Pluto In Capricorn: Death And Parenting

I came about this thinking in a strange way. Recently I had contact with 2 people who lost both their parents when they were very young (pre-teen). This is not that common and the effects have got to be pervasive but also very personal to the individual. That means if you want to understand it you have to talk to someone who has suffered this and my guess is they don’t get much chance to talk.

In whatever case, I had a thought during one of these conversations. I thought about a boy who grows up to be a man and goes out and does all this achieving to “prove something to his father” as they say. What do you think happens to the boy who has no father to prove something to, hmm?

I think this is a pretty good question considering how many women are raising boys without fathers. Also if you are a single parent this is a reminder how important it is to keep your child’s other parent in their life because if you don’t and you die, that’s it. They got nothing.

Parents are so important in ways that are not immediately apparent and you only have to talk to someone who has none to have this point driven home.

 

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Pluto In Capricorn: Death And Parenting — 16 Comments

  1. I’m dating a man with no father (never has, never will–his father disappeared). His mother is his only family and her presence is non-existent %90 of the time.
    He has Moon/Neptune trine Mars in Cancer–explains the disappeared family I think. I’m very happy that my parents like him, but I am especially glad my Dad is so kind to him.
    Agree with your last sentence:(

  2. I agree. Mr. Gemini grew up without a father and it affected him deeply (whether he consciously admits it or not).

    It affects girls, too, to take it a step further no doubt. Reminds me of that John Mayer song:

    “Oh, you see that skin?
    It’s the same she’s been standing in
    Since the day she saw him walking away
    Now I’m left
    Cleaning up the mess he made

    So fathers, be good to your daughters
    Daughters will love like you do
    Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
    So mothers, be good to your daughters too”

  3. This reminds me of me and my daughter. Her dad and I are divorced and he is a big part of her life. He and work together on parenting her.

    And today, she was begging for my SO to stay more often because she said it’s easier for her when he’s around. He’s firm, strict even but usually very calm: things her father and I are not good at combining. So yeah, dads. Moms. Parents. Rough.

  4. i totally agree. my father (i am a female) was absent most of my childhood and when he was around it wasn’t stable. it has caused me many issues with men and abandonment in my adult life.

  5. i came from a country where most of parents need to work abroad to support their children back home. this result in broken families, if not delinquents. sometimes, when you see bad things happen in the society you cannot put the blame on the criminal or the wrong doers, but on the parents. and you cannot put the blame on parents as well. my mom grew up without parents. she spends almost all her life in fear, anxiety and insecure. although, this drives her to keep our family intact, she still is a broken person.

  6. I don’t know if you followed Mystery Chart #3 on the boards but our mystery chart guest is a friend of mine who came on and told her story. She is an orphan. Her father killed her mother when she was 5.

    My youngest son’s biological father disappeared. I met a man when my son was still a baby who stepped up and made a commitment to be his father no matter what happened between us and he has. We were in a relationship for just a few years but he has honored his commitment to my son. He is a good man and my son has benefited greatly from his presence in his life. I am so grateful.

  7. He is definitely. I always said that Aubrey picked him. He is difficult sometimes and I have to have very firm boundaries with him in some areas but his love for my son has always been a motivating force for him.

  8. I’m still in the skin I was in when my father disappeared from my life 43 years ago. To avoid that with my kids, as we were heading for divorce I told their dad that they had to be more important than how we felt about each other. I’ve worked hard to uphold that. He is too busy playing computer games and drinking (altho, to be fair, he is now allegedly in AA).

    Maddie lives with me and Lee – Lee is her father figure because her dad won’t even pick up the phone and call her. Not even on her birthday. Lee was just saying this morning how we have to push harder to get the two of them together. I will not push her to call him; she has been abandoned and she’s old enough to know it. The ex is the adult, and I’ve done more than most women would to keep that link intact. He can call her cell – he doesn’t even have to have contact with me!

    Nick chose to stay with his dad, maybe in an attempt to win him over finally. But he has raised himself since I moved out. At least he and I have a bond again, although it took his dad’s drinking binges for him to come to me with anything but anger and disdain.

    I’m sad for all of us.

  9. Elsa, I think you can entertain the insight about ‘keeping the other parent in the picture’ because you’re not an emotional baby; who’s involved in a divorce. My kids’ dad did his best – and succeeded for awhile – to cut me out of three of my four kids’ lives. Then he died.

    Guess what ? Not only was it up to me to care for them without child support after he collapsed, I also had emotional cleanup to do that lasted for years. It was totally overwhelming at times, and it was’nt even my fault ! They were impressionable and vulnerable, and he took advantage of them because he could’nt view our split as anything but insurmountable loss for him.
    If he loses, then I’ve gotta lose too, see ? He was so incredibly selfish that he could’nt see how he was damaging his kids, and threatening their future.

    Both of my sons and I spent years in therapy, and I even had to place them in residential mental health treatment for next to a year; for each one. So in some cases, I guess you’ve got to get creative and delegate; in the absence of an on-site ass-kicker. What they needed was way beyond a kick in the pants, though. They needed to sort out everything, gain perspective, and heal.

    I can’t say what the outcome will be for them, but I’ve done what any good leader of either gender will do; lead by example. I’m either focused on how my actions and choices will shape theirs, or I’m focused on helping them develop a future they can care about. Not only is there little time for me or what I want, there is absolutely no room for any selfishness whatsover — their dad already filled that closet.

    All I can say is, they are good people with a firm grasp on what integrity is, and the importance of being authentic. I doubt I’ll ever be a suitable replacement for their dad, but they do seem to be focused on showing me how much independence they can achieve. Under the circumstances, that will have to be good enough.

  10. This is kind of a tangent, but if this isn’t Pluto in Capricorn, I don’t know what is. (Hollywood turning away from too much plastic surgery)

  11. No first hand experience here, but I think mothering and fathering are very different (not interchangeable) and kids really need both. I also wonder about the ramifications of children fathered by elderly men. It seems the deck is really stacked against them too…it’s a given…they will experience a catastrophic death.

  12. Interesting follow up for me. I was so tired last night I went to bed about 8:30. Lee stayed up, and took the opportunity to talk to Maddie about getting in touch with her dad, spending time with him, making the first move. Her response? “He doesn’t give a crap about me. Why should I be the one to make the first move? I’m a kid!”

    *sigh* Kind of like the last time I laid eyes on my own dad. I was six years old, had no idea who he was until he and Mom started talking. I was watching Bonanza on TV. Mom said “Kristy, do you know who this is?” I turned around, looked at each of them, and said “Yeah. That’s my dad.” And back to the TV I went.

    I don’t know what to do. I cannot force an adult man to do the right thing for his little girl who is less than 10 miles away. But I hate that she feels abandoned.

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