“So tell me how you think Vidroid is a criminal,” she asked.
I laughed. “Well, sure. He stole that doorknob and he was slick as snot when he did it.”
She laughed. “He tricked you.”
“Yeah, something like that. I don’t know what he did. He manipulated me I guess and he got away with it as I’m sure he knew he would. That was a perfect crime,” I said. “Scarily so. Because look. The kid was what? Was he seven?”
“So he decides he wants a lock on his bedroom door and he must have thought about it awhile. Hmm. How should I go about this? He had to figure out which I’m sure he enjoyed. And once he had his crime planned, he got a screwdriver, sneaked into the bathroom and stole the door knob.”
“Sneaky little boy,” she said. “I’d never do something like that,” she said.
“I know because you have class.”
“Yes but this your brother and he’s more like me. No class!” I said with a grin. “But do you know how hard it is to remove a door knob and then put it back on? It’s not easy. It takes some skill. You have to be coordinated and this is a 7 year old, but anyway, he does it. He got it done, he traded the two doorknobs and he was fast too.”
She snorted. “My brother…”
“Your brother the freak. So anyway, he puts the locking knob on his bedroom and moves the bedroom door knob to the bathroom and he does all of this silently and unbeknownst to me even though I am only one room away.”
She was laughing.
“So there. Done! Phase one successful but he knows I’m going to see this eventually, right?”
“So he comes in and gets me. Hey Mom! I want to show you something. Close your eyes, blah blah blah. It’s a surprise.”
“So stupid mom goes in there… I walk into the bathroom and he says notice anything different? And of course I don’t notice anything different. What, I ask. What’s different I ask him, looking around. By now I know he’s up to something but I don’t know what. The door knob he says brightly.”
“And see? He knew he wasn’t going to get in trouble. He knew I’d be all proud. He knew his criminal mother would be proud of her criminal son and he was right. I was proud and I was also embarrassed.”
“Honey, moms are not supposed to be proud of things like this. You should not brag on your son the sneak, however I was proud. I was proud because he played me completely. And I let him know I knew. You’re pretty slick, I said. He just shrugged which is exactly what I would have done. You know. What do you mean, slick? I said with a snort. “But he knew. If he would have asked if he could have a lock on his bedroom door, never mind hijack the one from the bathroom…”
“You’d have said no?”
“Absolutely. So he didn’t ask. But he found a way to get what he wanted didn’t he? And that little story right there tells you all you need to know about your brother and his criminality.”