Plagued By Persistent Inability To Partner: Double Gemini With Venus Stressed

gemini twin dollsHi Elsa,

My love life has been a huge source of pain and frustration for me. Mostly it’s been non-existent, though I’ve had the occasional blissful but short-lived relationship. I tend to idealize men and then am devastated when the fog clears and I see the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. I was engaged to One guy who had been cheating on me for a couple of years, and I never suspected. Another man was, I think, a high-functioning autistic who couldn’t relate emotionally, but could fake it pretty well. The most recent guy was madly in love with me–for a few months–and I with him, then he just backed away and never explained why. (And I was too afraid to hear the reason, so I didn’t press him!)

When I say I get devastated, I mean I can stew over a break-up for months and months, and it becomes my full-time job. After my fiance and I broke up, it took me 5 years before I wanted to date again. What a waste! Even when I’ve been in tepid relationships, I get wiped out when they end. Romance shouldn’t be such a life-and-death struggle, but that what it feels like it to me.

Over the years I’ve tried to be less hypersensitive and unrealistic. But even after my best efforts, I’m still alone. I’ve concluded that I need to find true peace of mind first, and only then will I be able to be in a relationship. That’s what I’m working on now, but maybe I’m being too idealistic about this too. I could use another opinion. Do you see anything in my chart that sheds light on my dilemma?

Needing Straight Talk
United States
Dear Talk,

Your gross challenge in relationship is shown in your chart and addressing all of it is beyond the scope of an advice blog. However I can tell you how you and everyone else can get relief from these patterns that dog you in relationships.

In general, the problems you describe are Neptune-themed. You deny and delude yourself in relationship and then are devastated when reality becomes apparent. Or you are deceived by the partner; this is the likely reason the one guy bolted. I imagine he was about to be found out as a liar. And from one Venus square Neptune gal to another, I can tell you if will help tremendously if you will find other outlets for your creativity (and other things that challenge and ultimately devastate your relationships).

For example, you can sacrifice yourself by volunteering to help others who deserve… or you can be a doormat and sacrifice yourself to a drug addict. Either option utilizes the same energy and skills except on the first case you may up with a decent man and in the latter case, no.

As another example: if you find yourself in life or death struggles in love, why not go rock climbing? ::smiles:: I’m very serious. You can play this out in this sort of venue, and hook up with the man on the next ledge while you’re at it.

This technique works.

Good luck.

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Comments

Plagued By Persistent Inability To Partner: Double Gemini With Venus Stressed — 6 Comments

  1. Wow I need to hear this advice post. I have venus trine neptune which isnt too hard an aspect but its exactly conjunct my mars and I can affliate with this girl. Forever pining over someone who has disappered or to an extent wasnt quite there in the first place. Pluto exactly conjunct my Venus doesnt help the outcome of a sudden disapperance or the intesity of it all. I must say im getting the hang of converting and using that energy in another way which does help.

  2. hm. that drawing the energy out would be why i go out dancing to goth/industrial, i guess. sort of a subconscious drive, but certainly better than a lot of the potential ways to deal with my own little energetic challenges. interesting. bet there’s more i could do with this idea.

  3. Many of the ideas for dealing with Venus/Neptune also apply to a Moon/Neptune conjunction . . . spent too many years going on “rescue missions”, and then another chunk of time undoing the damage & instituting boundaries. It can be done because I’ve been a part of a successful relationship for 17 years & counting. but it is not easy and requires vigilance. That being said, with Saturn currently in Virgo, this is a good time to tackle the project of paying attention to one’s internal dialogues and changing them. Pluto natal aspects can always be used for positive change along the lines of transformation & rebirth. For that, I highly recommend Donna Cunningham’s book, “Healing Pluto Problems”.

    Good Luck! 🙂

  4. I’d love to hear more about how to get your head around this. I’m still confused. Is it me? Is it them? Is it both? How do I address this? So, rather than all the drama of the old relationships that compelled me, I can be with a nice man and create the drama somewhere else . . . or not at all! Like with creative projects. Is that it?

  5. I hear you Gem. I am Gem/Taurus Cusp and I am about ready to give up on “lOVE” all together. Seems like God or IT or “The Universe” is trying to tell me something after so many failed relationships. At the start–Fate, Soul Mate, Has to be… In the end? Why the heck did I think that was what I needed? Seems like the only guys who want me are the ones I don’t want and the guys I want couldn’t care less if I am even on the planet. I’m starting to feel like I am paying for some cosmic wrong I did in a past life or someting. KARMA!!!!!
    Do you ever feel like you want to change but have no idea where to start?
    I mean, I pray daily for God to show me what it is I need to know… What do I need to change about myself or recognize about myself, or accept, acknowledge, own, ect…
    Still no answer.
    I’m willing to make a change if I know where to start.
    All this pain just to find someone who’s willing to LIKE having me around enough to try to make things work? Seems crazy. But I see so many “Ladies” putting guys through hell I wouldn’t even dream of putting someone I care about through–and the guys STAY! What the heck?!
    Anyway, If you ever want to talk–URBANHICK@NETSCAPE.COM–lets compare notes and see what we can figure out! This is crazy and I am tired!

  6. It is not nice to be on the other end of this and wait for the person to not think you’re the bees knees. Especially if you’re sensitive. Venus Neptune hurts others too
    A Venus Neptune guy told me I was so great and called me every day then turns out he didn’t like my appearance when he saw me again. I forced him to admit he thought I was too fat!
    Now this guy who tells me how great I am but is good to not call me for a month. no thank you!
    I don’t want to be hurt like that anymore.

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