Pluto Transit To The Moon – Mine: The Smell Of Oblivion

disturbance.jpgOn the phone with the soldier tonight…

“Bad. Low. It’s been difficult today,” I said. “I have had to tell people… warn them I was going to be slow responding and so forth because I am getting down so deep.”

“You better talk to me, P.”

“Yeah, well I just keep getting ratcheted to a lower place and I’ve no choice but to go. It’s deeply disturbing. Some of it I understand but most of it I don’t. I mean I can identify what is bothering me to an extent but the extent is limited because the disturbance is so deep. It is just happening in too many places, in too many ways and on too many levels to even begin to understand or try to process.”

I went on to articulate four or five points as examples, each of them cut to the bone.

“Yeah, so that’s some of the personal stuff but some of this has to do with society. It’s not me but society at large. I am being shown all these problems at very close range and all of it is horrifying wouldn’t you say?”

“I would say.”

“Yeah well this is the problem. I am way down deep and no one knows this place is even here, for the most part. Very few people get here or go here and none of the those who have or will is me which makes the experience singular. I have gone completely off the grid, I’d say and unfortunately I can think. You’d be better off to be stupid at this juncture, I think.”

touching-the-void.jpgHe was quiet.

“In whatever case, I am okay. Don’t worry too much because I am taking care and while it is dicey, if it gets too dicey I will pull the plug. I will make the right decision not a stupid decision but in order to do that I have to stay awake. I just have to stay upright and somewhat alert because it is easy to see how I could be sucked into oblivion.”

“Don’t do that.”

“No. No I won’t but I can smell oblivion, I can tell you that. I am being extremely cautious and can tell you the sky is jacked up big time going into the weekend. It will be hard but I plan to have all the fun I can. You know. If I see some fun I am going to nab it because that is just the way I do things. You know I can do that so don’t worry too much.”

“I worry, P.”

“Okay but I will get through, you can bet. I’d bet on me and I would not bet against me. Yeah, I would not bet against me, that is for fools.”

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Pluto Transit To The Moon – Mine: The Smell Of Oblivion — 14 Comments

  1. You remind me of those deep-sea creatures that have been wayyyyy down there for aeons but we’re only now beginning to discover, much less understand. We have no comprehension of what goes on down there, but you do, and here we all are up in the coves, in the shallows, in the sun.

    I’d bet on you, too, because you’ve survived this untenable (to the rest of us) habitat, basically unchanged from your prototype for millions of years, and you’ll survive this tide, too. Bless you, my friend.

  2. It’s amazing how all moments in a person’s life crystalline themselves into one body. I can see the detriment of being separated from the Soldier for an entire Saturn cycle, but his re-entry in your life seems perfectly timed. From this angle you seem to be a soldier in your own right, Elsa, and an inspiring one at that.

  3. Thanks kashmiri and yeah I think it’s all right we just ache sometimes at what we could have done… and been spared had we been together.

  4. I love that you are so strong.

    The void and I have stared eye to eye recently. And so I know (at least I think I know, to the best of my ability) of what you speak.

    What I can say, after returning from a stare-down with the void is that, it offered me a challenge. I don’t know what it has offered you, but I believe it always offers something.

    To me it offered this: A challenge. That a meaningful and worthwhile life can be built on a deeply flawed crack in a foundation. Me, I have always erred on the side of surety and tossed out flawed materials. Unfortunately, this time the material was me. And offered a choice between the void and trying to do “something” with a flawed foundation … for now I have accepted the challenge of building on flawed foundation.

    When you say off the grid, I am off the grid too, except, I think this place is connected to the grid, it’s just most everyone (including me) do not have the stomach for experiencing what’s here, unless they are forced to. I have been forced to. And it sucks. And I don’t want to be here. But it’s here, and it has stared me in the face, and so far I’m still standing.

    And (if this makes any sense at all), I’d like to believe that being here, having Hell breathe its breath over you, and then to still be standing. I’d like to think there’s something you get to take back. Back to the land of the living, the land out of the void and on the grid, that you could not have gotten any other way. And that can be shared with others to help them before they have to ever get to the kind of place we had to go to get it.

  5. So, here we are, your constellation of cosmic cheerleaders, devoted at the sidelines, ready to burst out at any halftime, slo-mo replay or post game wrap-up with all the enthusiasm of Mars / Jupiter in the bright lights of the coming Scorpio Full Moon double header.

  6. Very few people get here or go here and none of the those who have or will is me which makes the experience singular. I have gone completely off the grid, I’d say and unfortunately I can think. You’d be better off to be stupid at this juncture, I think.

    Very likely not. The stupid do not survive.

    Don’t worry too much because I am taking care and while it is dicey, if it gets too dicey I will pull the plug. I will make the right decision not a stupid decision but in order to do that I have to stay awake. I just have to stay upright and somewhat alert because it is easy to see how I could be sucked into oblivion.

    Take no wooden nickels from daemons, keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t look down. Assuming you actually go through the gate, which you probably won’t. No need.

    Yeah, I would not bet against me, that is for fools.

    I already told you what *I* thought. 50 bucks on Elsa!

    max
    [‘Recall that hell is full of people punishing themselves.’]

  7. Elsa, only a complete moron idiot on an extra-bad luck jag and some unfortunate hallucinogenics would bet against YOU. Of course you’re already the winner-elect [whatever that may mean (IMHO, it has something to do with survival, spiritual transcendence, and service)].

    Along with your great communicative relationship with your partner, this blog is one of your main survival tools, (is it not?) because you can express yourself and say just anything, and you welcome your contributors to do the same.

    Moreover, it must be great fun, since it is so creative, with all the little touches, and the videos you make (though, yes I can see that is a lot of work too), and the links and the songs and the designs and pictures. A good creative process goes a long way toward healing…or at least toward getting through the day and night.

    BTW, Who says you have to be available to talk to everyone all the time? I know astrologers who can’t get you on their schedules for months and if that is not convenient that is just too bad because that is the way it is, take it or leave it!

    This blog is a astro-psycho-social-spiritual service and it also serves as entertainment quite superior to TV (as to not even be comparable). Today I will remember to hit the tip jar at the latte level or at the cost of renting a movie, and remember to hit it bigger when I get money. I did not even realize what that tip jar meant at first (duh, I have such little experience is blog-land) but I hope the little ones can add up too.

    Reading you and what the others write on here, I feel connected in to something in almost a group kind of way, which is so totally rare for me (Chiron in Aquarius in the 11th house, so you see what I’m saying there!)

    I am deeply familiar with all of this up and way-down and tragedy and grabbing happiness wherever, whenever (love that part you wrote) because of having four angles, two nodes, my progressed Sun, the vertex, POF, Pallas Athene …all at approx 28 degrees of the mutable signs … our friend Pluto and all that..

    I think there is something about being born around 28 degrees Pisces rising which ensures that I am no stranger to the world of bottom dwelling. Pisces is supposed to be a mute sign, so more ‘blissful silence’, as surely it is quiet and peaceful at the bottom of the ocean. Now, if I didn’t have to worry about that damn breathing!

    I am leaving town tomorrow afternoon by plane on some crazy venture to see some place I have never seen before. I want to scope it out as a possible new area to move to. It is on the opposite corner of the US from where I currrently reside. I have no plans there, and I know no one there and I am staying until the 22 of Apr. I don’t know much about the timing of this trip but whatever…it’s done now! Y’all send me some lucky vibes, won’t you?

  8. I am down here with you. Uranus Opposition. Here is something from Sue Miller that she wrote recently that resonated with me. Maybe it will help you too.

    It seems to me, the people who try the hardest to create things of value in this world and who try to be most helpful to others are invariably the ones that feel these cosmic tests the most. These same people also feel the greatest rewards – the spectrum is simply enlarged. You have had some terribly down days, but have (or soon will) experience some great highs as well. It’s all a matter of proportion. People who live within very tight perimeters don’t risk anything, don’t learn anything, and don’t earn many rewards. It all comes together in the same package. Life can be messy, but things really do go toward the good, and we must have faith in that.

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