Just Because She’s Your Mother, Doesn’t Mean She Likes You

Mother getting flowers from son“I love all my kids the same.” Most mothers say this and perhaps it’s true from a certain angle. But from other angles it hard to substantiate and in some cases it’s flat out obvious a mother prefers one child over the other.

As for the way I titled this post, I think it is possible for a mother to love a child but just not like them all that much. The reasons for this are endless.

There may be a personality conflict. The kid simply rub the mother the wrong way. The mother may need a scapegoat or someone to carry her shadow. The kid may look (or act) like the father who the mother has come to loathe, etc.

Scenarios like this are not uncommon. It may be uncommon to talk about them but that doesn’t mean anything.

The mother may feel justified in disliking her child or she may feel terribly guilty. She may express her feelings overtly or she may conceal them and be successful at that, particularly if the child doesn’t want to know.

The child may not want to know, or may just be unable to figure it out because he or she has never had it any other way. As an adult, the child may even be relieved with the knowledge when they realize, they don’t much like their mother anyway and so much is explained.

Sometimes the mother is well intentioned but her kid just doesn’t live up to her expectation for him or her which may or may not have been realistic in the first place. Bad news for the child if he or she becomes the receptacle for the parent’s feelings of disappointment in life.

Sometimes the mother and the child both know the feelings are there but they fake it for the rest of the family. I’d like to read what you know about this.

Know a mother who does not like her kid? Did your mother not like you?

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Comments

Just Because She’s Your Mother, Doesn’t Mean She Likes You — 128 Comments

  1. All of these statements are true:
    Saying “I love all my kids the same.”
    The mother may need a scapegoat or someone to carry her shadow. The kid may look (or act) like the father who the mother has come to loathe, etc.
    Scenarios like this are not uncommon. It may be uncommon to talk about them but that doesn’t mean anything.
    The mother may feel justified in disliking her child. She expressed her feelings overtly.
    She becomes the receptacle for the parent’s feelings of disappointment in life.
    She faked it for the rest of the family.
    I figured it out.

  2. Thinking about this I can’t separate out the fact that so many women are victims of abuse in marriages, both obvious and hidden. Drug and alcohol abuse is rampant in our society, as well as other addictive behaviors like blaming and shopping and watching endless tv. There are so many cultural and historical factors that play into this, on the world stage and running through family histories. Women have learned to pander to males and disdain the feminine. Factor in the birth experiences of modern medicine where most women were drugged, terrified, and encouraged to give their babies bottles and forgo the bonding that happens with natural birth and nursing, then to quickly abandon their children and go get a real job making money. Postpartum depression is poorly understood. Any of these things can and do make moms ‘dislike’ their children, stealing their natural humanity to feed our great god of commerce. So I choose to forgive my mom, and teach her to love by loving her, regardless. It’s a decision I make every day. She knows it, she feels it, and we have all grown richer for it, and we are healing.

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