Just Because She’s Your Mother, Doesn’t Mean She Likes You

Mother getting flowers from son“I love all my kids the same.” Most mothers say this and perhaps it’s true from a certain angle. But from other angles it hard to substantiate and in some cases it’s flat out obvious a mother prefers one child over the other.

As for the way I titled this post, I think it is possible for a mother to love a child but just not like them all that much. The reasons for this are endless.

There may be a personality conflict. The kid simply rub the mother the wrong way. The mother may need a scapegoat or someone to carry her shadow. The kid may look (or act) like the father who the mother has come to loathe, etc.

Scenarios like this are not uncommon. It may be uncommon to talk about them but that doesn’t mean anything.

The mother may feel justified in disliking her child or she may feel terribly guilty. She may express her feelings overtly or she may conceal them and be successful at that, particularly if the child doesn’t want to know.

The child may not want to know, or may just be unable to figure it out because he or she has never had it any other way. As an adult, the child may even be relieved with the knowledge when they realize, they don’t much like their mother anyway and so much is explained.

Sometimes the mother is well intentioned but her kid just doesn’t live up to her expectation for him or her which may or may not have been realistic in the first place. Bad news for the child if he or she becomes the receptacle for the parent’s feelings of disappointment in life.

Sometimes the mother and the child both know the feelings are there but they fake it for the rest of the family. I’d like to read what you know about this.

Know a mother who does not like her kid? Did your mother not like you?

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Just Because She’s Your Mother, Doesn’t Mean She Likes You — 130 Comments

  1. I don’t think my grandmother liked her daughter (my mother) very much. In fact, I think she fucked her up big-time. My grandmother is something of a narcissist.

  2. My mother was a Gemini trying to raise a Pisces with a lot of abandonment issues. She tried hard, but I think our relationship was super, super, super strained.

    Pisces need a lot of things Gemini can’t always give, I think.

    • Yes. I have a daughter who’s a Pisces/double Leo; I am a Gemini with a strong Pluto signature. My Moon is in Pisces in the fourth and I think that is our saving grace. We love each other very much but we argue constantly!

  3. In my work, I come across mothers who don’t like their children pretty often. Sometimes it’s just a matter of showing them that their child does indeed have a positive side, and if they focus on that, they’ll see it more. Other times, it’s just making the relationship functional.

    I think my mother liked both me and my sister, but her own self loathing got in the way of expressing it well. She’s pretty congenial to us now, anyway.

  4. Thank you, Elsa, for speaking the truth.

    I think what happens with parents is, the parent doesn’t understand the personality of the child (which may be very very different regardless of how they were raised) but the parent fails to even try and understand and accept the child for who he/she really is, regardless of discomfort.

    My heart aches when I wonder what it would be like to be able to feel real love and recognition from my mother. Not gonna happen. I’m almost 40 and I still need my MOM, and she’s never gonna “show up.” I wish it were different, but it’s the way it is.

    P.S. I refuse to watch Toddlers & Tiaras—even the ads for the show make me want to throw something at the screen. >:O

  5. I know someone who’s mother doesn’t like them OR love them.

    My mother liked me. She still does. I was convinced my parents didn’t love me, they used to be driven the despair over it. I was a Sun-Saturn/Moon-Pluto kid, what can I say???

  6. While I don’t watch TV on my own volition, I do watch it at times when my husband is here and I cop to being fascinated with the show, ‘Toddlers and Tiaras”.

    While the parents make an easy target, I don’t necessarily think they don’t like their kids but some of them clearly don’t like their kids – flipping out when they flip their hair wrong on stage or don’t fake smile correctly. I saw some little boy on the show last night and his mother was LIVID at his lackluster performance. She was ON the stage with him so very visible contempt.

    • Very true! The stage mother. Its all about them. I understand this, my mother wanted to be a talented singer/ dancer. She lacked the talent, she wanted me to be some rockstar, ballerina, model. That is the time she “liked” me, she loved me when i won an award or contest. The rest of the time she did not like me at all. Now she is older she loves me when i am too busy to see her, but not so much when i am with her. Interestinglymy mothers sun is exactly square mine, and her mothers is exactly square her sun (and opp my sun).

  7. Oh, there are so many scenarios. My mother loathed me and didn’t much care for Annalisa either. I am not sure how she felt about my oldest sister as she was gone by the time I was 10 but she definitely loved my brother. She loved the living shit out of him (a curse in it’s own right) and in the case, the simple explanation is this:

    My mother wanted a boy but had 4 girls in a row. I was the 4th and by the time I was born… well she just didn’t want another girl so I was despised from day one.

    Her contempt of me was open but because it was always there, I didn’t notice. I grew up isolated so never saw any other mothers with their kids so did not perceive the lack.

    I had my first inkling in my 20’s and have pretty much heard about it steadily since. People are uniformly horrified but I think it’s sort of funny – I have a Jupiter Moon.

    Let’s just say I’d rather have my mother than one who clings or micromanages or various other horrors I can think of.

    I really don’t think I am mismatched to my family. I wouldn’t change a hair on my head.

    • I think I agree with you Elsa. I don’t know if it is my age or a sign that I need to leave but the clingying, overly affectionate, irritatingly effusive communication and actions from mum are driving my crazy. And then I feel guilty and selfish, like who the hell am I to complain about this?!?! I should be grateful, I have NOTHING to complain about.

  8. Hi Elsa – I have a son that I adore, but we can clash big time! We both have to “try” to get along. At times we don’t like each other… because we are extreme opposites and have a hard time understanding each other (he is Leo sun/rising/venus/mars)… I’m water city! (Pisces sun/merc w/scorpio rising/Mars). Each child should come with a manual! Having him and raising him has been the biggest gift of my life. I hate that we clash…

  9. Dear Chantelle,
    you’re not alone…49 years old here and still hoping…which is killing me…Last fight with my mother totally crushed me…She doesn’t know who I am and never will…and I don’t think she cares to..Knowledge of astrology has helped me a lot in trying to put this into perspective…My mother never saw past my ascendant, or my MC( gemini with mars in cancer) for that matter…Her Leo sun and my Pisces sun can’t connect, neither can her Taurus moon and mine in Sag…and it is not for lack of trying on my part…
    all I can say to you is…it’s not you…it’s her…she was the parent…move forward and try to be happy anyway…Godspeed…

  10. What can I say about my Mom? I most definitely missed out on the nurturing, ‘mother love’. She singled me out amongst my four siblings and crushed my self-esteem to bits with her criticism, contempt, put-downs, and obvious sibling favoritism. I wised up and moved out of state.

    Took a long time to regain self-esteem and realize it was her issue, not mine. My dad said years later that he told her to back off numerous times, but I was shit out of luck when he was working. It makes sense she is this way, because my grandmother still treats her like a child and a nuisance while playing favorites with her siblings.

    We get along better now and she has told my dad that she’s sorry for what she did, but not to me directly. Thought I put all this behind me, but the emotions welling up tell me I have more purging to do.

    Anyone who has a nurturing, loving, supportive mom is really fortunate.

    P.S. I want those shoes in the picture!

  11. BTW – Let’s all have a group (((Hug))). It really helps to share and know we’re not alone in this.

    ((((((((Everyone))))))))

  12. “She loved the living shit out of him (a curse in it’s own right)”

    This dynamic plays out in my family and it is definitely a curse in it’s own right.

  13. My Cap mother tried to make me into something I’m not from Day 1 and hated me for failing. I was never into frilly dresses or singing at church.

    Fast-forward to 1997, when she located the daughter she had given up for adoption in 1962. “She was the valedictorian! She was in pageants!” Yeah, I could have been the valedictorian if my upbringing had been conducive to doing homework. Or if I had a mother who gave a shit.

    Nail in the coffin was when she held the city-wide society reception for this newfound daughter. I skipped studying for finals and provided catering and maid service for this, on threat of disownment if I did not comply.

    Overheard at the front door when my mother saw a guest off: “I love my Del, but New Daughter is the greatest blessing in my life.”

    Oh, really? I’ve been there for you through three crappy husbands and everything life threw at us, yet Miss Texas, who was raised with two loving and spoiling parents who doesn’t even fucking know you is the greatest blessing in your life, huh? I packed my bags and drove back home.

    Their relationship is now strained. Mother has a peculiar way of making that happen.

    She’s still her favorite, though. Mother has never been mine. I’m only being nice to her because there’s a lot of money at stake. If this sister gets favorable treatment in the will, there will be poop on a grave.

    Mars in Scorpio, and proud of it.

  14. I don’t think my mother liked me from day one, I don’t think she had the capacity to love any of her children. We all pretended like she was being a mother, I’m not sure for whose sake? I am still torn between hating her and wanting to save her.

    I think my mother liked my brother more than me but it didn’t help him in the long run. My mother was like a secret nightmare, that I carry to this day, and I hardly believe. How could anyone do that much damage and not be obvious about it?

    No my mother did not like me as a child, and I wonder if she tolerates me now, because there is nobody else left.

    I wish I could of had at least a mother “figure” as a child….like an older sister or a grandmother….I think it would of made a difference.

  15. We can’t do anything about the past, but what we *can* do is vow to love our kids the way we always wanted to be loved. Looking at the vast majority of the parents’ posts on this blog and the boards over time, it seems we’re at least trying to do that. So yay, us.

  16. I have seen Mothers that Dislike their Kids, Mothers that Use Their Kids, Really Mean Mothers to their Kids and Women that plan to bring kids to Use and Abuse from their Kids !!!

    I also had Seen Great Mothers that Really care of Their Children heroic with their children !!!

    Blessings !!!

  17. Hi Elsa,

    If your mother was like that why did you take care of her (buy her a house and pay her bills?). I would have not!

    My mother always tried to pretend she liked me but then I always saw thru it, maybe that’s why.
    She is a libra (don’t like libras really, cause of their lack of honesty!)

  18. elsa, holy g*d, my aunts all say the same thing about my grandmother. my dad is the youngest of four…three older sisters. they all say my grandmother never liked the girls and can give you a list of examples. i remember one time when my grandma was really shockingly mean to me when i was little and that was the first time i heard this ‘she hates the girls’ thing from my cousin (about 10yrs older). my grandfather died early which i imagine made her hold my dad even more tightly. i don’t get it but i guess it exists in the world. yea, my mom and i fight (like cats and dogs sometimes! she drives me crazy) but i could never push her away. we always make up if only by moving on.

  19. tipi, I did that due my own nature. I am super responsible and very generous. I also felt capable and inherited the job when my grandfather died.

    I am the sort who takes care of family so it came natural to me and as I said, I thought it was normal.

  20. Well, my mother and I had a love/hate relationship – that was 2 yrs of therapy to work through!

    Let’s just say she had a lot of jealousy issues with me, and if I didn’t “act” the way she wanted there was hell to pay..

    I think you get to a certain point in your Life and just say “she did the best she could with what she had”, and move on with your Life – instead of blaming your problems on your upbringing..

    There’s one thing I’ll say – my mother taught me how NOT to discipline and deal in guilt with my kids…

  21. My mother was jealous of me, although it wasn’t until my father pointed it out to me as a teenager that I then realised why she was so nasty to me all the time. She really, really loathed one of my older sisters though, thank god I didn’t suffer what she did.

    I know someone my own age who has two sons and admits that she doesn’t like one of them. She doesn’t treat him badly or anything, she loves him because he is her son, but she did tell me that the way he is really winds her up. He is a Capricorn, and has that serious Cap child thing of preferring to be around adults which she hates. She’s a Leo and her other son is Aries so they get on great, and she keeps trying to get this poor Cap kid to behave more like the Aries.

  22. My mother hated her own self and saw anything that came from her as ‘bad’. Case in point … when my mother died she disinherited all her kids – my sister whom she hadn’t seen in a decade, my brother who visited her every day, one who had stood by her for years but after 9-11 made themselves scarce (me) and another brother who paid all her bills, took her to the doctor, made sure she took her meds every damn day … and it simply didn’t matter.

    Mom was fucking crazy.

  23. I care about my stepkids, but there’s not much left to feel even remotely warm over. I’d hoped for some kind of positive relationship when they grew up, but I don’t see it ever happening. I’ve felt both horribly guilty and perfectly justified, sometimes at the same time.

    My expectations were that they grow up to be kind people who treat others well. I don’t know if it was unrealistic or not. I made many allowances over the years for the challenges I know they faced growing up. But after a certain point, the onus is on the individual to take out their own psychic trash. A family relationship doesn’t dismiss personal responsibility.

  24. I would like to share some things here as I’ve been processing some things along a similar thread. My mother (super Cap) never liked me or appreciated my personality (Leo). She always berated me as a child for wanting to be center of attention, being impractical, messy, etc.. among other things. I think she wanted to be a good mother but it was more out of a sense of duty that she could not bear to forsake in any way. She ended up being extremely self-sacrificing out of some bizarre sense of guilt, never doing anything for herself or even taking good care of herself. It seemed that if she did anything for herself it violated her view of what a mother should be, which was all duty and sacrifice for the child. In maintaining this view, however, she came to resent me. She did perform the basic care and some other good stuff, but there was never any real nurturing going on which produced a childhood that to me, felt void of substance. It was clear that she did not like me or want to be my mother, but she could never let me be, either. As an adult she is still very over-involved in my life but also still full of bitterness and resent for me.
    When I had my first child I was relatively young at 20, but had a strong inherent desire to nurture and learn what it meant to be a good mom. I think I had pretty good instincts, but in hindsight found that I had a strange, inherent sense of guilt surrounding my mothering. I never felt like my best efforts were good enough and anytime I did normal things for myself, like go for a run or go to classes or whatever, I would feel very guilty. My son is now 10 and I realize a lot of these things — I am trying turn things in a better direction with him and now raise my second son more consciously. I still find it hard to determine how much is ok to give to myself, how much right do I have to pursue my own happiness in life and how much is proper to sacrifice for my children? Do children really want you to sacrifice for them? Doesn’t that somehow burden them? I try to understand what this means.
    I am now going through a divorce and these issues have become rather poignant here because I battled for years with the question: Should I suck it up and stay in this marriage that is no-good for the sake of keeping my family together “for the kids” OR should I liberate my husband and myself to find a greater happiness that will hopefully spill over into our kids’ lives? I finally decided in favor of the latter, so here’s hoping!
    Any objective perspective on anything mentioned here would be well-received! Thanks!

  25. My grandma didn’t like my aunt, but my aunt is generally pretty insufferable and I’m not sure anyone really likes her besides her husband and one of her 3 kids.

    My mom’s friend is pretty well driven nuts by her son, who unfortunately is a alcoholic/ex-con/general delinquent sort who can’t or won’t figure out how to shape up. Bizarrely enough he’s actually fairly nice for a deadbeat, and I get to hear how sorry my mom is for him a lot. I do suspect that mother and son (mother is a major hardass, Saturn rising Scorp with Saturn/node contacts with the kid) would be happier on opposite coasts, but that can’t legally happen.

  26. What a great topic, Elsa. As usual, you bring up a deep topic that has so many echoes on so many levels. My mother clearly liked my sister and me better than my brother, who acted out a lot more, but I never got the feeling there was unconditional love in our house for any of us or that if she liked me it was not for the reasons I like me. She is an Aries, but her moon is conjunct Pluto in Cancer and Saturn is in an extremely strong position in her chart. It was always about the ought with her.

  27. My mom makes great efforts to love me and my brothers, but we just clash a lot of the time

    Clash isn’t even the right word. The best I’ve figured out is all of her virgo & cap just doesn’t mesh with my packed 12th house escapism and gemini sun. I was always -always- getting yelled at as a kid for losing track of time/getting distracted/ not practicing my violin (which I only played cause I hoped to make her happy) or dodging household chores. Fair enough on the last one, but seriously. No patience for the realm of imagination, and it’s really stunted my creativity, in that I’m scared to show what’s really going on inside for fear of her biting criticism. She’s got mars in scorp, and sometimes that HURTS.

    As you can probably tell, still working this out. Thing is, she’s such an intrinsically good person, she really does mean well, which I think actually makes it harder. It would be much easier if she was an evil bitch I could just hate, but such is not the case. We’re slowly & carefully trying to build some kind of functioning relationship, but I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable opening up to her. She’s way too good at telling me why I’m wrong. 🙁

  28. After several miscarriages she expected a son and at one point she dressed me and called me accordingly to the extent that the local bakery called me “young boy” when I picked up the day’s bread.

    One day one my mom put me in a nursery for a while (3 month or 3 weeks depending on the weather) because she was in the middle of a move to a bigger place. I believe this was a god send. From *very* early on I was a predator magnet and she never lifted a finger to protect me or acknowledged it was going on. Contracting VD’s was due to my poor use of soap and I was too small to tell the difference. She terrified me. I was her punching bag verbally emotionally, sometimes physically which was the least of it. There’s so much more which is unspeakable.
    On the other hand my sibling experienced a different enough treatment.
    To the world, we presented an almost squeaky clean middle class veneer.

    I can see that my mom’s childhood was horrendous, the little I know of it and her mother’s was no piece of cake either and so on. How many generations this went on for, or how it started, I will never know.

    This recent Pluto on the Moon transit threw me in a hard spin. I came to realize I still had hope … sigh. Plus recently she’s been trying so hard to be nice but her words remain poisoned. She cant help it. For the first time I’ve contemplated that she may be / have been seriously mentally ill, even though she had a successful career and was respected by many. Till now I’d attributed her behavior to never having healed from her own childhood and sinking into the less painful state of repression & giving into unconsciousness. Now Pluto will cross my IC and I’m not sure that the sanity issue matters either way. I’ve got to take care of my own home. And cherish the mother figures that have loved me.

  29. I’m glad we’re discussing this. I love all my kids, but I have a harder time relating to the Sag than the others. She’s a 2001 Sag, and her Sun and Mercury are right on the Saturn-Pluto opposition. She is WAY more sensitive than the other kids, and the rest of us are fairly bumptious.

    I got my wake up call this morning, when my mom, a Pisces, told me that little Sag “can’t take all the teasing any more”. Now the rest of us fling stuff around and it rolls right off our backs, but not little Sag. She internalizes everything.

    I’ll be honest, it’s HARD for me to parent such a sensitive child, since I’m blunt and sarcastic. Maybe now that Saturn is back in Libra, I’ll learn to tone the Aries and Leo down just a bit and up the Libra, to help me be more sensitive to little Sag. (She’s Libra rising, btw.)

  30. I’m glad we’re talking about this as well. These situations are extremely common, and I think it’s important for society to recognize the reality of parenting.

    To me, the reality is that parents are people. A good portion of them try to do their best. Most at least try. They owe their child their best, but they don’t owe them perfection. I, for one, am sick of parents and childhood issues being blamed for every little problem in a person’s life. Parents are people and they make mistakes. And that’s okay. Most people grow up to be relatively decent human beings, which means that, despite their flaws, our parents were relatively successful. And that’s all they have to be. I’d like to see the end of the myth of the perfect parent.

  31. “If your mother was like that why did you take care of her (buy her a house and pay her bills?).”

    My mom was our abuser. Talking about it one day with the ex, he outright said, “I don’t know why you even have her in your life anymore.”

    Like AriesSun said, though, I realized a long time ago that she did the best she could. Not necessarily the best she knew how (big difference), but the best she could and it was up to the both of us to craft something healthy now instead of flinging recriminations about the past.

    That’s not to say that I would take care of her in her old age, no matter how much she hints. *grins* But that’s more about my not wanting to be a caretaker in any sense whatsoever than our current or past relationship. I’d do the same with/to my dad, with whom I have no abuse issues.

  32. I have a mother with a Cap moon and I have a Cap moon.. she was a model and I was a tomboy… she was controlling and explosive and I could never figure out what the issue was… probably it was that she had two daughters and wanted a son. I think the generation that grew up through the great Depression and WWII grew up under a dark cloud, and they hadn’t had exposure to psychology.. they simply reacted and did what they were supposed to do.. and there seemed to be a lot of frustration with all that role-playing.. maybe that is why so many of them would say such negative things, I hear this from many of my friends.. I learned to listen more and be compassionate, and to not take any of it personally. That’s when you are fine with who you are and where you’re going.

  33. Years ago, shortly before I became pregnant with my son I had a very powerful feeling of premonition that I would have three children and that the last would be the reward for raising the first two.

    My son when he was born did not in any way respond to my hopes and dreams of what my baby would be like. But this was fine! If I could choose between having a child that would be true to my wishes and needs or his own, I would always rather he be true to himself. He was a force of nature because that’s who he was and I just had to learn to deal.

    I have always loved him, instinctively and powerfully. But I didn’t really start to like him until he was 6 months old. He was demanding and furious and unsettlable and cried all the time.

    He is still a force of nature, just one that is growing mor into his own self-control and he is blossoming. I adore him just as he is, and what he has taught me is that a difficult relationship is just as much of a gift as an easy one (sometimes more).

    I am currently about two million years pregnant, waiting for my little girl to make an appearance and I’ve now resigned myself to the fact that I’ll have another force of nature on my hands. Undoubtedly one that will have the same lack of concerns for my delicate psychological issues as my son did.

    No one will be more delighted than me to have a easy baby, but I have steeled myself for another spirited one. Although there is a part of me that despairs about why these extraordinary rebels and movers and shakers choose my household to incarnate in, at the same time I know that my household has the resources to support them in their growth and interests.

    My son and his father have such an easy relationship. They just get along. They are friends. My son and I love each other passionately, but we are rarely at ease with one another and I cannot pretend that’s not bruising. If my daughter ends up as a Leo with an Aries Moon she will also slot very neatly into her Sagittarius Sun/Aries Moon father’s chart while I as the Cancer Sun will be left to carry the brunt of the square.

    I cannot pretend this is not sad and trying for me since I’m much more of a ‘can’t we all just hug and get along and absolutely not yell’ type of person, but at the same time I can endure and do. And if I get another yeller on my hands, then no, I won’t like it, not one least little bit but I’ll deal.

    I’m actually heartbroken by the moments when I don’t like my child, even as a I recongise them as natural and human. And is there a part of me that hopes that one day I would have a child whose chart would slot neatly into mine and where we would gaze into each other’s eyes and get along beautifully like some sort of mother-kid honeymoon? Yes, it would be nice not to feel like a person on the periphery of my family, constantly having to fight to establish a sense of balance and connection. But it doesn’t matter if it never happens. I’ll do what needs to be done to help them be who they need to be, and nurse whatever wounds I sustain in private (or by crying on my husband’s shoulder; because sitting still in the midst of emotion is very incredibly hard for him to do, which means it is something he gets to suck up and learn and his willingness to do it even though it makes him so uncomfortable is a gift to me).

    That’s been the biggest blessing that my family has given me. Constantly challnging me to go beyond what is known and comfortable. Being inspired by love to be more and other than I thought I could be, and learning new ways to like someone and the way that they are and the things that they do. Learning to like them for their own worth, especially when they don’t match my ideas.

    And for every time I’ve wished for an easy life and a break, I’ve ten times been proud of exactly the way my family is, and of the people in it.

    • Oh Nina! If only I could muster up any of this right now. I mostly felt the same way when my kids were babies, toddlers and teens…but when you are dealing with an adult who is screaming for no good reason …I don’t need any more challenges. Shut up for the love of Pete…lol… I think at this age I have listened to all the bullshit I plan to take in.

      This is beautifully well written and you are a lovely mother. I remember years ago….trying to deal with a Gemini with a Leo asc and an Aqua moon….All the stories, the boasting, and the cool looks….good lord have mercy…me with all this water. I have no idea how either of us have made it. Funny, every one has always thought him the favorite and I do love him madly…but oh…the tests and trial…it takes all I have, trust me!

    • Nina, I commiserate. I’m an Aquarian. My double Scorpio son has challenged me mightily since his birth nine years ago. It killed me when he was a baby and would cry and cry. I could not soothe him. Tried breastfeeding for one week. Constant trips to pediatrician. Changed formula six, seven times. I had to move back to Texas and receive help from my Gemini mom. At one point when my son was five he lived with my mom for several months. We are close now but I have to be extremely careful with him. He is hypersensitive. We both have complicated charts. We’re both sixth house suns. It’s the deepest love I have ever experienced. But it is far from Hallmark card perfect.

  34. Nina, Powerfully said. And processed… This sounds very Plutonian (says she who just had Pluto enter her 5th). Your attitude and circumspection are inspiring. You should write a book. (((Nina)))

  35. the things that frustrate me the most about my child are the parts of myself i still have yet to come to terms with
    and we’ve both got strong pluto signatures. it’s a family theme. it takes some serious self control to focus well. and i’m the adult here so i not only have to do it for myself (and, wow is he good at pushing my buttons) but teach him how to rein himself in, as well…

    it took awhile for me to realize my mother loves me. due to a very similar dynamic that she had less control over. but we all grow up, and my relationship with her has, too.
    it helps, now. when i was younger i found “mother” in spirituality, and my grandmother. even now she’s not terribly cuddly/affectionate. strange, considering how much cancer she has, but it’s eighth house and one of them’s saturn.

  36. i don’t however think my mother understands me. which is fine. i don’t need her to. she tries her best to be supportive (now. ever since i gave her a grandbaby.) and i am happy with that.

  37. I have Saturn in the 10th house in Capricorn and I don’t get along with either of my parents.

    I never figured out why I never could like my parents. I always found my mother to be domineering and my father was just selfish at times.

    Why Saturn, why are you doing this to me?

  38. Saturn in Leo Mother with Saturn in Leo son having Aquarius moon
    opposing the mother does tell something.

    But she has a Venus/Uranus conjunction on her 5th gemini cuspid… she does love us in a unique way… just complicated… and that Moon of hers in Pisces.. Ewww, quite emotional. Her Sagittarius Jupiter opposing those Venus/Uranus does seem to say we took her freedom out.

  39. Kind of nice to know that I”m not the only one out there…..
    I was adopted. Given up by birth mother, lots of scars from that. Then I spent the first 3 1/2 months of my life in a foster home. I think I was loved there. I attribute that to my inner capacity for joy and love. Then I was put into the arms of a woman who did not want to adopt. She was only doing it because my father wanted to–and that was to fill his own emotional need for family, not because he wanted to create a family. We were there just to fill his void. Anyway, we were never close, she never really loved or wanted me, and somehow, I always knew that. But, adoptees have a need to play the role, and I did. Even when I was being tortured in school by bullies, little was done, and that which was done, only made things worse. She told me that it was my fault that things had gone on so long because I never went to the teacher to tell her how I was being bullied. So, the next year, when the girls started in on my, I went to the teacher. A short while into the year, I was sat down and everyone told me that they didn’t like me because I was such a tattle tail. Thanks mom! The stories are endless. Anyway, she died 6 days after my 23rd birthday–I was the one caring for her and the family during the last 2 weeks when she went downhill, giving her her shots, bathing, cooking, etc. I was the one who took over her responsibility of being there for my rageaholic father, a man who I had feared most of my life. About a month before he died he told me “Mom didn’t really want to adopt when you came along, but it was such a good experience with you, that when your brother was available, she was really excited.” Guess how that one played out over the years.
    Moon opp Jupiter.

  40. I have never doubted my mother’s love for me. We have our moments but for the most part it’s good. I think I do have regrets though.. She didn’t stand up for me on my behalf during those times when I really needed her protection. She is a Pisces, I’m a Gemini. I think she definitely nurtured when she could, but for the most part she was at work my entire childhood. I barely have any memories of her (well, or anything else). Which makes me sad. I started cooking for myself in elementary school. She came home early enough to eat with. A lot of the time she came home just before I had to sleep and would read to me. But I felt as a child I needed more than just a story. And my father was so overbearing it was like I had no relief and lived in a constant world of terror.

    Love my daughter too, though it’s only been a year now and she hasn’t fully developed her personality yet, though I get glimpses.

    To be honest, I’m terrified of having a child and not loving it or messing it up. Since my daughter is someone I feel I can get along with and someone I care about, I think I am perfectly happy with just one.

    Of course in motherhood there are always moments where you want to give up. But that is just life. You take a deep breath and move forward.

    Also, I wasn’t a tiara baby, but my father definitely had me out doing sports since 7 until 14 when I got fed up. It’s very tiring for a child to try and reach a bar that is continuously raised higher with little praise for achievements already accomplished. And there is little love felt by a parent who tries to be a dictator.

  41. Reading these life stories has been interesting. It took me 40 years to figure out why my mother and I had such a problem, and actually it was my husband at the time who figured it out. It was based on something she said one time and I told him about it and he said ‘she does not like you because you remind her of the man who left her’ my father.

    I could not believe a ‘mother’ could be that irrational esp. with regards to her own child, like I could help looking and acting like my father. But I think she had a lot of issues in her childhood that carried over into her adult life. Some people just are narcissistic and never grow up.

    I moved out at 17 and never went back, really tried to make it work 35 years later but it didn’t happen.

    I agree with some of the other comments in that
    “I don’t believe she treated me unkind, she could have done better but I don’t mind, she just kind-of wasted my precious time – but don’t think twice it’s alright.” Bob Dylan.

  42. My mother did not like me and she felt guilty about it. Now that she’s dead I remember her trying to fix it or make amends but after so many years it was just hard.

    For example, for every awful moment there would be a moment she would try to make it up to me in her own way. She was so fragile herself and desperately wanted me to fuse with her emotionally and my refusal enraged her. She was impossibly jealous of my romantic relationships and would fly into rages if she was not the center of my life.

    She would have it in for my son for one reason or another and be beside herself that I was ” on his side” and not hers. My, you know, ten year old. I had to take her “side” and not his or I was a traitor.

    LIke I said, now that she’s dead there’s a lot more I understand about it. But some things I just never will.

    When I told her I loved her when she was dying I always got the feeling she thought I was lying to her. Then I would have to examine whether that was true. It was true, I did love her, but it all just hurt so much.

  43. I’ve said plenty on here about my adoptive mother in one thread or another! She adored my sister, who was adopted a year earlier, and loathed me. This dynamic started when we were both still little more than infants. My father loved me and being a Scorpio stellium (inc Venus) maybe she was jealous. I was also far too independent for her liking, even as a small child.

    All our lives my sister and I were treated totally differently – my sister smothered with love and held close by emotional blackmail, myself constantly under attack, put down, criticised, mocked and belittled. It would be hard to say which of the two of us ended up most damaged! And our own relationship didn’t survive her, for all it had seemed so strong for 56 years

    I’ve seen plenty of other mother/child relationships where there is dislike or just mutual incomprehension, some fairly extreme as was my own, and spilling over into actual cruelty. It’s not at all uncommon, where a child is full of individuality and not complaisant

  44. James Hillman, who wrote “The Souls Code”, offers the insight that parents should stand back and ask themselves “Who is this child that happens to be mine?”, instead of perceiving the child as an extension of themselves, an accessory to their Ego.

    The ability to procreate doesn’t assume that one will also be competent as a parent with meeting the emotional needs of the child, nor have an ability to see the child as independant from them, and not a conduit through which the parent can express their unlived life.

  45. I have been tremendous use to my mother, psychologically. I have come to see how fortuitous it has been for me, to not trust my mother when she said she loved me as a kid.

    That may sound crazy but I think that mistrust paved my ability to ‘separate the snake from the twig’ (to paraphrase the buddhist proverb).

    You treat me like shit and tell me you love me? Guess what: I don’t believe you!

    Nothing wrong with this lesson (except for how it was delivered I guess but hey–that’s life).

  46. My mother has always been immature and self-centered. I was always talking to her like I was her mother. She married a full-blooded Italian, and wanted a boy first. When she had my brother, she doted on him, and pretty much tolerated me.

    My grandmother was always my mother. I talked to her every day, and saw her several times per week when possible. When she died, so did my foundation. I have never gotten over her loss.

    Since I am divorced and trying to recover financially, my mother and stepfather are always there materially. However, the love I have for my daughter has never been there with my mother. My mother has done nasty things to me in the past out of jealousy and spite. Things I would never do to my own daughter.

    The relatives were jealous of how my daughter always tells me she loves me (they called her a little ass-kisser). I no longer speak to them. Dysfunctional freaks.

    My mother has always purposely tried to hold me down, and prevent me from having a better life than she has had (“I never went on vacation until I was 50, so why should you?”)

    She told me she wasn’t going to help me through college because she was saving up for my brother to go (he would not start until after I graduated college anyway). He got his college degree, moved out-of-state, and never has contact with her, save for maybe a birthday card, sometimes.

    She stays attached to me now because she wants to make sure that if something happens to her husband, I’ll be there to take care of her. My brother would throw her into a home faster than you can blink an eye. I will take care of her, too, because that’s what I do.

    What I am hoping for is my nice Southern Gentleman husband to find me already so I can move the hell away from her for awhile. I feel like I’m living back home at this time, and it’s too much. I don’t like her as a person – she’s generous ONLY when it benefits her somehow. If there is nothing in it for her, she doesn’t give a damn what you need. She only gives her money, never her time or companionship.

    The funny thing is, she’s a Leo, Libra Rising. My daughter is a Leo, Scorpio Rising. My grandmother was a Leo, but I don’t know her ASC. It just goes to show you why Sun signs by themselves mean diddly.

  47. My sister did everything in her power (Scorpio) to maintain her #1 position as the favoured one. Lots of backstabbing and betrayal. When I was 13, my parents told me they were so fed up and tired with the shit from my 3 older siblings that they had no time or patience for any trouble from me and if I gave any trouble I’d be kicked out. When mum found out about the incest I was 14 and she told me to forgive dad or get out of the house ’cause she couldn’t live without him. I was forced into living by the beat of my own drum and they’ve all hated me ever since for doing it.
    Mum and I kept in touch sporadically (pardon me, I kept in touch, she never lifted her finger to call) the last few years before she died. When she was dying, my sisters didn’t even tell me. I wasn’t allowed at the funeral and I was cut out of the will. Though, our last conversation just a couple of months before she died was the best we had in years and our last words to each other were “I love you.” So I’m good with that. The concept of motherly love is foreign to me. All the rest of my family were in another country so grandparents were never an experience either. Family support – what is that?
    It all made me pretty independent.
    Funny story – my eldest sister has hated me with a passion since I was young (she’s 7 yrs older). A few years back, my other sister and mum asked her why. She told them it was because when I was 16 she gave me tickets to a concert and I never said thank you. 35 years of hate over this!! Now you know why I’m ok with my own drum beat – this is what I came from.

  48. My mother loves me- she loves all of us. No doubt about it.
    She has a Mars/Moon square, and Venus exactly conjunct Uranus, right on her IC on the 4th house side. She was never around… literally. She has provided a roof and food for her kids, but after a certain age, she basically left us to fend (structure-wise) for ourselves. She bought us an apartment when I was 13 (my siblings are 2 and 4 years younger, respectively… and my eldest sister is 15 years older, and has been gone pretty much since I was born). So… I raised my brother and sister, in a practical sense.

    I, personally, have a moon/mars square with her, venus/saturn opp, and a sun/saturn opp.

    Our Mars’ oppose. She loves me a lot, but I think because of the way her 4th house and Saturn is… that she just has a really funny way of showing it.

    She *loved* my brother. Loved him. To his credit, he is the most chilled out of the four of us. He’s a Taurus with a Leeb Moon that loosely conjuncts my Mom’s Virgo moon. He and my younger sister (a Cap moon) have favorable moon synastry with my ma (conj/trine).

    My older sister and I have lots of squares to my mother’s moon. My mom’s moon squares my Uranus and Mars. My moon squares her Venus and Uranus on IC. hahahaha.

    My older sister, whom she HATES, she has Moon sq Moon with. My mom’s Moon also squares her Venus and Saturn. She has always thought my eldest sister was ugly, a liar, etc., etc., She also has my sister’s saturn exactly conjunct her sun.

    My older sister has never felt loved by my mom, and being a histrionic Leo, this has been a big wound for her (my mom’s chiron is conj her nn).

    She has a crazy relationship with my younger sister, but loves her like no other. She dotes on my baby brother.

    With me…it’s honestly a really uranian relationship, with some mars battles. We are both Gem Suns.. Her Sun is in my 12H, where mine is, so she projects on me like crazy… but, she tries to understand, at least. There is a detachment between us, but there are plenty of moments where things feel whole and good.

  49. Mother studied astrology in the early 40s. She would say she raised us according to our charts. Looking back, I do think she satisfied our moon signs-I feel she did; and can see how she did w/siblings.

  50. My mother supported/supports my father in his disdain for me. She made excuses for his maltreatment all through my childhood. She competed with me openly. At the same time she claimed me as HERS, an extension of her. I never lived up to expectation and she took it personally. We have a strained relationship.

  51. ETA: She will sacrifice me to achieve a high status appearance for herself. One way is to bad mouth me behind my back to whomever will listen, building herself up to look good while making me out to be a mean inconsiderate person. I do not trust her and can’t speak freely around her. It’s aggravating.

  52. I think Mother satisfied our moon signs, but in reality there was favoritism. The Leo moons and the Aries moon definitely got more.

  53. Interesting to see this thread pop back up. I talked to my mother for over an hour last night. To quote myself up thread, I was of tremendous use to her psychologically last night. After the conversation I told my partner ‘I did exactly what my therapist told me to stop doing, listening and engaging as long as I did.’

    My mother’s a bit of a snake, but she told me a lot of funny things last night and so I didn’t want to hang up. She gave me more insight into the night I was born, for example. Those kinds of stories, I am willing to put up some BS because I want to know those stories!

  54. I put a lot of work and time into accepting my son as is. His personality is completely different from mine. I did this because I loved him. I still love him, worry about him, wish nothing but the best for him, secretly follow what’s going on with him. But over the years, he has pushed me away at every turn for the crime of trying to parent him. He pushed so hard that a legal restraining order was put in place by a judge when he was 17 (forcing him out of the family home).

    As I said, as mom, I worked hard at trying to accept the son I had. He hasn’t put any work into accepting me for the mother (or even person) I am.

  55. My parents didn’t like me; my mother only started trying to have a relationship when she got jealous of other mother-daughter relationships.

    I think many people project their own issues onto their kids/expect their kids to live up to the parent’s expectations. It’s also true in the reverse – some parents only seem to like their kids because it’s *their* child/product of the parent.

  56. Soupy old me..can’t understand how a mother could not like her own kid.Maybe you don’t like everything they do or choose, but how can a mother not like/love her own child? I am a Cancerian I guess you know. Sad post.

      • I just read the article from your link. She strikes me as a mother who could literally drive her children crazy… “I take care of you and love you but wish I had never had you”. Her daughter is now living with her, bed-bound with MS. After she reads this article, maybe she’ll kill herself to put her mother out of her misery, because basically that mother said “if you die, I won’t miss you, in fact, you’d be doing me a favor. I have books to read, and you’re taking up my time.” My own mother is a Crappy Moon. Cold and unloving, she used to say all the time “I love you, but I don’t like you.” She was also known to tell me I am “a misery, and have always been one”. And a “parasite”. I have Moon in Scorp square Uranus, this does not surprise me. I will not, NOT FOR A SECOND, miss my mother when she dies; however, I will always mourn the fact that I had a mother who couldn’t spend a minute on self-reflection in an effort to reflect on how damaging her words and behaviors were. I have 2 sisters, and my brother is the youngest, and she excuses her behavior by saying that “this is who I am. I prefer boys. I will always love your brother more, that’s just the way I am.” No effort to hide it, and it’s us to us to come to terms with it. She had my older sister and I when she was 16-17 and she and my father got married and were extremely poor. My 2 other sibs came when they were much more financially comfortable. She is much closer to them. My older sister has *never* gotten over the fact that my mother treats her like dirt… she still lives in the same town as my mother and tries to earn her love every single day. She is half-crazy from it. She just can’t understand why mom won’t love her. I moved away when I was 17, and am much better off for it.

      • I read that article/link. The woman in the article, sounds awful. I mean it was only her DUTY for her husband. It seems to me that they were incompatible because their values clashed. she only wanted to be with him because she adored him but didn’t adore HIS values of having children. He wanted a stay at home wife with caring for his children. He obviously wanted that type of woman, and she is so clingy and desperate for his love she went through the childbirth for HIM. I notice that they all turned out very well adjusted despite the lack of love and warmth. It sounds a lot like what my Double Virgo father in law has, everyone including him saying his mother is so very cold (mother in law met her in the early days and she agreed) but all his children turned out well adjusted and doing well in life.

        basically two values clashes in life. One parent wanted children and the other hated the thought and still hated the thought afterward. *smh* she did it all for him.

        • although at the end of the article, I just noticed that she would cut off her arm to either child if she needed it. It was as if “time” and raising them, kind of forced her to see how much, how deep her love is. even if she is not demonstrative. it’s such a strange thing.

  57. My mother still loves me though I’m a pain in the arse .She is the archetypical mother a Cancer with a gemini cusp. But she knows when her kids are taking advantage and how to manipulate. I think her favorite is my bro and I could totally see why. I don’t have rivalry with my siblings at all either. We all love each other. I guess my mom raised us better than we give her credit for. She’s not perfect but you just have to accept people w/ their flaws and see the good side.

  58. Mom was an Aries with cancer rising and moon.

    I am a Virgo with an Aqua moon. And Asperger’s, which didn’t get set as a diagnosis until the 90’s. I didn’t figure it out before she died. That’s the ONE thing that bugs me, but I guess she knows, now.

    Our relationship when I was young was tough. We figure it out after I moved out, and I can honestly say that if I ever needed a hug, no matter what, she had one for me.

    I miss her, a lot. But we didn’t have the mother/daughter relationship that some women do. I know we would have just become better and better friends, over time.

    My parents are the same age as the article author and…I will say that the selfishness and “but I am a good person, so I go through the motions” attitude might have been somewhat common.

    I would advise people with parent/inheritance concerns not to hold their breath for it.

    If they’ve got no carrot to dangle, they can not make you dance.

    I know, I know. Smile and take the money. Except that this type of person tends to get the last slap in the face from across the grave, when the will is read.

  59. That is a sad story Elsa. And the very reason I chose not to have children when I was married (although I think I would have been a great mom). It was my ex who was adamant about no children. Had a vasectomy when we were first married to be sure it didn’t happen. I was indifferent being the middle child of a very large family. I always had my nieces and nephews to coddle over if I wanted.

    Interestingly enough, I do believe the children I was supposed to have found their way into my life anyway! I have two younger friends (young enough to be my kids) who are the dearest things ever to my heart. I treat them as if they were my kids and they call me “Momma.” So for me all worked out just fine in that department!

  60. How interesting to read this post since yesterday my mother came to my house to make me cry. She came here and started to be really passive agressive with me and then when i talked to her she ignored me on purpose, really sickening. I had to ask her to leave almost violently because my personality and historial with her is on the top of the levels so when she left i was so tense and digusted and with the “unfuckingbelievable” feeling and it made me cry really had. I CONFIRMED that she actually doesnt like me and i was right when i thought she never did though i guess i didnt want to see it or didnt realize cause what world teaches you is the “unbreakable everlasting mother-child bond” that also made me feel abnormal for not loving my mom or for thinking she was mean to me on purspose, and always be the villian whenever i told anyone about it, from “of course your mother loves you youre her daughter you just dont see t you’ll know when you have your children” (to my insides i though “wheni have children i would do that/be that way”..) to “how can you say you dont love your mother youre so mean”.. : ( i hate the generalization of feelings. There is everything in this world………

  61. It’s a chilling article, and a reality. A Uranian mother? I was very afraid myself I’d be the same, and didn’t have children. I wanted the crap to end with me. Lots of abandonment issues as a child, which (for me)I know would have made it virtually impossible for me to bring up children well. Now I could; now I have children in my life. My mother – well I’m glad we both made it to adulthood to get to know each other as adults. She did her best and although there were lots of things that were very hard & she projected a lot of stuff onto us, I didn’t know what she was living with, and I do now. No I didn’t think she particularly liked me and she certainly didn’t get me, but she did really love me anyway. Which for a long time felt like a repugnant burden. Now, I wouldn’t change it. She drove me nuts for years but there’s some peace now; I look out for her.

  62. My mother is an aries moon, cancer sun, borderline personality. I am just too different from her. She needs to feel like a hero/victim, and I am usually the one who has to be the bad child, because she needs a child to be bad, or she cannot function with her illness. As a teenager, I once asked, “Do you even like me?” She stated that she loved me, but I kind of already knew the truth, so it was all just words. I tell her things she doesn’t want to hear about herself, and she really, really hates that. I am also a girl, and my mom hates, almost uniformly, all girls. My oldest brother was, and remains, the golden child. The whole thing doesn’t bother me at all; it is just how it is. I cut her out of my heart a very long time ago, so now, for many years, it’s all been “just words.”

  63. Thanks, Victoria. Mum was an interesting woman. She loved astrology and studied all religions, but led her life by reading the Bhagavad Gita everyday– unusual for her time and generation and also a baptized Catholic.

  64. HUGE response to this issue! My mother had five planets in Aquarius and Leo rising. She didn’t like me, was jealous and showed it. However; on her deathbed, we made a nice ending and I sang to her. She said “I don’t deserve you. That was our contract. I don’t like my son most of the time, but I sure do love him and always felt protective and nurturing towards him. I’d give him any organ from my body if he needed it–Venus in Taurus in the fourth. (Conjunct Uranus in the 5th).

  65. Yes,I do know that there are moms like those out there (the article you mention you read..that led to a post about it..) I don’t have my head in the sand,I guess my Moon- child HEART just doesn’t “get” it.. I’ love to believe it can’t happen, but I do know that it does..

    You at least have given a forum to many who have experienced this in one way or another..

  66. my mother was a pisces and actually liked me I believe but that could also be because my sister, the first born is gemini and a total nightmare for a pisces parent.
    In my family, my father didn’t like me in the beginning – I was darker than the rest of the family not a natural born beauty and his family despised me – they would have preferred if he had had a son or a fair beautiful baby. Besides I looked a lot like my maternal grandparents who they loathed. Even as a child i was very aware of all these dynamics – i took some time to consciously understand it but nevertheless I have always know.
    To add to all that my father is a cap and I am aries so it isn’t like he will ever understand me really.
    My poor sister came into being absolutely adored and loved and then had to contend with sharing mother’s love. She resented both mother and me from day 1 for that and that became a feedback cycle. She still resents our dead mother.
    She always struggled for mother’s unconditional love and in the process took our father’s natural preference for her for granted. I think in my father’s eyes she just basically threw away his regard.

  67. Now my sister has a son with scorpio sun and pisces moon. She’s a gemini sun with a capricorn moon. I feel terrible for the boy but he’s only my nephew and I’m not his mother. She loves him for sure, I’m not sure how long she would like him. I’m not in any position to judge but I fervently hope his father can mitigate the damage.

  68. My mother never liked me, and she’s totally been the kind of passive-aggressive/abusive mother who destroys her child’s self esteem to me. Verbal abuses as well as physical abuses sometimes. I was definitely the one to carry her shadow, and our synastry is filled to the brim with dissonant aspects – or, at least, they are dissonant because one of the two people is the type of destructive and toxic individual from whom one cannot possibly expect to properly harness any kind of energy whatsoever, so our relationship (?) is what it is. She was always very resentful towards my father (a heroin addict who died a few years after I was born), towards her own family for judging her and bashing her, towards herself, and therefore towards me. She did and said things no mother should ever do or say to a child. Before conceiving me, she was pregnant at the age of 16 with a boy but her parents forced her to have an abortion and I know deep down she really actually wanted a boy. She even named one of my younger siblings after the kid she aborted.

  69. My mom is an Aquarius(2/17/1930). She has been progressive and forward-thinking on many matters, but birth control wasn’t one of them. As a “good Catholic” in that area, she ended up having nine kids. I know she doesn’t love us all equally, but she was sure to give all of us the same standard of care in her egalitarian Aquarian way. She was annoyed with me, a serious, worrywart Capricorn, and felt more of a rapport with my Sagittarius sisters. But she has expressed admiration for my self-sufficiency (I never had to move back home, like the Sag sibs did) and I know she is proud of me.

  70. This is the saddest thing. So many people feeling unloved by their Mothers. I guess everyone has experienced pain. I think my mother loved me. But not enough.

    I remember the birth of my children being the most important thing that ever happened to me. I am lucky though to have been born at a time when there was birth control. I have always had options and not too many years ago a woman had no choice. If she became pregnant she just had a child whether she was prepared or not. So I am certain there are millions of people that are walking accidents. I am one.

    I was born to teenagers. Both of them completely unprepared for me. My glorious beautiful grandmother raised me. She was a stubborn Capricorn and probably one of the best people I have ever known. She never understood my mother and her Cancer stellium or my father and his Pisces stellium. She thought they were both idiots lol ….and wasn’t afraid to say it out loud. My god I loved that woman. I still miss her every day.

    My grandmother had 6 children. She lost twins at birth (both girls) and another daughter at 3 months old (SIDS) so when they dropped me in her lap she was over the moon. So…even though my Mother was off being a nut…and even though my father disappeared when I was 8 months old I feel like I got these incredible parents. 4 of them. All grandparents. My mothers mother raised me…but my fathers parents were very involved. They made sure I wanted for nothing…clothing, shoes…whatever i needed they saw to it I had because my grandmother that raised me had little money.

    She spent real quality time with me. She taught me to garden, she played with me, she sang to me, she talked to me…she made me feel like I was the most important thing in her world. I am blessed to have had her.

    When I get angry about my parents and believe me there is a lot to be angry about, I try to remember that I actually got the good end of the deal. I had my Capricorn grandmother fully focused on me for most of my growning up years. We were close till she passed. I had her for 35 years. She is the best friend I have ever had and typing this makes me remember it all…I can still smell her. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever known.

    When she got sick at the end I crawled right into that hospital bed next to her and stayed. She has come back to me twice since she passed. Both times were at times I was in desparate need. As alone as I was when I was born …my precious angel of a grandmother took over and saw to it that I was cared for and loved. My mother knew I loved my grandmother like a mother. She didn’t mind. She has always known why.

    She showed me how to love a child. Her and my 5 planets in Scorpio in the 4th house with a Cancer Asc. I was born to be a mom and I was raised by the best. This doesn’t mean that my children haven’t hated me because they have. They hated my guts when they were teenagers.

    I talked to my youngest son the Gemini talking machine last night for 2 hours on the phone… every now and again he will call me and remind me that he knows I made every sacrifice to see to it that he was cared for. Last night was one of those nights. Its not easy for a Scorpio stellium to understand a Gemini with a Aqua moon and a Leo asc…. what a trip that kid was to raise … but we are close. And I think we have figured each other out.

    My oldest son is a Libra. I never understood how he could be a Libra until I understood that there was more to a birth chart than just the sun. When I finally understood it and looked closer I could see why I saw so much of myself in him…its because he is standing in ~~ water ~~ he is very deep and very dark sometimes. The Gem just flies by the seat of his pants and would talk to a door knob but the Libra wants a small circle and has no desire to be around a lot of people…He has 5 planets in Pisces Scorp and Cancer with a Pisces moon (he has a gem asc and you would never know it because trust me he does not use it ever) My Gem son has a Gem stellium with Scorp and Cappy…

    The reason I guess I am going on and on about this is sometimes I think birth charts just clash even if its with your child. I didn’t know this years ago but I am coming into a real understanding with my two grown brats. I can look back now and say…..oh……..that is why he always acted this way or that way. I really love how you are better able to understand people with astrology.

    Last..I do love one son as much as the other. Believe it or not I get along best with the Gemini now…but when they were kids my Libra was my best pal….today he is dark and crabby and moody…he drives me up the wall. I don’t want to be around more of ~myself~ and the Gem is funny and sunny and always going 1000 miles an hour…and will see the good side and the best in most every situation. The oldest one acts like Eeyore….and people have to remember that one child may pay more attention to you than the other…you don’t favor them but they are always around more…so it probably does seem that way to the one that would rather brood in a dark room….

    Bottom line. Any one touches either one of my kids and I am prepared to die for them at the drop of dime. This is not something I say to be saying it. I mean it. I love them beyond what I am probably supposed to. They can come to me for anything. I will always stop what I am doing…even if I am at work and run in their direction with whatever help I can offer…or my Scorpio boxing gloves on if they need me in that way… they are my babies for all of this lifetime. I don’t care how old they get. I will protect them fiercely.

    I can’t imagine one of my kids feeling they have to write some of the painful things I read above. Hugs to every one…(i need one sometimes too) When I was handed those babies I felt like I walked into the color part of the Wizard of Oz…my life began when theirs did. Their life is my life…. and I had my sweet grandmother as my life/love guide. As shitty as things started out…its all ended up exactly as it should be.

    • ((Scorpioandproud)) such a sweet nice story. You are such a good mother. You sons are lucky. Thank for your story…touched me 🙂 God bless you and your sons.

  71. Wow, I read back over something I posted here before my mother died, and the perspective has changed. Families are so weird. In the end, my Pisces mother gave us pictures and said I was the child that tested her marriage, because it was a difficult time getting me into the world. In the end, the relationship completely shifted and she was really happy when I visited, and I decided that whatever the dynamic had been, she was still my mother and I’d try to make her life as comfortable and filled with joy as I could figure out how to do. It was worth it… I looked underneath the surface and found the common ground.. what you think your parent is feeling is very complex and may not be quite on the mark.

  72. @ chrispito … I am a Sun/Saturn, Moon/Pluto too. I was the black sheep and always felt my mother didn’t like me. I felt she favored the other three kids and I was even named after her older sister that she didn’t really like. I have struggled with this my entire life, but I have come to realize that it was in part her, and in part me. Perhaps a bit of karma left over from past lives? I was lucky–we came to be friends towards the end of her life, but I still struggle with the pain and it can spill over into my other relationships.

  73. I too am the 4th daughter & then they gave up on a glorious son. My dad loved me despite an understandable desire for the 4th one to be a boy. Mom on the other hand was looking for a show in us kids. The first 2 were twins. They were her show only they are painfully awkward and backwards socially. The next one was all she wanted out of all of us but for some reason that pissed her off. Everytime the middle one shinned she was made fun of or punished – couldn’t have the twins out shinned. I think Della’s Capricorn moon got her through it all with minimum damage. Me – I was invisable.

  74. I could leave it at that my mom was an Aries and I’m a Cancer. But it’s always more complex than that!

    When we were close, nobody was closer nor more affectionate (Her Venus conjunct my Mars/Moon and her Jupiter opposed both) but it was difficult living with her.

    And when I look at the other aspects, it’s easy to see why.
    Her Sun, on my MC, squares my Mercury and opposed my Pluto (mismatched views, domineering manipulation, unwarranted paranoia about *everything* )
    Her Moon/Mars conjunct my moody Sun in Cancer (she was overprotective of me but we also had frequent loud, crying fights between us and power struggles)
    Her Saturn is widely opposed my Sun (divorce with my dad and she carried a perpetual and public grudge about it)

    And my own Saturn square Moon says much.

    She was removed from my childhood for a good chunk of it (not her fault but she didn’t call me for 4 years!!)) and when I saw her again in my adolescence, she wanted her sweet sensitive baby back, not a strong willed teenager who wasn’t as easily manipulated back. She didn’t just dislike me but actually loathed my presence and living together didn’t bode well and she initially kicked me back to my Dad a couple months later (a happy break that was!) but when I had to return to her less than a year later, life became a veritable hell and nightmare, and I had to run away home on numerous (long-standing) occasions to survive and the moment I graduated, I was gone from that place I can’t ever call “home”.

    I *do* I love her and I have forgiven her entirely bc she has so many redeeming qualities to her but she’s not acting any of them out and is so very lost in many ways and is unwilling to take any responsibility as an adult for it, shoving it all on me, her only child, and anybody who has dealt with it knows how it is painstaking it is to watch somebody you love passively self-destruct before your eyes. This became evident when I tried to reconcile our relationship in our adult years and I took her under my wing and cared for her for a few years ago and took over her affairs and settled much in her life but those damn power struggles reemerged with a vengeance and it ended very badly and caused a temporary rift in my marriage bc of it. She had to leave and with it, the black cloud of her aura. 😱

    I haven’t seen her nor talked much to her since. It’s been at least 4, maybe 5 years. I’m very hesitant to allow her back in my life after the last havoc-wreaking episode. Perhaps this is Pluto in Cap’s influence in this regard. Both of my parents are a sore subject for me but my mom is the one that hurts the most. 😔

  75. It has always been obvious that my mother does not like me. From the way that she treated me as a child, to the way that she has treated me as an adult. I know that she loves me, in someway. However, my mother is a textbook narcissist, and as for carrying her shadow? I’ve done it all my life. I’m always the pariah. The good news is that I cut her out of my life a while ago. I don’t have time for her bullshit. And I’m much happier this way.

    As for me, I do not love my children the same. I do, however, appreciate their differences and love them for them. I feel that I am close with both of my children. And I LIKE them a lot, for they have awesome personalities, quirks, & foibles. You cannot love two individuals “the same” because it just doesn’t work that way. We all have different personalities. But, I can say that, without a shadow of a doubt, I do love both of my children very very much! I’d give my life for them. ❤️

  76. Yeah, I was told by my mother my eyes could kill. I’m a 6x Scorpio with the same colour eyes as my wild dad. Brother Gemini, Sister, mother and father Sag. Is it likely I was an ideal scapegoat?

  77. Elsa, what you describe with your mother sounds very much like my dads family. He was the golden child – the fourth after three girls, and his dad died young. So you can imagine his mom loved him a lot. I’ve occasionally heard my aunts complain about it.

  78. My mother left me when I was 6 ..I raised my brother..cooked cleaned made sure he got up for school dressed and ate…my father wasn’t home much working or dating….
    Today I see the same image in my daughter as my mother…left me with a beautiful grandson..which I raise as my own…I guess this is my blessing in all of this..and a good one at that…he is my whole heart ❤️

  79. Funny to see this pop back up again 3 years after I commented the first time. Boy, how things can change….I refer to having children as the great rollercoaster of life. They love you, they fuck up, they hate you, they blame you for every thing that goes wrong because it must be connected so some horrible fault in their childhood, then they love you again because you were so supportive of them…then the other shoe drops and you are an asshole again.

    I dearly love both of my boys. And their are times I have no idea where they are coming from. But this I do know….adults are responsible for their own actions. I can no more blame my mother for a speeding ticket or go further …should I decide to do some unspeakable act… than the man in the moon. In fact, most times she taught me what *not* to do.

    I think its RARE that a mother either dislikes or doesn’t love her child. I don’t think this is the norm. I understand there are all kinds of people but I would say for the most part, mothers LOVE their children.

    You may not understand your mother, or you may disagree with the way you were raised or the type of lifestyle your parents had, but I would say mothers mostly love their kids.

    I say this but still understand people do have parents that have abused them, abandoned them, sexually molested them…I get all that. I just don’t think this is the every day norm. And I had some wild (and I mean wild) parents. The older my adult kids get – the more I understand my mother and how painful it has been for her to listen to the rash of shit my sisters and I have handed her.

    This I can promise you. Your own children are going to grow up and hold court! You can think you are doing everything in your power to avoid being like your own parents and love unconditionally. Still, it wont be enough for you to avoid the judge and jury trial your child is going to hold when they become an adult. Hell, they make a thousand movies about his…’Home for the Holidays’ hahaha… siblings squaring off….he was the fav…she was the fav… mom is crazy and so is dad…I don’t want to spend Christmas with them….

    It all comes full circle…yes in deedy it sure does!!!!

  80. whoooosh.

    My Mom once told me that she preferred working rather than taking care of my brother and I. The thing is, she worked at a factory and was constantly changing shifts. Every week she would switch between first, second and third shift. One day should would work 8am to 4pm and then go back in at midnight and work until 8am and then go back in at 4pm. In her eyes, that was the bigger freedom.

    She was miserable with my Dad and constantly talked badly about him to me for my entire life. It was his sisters fault they were even together. She’s got her story she tells herself. I’ve been working on rebuilding my relationship with him and trying to form my own view point but its heavily influenced by hers.

    I remember after she got divorced, I was about 15 years old. She came home from work one day and said that so and so told her that kids often needed to go to therapy after divorce. She looked at me and said something like, “Well, you don’t need that, do you?” I was so eager to please, I didn’t want her to feel guilty, I went along with her… no, no, no…

    Later on in life, she tried to blame me for not finding anyone again, because I couldn’t be trusted to stay home alone as a teenager. That was true but the thing is, somewhere long ago in her life she built walls around her so far and so high, she’ll never really let anyone in besides her sisters. She’ll always blame someone along the way for the life she lives. I see that inside myself sometimes too and I’m working to change it. It’s easier isn’t it? It’s easier to inactively blame someone rather then go inside, feel, transmute and actively change the things we don’t like? I imagine it all comes passed down from the generations before like a tragic and twisted river. Yet, isn’t that raging river something beautiful in it’s truth, in the stories she caries…

    Generations move so fast, from one to the next and we’re left, lost in translation, all of us…

    I think watching Full House was more poisonous than a distant mother. This fake ideal lingered in my childhood, leaving me wondering why my parents didn’t come up to my room when I cried, to talk it over. It left me yearning for something that didn’t exist, not really.

    Where are these perfect families? If I REALLY stop to think about it… about all the friends I’ve ever met and their families… was there really one with no secrets? One void of some sort of dysfunction? I can’t think of one. I can think of the ones pretending better than the others…..

    Humans, all of us, are dark and light in varying shades at different times in our lives.

  81. …and we always commend and praise those who are expecting, maybe we should hold off on the congratulations till they actually raise them.
    Bottom line, most humans are not fit to parent only to procreate.

  82. My mom and I had a complicated and difficult but loving relationship. My mom had a loving but difficult relationship with her mother. I have a very close and loving but challenging relationship with my own children. It’s a cycle.

    Mothering, as wonderful as it can be, also comes with a whole bag of shit and we don’t talk about it enough. There’s the pregnancy, labor, recovering physically and emotionally and mentally from all the insane hormones while a tiny adorable but also tyrannically demanding being suckles on your teats from sun up to sun down, leaving you depleted and without a social life. Then there’s the loss of sex life, financial concerns from childcare to college, constant worry over the tiny growing people for which you’re responsible, from trying to turn them into decent people while coping with ALL your own personal flaws and hurts, biases, and learned parenting skills, for better or worse. Then there’s ALL the social pressure to parent a certain way, and the stigma and judgment that follows if you don’t. God forbid if it’s on social media…

    We need to expose this shadow of perfect parenting and show everybody how hard parenting is. We don’t always like our kids but we try our best to love them and care for them even when we’re having bad days. We’re only people. Broken, fallible people who have bad days.

  83. I have very strong yet unhealthy relationship with my mother. I often envy people who do not know their parents. They are unaware of how little psychic baggage they carry. I often wish I was raised in orphanage because the perceived abandonment seems less of a nuanced psychological clusterfuck I found myself in. I’ve never heard her say “I’m sorry” in my entire life even though she uses language as a weapon almost exclusively and implies other people, including her kids, are responsible for her own choices, even if they weren’t conceived and born at that time yet.

    • The synastry chart reflects that toxic relationship pretty well. Her Saturn-Pluto conjunction in Leo opposes my Aqua Sun, my Venus-Mars conjunction in Pisces opposes her Sun, all within 3 degrees. Her Venus in Scorpio conjuncts my Pluto too, actually it’s the same degree!

    • I wish I could easily disentangle myself from her web, without guilt or remorse. I’ll give her that, she’s very good at keeping up appearances and convincing other people to yield to her. I don’t think she herself realizes how skillfully she manipulates others. I guess that’s her Libra Moon, Jupiter and Neptune.

      • “I don’t think she herself realizes how skillfully she manipulates others.”
        Manipulators know very well what they’re doing.

  84. The reverse is also true. A daughter is not necessarily fond of her mother. I think it is a mirror. In most cases, if a mother does not like her daughter, then vice versa as well.

    • Daughters can definitely not like their mother, but I don’t agree, it’s a mirror. The daughter is an independent entity. She may be at peace in ways her mother could never understand.

      • Yes as you say, she (the daughter) may be at peace in ways her mother could never understand. However, she has manifested her own projection in her mother, that is what I was talking about.

        • And surely a daughter is an independent entity, so as ‘a mother’, or anyone else.
          It is very common that women of any age say ‘My mother did not like me’ ‘She abused me’ ‘I was treated badly by her’ etc etc, and I have been one of this kind of daughters for many years. However, we need to realise that this is mainly a story told by ‘a daughter’. And you know what, can you imagine how this kind of narrative is serving her? It is always easy to be at the side of victim (she was disliked for whatever the reason), because she can justify herself, so that she is, and has been always ‘right’ (and her mother was wrong.) This is a form of rejection of ‘growing up’ of the daughters’ side.

  85. My mother loved me best of all her five children. And I think each of my siblings would say the same thing. She was tough, she was funny, she set a high bar of ethics and forgave me when (on many occasions) I failed to meet it.

    She taught me how to mother and I love each of my three children best of all.

  86. I read in my Buddhist books somewhere that in some cases, when a soul wants to incarnate they just look around for any way into incarnation. The mother may just be an incidental vehicle to get another lifetime going. No particular karma attached to the relationship…

    My mother and I had a stormy time of it early on but she divorced my father very early and died very young so I was out on my own very early. My chart is full of independence and autonomy so it seems like ours was a simple contract, fulfilled early.

  87. to me it’s rare that a mother dislikes their children. but there are “strains” and discomforts. I notice with my Taurus rising/Libra sun/Cap moon mother, she loved her nieces the most, who were Pisces suns. She said she had the hardest time with us, who were more fiery and earthy. The most difficult one she had the hardest time is with an Aries sun/Taurus moon, and weirdly the Aries sun/Taurus moon married a libra sun. *smh* we LOL at it after the fact (my mother only knows sun sign astrology. And my husband’s grandmother who is Pisces sun/Cancer moon loved all her children, Fire suns, water suns, and earth suns. who did she connect most to? hard to say. she doesn’t like to choose sides. I don’t know really, I don’t understand it all. But I do notice that Capricorn mothers really respect and admire daughters and daughter in laws who are responsible and works hard. I see this too with my Capricorn moon mother. She will put down someone who is lazy, and retires early and then chalk it up to all sun signs then later, I will remind her, ‘but what about this__ who worked his ass off helping you with the house maintenance and he is amibitious. he is this sun sign” she was shocked and I think stunned for a bit. lol she has this strange ability to keep everyone in one box once she makes a quick survey decision of the lazy butts, even if they are a few of them in that sun sign. then someone comes along and shows her something else. I try to keep telling her don’t put people in boxes.

  88. 1H Pisces Moon opposite 7H Virgo Pluto/asteroid Pallas Athene all squaring 4H Gemini Mars. I definitely had severe issues with my mother. She was hardly a cuddly type with her 9H Gemini Sun/7H Aries Moon (Moon/Mars/Uranus in Aries stellium)/Virgo ASC. Very passive aggressive. The sudden death of my father left her holding the bag. I was an easy target for emotional scapegoating since I looked and acted like him. I was lucky enough to be “adopted” by two maternal-type women in my forties. They taught me the meaning of a mother’s unconditional love.

  89. Elsa, this was such a timely article to post. I’ve had Pluto passing through my 12th house and this is one of the personal issues that has been “exposed” during the transit and which I’ve had to deal with! No, my mother did not like me, though I am told she loved me. Most times it was difficult to feel love, especially as I got older. She was rarely there in my life when I needed her the most. She’s been deceased nearly 10 years now and it took almost 7 of those years for me to get over being angry with her…and I didn’t even realize how angry I truly was – because she left me, and dying wasn’t the first time, it was just the final time. Until this past year, I never really understood how much of a negative influence my father had been on my mother during their 40+ year relationship and the damage he had caused. He was actually the one who did not like me, because being the first-born child of a narcissist, I took my mother’s undivided attention away from him, and so I became his competition (in his sick mind) from that day of my life forward. He was a Scorpio moon, and my father never forgot or forgave either of us. He abused us in awful ways, made me his scapegoat, and felt that ostracizing his wife and children was perfectly acceptable, although little children don’t understand any of these adult games, or what “emotional abandonment” means. My mother simply followed my father’s lead (orders) whenever he wanted something because he was “the head of the house.” I was just the rebel because I didn’t believe in that father knows best BS and certainly didn’t respect a close-minded man who had no respect for my mother or my family, particularly women, in general. It wasn’t until recently that I had an experience that taught me my mother was simply acting out of self-preservation to try to “please” her husband…as strange as that sounds. She abandoned her own flesh and blood to make her spouse happy and to prevent him from hurting her or us. I’m not saying this in anger anymore. It’s just the cold hard fact which I now understand from the perspective of an abused woman. I don’t have children of my own, but I learned what a cruel husband can really do to your mind and I now have a sense of what it must have been like for my mom, because I did walk a mile I her shoes for a time, and I wouldn’t want to have done it with children. You do and say what he wants to try and keep his temper under control. Reading the comments of others here who do have children, hearing how much they love them no matter what, has given me an additional sense of peace, because although I have come to terms with my relationship with my own mother already, it just helped me feel that much better. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  90. Wow – such an awkward topic for a most often common problem.
    I grew up knowing how much my mother disliked me to the point she actually hated me & wanted me dead. Her mantra from as early as I can remember was, “If it wasn’t for you, I would never have married your father”! She always projected her anger onto me. If anything ever went wrong, I got it. Verbally, emotionally & physically (she was not adverse to using a leather strap!) To this day (she is now 91 yrs), she has never, not once, even taken responsibility for her own actions.
    When my ex walked out the first time in 1990, she phoned me telling me, “I never deserved him. He was too good for me. I was a bad mother. yada yada . . .” (She lived on the other side of Australia & had only met my ex twice; at my wedding & for a week after our child was born with a physical disability when she decided to come for a visit.) Fortunately for me, I had a sister-in-law who would not let me hang up her call just after mother-dearest had rung & got my mother-in-law to come around to my house. This was my own mother trying to push my buttons to end my life.
    Second time he walked out some 23 years later, my own mother did exactly the same thing again. As did he. Project their anger onto me rather than take responsibility for their own actions.
    What astrology has taught me regarding her: mother-dearest natal Mars is 15* Cancer conjunct my natal Sun. My natal Mars is in house 10 conjunct Pluto & MC. I have learnt she tried twice to abort me before I was born. If she could kill me, she would have & would still try to if she could.
    Since her phone call to me in April 2010 which my kids clearly overheard, to this day, I have pulled the plug on that relationship. I do not need such toxicity in my life.
    As to my own kids? They are my friends. We talk, share, love, laugh & live a meaningful life.

  91. My narcissistic mother emotionally/financially abused me non-stop all my life (and she’s still trying but I’ve cut her off). One of my sisters was the “golden child”, but when she found out that our mother had committed fraud against her too (and not admitting it or showing any regret!), she cut her off too.

    I have many friends with abusive parents. One of them told me that many people say to her the cliche: “I’m sure your parents loved you in their own way”. She has found an excellent reply: “There is only ONE way”.

    I agree with that. Of course the manifestations of love can differ greatly. However, when someone loves you, you just know. Equally when someone doesn’t.

  92. Pretty strange, I was thinking about this subject just a few days ago…
    My mother didn’t actively dislike me, but I think she just didn’t know how to be “motherly”. Her own mother was very hard. She preferred her eldest child (a son), was hard with the second (my aunt) and I’m afraid that my mother was an unwanted child because she arrived late in her life.
    I also think both my brother and I were unwanted! Conctraception wasn’t very good in those days (yes, I know, abstinence exists, but accidents happen).
    Anyway, it seems the problem was not disliking me, specifically (although she did prefer my brother), just disliking being a mother. All in all our relationship just feels lile a missed meeting, a near-miss or something like that. I wasn’t comfortable with her and I think she was comfortable with me. I think I was afraid of her, and slightly fascinated – who was this strange and unpredicatble person???
    I realize things now that I couldn’t integrate when I was younger. She was very difficult with everyone, so this did not help with trying to understand her – mostly I tried to avoid her.
    I have Saturn, Sun and Pluto opposite my Moon. She had a Pluto-Moon opposition too. Astrology has helped to try to understand some things about her.
    She is no longer alive, but I think of her very often. Now it mainly makes me sad that the whole thing between us was so botchzd up. Can’t be fixed. But she did have kind and thoughtful intentions sometimes. This especially makes me sad. She was trying to be kind, but didn’t always know how to do it.

  93. My very driven, hard-charging Capricorn sun Scorpio rising mother had no use for me, her Sagittarius sun Scorpio moon daughter. I did not serve her purposes and she resented being a mother unless I was momentarily useful.

    • This is chilling… my narcissistic mother is also Capricorn with Scorpio asc (and Mars in her first house). I wonder if it’s a form of ‘good’ luck that you didn’t serve her purposes. Better to have such people’s attention away from you.

      • Well, my lack of ability to consistently meet her needs led to her focusing a great deal of disgusted attention on me. But at least I didn’t waste too much energy trying to please her. The problem was that I existed at all.

  94. My mother made mira hindley seem sober. She put the mental in fundermental. She was the most angry person you could meet pretty much from the start. Not that she met many people – just me. Highlights are, stubbing a cigarette out on my arm, holding me down on the floor while she whacked my head with a shoe with a heal using the heal part of course, sticking my head through a window, trying to suffocate me twice, slapping me almost all the time, constantly shouting at me or just constantly shouting. She thew a knife at me once, it missed but left a hole in the wall, which puzzled the landlord. Her excuse for it all on those rare occasions when the authorities turned up was that either I was a naughty boy, or I had something wrong with me, or both. She was good with authority figures – she could convince them of anything. Play on their naivety. She had a social worker convinced that I was making more of it than what it was. In the end of course as time went on, she became worse and found it more difficult to conceal. So I was placed in childrens homes until I was 17. But I did meet her again by accident. She took me around to her place. She lived in one room. She had stripped the walls of the wallpaper, and pulled the carpet up. It was strange because apart from that I still felt completely cramped by her. Some months later we met again. This time she ran behind a truck to dodge me. From these meetings I found that my view of her as a child was perhaps completely unjustified. I did not see how gone she was when I was a child. She died one month after I left that town.

    You can make of what you will of this next part. About a year ago I was waking in the morning. But I was awaking to the sound of a woman sobbing and trying to talk at the same time, at the side of my bed. Not a word could be understood. Too much information perhaps.

    • @procreator, that’s awful what happened to you. sorry to hear that. I didn’t even know who Mira Hindley was so I also looked her up.

      I was just thinking about the children and their mothers especially daughters/mothers, and was watching Queen Elizabeth’s story on Netflix, “Crown”, and when the queen said to her husband about little Charles, “we have a son and heir” …it occurred to me that she hadn’t known then that Prince Charles would also disappoint her. We just don’t always do the “right” thing for what they would like. Even if it’s in a family with no abuse at all. But about how proper and how you should grow up. And falling in love with wrong people are what is wrong. But the heart only wants what the heart wants.

      • What I did not include was the otherside that was just as bad. I had to go to school. And for someone who is always the new kid and who looks different anyway… I was glad that school ended. Basically I went home and got battered then went to school and got battered. The only escape was in the evenings in the summer, and school holidays, that I would spend out of the home, in the park or amusement arcades. I swapped school 22 times, and lived in many places in this country.

  95. ERRATUM (or Freudian slip?)
    I wrote “I wasn’t comfortable with her and I think she was comfortable with me.”
    I meant to write : I wasn’t comfortable with her and I think she WASN’T comfortable with me.
    Yes, clearly a very uncomfortable relationship, on both sides.
    Sorry, had to correct this to be clear.

  96. I know with my mom, I never questioned her love, though at times she was vicious and narcissitic towards me. I know this sounds a bit crazy. But I also know that she lost her mother at a young age in a circumstance that left her feeling quilty, and as I grew up realized she was projecting self-hatred onto me sometimes. I had compassion for her. We also had wonderful times together and she really did try hard to make me happy! So though I felt like she did not like me at times, I didn’t take it personally as I grew up. Astrologically, she had a Scorpio Moon in the 12th house (and it was in MY 12th as well).

  97. All of these statements are true:
    Saying “I love all my kids the same.”
    The mother may need a scapegoat or someone to carry her shadow. The kid may look (or act) like the father who the mother has come to loathe, etc.
    Scenarios like this are not uncommon. It may be uncommon to talk about them but that doesn’t mean anything.
    The mother may feel justified in disliking her child. She expressed her feelings overtly.
    She becomes the receptacle for the parent’s feelings of disappointment in life.
    She faked it for the rest of the family.
    I figured it out.

  98. Upon my birth my Mother informed the doctor that I wasn’t her child. All of my life she denied me while raising me. My maternal grandparents would come take me away to save me. She abused me. She destroyed my relationship with my siblings. I was the second born out of four. Yes I had a Father but he worked long hours. Mother never worked. Can you tell if their was a stillborn child before me? You have my birth record on the natal chart on 3-10-16. I’m now starting to write my memories. Why did she hate me so much? Jealousy? I’m 81 now and still healing. Thank you.

  99. Thinking about this I can’t separate out the fact that so many women are victims of abuse in marriages, both obvious and hidden. Drug and alcohol abuse is rampant in our society, as well as other addictive behaviors like blaming and shopping and watching endless tv. There are so many cultural and historical factors that play into this, on the world stage and running through family histories. Women have learned to pander to males and disdain the feminine. Factor in the birth experiences of modern medicine where most women were drugged, terrified, and encouraged to give their babies bottles and forgo the bonding that happens with natural birth and nursing, then to quickly abandon their children and go get a real job making money. Postpartum depression is poorly understood. Any of these things can and do make moms ‘dislike’ their children, stealing their natural humanity to feed our great god of commerce. So I choose to forgive my mom, and teach her to love by loving her, regardless. It’s a decision I make every day. She knows it, she feels it, and we have all grown richer for it, and we are healing.

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