Passionate Double Cancer Woman Enchanted With Bipolar Gemini Man

Dear Elsa,

I am a 26-year-old woman and still searching for that all-elusive passionate lover to ravish in my flames. I have always been very idealistic about love, romance and consider sex to be a sacred thing. Finding a man to connect with on various levels has not been easy.

A few months ago, I met a young Gemini man who is setting up a social enterprise community to serve charities with a pool of creative altruistic people. I joined his group and began to see him there every fortnight. We also went out to dinner several times, and shared some of the deepest, fabulous conversations I have ever had. I was impressed by this man’s fire and altruistic vision, and intrigued that he made no passes at me at the end of any date, walking me home to the door, then leaving with a small backward glance. In short: the perfect gentleman…

After a few months, at the end of one dinner, he told me he had feelings for me, and did I … Well, I kissed him then, and then we fell into one another’s arms with such a passion! A few weeks later, he invited me to his house for the first time. We ended up making love, the condom broke, and I handled it very badly, freaking out in the middle of the night etc..

The next morning he said he did not think a relationship would be possible in the light of my freak-out; that I was too volatile etc. But he said he would like to keep me as a friend, and we should keep it at that and see what developed. He also told me he had suffered manic depression in the past and having built himself up to a stronger position over several years, he did not want me to be in a position to hurt him again. He also said he had not been with a woman for several years.

Over the next fortnight, I bitterly regretted having freaked out and scared him away. I resolved to overcome this sinister tendency and did everything in my power to change my attitude to one of gentleness to make amends when we next met. But in truth, this man was so potent, he had really set me aflame inside my heart and body!

When next he agreed to see me a few weeks later, as friends, we had dinner as usual, and then it seemed he was happy for us to go our separate ways again. At which point I seduced him with my words, telling him that I had real feelings for him. We started to kiss again, and then he asked me to take him home. Which I did, and showed him all the tenderness I had in my heart with many kisses etc. There were no freak outs this time, and he ravished me to the stars and back. But in the morning, he repeated what he and said, that he did not think a relationship was possible, we were both too volatile.. His offer of friendship had been real, but we had not stuck to it. Confusion descended again, and off he went, wishing me ‘A Happy New Year’ if he did not see me before then…

I cannot get this man off my mind! He represents so many things I have searched for, and I would like to help contribute to his social enterprise project. But I feel as though he has set his mind against loving me. Is it hopeless to try and change it? I feel that maybe if I rejoin the social enterprise group and do good works therein, playing it cool, and forgetting the way we were both deeply stirred, then maybe he would open up again? What would you suggest?

Best Wishes,
Crushing

Dear Crushing,

I do think it’s hopeless because he simply has no interest in being what you want and he has consistently said so. But you asked what I would suggest and this is it:

I suggest you ask yourself why in the world you would see another human being walking around, and think it right or normal or acceptable to try to move and maneuver them to where you want them to go? Because I think this is insane. And it’s certainly not love.

It’s 100% about your desire to take possession and control over another person’s life, which is never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to work. Because people don’t like it! People don’t let you run their life, even when they pretend to. So that’s what you can get out of this. The knowledge that as a double Cancer, you are looking for someone you can control. Which is why the freak out over the condom, see? Something happened outside your control! So this is your core problem and the guy?

It sounds like he knows what his problem is and has his hands full managing it. I am sorry, but you are not his priority and I can’t imagine this is ever going to change.

Good luck.

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Passionate Double Cancer Woman Enchanted With Bipolar Gemini Man — 31 Comments

  1. I definately agree with Elsa. His focus is truly on himself and his nature will in all likliehood not change. Don’t blame yourself too too much for your outburst. It was probably simply an easy out for him to initially hone in on. He would seem inventive enough to have found one relatively quickly, anyhow. Still, sounds like your need to control, even lovingly, could be something to work on within your own life. There’s an excellent book called “Woman Who Love Too Much” out there. Have a good day 🙂

  2. This is going to sound very harsh, and I’m sorry for that, but your letter to Elsa sounds like it was written by someone who spends way too much time reading trashy, absurd romance novels. Or a sociopath. One of the two.

    People are not characters that you can move around in a landscape to suit you. Life is not a story that you can live one step removed from. All that stuff in your letter about passion? That’s just your brain talkingtalkingtalking. You don’t seem to be actually living it in a healthy way.

    Maybe it’s time for you to face up to your own mental and emotional “stuff” and stop looking for some hero from a book to “ravish” you and start relating to people as the human beings they are. And for the love of all that’s good and right in the world, stop reading crap romance novels!

  3. Wow, Crushing. I have to agree with Elsa, Kharma and Ronda. Your Sun/Moon blend ruled by the Moon is definitely a weeeeeeeee bit …..emotional.
    I think ,
    (1) You have a terrific fantasy life which could be used in creative, constructive endeavors that don’t involve manipulation. With a Cardinal Sun and Moon you HAVE the ability to START projects that involve nurturing others….not just your self. That is what you are designed to do so you can go off and create your own altruistic venture without needing to inject yourself into this Gemini’s life.

    (2) This guy wants a booty call. Why do I say this? Because if he came all this way (to Earth) to be with you then he’d be with you. Warts and all. It would be your joint karma to finish what you had started so the overwhelming need to live this out would over ride any doubts you may have created over a broken condom. Oh….and it works both ways. If he were the ONE you would not have “freaked”.

    (3)The most negative manifestation of the sign Cancer is neediness….and you is needy…..to the point of being a bottomless pit. You should listen to Elsa when she says that you are not thinking of this guy’s needs but of your own.

    (4)While romance is exciting it is not what real, solid, healthy relationships are based on. I’d start with friendship with anyone I respect and go from there. Deep, committed care and concern for the other is paramount in the foundation of any meaningful relationship.
    If you really care about your Gemimi friend then respect his needs.

    (5)Good luck, Crushing.

  4. Geez, man, a sociopath? That’s kinda harsh. Maybe Crushing is controlling but has she done anything so bad as to deserve being called a sociopath? Has she been stalking this guy outside his window, following his every step, staking him out? I think Elsa’s advice is right on and a much needed wake-up call but calling someone a sociopath on the basis of her neediness is a bit much. Wtf.

  5. If one is ‘playing it cool’ for the hopes of another will ‘open up again,’ well then I am sorry–you are game playing. Most people don’t like this!
    And please join an altruistic venture for it’s true purpose–to be altruistic! Not to snag a lover who obviously knows what he does not want in his life.
    (Perhaps this is the behaviour that is being interpreted as sociopathic)?

  6. Sure, it’s game-playing, immature, and controlling. But sociopathic behavior is on another level entirely. Haven’t we all exhibited game-playing, immaturity, delusional thinking and controlling behavior ourselves? I know I have. Let’s keep it in perspective, come on. Elsa tells it like it is without exaggerating, people. We can all learn from that brand of honesty.

    I admit, I’m nitpicky when it comes to language but I do feel that it’s important to name things properly. The definition of sociopathy includes the inability to feel any empathy for another human being. While Crushing sounds self-absorbed, she doesn’t sound utterly devoid of the ability to empathize with another person. Here’s a good explanation of the term: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder.

    I’m leery of people throwing around psychological terms without the actual expertise and knowledge. Wouldn’t you be equally leery of someone diagnosing a physical ailment over the internet, without a proper analysis?

  7. I think freaking out over a broken condom is pretty normal esp if you just got intimate and you are faced with a lot of potentials…not all good too.

    MHO is to let this guy go (listen to him), heal a bit and work on the self. Letting go is the biggie. Maybe draw, nurture, keep doing things you like and let things flow, etc…

    Good luck.

  8. re: (3) jamie — Sun/Moon ruled by Cancer

    Am I blind or where does it say which planets she has in Cancer?

    re: (4) Marly — sociopath

    I had the same reaction as you.

    re: (2) Ronda — romance novels

    I had that reaction too.

  9. re: (7) Gem — freaking out over a broken condom

    I agree. This is Crushing’s most healthy reaction and one that demonstrates that she does (in some measure) understand responsibility and consequences. She may not have handled the incident well (her own words) but still, a very human reaction. Perhaps she will have learned some lessons in the process (#1 being that condoms are not infallible and to be prepared to live with the consequences of a broken one).

  10. Just to be a jerk, I’d like to remind some of the previous comment-leaving kids of this post, particularly this:

    “And then I walk in the room and everyone has already made a judgment about me,” I said. “Based on virtually nothing.”

  11. “The knowledge that as a double Cancer, you are looking for someone you can control.”

    *SF*—-these are Elsa’s words and I was just assuming that a double Cancer means Sun and Moon in Cancer. I did say that Cancer was ruled by the Moon.

    I do not agree with the “freaking” out incident. If you want to play then you accept that there might be a very high price to pay. Maturity is not slipping a condom on but rather precludes the act. As I explained to Nia in one of the other posts “accidents” do happen with condoms and so should NOT be seen as an effective measure in preventing anything unwanted.

    I mean, really, how immature is that line of reasoning. It’s like playing Russian roulette. Not too intelligent of a risk….or is it?
    Well, if your still having “protected” sex with multiple partners then you know the answer to that one.

    Has anyone ever heard of oral herpes? See…you don’t even need to have intercourse to catch something from another person. There are many things undesirable that can be passed from person to person without the act of sex.

    I just don’t think that even if Crushing had picked up a nasty bug, virus, or even a pregnancy she would have a reason to complain….or am I missing something here and all the world believes a piece of synthetic (or sheep skin) can prevent pain? Hmmmmm……

    I highly reccommend reading articles ( and recently a newly published book) written by Jessica Murray on the immaturity of America and it’s inhabitants. Fascinating and illuminating!

  12. Thank you June for pointing out, in a subtle manner, where we stand on the bitch-o-meter.

    I’d like to be the first to apologize for my harsh words. I am sorry Crushing. You did not deserve that.

  13. Well deary me. I think as a Cancer Sun I shall have to be a gentle voice on this one.

    Ronda – I concur with Marly, sociopathy, wtf? Way harsh judgement to make about someone on the basis of a couple of sentences…

    Jamie– I think we will just have to agree to disagree on the condoms issue. Of course accidents happen, and indeed the only truly safe means is abstinence. But yanno, that can really get in the way of loving and living, so calculated risk is my preferred method. Also, I don’t think it precludes sympathy from me or a feeling of “unlucky, you have a right to be sad” in case of unwanted results (especially when reasonable precautions were taken).

    My husband and I were driving along some of the narrowest, most bendy and frightening roads I have ever seen in my entire life. We knew that we were going to be facing this scary drive but we assessed our risks (sturdy car, good brakes, not much traffic) but it was still abundantly clear to us that one wrong move would send us into a collision, or over a cliff. And you bet if that happened I would have been saying “unlucky” and feeling goddamn sorry for all involved and welcoming sympathy from the outside world.

    I think freaking out over a split condom, especially if it’s someone relatively new you’re sleeping with… that sounds perfectly normal and reasonable to me. Sympathy didn’t kill anyone, although not feeling compassion is one of my warning signals that I’m either nearing burnout or doing something wrong.

    Crushing– as someone with a Venus-Neptune aspect I am intensely sympathetic to fantasies and idealism, but I have to say – I don’t really think they help.

    Romance novels are not good guides for how to conduct human relationships. Human relationships are visceral things, often messy and ugly. You have to be prepared to put up with the messy, sticky, flawed part along with the ravishing flames and all the rest.

    If I had to write a guide on romance it would go somehting like this:
    1)Love may be unconditional but human relationships aren’t and shouldn’t be. Know what your conditions are and respect that, just as you should respect the conditions of others, and respectfully steer clear when the two are mutually incompatible.
    2) Know thyself. The more deeply the better. To be happy in a relationship, your essential nature must be fulfilled. And if your essential nature is a sensitive, emotional, nurturing/needy one you to be with someone who can handle that and allow you to be who you are. And an ex-manic depressive double air sign may not be the best choice. Similarly you need to respect who the other people are and if he’s telling you you are not for him… i’d say concur and let him go.
    3)Leave aside other people’s ideas of what is romantic and listen to your heart to write its own story e.g. the most romantic moments I have experienced were the unlooked for ones, all the more genuine and delightful for their spontanaety.
    4)Never, ever, ever treat a lover as a means to an end, regardless of whether the end is marriage, or romance, or children or house or whatever. As soon as the person in your life becomes a stepping stone to something else they are devalued, and you devalue them and chances are you won’t have a happy relationship.
    5)Don’t be afraid to inject your relationships and thinking with a dose of realism. There is no perfect person out there. All human beings dissapoint and are flawed in some ways.
    6) Also, never be afraid of therapy

    Let this guy go, respect his boundaries and your differences. There will be others who like what you’re offering.

    Best wishes and good luck.

  14. I think most of you are being a bit too harsh on Crushing. What did she do to deserve such harsh words and portraying her as a manipulative game-playing control freak and even a sociopath?! And possibly the only sociopath in the world that is also addicted to trashy romance novels? 😀

    I don’t know, this thread just amazed me – when I read through the comments I got this disturbing feeling of a public stoning. And I agree with Marly (#6) – people are reacting as if they were always the perfect image of righteousness and ration in love matters – I bet you never ever played it cool when you felt passionate, you were never needy, you always put the best ineterest of your partner before your own and you never made a mistake in your life.

    And jamie (#3), regarding your number 4:

    “While romance is exciting it is not what real, solid, healthy relationships are based on. I’d start with friendship with anyone I respect and go from there. Deep, committed care and concern for the other is paramount in the foundation of any meaningful relationship.”

    This serious down-to-earth approach might suit a Venus-Saturn, but to me, with all my personal planets in Leo and Cancer, it seems so depressing that if I made it my own view I’d just give up relationships entirely. You make it sound like duty, it seems like my relationship is not very different from my 9-5 job, except it’s 24/7 – to me that sounds like hell :-). If Crushing is all about romance and passion, then your description is the other extreme – forget all about romance, passion and being in love – it’s all about friendship, respect, commitment and duty. Do you make love with a friend you respect or with a lover you feel passionate about? For most people in a long term relationship it becomes something in between.

    If Crushing is a double Cancer, her deeply romantic nature wasn’t acquired through trashy romance novels, it comes from within. It’s understandable that some people will mock it or treat it like there was something seriously wrong with her mentally (a sociopath?!) because most people are not that romantic and find it hard to relate to.

    I don’t know if her biggest challange is control. It might be part of her challenge, I have no idea. I think her most painful challenge though is finding out that reality can’t match her romantic expectations. At some point along the way she will have to find a way to compromise with reality so she could have a real relationship with a real man. At least that is my experience.

    I think jamie’s first suggestion is very good – finding a creative outlet to some of this romantic and passionate emotion and rich inner world. It could be an artistic expression like writing or painting or music – in art things can be as ideal and as passionate as you like – art is free from the limitations of day-to-day reality – you can do whatever you like in it, you can make it match your wildest dreams. It’s one way to stay “real” and still nurture your romantic passionate nature, just compensate for what might be lacking in a real relationship and day-to-day reality. Or like jamie suggested, it could be starting projects that involve nurturing others and not just yourself.

    In the end you can find a special man that you love and appreciate and care for, and that loves and appreciates and cares for you. You can turn some of your emotional energy to nurturing and caring for him. He will satisfy some of your needs and ideals because he’s a special man. And the rest of this emotional energy you have can find a satistfying outlet elsewhere, in your art or your work or your projects or hobbies, and your children. So all in all you’ll feel emotinally fulfilled.

  15. I wrote my comment when there were only 9 comments on this thread – I see things have changed in the comments after that, so I take back half of my “stoning” comments 🙂

    And Nia (#13), I love your post and I’ll just save your “guide on romance” to print it later and take a peek whenever needed :-). These are good wise advices, right to the point. Thanks.

  16. Nia, that was a great post. It resonated with me a lot since I have had a lot of the same Venus/Neptune problems with love and illusion.

    “And possibly the only sociopath in the world that is also addicted to trashy romance novels?”

    Har, Debby, this is SO true! Before you posted that I was thinking: Yeah, right bc sociopaths are likely to write to advice columnists and worry about how to get what they want.

    I just want to add, people, that while Elsa is giving us the opportunity to comment, the people who write to her are often in a suggestible state. That’s what happens when we’re confused; we’re a little fragile. And while it’s great to have an opinion and I don’t believe in mincing words, I do believe in weighing our words. To call someone who’s a double Cancer “a sociopath” can have a deep effect on that person. I could see Crushing freaking out. “Oh, my God, I’m a sociopath! I’m so fucked!” I mean, maybe. Maybe not, maybe she’s tougher.

    I know that there have been times when I was feeling weak and I confided in the wrong person and they gave me some stupid verdict on my situation and I took it to heart bc I was already so weak. In fact, about a year ago, someone said something to me that made me put myself in an extremely dangerous situation.

    Let’s take a little more responsibility in what we post here to people who a) we don’t know very well and b) might be a little fragile or confused to begin with. Look, I’m a very blunt person and I believe in calling a spade a spade but on the other hand, I also believe in keeping things in perspective. The wrong word at the wrong time can traumatize someone. Believe me. I almost died a year ago.

  17. If there’s any SOCIOPATH in this situation, it sure sounds like it’s this Gemini guy. Think about it. When the condom broke, Crushing didn’t handle it badly, Mr. Compassion handled HER badly! What a Putz! I’d like to see how HE’D react if someone deposited a load of DNA inside him!! I’m shocked at how everyone has missed the irony here: this man of “fire and altruistic vision”, “setting up a social enterprise community to serve charities”, and then look how he behaves. Twice. No one held a gun to his head. Why is it always these types who say they “care about the bleeding crowd”,(song lyrics from HAIR), who act like emotionally irresponsible 4-year-olds when it comes down to interpersonal relationships? My mother always used to say that charity, like politics, begins at home, and now I get it. Make a difference for, be tender with, extend your kindness to the people closest to you, on a one-to-one basis, and you change the world. And because, for whatever reasons, Crushing has a radar for this “let’s-do-it-no-we-can’t-can-can’t-can-can’t-it’s-too-uncomfortable-I-can-only-deal-with-the-impersonal” type, this charming, passive-aggressive, creative and brilliant type, she’s willing to take the hit for his crap. I know, I’m a Cancer, and I’ve been there. Emotional 4-year-olds posing as grown up men are extremely charming and attractive. BUT HEY: tenderness and kindness are a 2-way street. She may be a Cancer, she may be charming as hell and able to manipulate. But Mr. Passion was a willing actor in this seduction scene, was he not? God knows, that guy who posed as a French Rockefeller, also a Cancer by the way, bilked the rich and greedy out of a fortune. All willing participants, however. Double Cancer, shmubble Cancer, nobody does anything they do not truly wish to do, even if they are REALLY 4-years old, (ever try to make a 4-year-old do anything it didn’t want to do?), or unless they’re being held against their will, the concept of which might be introduced into this discussion I’ll admit, but that’s an entirely different conversation altogether. Moreover, who gives a crap what kind of words and phrases she uses to describe her experiences? Live and let live!! Also, consider the possibility that Crushing and Manic-boy are perfectly suited for each other: both so full of drama, both apparently like to Tango. Sometimes people find each other for a reason. This may be exactly what she needs right now, for whatever lessons she needs to learn. She’s 26? Saturn return pending? Wink-wink. Look at her first sentence: …”still searching for that all-elusive passionate lover…” so…I submit to all, including Crushing: look no further, kiddo, you’ve found him! Passionate and elusive in one package! And when you’re really really really really ready for the REAL flame-dancing, pulp-fiction inspiring, passion consuming, mutually enveloping, all-chakra encompassing, soul-mirroring, life-force validating, g-force scattering relationship, one that pounces on you when you’re not looking, he or she will show up. So, take heart, little crablet sister. Methinks you’re in the right place at the right time.

  18. Hi, Rainbo 17. No, I don’t think anyone missed the glaringly obvious fact that this guy lacks maturity. If he had written instead of Crushing I would have given him the same information.

    Of course his behaviour, after the “freak” out incident, is self-centered and shameless but, again, I believe that Crushing (as an adult) understands the consequences of having sex (protected or otherwise). How could she have not thought about (before the act) the possibility of having “a load of DNA “deposited in her?
    I mean, isn’t this a possibility during intercourse…..even WITH protection?

    I do agree with most of what you say and this was my point also. When we love someone…truly LOVE someone we do not compromise them in any way. It seems Crushing felt very compromised after the condom broke.

    When I first met my husband I knew I was in the presence of my best friend…my “soulmate”. Our eyes locked and we just stood there transfixed with smiles slowly fading into recognition.
    Yep, just like in one of those sappy love-stories, time stood very still and everyone and every sound receeded into the background as we stood there trancing. ( We were in a very noisy dance club so this would have been a very difficult feat to achieve under normal circumstances.)

    I loved him from the moment I saw him but when he showed me a picture of his girlfriend I immediately backed off. I did not think of my needs at that moment but rather of his.
    I cared about him and did not want to disrespect him in any way so I left him alone.

    Yes, there was a very strong attraction between us but it did not have to be acted upon through the act of sex that night, the next week or month. Five years later it still is not the focal point of our relationship.

    No, my relationship sans nightly sexcapades, is not for everyone….or maybe anyone but it is just what I needed with my Venus/Neptune/Moon conjunction. I needed a connection with the higher love principle represented by Neptune and I think this is what Crushing is talking about. She is looking for that connection with the creative Force, which IS “elusive” in this realm, through the embodiment of a physical relationship.

    It can be done. I am living proof that it can be done. I do not know the rest of Crushing’s chart but if this is her heart’s desire then it can be achieved…..just not with everyone.

    There is a sacredness in loving relationships that go far beyond the ordinary. Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward have one of those I think. It is dignified and committed. Have you seen their synastry?

    Debby, you are right. My need for a serious, committed, and sacred relationship is NOT for everyone, but, do not think that just because my relationship is serious and deep that it is not without it’s humour. There are many playful, mischievous moments between us. ( I have a Sagittarius Sun and he an Aries Moon…talk about two kids in a sandbox!)

    I think to sum up this entire debate is to agree that Crushing and Bipolar Gemini are on a journey of self-discovery (as Rainbo pointed out) and we are privy to that process through Crushing’s honesty.

    Thank’s to all who have brought this to our neglected attention.

    • You are being super harsh and filtering her narrative through an unrealistic lens. That rant about condoms was incredibly uncalled for. We use the protection available to us.

      People have sex in the dating process when looking for partners. Abstinence education is unrealistic and extremely outmoded. It also has a terrible track record. Not everyone finds their prince charming as a virgin.

      Condoms are the one way of protected sex along with finger cots and other things people never use. So many people have unprotected oral sex and I’m pretty sure most have had it.

      Freaking out over a broken condom is normal. The fact that the guy was turned off by her emotions about this (over the top though they were) and she felt the need to hide or control them and try to stuff her personality is sad. Many of the commenters had zero sensitivity to that. She tried to be the less emotional person he wanted her to be. There is no need for that or to feel wrong about who she is.

  19. I chose the word sociopath because I saw no evidence in Crushings letter of empathy or acknowledgement that Crushing was interacting with an actual human being with failings, foibles, and feelings of his own. Harsh? yes. Inaccurate? I sure as hell hope so.

    For the record, and in front of God and everybody: Crushing, I’m very sorry for judging you so harshly.

    Upon reflection, it seems I’ve lost my ability to empathize with people who try to blame astrology–or anything else–for what they don’t like in their lives, rather than just owning their own “stuff.” And since I don’t have the ability to be empathetic, I no longer belong around here–not reading, and not commenting. Maybe my patience and empathy will return. Maybe I’m just turning into a newer, less nice version of me. Who knows? Who cares.

    Be well.

  20. Well, Ronda, I don’t know about anyone else, but right now I just wanna put my arms around you…please keep reading and making comments here? I think your participation is required for many reasons…and you’re an important part of this whole process…the dialogue…for everybody. You’re great! For whatever it’s worth, I personally would like to thank you for whatever you contribute!

  21. Ronda, I don’t know what happened in this thread – it seemed weird right from the start and for some mysterious reason got very emotional. I think quite a few people here, including myself, over reacted and responded harshly to one thing or another. I felt empathy for Crushing and forgot empathy for others, so I’ve been unjustly harsh on your choice of words. I’m sorry if I offended you and hope this entire incident won’t keep you away from here, it just one incident that got a bit out of hands, it shouldn’t get this much focus.

    jamie, I appreciate and respect you kind of relationship and your kind of love, but you’re right – it doesn’t fit everyone, so not everyone should be expected to meet this highest standard of selfless love because most people just can’t.

    As for sex – in our culture sex is usually presented and perceived as an act of pure physical gratification, but it’s not necessarilly how everyone sees and experiences it. Crushing said she considers sex to be a sacred thing and I can strongly relate to that. Your ideal of love is very Neptunian and mine is very Plutonian – I have an 8th house stellium involving most of my personal planets. To some 8th house people (definitely not all) sex is a physical expression of true emotional/spiritual bond that has manifestations on many levels. It’s something that gives an access to one’s soul, that’s why it can be a very powerful emotional experience. It feels like when you have sex with someone you give him a part of your soul – it might not be something tangible or something that the other person can appreciate because what can you do with someone’s bit of soul? It’s the ultimate thing you can ever give to another person, but it’s not useful in any practicle way and it doesn’t help them in any way. Unless they appreciate this sort of thing. And I didn’t get it from novels, nor from my education, nor from anywhere in my cultural environment. I didn’t think of sex as a sacred thing until I experienced it myself and had to figure out all by myself what I was feeling.

    So passion is not always entirely about physical gratification like food – it’s a lot deeper psychologically because it involves two subjects and everything between them and not a subject using an object for pure physical self gratification. I think most people who are either very physical or very spiritual actually see sex the same way, as something that is mainly on a physical level, and then one embraces it and the other rejects it or doesn’t place much value in it, but there are other ways of seeing it.

  22. And finally, Rainbo17 – ROFL, loved your post and I agree with most of it too. Actually the Gemini guy was more than a willing participant, he was the first to say he had feelings for her – he initiated it. If you look at the facts and not just the way she expresses herself it’s really hard to see him as a “victim” of hers. It seems like he’s always doing just what he pleases at any particular moment and doesn’t giva a damn about her feelings. She tells him she has real feelings for him so he has sex with her and next morning he’s gone. If she tells you she has feelings for you and you don’t want a relationship how considerate of you is to have sex with her? And then she gets to be described as the selfish and manipulative one.

  23. can’t we all get along? :\

    i think cancer’s are just naturally poetic/idealistic/deep.. and the way she writes reflects it. i’m a cancer sun merc & venus conj, so i understand. they’re really romantic. not everyone’s the same, and some people find it “cheesy” but damn! poor girl..

    let’s try to be more tolerant/understanding. she’s clearly calling out for our help.. instead of hurting her, we should be supporting her and giving her good, *positive* advice..

  24. What is that book “Hes just not that into you”?I guess hes trying to tell you this.If it was meant to be he would be pursung you.

  25. agree with rainbow17. This guys a commitmentaphobe. He got his shag and wants to be able to walk away.
    Crushing is crushed, has been hooked like a fish and is now wriggling.
    Hope you manage to wriggle free cos this is going nowhere.

  26. Sounds like Gemini man and Cancer woman resort to games. One to emotionally get a man to commit to her and satisfy a need for reassurane and the other to enjoy time with her but still keep her at a distance because he senses emotional clashes and future chaos for a serious relationship. Gemini man perceived the freak out as emotional manipulation sensing the entrapment Cancer has planned for him he reacted in the according manner to prevent that link to be established between the relationship. Gemini man likes Cancer women and enjoys the time spent and the sex as well, sounds like she sure can bring hell. Gemini man needs no more weird stuff in his life more than what he has experienced thus far but because he feels affection and love (free love) for Cancer woman he offers his friendship so both parties can enjoy what they have to offer individuall. Truth. Its not like Gemini only wanted a shag…Cancer women wanted to shag just as bad. We all like to shag.

  27. Note..I kept things neutral to my perception of things. To the Cancer woman, as delicate as I can be and expressing what I see and believe, you wanted Gemini man for more reasons than who he really was. Geminis have sharp senses you know. He is well aware that you want somebody to dig your nails in and have around for security. As a Water sign, that is the crabs style. This is not to be seen as rejection for we all are beautiful and have more than enough to offer to friends, lovers, etc. I believe it was more of Gemini remaining true to his path and also not wanting to hurt your feelings and sell you a dream for you to get lost in.

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