Parent Child Themes In Relationship

This was for a client:

“I agree this guy is acting like a child but I don’t think you can say that and stop there because the only way someone can act like child is if someone else acts like a parent!”

And

“Think about being less focused on the fact he is a baby having a period (even if it is true) and try to think about how you can better get along with your period-having baby or…”

When you are having conflict in relationship, do you spend time looking at what you’re doing or so you mostly stay focused on denigrating the other person?  Because if it’s the latter, you are guaranteed to get nowhere as far as finding resolution goes.

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Parent Child Themes In Relationship — 10 Comments

  1. Wow, Elsa some powerful projections, huh. I’ve played this role in my relationships. Mostly, the parent role. I get exactly what you’re conveying.

  2. I have gobs of Libra, and I tend to put so much of the onus on myself that it actually becomes a problem, because sometimes? Sometimes the problem is, in fact, *them*. I’ll excuse, and excuse, and take blame, and assign myself the harder end of it all. I almost think my life lesson is to stop blaming *myself* or looking to see what *I* can do differently. I think I might actually be supposed to learn that sometimes the other person really just sucks, and be okay with that. Way too often I do the exact opposite, and decided that the problem is me. (Despite knowing this, I still do it.)

  3. I count on them acting the same so that I can build new tools of my own through repetitive interaction. I view it as interpersonal flash cards to personal growth.

  4. I rack my brains over and over about “what am I doing to contribute to this, and how much of this is my stuff and how much is theirs?”

    Then, many moons later, something clicks and I understand it and change my behavior accordingly (being aware change may be resisted) or I walk away, completely finished.

    I usually try to talk with the person, but my experience has been 1) they don’t care 2) they say I’m overreacting 3) they continue the behavior regardless what we discuss. So, I try
    talking at the very most two times, then that’s it. Done.

  5. Yesterday I broke up with the ex-fiance whom I had gotten back together with again. I purposely did it in a shitty way to make sure it sealed the deal, after so much back-and-forth. It absolutely sucked and I hated to, but I realized that although he had claimed to change, he had not, and doesn’t want to.

    So I had to sit down and ask myself, “Why am I attracting men into my life who have so little emotional room for me?” And the answer I came up with was that I attract men who have the same attitude toward relationships with women that I have with money: “it’ll just work itself out somehow… and if it doesn’t, oh well.” Damned if that is not a humbling realization, to see that the childish attitude I was critical of in partners led me to seek out partners who would balance my own weak spots. Weak spots I never dealt with because I was/am afraid to. In other words, I would parent them in some ways and they would parent me in others.

    I didn’t expect Saturn in Libra to teach me that money is such an important part of healthy relationships but it’s no less so than my concerns about communication and taking care of your body, etc. Chalk me up as sadder but wiser for now.

  6. I’ve been experimenting lately with not trying to figure out who’s ‘at fault’ so much, and to focus instead on figuring out a strategy to no longer be put in the same position again (i.e. defining clearer boundaries). – I’m talking more about ‘friendship’ relationships rather than romantic ones.

  7. yeh, i’ve had to deal with a cancer acting like a baby (aries perspective here) and eventually started to realize that getting mad about having to put up with it is pointless, and instead maybe realize we all have places where we could use a little more growing up… and approach it from that perspective.
    but i’m also more a tough love kinda’ mama anyway… very much on the saturn. and my aquarius.

  8. Wow, great idea CArRiE to “focus instead on figuring out a strategy to no longer be put in the same position again”! I spend way too much time trying to figure out what is going on and taking responsibility, while the other person goes about their merry way, oblivious.

    When I was dating, I always picked very different men, yet ended up in similar situations. This led me to determine the problem was me and I needed to work on it, before getting involved in any more relationships.

    You hit the root of the issue: clear boundaries!

    Eris, your comment on “Cancer acting like a baby” is making me smile. I have a Cancer Sun, in wide square to my Aries Mars and Moon, and I’m a big crybaby when my Aries part gets the Cancer part into scary scrapes! Very funny, I understand cometely!

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