Playing To Your Strengths To Attract A Man

Peter-Paul-Rubens-Venus-and-AdonisMany are trying hard to solve their relationship problems. What kills is how people don’t know how to play to their strengths or their strong points when it comes to attraction.

If you want an example of what I am talking about, consider a woman with a lot of Scorpio which is a magnetic sign. She can pull in anything she wants (yin) but instead she puts on galoshes goes out hunting a man which as far as I am concerned is akin to putting your make-up on the back of your head instead of your face.  This is just not how it’s done!

I argue all day about how it got this way but it’s irrelevant. What is important for the woman who wants to fare well with men is she play to her strengths and if she can learn to do this, she will quickly move through the hoards of women who can’t and be successful.

Do you feel you have command of your power to attract what you want? I emphasize the last because if you can attract 7000 men who leave you when you want a man who stays, that doesn’t count does it?

Your thoughts?



Playing To Your Strengths To Attract A Man — 63 Comments

  1. Well Saturn in Libra is quite an weird combination for me, i have never been in search for men ever, everything happened naturally. I guess i am good at attracting people…thanks for the share….Nice one on Saturn in Libra…!!

  2. Excellent question.
    I think i really need to figure this out esp since venus sq sat requires effort to deal with anyway.
    Would a pisces stellium including sun venus & merc would have some kind of neptunian effect? but mars in cap + virgo rising + 1st hs pluto is another thing – seems to intimidate a lot of guys and with venus/sat sq creating fear/withdrawal..
    beginning to feel the need for a consult.

  3. The situation is this: I have Mars in Libra and believe (9th house) in effective tactics (Mars) when it comes to love (Libra).

    Whatever you may think (Mercury) of this – I train (Mars) people to win (Mars) in relationship (Libra).

  4. Um, I don’t really get this. What do you mean by this? How does one play her strengths, or would one move through the hoards of women as you put it?

    If I have a leo stellium and cancer rising, what would be akin to that scorpio woman going out on a man hunt?

  5. I totally agree Elsa, all my Scorpio friends are really good at pulling their partners, opportunites, etc. It’s tough when they advise me to do so too, since I have a Venus in Aries and a Leo Moon, so the sheer magnetic attraction thing doesn’t work as well for me. Oddly enough though, the more self confident I am (almost on the verge of conceit, akin to Stephen Colbert), and even playful, the more men seem to respond. Pride, competition, play all activate my magnet. But it’s hard to maintain that level of detached self-confidence. *sigh* Thoughts?

    In any case, thanks for posting this, it has reminded me of how my magnet works!

  6. This is currently a big thing that is bugging me. I don’t think I have a handle on what is attractive about me. I believe there *are* attractive things about me, but I’m either devaluing those or focusing on the things I don’t think are attractive. I end up tying myself up in knots, telling myself “screw this,” and ultimately go nowhere. I’m trying really hard to focus on myself, find what’s beautiful about me, and close my eyes to the negative judgments I imagine are out there. It’s very hard.

  7. I remember realising this when I was a teenager. A friend of mine and myself, wondered why we were always single through out high school. We did everything to obtain a guy. Short skirts – long hair etc.. The a girl walked by and said, it doesn’t work that way. Boys like you for you, not what you pretend to be.

    So I chopped off my hair and wore my type of crazy clothes and did things I liked to do and bang, met my first love… Good lesson to learn. Sometimes I still need reminding of it though. Thanks Elsa.

  8. Very well put, and excellent advice Elsa!

    It took me a while (4 husbands), but I finally figured this out and as a result I now have a husband that fell in love with the ‘real me’- warts and all. This is so freeing, because I don’t have to keep up a facade, I don’t have to worry how I am acting/being/looking etc… ahhhhh

  9. it takes some time to realize what’s best for you and how you atract and keep a’s life experience l guess.

  10. Elsa, you said above “…Few seem aware of what is authentic in them…” & this is very true, for me & many I see around me.
    If you have Key Planets that are really in stark contrast, it’s a little difficult to find yourself. When you have a lot of Neptune, it complicates things even further.
    Your Topic is very timely. I’m having a REALLY hard time with this right now.
    We are told (not by you, by Society in general, I mean)on the one hand to be flexible & to compromise, if we want a successful realationship. Then we are told we should just be ourselves & look after number one, if we are to survive.
    Swear to God I don’t know if I’m coming or going…

  11. Elsa’s next report/Collosseum package:

    Cast Your Line or Shoot Your Gun: Using Your Venus and Mars (or Using Your Yin and Yang)

    Passively waiting never seems to work. Also sending out vibes of PLEASE LIKE ME ALREADY pisses me off and doesn’t seem to work either. I have Mars in a yin sign in a yin house and Venus in a yang sign in a yang house.

  12. It took me forever to realize that trying to become a round peg when I was a square peg was an exercise in futility. Why did I not realize I was looking for a square hole!??

    Still not sure it is locked in and that I “got it” permanently in my brain, I did happen to be so lucky as to find a guy that is my opposite and so similar- sheesh. I dunno. But realizing that all I had to do was just keep my eyes open for my “right person” instead of trying to be something other than myself in order to be ‘good enough’ or the ‘right kind’ for someone else….

    It fell into place, I guess.

    But damn, did I TRY HARD. And I had so many people telling me to QUIT TRYING. It was really frustrating to hear, especially when I wanted to find love so badly.

    As they say, every pot has a lid. Why would you want a collection of 6,999 *wrong lids*. Just keep your eyes open for your right weirdo.

  13. I’m in the same boat as curious wanderer and others. Although, I just don’t feel good about myself anymore, and that certainly doesn’t help. My mother said that she used to admire the way that I was around boys, because I wasn’t boy crazy, but I’m really letting out growls now. I used to think they didn’t like me, but I was wrong – when they knew me. They barely asked me out, though. I;ve been isolated for so long, hardly anyone approaches, even though they look interested. I am all sorts of pissy about this right now – and I was in a bad way *last* year.

    I hate it when they love me and seem interested, when I occupy myself, and then back off when I return interest. loathe it. the games! and for all the men who claim to want no drama, enough of them contacted me when I said that I have issues. I’ve never liked the idea of any issues making me a target. they were very nice, and I was nice in return, but I panicked. One admitted to being somewhat controlling – no more of that. it’s what I’ve been trying to avoid.

  14. @Elsa – seems like this would be a great service. Could you prepare a cheapie report on this? Or like a short email consultation for a flat rate. Just some ideas 🙂

  15. Doh! I’m a Yang chart. I must remind myself that I have to be the hunter! Maybe this is why it never works when I sit around and wait. It isn’t in my chart or nature to sit and attract, I must go and get it!

  16. Wow Elsa, that is so true!! I have a lot of Scorpio and I can pull in anything I am attracted to, but it’s not always what is BEST for me. I wish that I could understand what else I can be,do or activate besides my Scorpio magnatism. A lot of the time when I want something really, really, really bad, like have a power struggle with someone over something, then get it, I don’t feel victory. I feel empty. I would of course prefer that someone be interested in me relationship wise that they would persue me, but it doesn’t happen often. Only maybe three times in my whole life.

  17. This one is a booger 🙂

    Like Opal I have Scorp(29degree) moon Sextile Pluto(1 degree libra).

    These two create a yod to my 29 aries venus in the 12th

    But I also have a Pisces Sun and ASC in Gemini.

    and a loaded 12th: chiron(aries), venus(aries), mars(taurus) and saturn(gemini)

    Seems in the past I have appeared to be whatever someone wants to believe I am.

    This could be a strength or a debilitating weekness depending on which side of the energy I choose. I can connect on a deep level where we dig phycically layer by layer OR hide the truth and let delusion take over

    I do best when I take a long hot bath slide into a black outfit put my makeup on without a mirror and float into a place. I’ve noticed that when I feel the inner me, the floaty part thats NOT down to earth, I float and when I float heads turn and people smile. They feel calm and floaty and want to be near me. Engage me.

    There is only one man I have been able to stay in that place with into conversation and intimately. and Saturn has been working that one over. Which is good cause if we still see eachother when saturn finishes with my pluto and moon and neptune(5sag) whats false in it will have hopefully have fallen away and if we can still float we wont need the galloshes…

  18. this is so interesting… maybe because i have such a scorpion influence….

    if one can pull in anything they want…. your saying simply by being who you are… but what if the other end does not want who you are?

  19. Hi Elsa, question for you:

    What sign would we be looking at here? Would it be Venus or the ascendant (since it’s the first thing people see).

    I have Venus in Taurus and I’ve always “worked” for guys to be attracted to me – except for my current partner (I didn’t have to work hard at all there – very slow/steady progression).

    I think the double Aries part of me likes the challenge though, and Venus squares Mars (leo) in my chart…

  20. @plutorising

    if one can pull in anything they want…. your saying simply by being who you are… but what if the other end does not want who you are?

    Then while it may be fun for a while or a learning experiance it will not give you what your blue print needs and to stay in that relationship would cheat you in the long run. 🙁

  21. I am getting very good at attracting men who like the kind of woman that I am.

    Part of that came from understanding the difference between a very yang sun-moon combo, but very yin mars-venus.

    The very yin part was harder for me to get, my birth gender notwithstanding 😉

  22. I’ve read dating books, and one thing that always puts me off is the idea that you almost have to become someone else in order to attract and keep a man. You also have to learn to play cat and mouse and do it well.

    Well, what happens after you marry him? At some point, you’re going to go back to who you really are. So will he. Will you like each other once the masks are down?

    Playing to your strengths sounds like a much better idea than trying to adopt strengths that the dating “experts” insist that every woman should have.

  23. Agree, Elsa.
    I have discovered my Scorp stellium is very effective in drawing in men but, until recently, refused to accept it.
    So what have I been doing for most of my 41 years?
    Putting on my galoshes and hunting for those who have not been responsive to me. And I get what I “hunt”: surprised and unsuitable mates. Because I still can get them. When they finally get pass my 1st house Neptune they realise that I am not really who they thought I was nor desired.

  24. I’ve always thought that someone is either interested or they aren’t. I know that it can take a little while to see whether or not you’re actually compatible, but I think most people have a pretty clear feeling about whether or not they think they could go the distance. I resent someone even trying to waste my time, and the only reason that one was able to, was because I was instantly hooked. Some sort of chemistry, and our charts lined up with his Sun/moon conjunct my descendant. Venus/Jupiter in my 4th, Saturn trines to personal placements, etc.

  25. I totally agree! I’ve been trying to get my girlfriends to understand this for a while… they kind of just think I’m ungrateful when a guy likes me and I know he’s not the type to stick around for a while. It doesn’t count!!!!

    and I am not ungrateful, I just know they aren’t liking me for me….

  26. I have the Peter Pan complex – always go after the lost boys who don’t want to grow up and only want to cut me down to size when they realize (for their own benefit) that it’s best that they do mature a little. They rebel against my Scorpio ‘knowing when something needs to die and when something needs life breathed into it’. The old ‘You’re trying to change me!!” when I’m trying to move the relationship to the next level (which usually requires change).
    Of course, it goes without saying that no one cuts me down to size better than me. An issue I’ve been taking a little more seriously lately (it’s been quite carthartic during this Saturn transit that I look at my relationship towards myself).

  27. Awh…. Elsa…I was just thinking this EXACTLY… why do woman especially think that chasing a man (not the natural order of things) is going to do anything but make them run! LOL. Where has courting gone? I think in our social society now has us confused about the order of things… Men want a woman to act like a woman, and a woman wants a man to be a man….SO LET HIM!

  28. In regards to astrology… I think that our expectation for the future makes it difficult for us to be in the present and allow us to get to know the person before we emotionally invest. Elsa, I’ve dated and have a best friend with mars in Libra… you girls have a way to intellectualize relationships 2 ways… the one’s that are for long term and the one’s that are good for now. The ability to keep your emotions clear is a skill… better suited for air or earth mars, moon, or mercury.

    Great question… ! I think if your not sure on what to do … do nothing… feel it out and see where it goes… instead of blowing it up, because your not getting what you want NOW.

    Have you earned it?

    BTW : I’m a Cap, with Scorpio mars and moon…. getting them into my web is easy…keeping them, I have to use my Sag Venus and Mercury to lighten the atmosphere… 🙂

  29. Unfortunately, its always been hard for me with Venus in Gemini. Men are very visual creatures, and I must not stir the blood enough for them to approach me so I can dazzle them with my conversational skills. What’s a girl to do?

  30. Whew! Awaiting further post @Elsa… What a can of worms!!!
    I am sorry there’s so much confusion, but glad I am not alone in it.
    Couldn’t sleep last night… was trying to work out WHO my AUTHENTIC self is 😉

  31. @Elsa – excellent post. Where were you when I was single?

    I’m a Scorpio with Mars in Libra in the 9th house (Venus is in Libra there as well). I know how to accentuate my assets (physical and character) but I don’t always attract what works best for me in the long-term. I think with my Neptune in Sag (or something) I tend to not see my potential mates with clear eyes. Also, I tend to attract men who say they think I’m amazing and love me for who I am and then try to change me to fit something they can control. I have a super cardinal chart.

    @CArRiE – Glad you found someone who loves you for you!

  32. I never chased men but when very young I tried all too hard to please them. Once I fell back on my own core and my own strengths, I found it very easy indeed to attract men (I had the body to die for, which helped).

    I attracted both kinds – the keepers and the Dangerously Detached commitment-phobics. Sadly I always found the DDs far more charismatic and exciting. Maybe excitement was what I needed – I found maintaining any kind of sexual excitement within marriage very difficult

  33. ?? what happened there? (new computer haha)

    ….. but for very different reasons: fire and air signs especially seemed to like the way I grounded them; earth signs love my sensuality. I’ve never much attracted water signs, nor been attracted to them sexually

  34. I’ve attracted the eye of a very good looking man at work. It started when he first came to the company about 9 months ago. I’ve ignored it pretty much but it does make me feel good. That’s enough for me. haha

  35. I think I do project exactly who I am. My Venus Aquarius 12th is exactly conj my ASC. I am 100% honest from the start about what I won’t tolerate (lying, cheating, bullying). And yet, my two ex-husbands completely ignored what I said! They were the phonies.

    All I can figure out thus far is that my Pisces Moon, Chiron, Mercury and Jupiter somehow attract guys who see my open-mindedness and kindness as the perfect target to exploit for their own laziness.

  36. Wait a minute, Elsa, this is getting confusing. I’m not criticizing you here but there is a paradox here.

    On the one hand, we say play to your strengths. Don’t change for anybody.

    On the other, we say, well, if you want a relationship you’re going to have to be realistic and change to fit that relationship or you’ll either never find anybody OR you’ll keep losing them because you refuse to change.

    I agree with both statements but they don’t fit together. Do they?

  37. I dunno, eva. I don’t see the connection.

    What I was saying in this post, is that it makes no sense for me, with Venus in Leo, to pretend I am a wallflower. This is completely apart from seeing yourself or others, unrealistically and being rigid around that.

  38. Okay, well, I’ve mostly had weird crappy relationships so maybe this is kind of idiosyncratic to me but — Right, you’re Venus in Leo. You end up getting wooed and convinced by a guy who’s got money, cares about you generally, makes you feel safe, has a deep abiding interest in your well-being…good provider, good father ( like to meet one of those one day, a good father) etc…but he hates to see his wife out in the middle of the room showing off like that. He wants her to quit dying her hair, take off her earrings and her boots, put on some nursey shoes and learn how to clean toilets *really well*.

    See what I mean? You’re stuck then, you either have to compromise yourself or the relationship.

  39. “. You end up getting wooed and convinced by a guy who’s got money, cares about you generally, makes you feel safe, has a deep abiding interest in your well-being…good provider, good father ( like to meet one of those one day, a good father) etc…but he hates to see his wife out in the middle of the room showing off like that. He wants her to quit dying her hair, take off her earrings and her boots, put on some nursey shoes and learn how to clean toilets *really well*. “

    @eva – I think a situation like this would show in a chart… Venus sq Mars for example. I have Venus sextile Mars and no such problems.

  40. I think that I can use my energy very efficently and draw in what I want. The problem for me is that sometimes what I want and what I need are two completely different things. So I’m attracting what I want when what I need is different. With my chart at odds with itself and the internal conflict present, it can be difficult to see.

    Maybe like me more people aren’t actually inefficient at attracting what they want, as much as just unclear on what that is (attracting the wrong thing)?

  41. I have mars/venus in the 7th. Generally, it has worked out. I am very lucky. I don’t like to waste other people’s time, and I don’t like my own wasted.

  42. Elsa, would a Pluto on DSC (square Sun) qualify for a Scorpio energy in attracting things/ partnerhips? I am asking because I really can’t tell for sure but I think I am in the situation you described in your post, although I don’t have Scorpio Venus and am not Scorpio.

  43. Elsa you once told me in a consult that “super yin” was a very effective play for me given all the Scorpio in my chart and you were right! Thanks!

  44. This is a really interesting topic, and I feel you know what you are talking about, I just wish I could zone in on what you are talking about and get your wisdom.

    You used scorpio as an example of ‘attracting’ the man w/out being too yang about it. It seems funny but that’s exactly how I seem to get men! Despite all the fire I have in my chart, I don’t pursue men, ever! When it comes to playing your strengths, in this way, I’m really not utilizing all my Leo strengths am I eh.

  45. Debie says:
    No! I have been on for months with no hits! I know I’m over 40′ but c’mon! I’m a Libra. Ok ok Cap rising doesn’t help I’m sure.

  46. Ya, after I embraced my Plutonian-ness, it was easy to see how to draw men. I basically just sat at home and thought about him and he would come seeking me. It’s crazy how powerful it is once you learn to use it the right way.

  47. I think I had a bit of a Eureka moment the other day.. I feel like I initially had a sub conscious recognition of my strengths … now one of them has come back into conscious light of day..
    It has been easy for me to get swept up in everyday details like laundry, groceries and work to-dos to forget … but it feels good to know that people like me coz of xyz, or abc reason 🙂
    I feel I’m better of than I was all through the last two years… Blame a lot of it on saturn in libra

  48. Elsa..double virgo with sun pluto uranus in 12th, libra mercury in 1st, venus scorpio in 2nd, taurus moon in 8th, jupiter piscies. North node in leo..I feel so lucky
    The thing is I become who I am with. I have so many me’s…Im a chameleon.. mirroring in order to connect.
    My problem is I cant put my finger on my authentic self. I keep jabbing at the pile of me’s saying…no..Im that no…THAT one…no no

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