Last night I was deeply stirred by Back To School Night and right as we were going to sleep I told the soldier what had happened. He’s feels empathy but does not think I should focus on things that are bad. I agree with him and have been successful for the most part in navigating this.
I wrote some time ago how I did not think most would survive what I have been through and I hold to that. Some people just snap but I am not one of them. Some say that is why I was dealt this hand to which I say… whatever. Not because I am rude but because I just don’t know. I have my mind in other places is the thing.
A Pluto transit to the Moon takes you very deep. It’s so dark and while it appears nothing is going on, everything is going on. I am very busy, I can tell you that and it last night I told the soldier what I suppose is obvious.
That is that I am the only one having the experience I am having. My son is clear all this at least for now but anyway I saw one of my daughter’s friends last night and her mother, her brother (who is in my son’s class) and eventually her father as well. None of them spoke to me but I have to tell you, I didn’t speak to them either. And I don’t know what they were thinking but I know what I was thinking.
“Yes I am the mother that something bad happened too and no there is no good news. The last news you had was more than you could fathom and it’s gotten so much worse you are very smart not to talk to me. Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry, I already know you feel bad because it was me and not you. But it’s okay. Really it is because this is just life and I know about life.”
And one more thing…
“Don’t punish my son.”