This is from 2007 but on my mind today so…
Neith writes: “There is this whole dynamic w/Mars in Scorp particularly, that attracts the submissives looking to get walked on…”
Neith, thanks for writing that on my blog! I have said many times if I were a man I would be very wary of being accused of rape… ala Kobe Bryant. Did that girl go to his room looking for sex but wind up getting more than she bargained for? I have no idea, but I do know there are men (usually black men) who spend their lives in prison for rapes they did not commit.
Every once in awhile we hear a story of someone exonerated by DNA after spending decades imprisoned and I relate to those men. I can (easily) see how this could happen and I think if you have this kind of energy you have to beware who you share it with because if they are unstable, you’re going down.
This type thing has happened on this blog, though not recently. Someone will come along with some post so stupid; anyone who reads here just knows there is going to be a bloodletting. So of course I do my job. My work is out here for anyone to peruse so people should have some idea what do expect. So I cut them as they’ve asked me to and then the person cries “victim’.
Having had this happen a few times, these days when I get a spectacularly stupid question I take a pass. Because you can imagine how it goes. “Look what she did to that poor girl…”
But fact is that poor girl is going to die of her (metaphorical) cancer if someone doesn’t cut her. So I am doing a favor but at times this is a thankless job and sometimes I get a wholly negative return for it. And having tired of this I try to screen the questions and I have put it in exactly these terms to my inner circle:
“If you don’t want to get laid, then you probably shouldn’t get in a bed with me.”
Maybe Kobe ought to pick up on that…
Gee, you didn’t include a category for “stupid” . . . 🙂 or Kobe’s case, arrogance.
“If you don’t want to get laid, then you probably shouldn’t get in a bed with me.”
I’m very much for rape victims standing up against their attackers, and the like. That being said, not everything is as it appears on the surface. Many years ago, I was working for this government program, interviewing people for eligibility for a particular program. We asked a few sensitive questions, as teen pregnancy was a qualifier. Anyway, despite the fact that we were interviewing in a room with 2 other interviewers within earshot and despite that I am as gay as gay can be, one of the younger girls I had interviewed ended up accusing me of sexual harrassment in the interview. While nothing came of it, it was a traumatic experience to be accused of something like that. Unfortunately, the reality is that sometimes these things happen.
Rape and sexual harrassment are serious things. That said, from experience, I know that there really are two sides to every story. Whether its a decision someone wishes they hadn’t made, or faulty memory, or just plain malice, it happens. You have to be willing to see what the facts are.
I get the point you’re trying to make, Elsa. Personal responsibility is a huge issue, and people get falsely accused of things all the time. Tying this with rape, though, is a problem. Undoubtedly there are people who have been falsely accused and even falsely convicted of rape. This is horrible, and should not be ignored. But our cultural fixation on false rape accusation as a phenomenon is a little misplaced. While the number of false accusations and false convictions is obviously hard to pinpoint, most statistics claim that it is about the same as any other crime. Plus, when you take into account the vast number of rapes that are never reported, or the charges that are dropped because the victims are bullied out of it or told that it is a personal issue, and how insanely hard it is to get a rape conviction in the first place, it seems pretty clear that rape may not be the best example to use when making this point. I love your forthright language and the way you phrase things, and I read your blog every day because of it. But maybe this issue isn’t quite being represented fairly.
Again, I get your point and it is a good one. I just thought it was important to show the other side.
Desiree, what the hell did you think you were doing in a hotel room at 2am with Mike Tyson?
How interesting. As soon as I read the opening line by Neith, “There is this whole dynamic w/Mars in Scorp particularly, that attracts the submissives looking to get walked on…”, I thought this entry was about his wife. During the time it was in the news, I was much more interested in his wife and her reaction. Now if that wasn’t submissive, I don’t know what is.
ken – interesting angle and one I never thought of. But now that you mention… I recall the press conference. If I had been her, he’d have shown up bruised, eye swollen with a gash in his head. 🙂
Er… just kidding, I think 😛
OMG! LMAO, Elsa! That sounds just like what I’d do to my hubby if he f’d around on me…okay, okay….it’s what I’d enjoy doing but wouldn’t because I’d be too busy burning his possessions.No….I wouldn’t do that either. Really, I’d just throw it out the window.
Personally I do not understand women who go to a man’s home/hotel room/villa/hut/dorm room/barracks…basically any place with a bed in or on the premises…..and cry “rape”. I mean why would you be having drinks with Bill Cosby at his mansion knowing (all the while you are sippin’ your martini) he’s married with children ,and, perhaps this just does not look appropriate.
I think all of these women were looking to “own” a piece of “power” through any means necessary.
Really this all about the misuse and abuse of power and the pawns in this game are not immune to the lesson. No one seems the “victim” in my opinion. Kobe Bryant was abusing his “power” which in turn caused a lesson in humility. His wife is no victim either. She knows where her “bread is buttered”. And the “victim” who screamed “rape”? Well, I won’t shed a tear for her.
I suppose the only people that I feel compassion for in situations such as these are those that have nothing to gain or lose by the event. My heart goes out to those wrongly accused and imprisoned as well as those that suffer the crime of rape.
I really despised Kobe Bryant. Have ever since this incident. Regardless of whether he raped that young woman, I know two things about Kobe Bryant. One, he is not respectful of his sex partners. Two, he thinks that he can buy anything, including his wife’s foregiveness for infidelity. Remember the huge ring he bought his wife immediately afterwards.
I always root against the Lakers. I really can’t stand Kobe Bryant.
Not shocking that there’s more than one side to a celebrity.
I haven’t been back to the comments in the other post, but this reminds me that my mother took responsibility for herself, and us kids – the man was good to her until we all moved in together (it was a lie of his that had us moving out of my grandmother’s – along with the fact that she had me in a mess).
She was also raped by the boyfriend she had, before she got back together with my Dad. She was recovering from surgery, and wanted to go to sleep – I left them, once he came upstairs, thinking he was going to cuddle her, and instead, he raped her (feeling insecure, what with my Dad visiting for Christmas – he pushed her right back into my Dad’s arms).
This stuff is getting to me today… 🙂 Sorry.
I’ve never checked her transits for those time-frames. I don’t know why.
my rule of thumb (pun intended), when it’s a toss up between believing a man or woman’s side of the story i always get behind the woman—-always
i think if more women did this, the world would be a radically different place
There is a spectacularly simple way for a man to keep himself from being accused of rape – keep his dick in pants. 🙂 Sex is not an entitlement no matter how famous you are.
And this notion that somehow if a woman gets herself in an “improper” situation, what is she is thinking? I have gotten myself shit-faced drunk and crawled into bed with men in my underwear with the complete expectation that I would not be raped. And a number of these men were married. Why? Because men aren’t base animals who can’t control their sexuality. And why weren’t they afraid of being accused of rape? Cause they never laid a finger on me.