I have stopped looking at my chart a long time ago because I tend to only see bad things.
Three years ago, I started to really get depressed. I actually thought of dying many times. I was known as an excellent worker and student, but I’ve made many bad decisions. I’m very unsatisfied with my education overall, and concerned about finding a good job.
There have been in the past many men and women who wanted to be romantically linked to me. I’m actually a closeted homosexual but I cannot entertain the idea, I’m just too insecure of myself.
I wonder if there’s anything I should feel good about at all?
Pluto Squares My Sun and Moon
Dear Pluto Square,
Your chart is enormously challenging. Let’s just acknowledge that. And apparently you study astrology, so as you know your chart is a map of your life. So the first thing to do is accept a few things. Like the fact that, you’re no twinkie. You’re not a light-fare wisp. You’re not a walk in the park.
Well guess what? Neither am I! And things have gone a lot better for me once I decided to wear the coat I was born with, in the most overt way possible. I realize you are a long way from this but it’s where you need to head. I’m going to tell you a story which I hope lights the way.
Now I’m like you, I’m an intense piece of work. And I don’t know from your post if you are a man or a woman, but I know women are not supposed to be too, too sexy, less they’ll intimidate men. Maybe this is you. Or maybe you are a gay man… and same thing. You are forced to repress your sexuality to keep other people comfortable.
Well the first thing is, aware of it or not, people like you exude. The sex comes off you in a wave. And this is why the men and women are attracted, isn’t it? It’s because you are powerful, whether you like it or otherwise. But I promised a story, and here it is:
Four years ago I walked into a gym after a five year hiatus. I was in horrible shape to say the least. I looked like hell. I got on a treadmill, and was repulsed by my reflection in the mirror. But I stayed on the thing anyway. For twenty minutes! And when I got off it, with my head spinning so badly, I nearly vomited. I had been in shape for years, so you can imagine my disgust at how far I’d let myself go.
Six months later, I was on a crosstrainer when I saw “the guy”. Man, he was something. He was what can only be called “a sexy motherfucker”. He was mixed race, almost definitely gay, and obviously a professional dancer and God knows what else.
The guy could move, see. I watched him on the treadmill walking with STYLE and doing his various acrobatic moves. I have no idea what his moves were because they were his moves. Can you picture this? Someone so organically in tune with their body, well it’s very hard not to stare and be mesmerized
Was he showing off? No. I didn’t think so. Vanity is bullshit and this was something else. It was prowess. It was a guy who liked being in his body and I wondered, “What must it be like to be that guy? To have that kind of command and freedom to express?” Because he was just being himself. The sex that came off him in a wave was a byproduct and not a concern of his. It would be my problem if his strong sexuality bothered me.
So anyway, years passed. I’d see that guy now and then. Not that often. I assumed he was a performer and traveling. But he was always the same. Astonishing. And one day I saw him standing off any type of equipment, so I decided to tell him.
“Do you know you are the most interesting person I have ever seen in this city,” I said.
He smiled. I looked at him in a way to let him know I was not hitting on him. I mean, not only did I think he was gay but he was also out of my league! ::laughs:: I was paying homage!
Two more years passed. A few weeks ago, I collided with this guy again. I was in the corner of the gym doing my mat work. I’ve become pretty accomplished, you know. By God, I have. And you know what?
This time, that guy was staring at ME! Yes. He was watching me move. And I didn’t talk to him that day, but I will. I’m going to let him know that he liberated me by being liberated himself. And I am trying to do the same for you, now. And it won’t be fast, but it will happen. Because you can’t stop a chart like yours, okay? You are unstoppable. And if this guy can have his powerful sexual presence, and I can have mine… well then, you give me one good reason why you can’t have yours.