Pluto represents death and transformation. It represents sex, the shadow, tearing down to rebuild. The Moon is our emotional body and often signifies significant women in our lives and family. Yesterday my former sister-in-law died after a years-long battle with cancer. Pluto is not quite in close aspect to my Moon but one of my daughters and my other sister-in-law have cardinal moons near Pluto’s current degree. This is very representative of losing a sister or aunt. It’s not always this literal. Sometimes, often, it’s more metaphorical.
Death is a part of life. The death of others causes us to remember the impermanence of all life. Even when death or loss hits us close to home its impact is not total. Often it creates the contrast, the duality, that creates appreciation of what is left and what is yet to be. You often hear there’s no joy without sorrow. It is a cliche and sometimes we forget that sentiments become cliche because they are home truths. When you are in a lot of pain there comes a moment when there is no pain or less pain, and your enjoyment of that moment is greater because you have so recently experienced its opposite.
Sometimes it is in the midst of our sorrow that we realize our greatest, life-changing epiphanies. My ex-husband just lost his sister and I’m seeing him in the greatest pain I’ve seen him experience. You can’t know what someone else is going through, but seeing him like this made me think what it might have been like had we not divorced. I would be going through this in a different role than I am now. I used to wonder what I did wrong to cause him to divorce me, what I could have done differently. Today I had a lightbulb moment thinking, “I didn’t necessarily do anything ‘wrong.’ He wanted the experience of being a divorced dad.” What he chose had little to do with me and everything to do with what he wanted on a gut level. Suddenly I let go of years of angst and just felt joy for him, joy that he was pursuing the course of his life as he needed. What a relief that is for me. I could have gone the rest of my life twisting myself up in knots asking “why?”
I’m having a Saturn transit to my Moon trine Pluto. This has produced a lot of anxiety and a pronounced fear of loss. In the middle of an actual loss, however, I realize the fear is overblown. Even in times of grief there is love and joy and sweetness.
What has been your most recent loss? Did you find a “silver lining” or have an epiphany?