Patterns In Relationship: Vicious Women

zodiac dressBack on the theme of vicious women, I’ve only recently come to understand, if a person is vicious, they’re vicious and no one is excluded. It’s sort of like dealing with someone who thinks everyone they meet is X and Y and Z but you… you, Elsa P are an A!

Yeah, right. You’re an A today but look out tomorrow.

Once I knew this gal and I liked her a lot. She was spectacularly intelligent so you know I really liked her. I introduced her to a friend of mine.

The friend of mine was friendly of course but it wasn’t long before I heard from him. In short he let me know the gal vicious.

“She is?” I was so surprised. She was not vicious to me in the least. She was downright sweet.

The second friend opted out. “I can’t deal with her,” he said. He wanted no further contact with her.

I was not having a problem so I continued to deal with her. At the time. I thought this was a mark of good boundaries and integrity. One person’s judgment is not mine. But sure enough within a couple weeks the gal turned on me as well.

In the aftermath I recalled something she told me. She said that people always wanted to know her but then they changed their mind. Hmm. I withdrew.

Some months later she contacted me asking for candid comment. I had feelings for her so I complied. I told her she was vicious. This is when I really learned, if they do it to him or or her or to their kid or their mother, by God they’ll do it to you too. This also works in reverse.

If someone is kind or extends themselves to one person they are liable to extend themselves to another. And you can see this in a chart of course. People are what they are be it loyal or cutthroat.

Here is a tough one:

What happens in all your relationships eventually?

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Patterns In Relationship: Vicious Women — 29 Comments

  1. I am very accommodating and in the relationships that have ended it has always been because I eventually hit my boundary for giving. The backlash I feel from being pushed too far and the other person’s shock at suddenly finding I do in fact have a backbone hasn’t been pretty. I think I’ve gotten better as I know myself better so there is less drama. Blame my 7th house Gemini sun/Merc and Jupiter squaring Saturn on one side and Mars on the other.

    The relationships that I value and that have stood the test of time are those where the other person gives equally of their time, energy and respect and does not just see me as an endless source of good things. I’ve learned that not everyone keeps a running tab in their heads to make sure they’re not taking advantage and that they are giving as much as they are asking. I try to make sure any exchange is balanced but not everyone does that.

  2. It´s a two side coin. One, at the beginning people have trouble with me (i move their shadow), so i am a challenge, and at some point in time they see me and love me… then it is sort of bouncing from love and hate… and there is a wall of tension that slowly melts with time. The other side is, they meet me and adore me without me ever moving and inch, it´s all praise, and then, they see me and reject me for whatever reason. i feel trapped in their stories.

    There is another coin, one where i am seen as a whole from the beginning, no bouncing in and out, it feels real, safe, loving… these are really the sisters and brothers in my life. It feels free, creative, deep and it is a space where i can grow and shift and make mistakes, and take risks in opening myself; and where i can listen and give, where i feel simply valued, not over-valued or de-valued.

  3. What happens in all my relationships eventually is that I have to struggle to overcome my insecurity that “I love Them More Than They Love Me.”

    It’s been like this with relationships that have always been easy, that have always been interesting, challenging, whatever…I think this is insecurity rooted in my Capricorn Moon Square Pluto, and is fed validation through Venus/Neptune contacts.

    It is certainly not evident to everyone I have a relationship with. Though I have rescued one friendship with candor. That person was a Cancer Sun/Scorpio Moon and highly sympathetic.

    I think I’ve finally learned this though, and my SO helped me with it. He’s involved with intense spiritual and psychological growth, and finally one day had to say to me:
    “You think because I love myself more, I love you less.”
    That really helped me turn a corner, because it was so obviously true and I knew I finally had to look that childhood-rooted insecurity straight in the face.

  4. I don’t let many people get too close in the first place… Overall, I try to treat everyone decently, with special care to my nearest and dearest, the ones who have been ‘with me’ the longest. What happens from there depends on how the friend acts and reacts over the years. I’ll keep friends forever if they let me, but some drift away (as is their nature) and others show their true colors and get cut loose.

  5. There is a lot of drifting that takes place with me. I drift away, come back, whip up excitement, drift away.. always searching for a suitable tribe. Sometimes it occurs to me my drifting might seem vicious to some friends. I hope not. Pluto, Uranus and North Node in the 11th house.

  6. The pattern in my relationships seems to be hot-cold-hot-cold. I drift; not that I lose interest, because I don’t, it’s more that I have no content I think is worth sharing right then and I’ll be back once the funk wears off. After all, isn’t it a sin to be boring? *winks at Elsa*
    I know it’s not them, it’s totally me. Chart ruler Moon is in Aquarius and I really can almost track what sign the Moon is in just by how I feel when I wake up. *lol* Although it’s more whatever’s applying during that period that causes funkititude. It’s a good thing I have long-term friends that understand this, otherwise I probably would (and have, now that I think about it) hurt some feelings.

  7. *snicker* Yeah, one you can’t help; the other is just flagrantly rude. 😉 Which is why I keep my boring butt at home until I got something interesting to say!

  8. I really can’t think of anyone I know whom I would describe as “vicious”. *scratches head* Usually I understand what’s going on and why friendships drift apart etc. There are hypersensitive people and highly-strung people, and people who are probably sick of me or find me boring, LOL… but I don’t think of them as vicious…

  9. Paloma – that’s similar to my pattern. People react to me, no matter what I do. Some love me, some hate me, most don’t see me clearly and everyone gets a different picture of me. All praise followed by rejection, never really understood that one! To myself I don’t think I’ve changed, but the other person responds differently. Never know how other’s really see me as their reactions change from day to day. Maybe it reflects me? No idea. Neptune on the DC I guess

  10. I connect with people – really, I can make a connection with damned near anyone – and often I grow close to them and they to me. We’re tight for a while, and then I find myself withdrawing into my shell. Usually it’s some weird idea in my head that I’m not worthy of such a friendship on that kind of level. (“What the hell is this cool/wonderful person hanging out with me for??”) Other times it’s flat out fear of getting burned up in it; my experience is that when I let them get close, I end up depleted by giving them all I’ve got, and often abandoned when something better comes along.

    I crave someone to know me, and I am SO uncomfortable with anyone close enough to actually do so.

    What the hell is up with that? Saturn in my 7th (Pisces) opposing my Pluto/Uranus/AC in Virgo…is that what makes me that way, or is it just reaction to past trauma or should I get my ass back in therapy?

    • Kiri, I can relate. I connect easily with people, can form friendships with them but I don’t trust anyone not to eventually turn on me so I withdraw too. It’s the fallout from having grown up with a mother who could go from very loving to brutally cruel in the blink of an eye. Psychotherapy has not helped me in the least when it comes to overcoming it. When I need to pull away, I pull away.

  11. Kris~ I can relate to that, too. However I attribute it to my keen need to retreat periodically, which I think is common for people with particular plantets/aspects in/to the 12th House.
    I think for 12th House types the world can just become exhausting at times, and that includes the fine people in it. 🙂

  12. Wow what a great question. I don’t know if there’s just one thing — some relationships are tight and last forever amid the bumps of life. Some fall away. And some stay in between, friendly but not more. Not sure if this is what you are getting at — i am trying to find a single thing but can’t find it.

  13. I think that’s pretty awesome that you were kind enough to actually tell her what the problem was! If you told the truth and she continued to do it than I would say yeah, cut her loose, obviously you’re not going to get along later on down the road if she’s not making an effort to meet you halfway.

  14. Excellent topic, especially since I’ve had this specifically on my mind for the last few days. So thank you! My input: this is what is so frustrating to me, the theory of one’s characteristics coming directly from the parents & or nurturers…because I’ve seen both yes & no scenarios. And this to me, is why astrology is so important…after all facts, history & D.N.A. Have been analyzed. The proof IS finalized with the astrology, especially in regards to how one acts alone vs.how one acts with other specific individuals. (Composite & synastry charts).

  15. I guess after all is said and done, I am vicious. I’ve always known what I am capable of saying. I have a knack for being able to come up with the meanest thing you’ve never heard and it will come out of my hands? (text) I stopped saying things out loud but we all see the effect the internet seems to have on polarising people. The problem is that it only happens with men. Women are off of my radar when this mindset overtakes me. I can blame it on raging hormones because it only rages when they shift. It is specifically directed at men. Even more specifically directed at anyone who would dare to be kind to me. I don’t know why I get angry with them for the very thing I need the most. I despise myself. I ruin my chances at relationships, utterly. I feel like a monster, I know better. I can’t figure out why I get angry at men for caring about me. I know I feel I don’t deserve it and I think they should be cruel instead because I know that’s what I deserve. The meanness is directed at myself but I say it to them.

  16. My true friends – you could count them on two hands – are scattered far and wide. There can be prolonged gaps between communication, but when we meet up again, or talk on the phone, the love’s still there. I’m loyal, and they are sweet. Not one of them is vicious. They are all intelligent. Some are a little weird. That’s probably why I love them. Cap Sun, Cap Mars, Cap Venus, Cancer Moon.

  17. I know that woman. She told me ‘people like me but not for very long.’ I think she said it as a question. Too complex for me. She makes good bucks and can see a therapist if she wants. I think she was spoiled. No one tells her the real truth because she would cry. Roadblock.

    My relationships run their course. We both tend to find a different direction and part company. That’s the man/woman exclusive relationships. Overall my relationships with people never ever end. Very existential. We are stuck in time together wondering around running into each over and over again. No exit.

    My main challenge now is being involved with groups of people where I don’t really have what I consider a relationship with many of them. It’s all very hierarchial and weird, with no sense of common courtesy and understanding.

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