Pluto Moon Musings

funeral liliesPluto represents death and transformation. It represents sex, the shadow, tearing down to rebuild. The Moon is our emotional body and often signifies significant women in our lives and family. Yesterday my former sister-in-law died after a years-long battle with cancer. Pluto is not quite in close aspect to my Moon but one of my daughters and my other sister-in-law have cardinal moons near Pluto’s current degree. This is very representative of losing a sister or aunt. It’s not always this literal. Sometimes, often, it’s more metaphorical.

Death is a part of life. The death of others causes us to remember the impermanence of all life. Even when death or loss hits us close to home its impact is not total. Often it creates the contrast, the duality, that creates appreciation of what is left and what is yet to be. You often hear there’s no joy without sorrow. It is a cliche and sometimes we forget that sentiments become cliche because they are home truths. When you are in a lot of pain there comes a moment when there is no pain or less pain, and your enjoyment of that moment is greater because you have so recently experienced its opposite.

Sometimes it is in the midst of our sorrow that we realize our greatest, life-changing epiphanies. My ex-husband just lost his sister and I’m seeing him in the greatest pain I’ve seen him experience. You can’t know what someone else is going through, but seeing him like this made me think what it might have been like had we not divorced. I would be going through this in a different role than I am now. I used to wonder what I did wrong to cause him to divorce me, what I could have done differently. Today I had a lightbulb moment thinking, “I didn’t necessarily do anything ‘wrong.’ He wanted the experience of being a divorced dad.” What he chose had little to do with me and everything to do with what he wanted on a gut level. Suddenly I let go of years of angst and just felt joy for him, joy that he was pursuing the course of his life as he needed. What a relief that is for me. I could have gone the rest of my life twisting myself up in knots asking “why?”

I’m having a Saturn transit to my Moon trine Pluto. This has produced a lot of anxiety and a pronounced fear of loss. In the middle of an actual loss, however, I realize the fear is overblown. Even in times of grief there is love and joy and sweetness.

What has been your most recent loss? Did you find a “silver lining” or have an epiphany?

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Pluto Moon Musings — 28 Comments

  1. My cousin, and no silver lining yet, but I have experienced the rush of appreciation for what I have (along with the immense fear of it all being taken away- that’s been my big thing for over a year now).

    When my dog died in January, I know that I was sort of in a bubble, what with my back going out on me, and my having a really bad cold, or the flu. I insisted on doing my best to have a shower, slowly managed to get dressed, back to bed to dry my hair a bit and rest, and then my parents helped me into boots and a coat – I felt like a toddler (complete with my being nagged by my mother, over the fact that I was going outside in that state – but I wanted to be there when he was buried). They helped me out there, and we had a little laugh when Walter barked, and the usual, “Shut up, Walt!” was called out by my father. Then they kept me company, once I got myself back into bed, twenty minutes later, and we had a laugh.

    I’m sorry for your family’s loss. <3 I'm absolutely terrified of losing my sister and my parents.

  2. I’m sorry this has happened Satori… I wish she had won =(

    Even when things are really bad, I’m philosophical about them on one level because I really believe things are meant to happen for a reason. I can’t claim I excel at finding the silver lining, but I hope I’m aware enough to recognise it, if & when it appears.

    Moments/ Revelations like the one you have just had are breathtaking aren’t they? You spin around for days, turning them this way & that. They often appear at the strangest of times.

    I’m glad you’ve been able to see something so truely great amidst all you are going through =)

  3. I’m sorry for your loss (((Satori))).

    Though also really happy for you that you had that epiphany and that you have been released from the…. “why”.

  4. Sorry for your loss Satori.
    It is amazing how we can find peace in the midst of great pain, its such a great relief. My experience is sometimes it just comes in spells to let you lift your head & breathe and then you can sink under again but that respite is still there and accessible.

  5. Wow. That was amazing. Glad to hear you were able to let go of some old things.

    Loss of a realtionship. The transits to his chart have been amazing. I have learned a lot about astrology in all this. Guess it is my Saturn in Libra lesson too. Pluto is trine my natal pluto. Guess it is time to step and rebuild.

  6. Beautiful post, directly from Satori, not from the person alone, but from the “place” as well. One can see the light in between the lines.

    Thanks, Satori!
    Kundrie

  7. (((satori)))

    My husband and I each lost a parent within a week of one another. Though we’ve gone through extreme grief together, there has been a silver lining. Almost every day I look at him and he glows. I have an overwhelming feeling of ecstasy that we are together and I am pregnant with our child. I am nearly brought to tears each time this happens.

  8. Sad for the family loss, Satori.If you feel connected to a person in the first place, it’s strange how divorce can shift those inlaw relationships to place you on the outer circle, yet how could you not still care, so condolences to you, and so glad that this has somehow triggered an epiphany over that old grief over a relationship that you hadn’t intended to end, or not at that time, anyway. Who knows how that might have panned out, and now you don’t feel the need to hold onto the pain over another’s choices. Sounds like you value and respect yourself wisely and well. That’s a helpful healing transit, perhaps about letting go and moving on on so many levels, and it is one I am sharing, repeating from birth, too, and also feeling as beneficial despite the processes..the fears, insecurities now and then..it also feels like a “look at all the good stuff we have in here” time, for which I’m grateful. Thanks for your sharing Satori x

  9. Condolences to you and your ex, Satori, and thank you for sharing. My own Pluto-Moon always finds a lot of traction in what you write about.

    My most recent loss I has been letting go of a relationship that wasn’t working. Not a literal death, but I find that each time someone leaves my life it is always difficult for me because I don’t know who I am anymore without them in my life. It is not that I don’t miss them intensely, but my faith in the “other side” is so strong (aided by a lot of Jupiter – Pluto contacts early in life) that I’m not afraid I will never see them again. It’s the question of “Who am I without you?” Literally, when a person leaves my life, a piece of my ego (self) dies with them.

  10. “I used to wonder what I did wrong to cause him to divorce me, what I could have done differently. Today I had a lightbulb moment thinking, “I didn’t necessarily do anything ‘wrong.’ He wanted the experience of being a divorced dad.” What he chose had little to do with me and everything to do with what he wanted on a gut level. Suddenly I let go of years of angst and just felt joy for him, joy that he was pursuing the course of his life as he needed.”

    THAT right there, is so fucking profoundly graceful; that I feel privileged beyond words to know you as a contributor to this blog, and as my astrologer. You are truly an evolved soul, my friend. Hugs and condolences to you and yours.

    My most recent loss was experienced through my kids, when they lost their father, five years ago.
    I had a couple of epiphanies, in response to it. One, if someone is hell-bent on NOT being on the planet, there is not enough love in the world to throw down at their feet; to convince them that sticking around is best for themselves and their loved ones. Never. Enough. Period.
    Two, you can’t beat Karma. I was slogging through overwhelming guilt over the fact that I’d brought these kids into this world, only for them to have to experience it without a father. Without the security, the sense of place and continuity, the legacy they should have had. Instead, for reasons I’ll never understand; there’s a huge hole ripped into their lives, that they’re left to try and reconcile theirs with. The only thing that makes sense is that maybe it wasn’t their Karma to have their father past early childhood. Still, this makes me enraged beyond words, if I allow myself to think on it; completely aside from the fact that I’ve been left to raise them alone. I don’t know, there just seems no way to make it not suck for them, and I feel helpless. As far as me getting along with Life, being made to feel helpless is a deal-breaker. We’re just getting on, one day at a time, while I work to rebuild my life; and try to give my kids reason to make the best of theirs, as it stands.

  11. My condolences.

    And . . . wow! Good for you! It’s always a good deep clean catharsis when I don’t spend time kicking myself for being silly enough to think it was all my fault. Can you believe that I don’t actually control the universe? That there are externals that are outside my control? What was I thinking? : )

    The sudden deaths that I experienced in the last few years did not offer much in the way of silver linings, cuz they cut me to the core as well as others whose lives they touched. But the lingering deaths, brought many many gifts because there was time to reconcile and laugh and cry together.

    A boy from high school was killed on his motorcycle this week. His death brought back sweet memories of his smile, his kindness, and his graciousness. That’s how I remember him.

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