Change who you like-very good advice!
@Chelley
Once, some time ago i adored a man who i still think is an awesome person but the synastry between us is really bad: His sun square my venus, My sun square his jupiter, my saturn/jupiter on his venus…
Where is this synastry bad?
My darling queen Elsa,
Not only astrology say that , find the happiness
With in thyself….
I used my own chart to understand the most part
of astrology, having tight conjunctions of Uranus, Moon, and Pluto in 7th house, you really need to have partner, at the same time you need your space, it took me several long term relationships and 2 divorce to realise, that if I didn’t know this about myself and if I keep chasing a partner who doesn’t understand this part of my personality and lack commiunication, it won’t be any long term relationship even if we have thebest of synastry
P.s.
I’m a scorpio Sun, my first husband Pisces my soul-mate and my second husband Capricorn my other soul-mate,
Now that Im around 50 and looking back, any sign can be my soul-mate, only if there is recpect to our differences
There’s a lot to be said for self-introspection and looking at how your behavior might have influenced the outcome of past relationships. That said, not everyone can say “Oh yeah, I let so many good prospects get away from me.” Me, every guy I ever dated, I just knew the connection wasn’t built to last before it even got started. Sometimes you can be commitmentphobic and also just never have met someone you really wanted
I usually look at myself, finding fault all the time!
That doesn’t help either.
I can’t say I consider the interaction, most of my relationships have been like two parallel tracks that never meet. That’s not much interaction.
Oh well, Venus square Neptune? I can live on illusions, for a while.
Venus Neptune can indicate such high expectations that no one can ever fulfill them
After many failed relationships, I finally had to admit to myself that I have sometimes been the psycho girlfriend. I have a lot of water signs in my chart, I’m very sensitive, I’d blow up and say hideous things; then I’d feel terrible afterward and get dumped (not necessarily in that order). So I took a big break from all of that and just stopped dating.
Since then, I’ve learned to be a lot more up front about what I’m thinking in my interactions with other people; I don’t stew until I blow up. I’ve realized that people have a right to do what they’re going to do, they frequently don’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I’m responsible only for my reactions to their behavior. If they make me unhappy, I can walk away. It sounds so simple, but took me so long to learn! Now I don’t care if I date or not. Honestly, my life is full as it is, and I don’t need the drama. A guy would have to be tremendously awesome to coax me into a relationship, and if that never happens, that’s fine, too.
I am discovering that I get attracted to guys who are unavailable in one way or another. It leads to disappointment and sadness. It must be a lesson that I am somehow not learning fully. Since I am a sensitive and emotional person, it takes mme a while to untangle myself. So important to figure out the patterns in your friendships and relationships
I think the problems can exist both inside and outside of you. Not everyone meets the same number of partners they are attracted to who are also attracted to them no matter how much work they do on themselves.
Hmmm Do you no think we attract whatever comes into our life? Whether consciously or unconsciously – we will draw to us whatever reflects our unconscious belief patterns. Nothing is by accident.
Once a friend of mine said to me: ‘I go nowhere together with you anymore! Whenever you accompany me, then we meet strange people.’ I wasn’t aware of anything unusual. But of course, Uranus is in my Seventh house in my natal, so there are strange people along the way, wherever I go. Nothing unusual. Not having any real influence on my life as far as I know.
The point is: Uranus in my Seventh describes meeting strange people, but there is no attraction.
Yes and no.