Extreme Judgement Of Rotten, Horrible, Disgusting Parents Who Failed

I noticed a disturbing trend since Pluto went into Capricorn.  People paint parents either all white or all black.

They do this in regards to their own parents. They do this in regards to the parents of others.

If they’re parents themselves, they’re no less extreme in their judgment.  They’re also ready and willing to judge and burn “other people’s” parents”, whom they may or may not even know.

Chances are, my childhood was worse than yours. I don’t say this to measure my misery against yours. That would be impossible, because I don’t even feel miserable.

My point is that my childhood was quite bad. I barely scratched the surface in my book, Heaven, I  Mean Circle K. But I still feel I benefited greatly from both of my parents.

For starters, I have quite of bit of charisma. This is inherited from my father. I don’t know how I’d have made it through life without it!

My intellect comes from my other, along with my legs, my original thought processes and my interesting way of speaking.

Do these things sound small to you?

I just don’t see how a person can look at the parent and say that the suck…every fiber of their body and shred of their soul. To do that, you have to deny a lot of important aspects of yourself, as well as your very life force (and any life you’ve created – children or grandchildren), because they did create you and bring you into this world.

Do you view your parents in black and white? Throw them up the pole, or stomp them in the dirt? Raise one, stomp the other? What?

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Extreme Judgement Of Rotten, Horrible, Disgusting Parents Who Failed — 43 Comments

  1. “People paint parents either all white or all black.”
    My parents are all white… or so I’ve always been told. Ha ha. Age has helped me look back, better seeing the good as well as understanding the not-so-good. A person does best not to judge others too harshly.

  2. I say lots of bad things about my dad. Even yesterday night I did the same. But I still pray for him. Pray to God to increase my paitience and my dad’s paitience. Since my childhood, I was not a fan of my dad. I was mommy’s girl and my sister was dady’s girl. Me and my dad has major disagreement among us since childhood. I have Saturn Moon exact oppose, not sure that is playing here part or not.

    I got worst behave from In Laws. I say all bad things about them. All has started since early 2008.

  3. 🙁 this made me think about the words that go through my head even if they don’t come out of my mouth.

    I’ve see sawed on this. Years ago before my Pluto transit started I excused all manner of behavior as well when he was a kid he went through such and such. Enter Pluto and Saturn transit and my take was “he’s an adult, no more child hood excuses. He just such sad a parent and a human being”
    Pluto rules my moon from libra and opposes my Aries mercury exactly.
    I didn’t realize how judge mental I have gotten. I need to look for the positives. But when I find them I tend to forget the negetives. Then I’m surprised when he does something underhanded or dangerous 🙁 (I have Neptune trine merc too)
    If I could truely detach maybe I could have my eyes open without being shocked when he does these things

  4. Someone who is Mars Capricorn says my parents were never parents to me and were just being my “friends”. Who in the hell has the right to judge my parents, let alone myself?? My parents suffered great lengths in working to provide me food and shelter and loved me as much as they could with the limited amount of time in the day they had with me. How about he works 16 hours a day for his kids and TELL them that he is just “friends”. I don’t paint my folks all black or all white…I paint them the colors that they have produced with their hearts, blood, sweat and tears!

    • Thanks Cuspy. I think your approach of finding things to be grateful for and recognizing the struggles is helpful.

      I tend to judge harshly on one aspect of my parents lives even while knowing I am not being true to the whole picture. I need things in perspective (balance? mercury in Libra…). Holding the whole picture together mentally (good at this, bad at that, mean here, kind there)is kind of frustrating and overwhelming for me but is the most realistic and makes the most sense. 🙂

      I am a judgey person, my effort now is to judge fairly.

  5. I agree to an extent. My parents were musically talented and very attractive. They passed their love of music and their good looks to me. (that have since faded with time)
    I had the Sandra Dee and James Darren ~ in the looks department for parents. They were stunning to look at. Absolutely gorgeous looking people.

    But if the parent you are stuck with stays in an incoherent stupor from addiction and your younger siblings are repeatedly molested because no one is watching them, I think they deserve to be judged.

    Predator’s watch for adults who aren’t. I didn’t feel any differently about it 1968 when Pluto was in Virgo, or after when Pluto was in Libra, Scorpio or Sag.

    If you’re not watching your little girls and a family member is going after them regularly, I think they deserved more than judgement. Every one of them should have been imprisoned.

    I can’t ignore what was done to my little sisters and let it go. They have never really recovered and probably never will. I had to clean up their (my parents) mess. I guess I can thank them for the strength it took to do it.

    They did create me and bring me into this world but then they abandoned me and went on to do what they wanted to do. 8 years later they came back for me (with addictions)when they needed someone to watch their new kids.

    When you have a grandmother filing a court injunction and DCFS workers at the door to take the kids, you have parents with some real problems and they should never ever be near children.

    I will tell you this truth, and then tell you that I do love my mother. She was weak. And she was an addict. Later when she cleaned up she was probably one of the best grandmothers (she’s a Cancer) my children could have ever asked for and they love her tremendously. But as a young mother she was a mess.

    I don’t have a lot of time left with her. I forgive her. She asked me to. She has apologized. She can’t take it back. I cant be with her when she backslides into addiction, but I love her, I forgive her and I pray for her. It took a lot of strength on her part to rise from the mess she was in. I saw it, and I inherited it. So I thank her for the steel case I reside in.

    I will also say that if anyone ever did anything to me today my mother would kill them with her bare hands if she were able. I know this.

    I will never have another thing to do with my biological father. It wont matter where Pluto is.

    I was raised by my glorious, beautiful, strong (and southern) Capricorn grandmother. She was my rock. And my actual parent. In my book there is nothing more beautiful than a Capricorn woman. When I needed to be set straight a Capricorn did it. I lost my Cap right before I turned 35. When it happened, I almost went with her. (I have a pretty good idea she is already back and residing in Scorpio Moon) 😉 (she was that kind of parent that is just never going to leave you) And, she would want me to love and forgive my mother. She did.

  6. I went through difficult things in my childhood, but I don’t hate my parents and I don’t think they sucked. I had to learn how to do some things on my own that maybe they should have taught me, but so what?

  7. A parent’s job is one of the toughest. Damned if you get it right, damned if you don’t. And it is impossible to get it right, because human beings are flawed and that’s all you need to know!

    But, that aside. Some parents are awful, so damaged themselves that they can be rendered totally unable to do the basics with the children that they have. It is so sad, for the children, and also for the parents. And then there are those who are damaged one step too far.

    And then again there are those who can do the basics, be real, love love love and pass on their best, because it is their best, the best they can do based on the cards they have in their hand. My folks come under that category.
    No, it was no picnic. For them, for us. Awful in many ways. But not all the time.

    I could not mutter an angry word in their direction for years, until finally I woke up. Then it flew. Then I learned. Then I loved. I am who I am because of them, and I realised. My Dad left when I was 4, thrown out by my Mum, he died, 72 years later, almost unknown by me. I was able to be with him then. At that last point. The closest we have ever been, hours from his death. But I have his stuff, running through my veins. And my Mum’s. And I am glad for it. And I shall be there, if that’s the way it works, to see her out with love.

    I am for being able to stand up to parents, to live independently of their beliefs, wishes, (note: you aren’t doing your job well as offspring, as the next generation and the future, if your parent’s ultimately know best, at some point – that position will alter, let it), the legacies of hurt etc.

    And also for having absolute love and compassion for them.

  8. It’s a shame that nearly all new parents are young and lack experience…and if they knew better, or how hard it might be to raise children, with or without a supportive spouse, there’d probably be a big reduction in birth rates. Nobody can even begin to fathom the difficulty of raising a child, now..or in any time past…when birth control was not an option. We went rapidly from an agrarian society, to an industrialist nation with all the changes that went with it..not all good. We all did & do, the best we can where we were, or are, at the time and for some it’s been better than others; but we all are here to tell about it, so that’s where we begin~right where we are, with what we’ve got, right now. We have the option, if it was a mess..to turn it into a msg..the tests into testimonies..and use it all for good purposes, to empathize, build character and grow stronger, from whatever it’s been. As they say, the prettiest & best-smelling roses, still come from roots grown with fertilizer.

  9. Very very good point, Elsa.

    With this trend, it’s just another case of projecting one’s shadow onto an “Other”. Or giving them too much power. With Pluto in Sadge, that projected shadow or pedestal was emphasized on foreigners and religion.

    This time it’s our parents and our leaders. Everyone is human and flawed. Human and striving with the best we have (two hands, two legs, two eyes). And it’s good to get this post to remind us of that. Thank you.

  10. I think… in order to heal properly and take control of our own lives in this current world, (with that last bit of Cancer Jupiter left!), we can keep in mind that…

    There is always the option to forgive others. There is always the option to say, I know they were in an impossible situation. It may not always be the best one, depending on the situation, but this is one way not to hold onto destructive, blaming anger, but onto constructive action.

  11. It’s really hard to see or care about the other side of the story when the other person really is that venomous and selfish. It’s hard to care about another’s point of view when they don’t care about yours. I’m all for forgiveness and expanding my point of view but some people are too much, and sometimes ‘some people’ include your parents.

  12. My father was an alcoholic and my mother suffered from depression. She had a nervous breakdown when I was young. We had many violent episodes in our home. My sisters and I used to hide when my father would come home so we could escape becoming the focus of one of his tirades. I had to grow up fast just to survive. Despite that, my parents always took care of us. My father owned a business and my mother stayed at home to care for the kids. It was back in the 50’s when no one talked about anything.

    I never really judged my parents and still don’t to this day. I wanted to help them, even though I was a child about 8 years old. They had so many problems. I seemed older than my age (Saturn conjunct Moon) and was very responsible. I also didn’t hold back my honest opinions on anything (Sun in Sadge), and I had a lot of them. I think they were part of my karma, big time. I have NN in Capricorn in the 4th and SN conjunct Uranus in the 10th. I felt compelled to help them and I did, as a child and young adult. I never thought about how it all affected me until I got older.

    I still can’t judge them today because life is hard and sometimes people aren’t strong enough to deal with it. They sure weren’t. That was my lot in life. I learned many things from my parents on how not to live your life. We had good times too, sometimes. I remember those fondly, because they were few. I have some good traits that I got from my parents, but now, in my older years, I realize they stole my childhood. I never got to be a kid. I must’ve had a real karmic debt to pay off or maybe that is Saturn conjunct the Moon, no matter where you grow up.

    I sure can’t pass judgment on other parents. First, I’m not a parent and second, I understand being a parent is a lifetime committment. Kudos to them, I couldn’t do it. No one has perfect parents and who’s to say you can’t turn out good if you don’t? Take what you got and work with it.

  13. My parents were grey. But for some reason I did take the good I got from them (it took some digging) and rue the other thing when it raises its ugly head.

  14. We all have a story to tell and we are all doing the best we can. When we heal we heal 7 generations forward 7 generations back. So great that folks are healing the past. In this age parents are damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Kids are removed from homes for what I consider stupid crap. Then walk into a world where there is no sacred space for them to just be kids.
    We really need to support the work of families. The hardest job u will ever Love.

  15. I don’t think about my childhood or my parents then very much. I don’t really judge it either way. Maybe because I hated both of them so much growing up, I had to find a way to cope with that crippling hatred. And the best way to do that was just to let go. Of course I let go of any hope of having a good relationship with either of them too. That’s the other side of that coin. I couldn’t forgive and stay close. They are both incredibly hurtful people. I had to put a wall up.

    And for some reason I don’t mind hearing people express anger towards their parents. I just figure they’re on a certain path. I don’t know that my way is better ya know?

  16. Most of who I am today can be credited to my mother. She had her faults, yes, but she loved my brother and me. That, to me, is the most important thing. I see her in shades of gray. She gave me a lot: my morals and ethics, artistic ability, love of reading and literature, and love of learning, amongst other things.

    I have judged my father harshly because he was extremely abusive, knowingly so, while pretending to the outside world that he cared about his family. The best thing I can say about him is that he worked hard until he retired. I got my conscientiousness about work from him. However… he did not have the capacity to love anyone, possessed no empathy or remorse. Other people were objects to him, to be used and then tossed away without a second thought when they were no longer useful. He had a choice as to whether or not to act on his impulses, knew what right and wrong were according to society, and the fact that he chose to do so much damage cannot be ignored; the only thing that kept him out of jail was the compassion shown him by other people, including me. It will take me a long, long time to deal with it all and because much of the knowledge I’ve gotten about his true nature has been within the past few months, I’m still in the anger stage. Eventually I’ll come to peace with it — but anger can be controlled and used to direct action, and I need that now.

  17. Years ago I met a young woman who thought so much of her parents and their wonderful relationship she worried she would never find a love like theirs. Years after that I met a woman who took care of her dad before he died. She was the only child in her family that came to help because he had done beyond horrible things to his own children. Her mother had divorced him and then he found a new wife that went along with his illegal perversions. Yes, she was permanently messed up and I wonder if she’s still alive. How some people can survive and even thrive after an abusive childhood is a miracle.

  18. I agree that you should take the assets they gave you and try to forget the rest. It’s sure easier after they pass! If you know anything about their early lives that explains a lot. The biggest gift they gave you was life on a very interesting planet. 🙂

  19. My mother is extremely eccentric, narcistic. Growing up with her was pretty chaotic, she was married five times. Most people think she is the most charming woman they have ever met.I also find her charming and when I was younger was enamored with her, in awe of her and frankly scared to death of her. Despite her narcisism she is also extremely loving and has a great talent for nurturing, she will give you the shirt of her back if you are in need. To this day she is still one of the most interesting women I have ever met. My sister has issues with my mothers chaos creating behavior and character flaws, although she appreciates her charm and plutonian spunk. (She has heavily aspected Pluto in the first house, Pluto sextiles her Sun and Moon and trines her midheaven to the second)My sister thinks she would have made a better friend than a mother. Anyway with all of her chaos,I think I would have been bored with another mother.

    • Beautifully stated, Charles. That’s what I’m talking about.

      Life is so incredibly rich and textured. I really hope that we, as a society, can move away from being so freakin’ doltish and get back to appreciating just how fine and artful, our lives really are.

      There is no way a person could express themselves the way you just did…unless they came from somewhere.

      I just can’t stand it anymore. “I raised myself.”

      The fuck.

      Do people really believe they came out of the womb, walkin’ and talkin’ and fending for themselves? And who created them – themselves?

      ::shakes head::

      I know this will piss some off to no end, make people (more) people hate me, but I feel compelled to point these things out.

      And if you do hate me for it, you still know I’m right. Deep down…you know that you did not raise yourself. SOMEONE gave birth to you, picked you up and laid you down gently enough, that you survived.

      How can people deny this? Why do people deny this?

      I see people complain about their mothers all the time..they are just like her and don’t realize it.

      I guess if they’re lucky, one day their heads will un-fuck and it will be apparent.

      Oh! My mother was human and so am I!

      Recently, more and more, I am working with people who respect and honor their parents. They don’t want to let them down.

      I’m sorry, but this is a lot more attractive them spewing venom, or total self-focus. After awhile, you see that it’s people in this last group who are going to be able to form happy, successful relationships of any kind.

      If a woman hates her mother, and you are a woman, and a friend of hers, most likely, it’s only a matter of time before you stand in for her mother and become hated too.

      I’m tired of it. For Godsakes, get some therapy.

      Who would you be, Charles, if your mother had not been a narcissist?

      What difference does it make? She WAS a narcissist and I doubt this was accidental.

      You look at all the people being born…millions of them. Every single one of them has a flawed parent. Focusing on your flawed parent, and defining yourself by who *they* were, is no way to distinguish yourself, that I can see.

  20. Well I would”nt be me. I would probably be a manager at a Kinko’s somewhere in the mid-west, married to a truly boring woman with mentally chalenged kids. On weekends we would play minature golf. It would be hell, I know it would.:)

  21. But I agree with every thing you said, we should honor our parents, as hard as it may be. I tell my sister, ” I know Moma is going to say something to piss me off right before she dies” and its true, well that sometimes is family. She will be laughing all the way to Pluto.

    • Well, if you can’t manage to honor them, you can at least not go on and on about them for 40 years. I’m sorry, but what a way, and what a place to be stuck in.

      Especially, when you’re drowning in gifts that you received from them,that you refuse to acknowledge. It’s unfathomable, really. How a person can’t look in the mirror and see their parents.

      “You look like your mother.”

      “And you would expect otherwise?”

  22. My friend, Ben is visiting his mother right now, he spends a month with her, most years. They (jointly) crack me up.

    They’re both Scorpios. Once, they got pissed at each other and drove in the car on a road trip, seven hours, neither of them said a word.

    LOLOLOL.

  23. About your charisma. I think I get that from your audio (which is always a shocker when I hear writer’s speaking voices) and I get that in your writing structure, but where the heck does your spunky vibrance come from? In my neck of the woods they call it piss and vinegar. No offense. It’s just my tonal perception. It’s a quality that makes me smile. Unless I feel like I’m being peed on. That’s my misperception. 😀

  24. This is true and if you deny your parents,No matter who they were, you will probably be in denial of all the gifts they have inherently given you, and that would be an act of self-impoverishment.

  25. Given my own imperfections I can’t imagine slagging my parents for their faults without acknowledging their finer points. FWIW, I like and love my folks warts and all.

  26. Great post, Elsa. Thank you. Could be because my parents are dead and I’m a grandmother myself now that it’s easier for me to say that sooner or later we do grow up to arrive at the shocking realization that our parents are/were real people who, before we showed up on the scene, actually had dreams and dramas, hopes and horrors, fantasies and fears of their very own, all tied up and dependent on their family conditioning during the era of their times while they were struggling to learn how to be adults themselves. It’s easy to blame someone else – most especially our parents – for our emotional or psychological pain that influenced who and what we’ve become. But as you said up-thread, Elsa, “someone gave birth to you, picked you up and laid you down gently enough, that you survived” – and THAT alone deserves our unconditional gratitude. If our parents’ human frailties seem unforgivable and too hard to accept, perhaps it’s time to look a little closer in the mirror. (My relationship with my mother during the first 45 years of my life was beyond stressful: I have a Moon/Pluto conjunction in exact trine to Chiron. Turns out, our difficult relationship was a huge hurt for her too. Fortunately for both of us, the healing took place long before she passed on. Gratitude heals.)

  27. I chose my parents to learn the lessons I am learning. We had our ups and downs. Mom was farely abandoned by her mother at 13, due to an early unexpected death. She had two brothers who never spoke of it much again. But one told me she put her mom on a pedestal. I have done the same with mine and more so since she passed last year. But I clearly not only see her “black and white”s now I understand so much more about her. My dad is a very old man who is very sweet but mostly self centered. I forgive him though because he was an only child and spoiled. I have tried to not be. And I am grateful for what they showed me in life even if I didn’t get the emotional su0port s lot that you’d expect a parent to give a child.

  28. Hmmmm..my father loved my sister. He was a Scorpio, moon in Virgo. SIster a Virgo, moon in Leo. My mother was a mental patient, violent, too. She was Aquarius, moon in Scorpio. Me, Cappy, moon in Scorpio. My relationship with my mother was damaged by her disease and, all along, I thought she did not love me. My sister and father kept that secret – the official diagnose – from me, they didn’t think I needed to be informed. I, but that was the dynamic of my father and sister’s relationship, they were partners and made decisions for those they considered unable to decide for themselves: the ill and…me (the child? I am the youngest sibling, though my sister and I are only 1 yr. apart!). All the years of pain thinking my mother did not like, love me…it was her mind, she wasn’t well. I forgave my mother and father and divorced my sister. IN retrospective, 50% of my strained relationship with parents, their dissatisfaction with me was due to good ole’ sibling backstabbing. WHat my sister said he believed. I call this emotional incest. Not healthy, No thanks. Now, with both parents dead, there is no connection to this strange being I happened to share a home – four walls and a toilet – for 18 yrs. I do not feel guilty, but liberated…that was able to solve this riddle – why my mother did not like me – while still young (35).

  29. I’ve worked hard to have a balanced view of my parents. They were far from saints, and I can easily track the harms they have done to me. However, they also did the best they could for me given their own limited resources, and I’ve never doubted that they loved me.

    All I want now is to have a loving relationship with them before they leave this world.

  30. I’m lucky enough to have been able to see my parents in colour. Colour enhanches true life experience, you know. That is what all people need from their parents. True experiences that can take you further in life. Their shortcomings are fine. You can feel relieved that you can have your own shortcomings as well.

  31. I’ve found it helpful to look at the synastry and composite charts I have with my family members. One of the things I noticed is that my mother and I have a Venus-Saturn square in our composite. This can mean the relationship may never be what we want it to be, but it can be good if we appreciate it for what it is. This is what I’ve done, and I am happy. (We also have some Saturn sextiles, which makes it easier.)

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