The last three years have really kicked my butt. I lost my dream job. I almost lost my best friend to diabetes, and I did lose my mother to cancer. Then when I was home alone, I was attacked in my own apartment. I find myself second guessing everything that happens now, both good and bad.
But the last few months, I’ve had this feeling that I’m on the edge of something really big. I can’t really explain it, but it’s almost like I’m in a bubble and I’m just waiting for it to pop. I want to take the leap and step out of my comfort zone, but my second guessing makes me afraid.
Before my mother’s cancer took a turn for the worse, she said I suffered from being a Virgo/Libra “cusper” and that the two signs were pulling on me. But I feel there’s something more happening. Any advice or insight?
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry about your mother and very glad your friend was spared. I am glad you survived the attack, sorry about your job but glad you found another. Can this all be chalked up your Sun being at 29 degrees Virgo, a mere seventeen minutes from Libra? No!
You’re having a massive Pluto transit and when an outer planet hits a chart like yours, profound change is inevitable. And heads up, because you’re nowhere near through the transit yet. You’re not going to escape this intensity until 2009! But that’s okay. You’ll get used to it. In fact, I think you already have to a large extent.
But this transit is much bigger than you even realize. See, you’re finding out you’re unstoppable. As my sister would say, you’re “hard to kill”. You’re uncovering your power through this crisis, which is considerable by any measure. It’s like you keep getting pushed down into your grave and you keep standing back up saying, “I don’t think so”.
And if you do that enough times, after a while people will stop fucking with you. They will come to see that you mean business in this world. You’re not going down!! And once you prove that, everything changes.
You become a person aware of their power, and eventually learn how to direct it. This is the “something big” you’re sensing. It’s your own birth. You are rising out of the ashes like the Phoenix. It’s your own power you’re feeling, literally coursing through your body.
Your “second guessing” is understandable given the circumstances but ultimately it’s going to be trumped by this other thing. The fact is, you want to walk near the fire and the reason is because you can. Look at yourself in the mirror. Just look at yourself so you can remember how you were in 2005. Because you are transforming, and the “you” in that mirror in 2009 is going to be INCREDIBLE.