When evaluating a relationship, the first thing I do is consider the individual charts. How interested in relationships is one person as compared to the other? Imagining the people are two different characters; can their personalities mesh over time? Or is the interaction more more of a flash fire in a pan?
For example, can an overall homebody make it with an overall extrovert? Things like this have to be considered. Can the two individuals potentially merge their lives?
If the answer is yes, I move ahead. I consider what might pose a problem for each person in relating to the other, but also in relating to any other. If someone has burned down every relationship they’ve ever had, are they going to stop this pattern this time around? Can they redirect?
Sometimes I work with couples. It sounds like this:
“It’s not his fault, you’re restless. If you want to stay in a relationship, you’re going to have to figure how and why you’re going to choose this…”
And the the other person, “You like a lot of attention. Are you willing to give up some of that in order to have this other thing?”
Notice these are personal problems. Things that will pop up regardless of who “the other” is.
If both parties want to go forward, with their eyes open around what it might cost them, I would look at the interaction (synastry) and also the composite.
Now this may sound cold and unfeeling but hear me out. It’s good to know what you’re getting into! You don’t want to be tricked into a relationship. If you walk into a relationship, freely, knowing what it may entail, it’s going to be easier to stick with it when the going gets rough. I have examples.
My husband and I met as teenagers. When we got back together, decades later, I ran the charts, hardcore. Not only that… he told me his life was hard and pressured… grueling.
See, this would show in his chart, independent from mine. Mars Saturn? My life is not like that so what would happen if we got together?
The charts told the story. My life would be much harder with him, but it would also take me deeper and teach me quite a bit.
I wrote about this at the time. I talked to everyone I knew about it. Do I want to step out of my chart-o-trines and join him on a Grand Cross Rack? This fortress? Turns out I did want this. I did it and guess what happened? I live on that rack to this day. Do I regret my choice? NO.
Next story – recently I have been working with a client who I’ve known for more than a decade. I think she was 19 when we met. I was writing about a problematic aspect in her husband’s chart and I recalled writing about this same aspect, years prior. I mentioned this to her and lo and behold, she dug up the thirteen year old email.
Point is, the things you see in charts are real. They may not be playing at any volume in the moment but guess what happens when a transit hits that spot, just right? Yep. It explodes.
I have no idea what you think of this, but I feel it’s helpful to look back and see this reference. The client knew of this aspect and consented to the marriage, the same way I consented to marry my husband.
If you see something in a chart, yours, theirs, or the composite, or if you see something in the synastry, be aware it’s a matter of time before it plays out. And there will always going to be something.
The concept of consent is powerful. Understanding this in new ways, is currently coming into vogue.
Do you consent to putting up with another person’s foibles or potential rough periods? If not, then don’t. You’re free to go. But assuming you have reasonable knowledge of what you’re consenting to, and you do consent, you’re probably best off to continue on the path you started on.
This is because you consented for a reason, even if that reason is so deeply embedded you can’t access it in the moment.
“I didn’t sign up for this!”
Are you sure?
*This message brought to you by Pluto in Capricorn…with a little bit of Uranus because it allows us to move beyond these blocks.
What do you think?
WOW I love this !!!
I totally get this ,and it’s a great way to know what the stakes are,and if you can cope with it.
Definitely it will show up if it’s in the chart.
I do think it could be helpful,to know where the potholes are.
I only look for two points, Kindness and generosity of Spirit in a man generally speaking.
The rest doesn’t matter.
But would definitely love to know how the synastry worked
I guess everyone one has there own limits to what they can put up with.
This is what I needed to hear…..I DID sign up for this, my, marriage. And, yes, some days I just hate it. But, most days, I am quite happy.
Thanks for all you do, share, write and most of all, thank you for what you remind us to recall. You are a gem Elsa!
Elsa, can you explain what a “grand cross rack” is and what it feel like?
It describes my perception of my experience, stepping out of the the ease of my individual chart, into the grand cross of of our composite chart.