My love life has been a huge source of pain and frustration for me. Mostly it’s been non-existent, though I’ve had the occasional blissful but short-lived relationship. I tend to idealize men and then am devastated when the fog clears and I see the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was. I was engaged to One guy who had been cheating on me for a couple of years, and I never suspected. Another man was, I think, a high-functioning autistic who couldn’t relate emotionally, but could fake it pretty well. The most recent guy was madly in love with me–for a few months–and I with him, then he just backed away and never explained why. (And I was too afraid to hear the reason, so I didn’t press him!)
When I say I get devastated, I mean I can stew over a break-up for months and months, and it becomes my full-time job. After my fiance and I broke up, it took me 5 years before I wanted to date again. What a waste! Even when I’ve been in tepid relationships, I get wiped out when they end. Romance shouldn’t be such a life-and-death struggle, but that what it feels like it to me.
Over the years I’ve tried to be less hypersensitive and unrealistic. But even after my best efforts, I’m still alone. I’ve concluded that I need to find true peace of mind first, and only then will I be able to be in a relationship. That’s what I’m working on now, but maybe I’m being too idealistic about this too. I could use another opinion. Do you see anything in my chart that sheds light on my dilemma?
Needing Straight Talk
Your gross challenge in relationship is shown in your chart and addressing all of it is beyond the scope of an advice blog. However I can tell you how you and everyone else can get relief from these patterns that dog you in relationships.
In general, the problems you describe are Neptune-themed. You deny and delude yourself in relationship and then are devastated when reality becomes apparent. Or you are deceived by the partner; this is the likely reason the one guy bolted. I imagine he was about to be found out as a liar. And from one Venus square Neptune gal to another, I can tell you if will help tremendously if you will find other outlets for your creativity (and other things that challenge and ultimately devastate your relationships).
For example, you can sacrifice yourself by volunteering to help others who deserve… or you can be a doormat and sacrifice yourself to a drug addict. Either option utilizes the same energy and skills except on the first case you may up with a decent man and in the latter case, no.
As another example: if you find yourself in life or death struggles in love, why not go rock climbing? ::smiles:: I’m very serious. You can play this out in this sort of venue, and hook up with the man on the next ledge while you’re at it.
This technique works.