I am a 30-year-old woman who is trying to solve a serious lifelong problem with jealousy. In my romantic relationships, I have always felt really paranoid that my boyfriend is going to become interested in someone else and either leave me or sneak around cheating behind my back. This causes intense emotional turmoil for me – and frustration for my partner, who is being faithful while being suspected of wanting to cheat. The fact that, to my knowledge, no one has ever cheated on me and that I am usually the one to end relationships doesn’t seem to make any difference at all in how I feel. This has been a problem for me even as far back as childhood crushes.
I am really trying to find ways to make this situation better because I feel I have a good (two and half year) relationship right now and don’t want to mess it up. I also have been trying to overcome some serious, chronic health problems, and it seems really bad for my health to have this level of inner turmoil on a regular basis. But every time my boyfriend is even mildly friends with a woman or there is a woman who shares some regular activity/interest with him that I don’t, I feel so suspicious and I start looking for signs of something amiss.
This is driving me crazy! Do you have any ideas on how I can stop feeling this way?
I do have ideas and they may surprise you; they sure surprised me. When I looked at your chart I expected to see all this twisted stuff but that’s not the problem here. You are almost purely projecting.
With your Sun, Mars and Neptune in Sagittarius, it is you who is the flight risk. It is you who scans the horizon and wonders what else is out there.
With Venus in Aquarius and square Uranus, you are the one highly prone to commitment-phobia and sudden attractions, relationships that start and end very quickly and there are other things all indicating the same flavored thing. So it seems to me what you’re dealing with is fear. Fear these men feel the way you do, which I can pretty much assure you they do not.
I say this with confidence because I look at charts all day and have for about 35 years and it’s rare to come across one with such a prominent theme. It’s like being a redhead, for example. You stand out. And your experience supports my findings. The men don’t cheat and you leave. So how to fix?
I’d say you’ve got a real challenge but the first step would be to realize it is you, not them. Make yourself conscious of your own freedom urge and propensity to look around and see tasty things. And when you see how extreme this is in you, then start coaching yourself to understand that while others feel similar urges from time to time, they feel them at a level of 2 to 3, where you experience this stuff around 8-9 and I can tell you how this works first hand.
I have sexual impulse allllll the time. I literally see men walk by and want to mount them, right there and right then. My drive is fierce. I see sex everywhere as well and I assume men experience this too, which of course makes me feel like you do. Jealous!
But over the years I’ve come to realize that I’m actually more inclined to experience these urges than the average man and hey. I manage to control myself so maybe they can too. Armed with that understanding, I just pick men who are like me – not inclined to betray people – and this works out.
So I think if you increase your awareness and own what is happening inside of you, you’ll have a similar reality emerge. Whatever he may be thinking you’re thinking it times 10 so do you really have to worry about him? Probably not. You can probably stay plenty busy just trying to police yourself.