I have a boyfriend. He is a Pisces. I love him so much. I don’t know if he loves me. I mean I am a little on the chubby side… let’s face it I am very big girl. He tells all the time he loves me but I have a very hard time trusting. I am a Taurus. I guess it goes back to my childhood. But what should I do about this problem? I have a problem in bed. I don’t want him to see me naked.
Eighteen Year Old
There are several issues here that you can and should address, so I’m going to take them one at time. First, when someone repeatedly tells you they love you and their actions match their words, the chances are they are telling you the truth. So whatever it is you weigh, apparently this is a non-issue to our boyfriend. And you really ought to try to stretch yourself and open your mind to this possibility. Because to not do this is ultimately disrespectful of him.
See, people are individuals. And you feel how you feel about your weight, but this has nothing to do with how he feels. So though I understand why you’d do this, in reality it is not very kind to paint him with your brush while simultaneously ignoring what he’s telling you directly (“I love you”). So that’s number one. Entertain the idea that other people think and feel independent of you.
Secondly, you mention your childhood. And if you are aware that things that have happened to you are having a detrimental effect on your life, then congratulations! Many people are thirty before they figure that out! But that said, if you have a problem, it is now yours to solve. So do what you need to do: get yourself to a counselor.
I know you are young but help is available even if you don’t have resources. There are counselors who work on a sliding scale and if you can’t find that, there are 12-step groups which are free. You get the idea. Don’t just notice the problem, do something about it.
Now last, you don’t like how you look naked. And believe me, you are not alone here. As a matter of fact, it is the rare woman who is satisfied with her body and this is what I would suggest you strive for. To be rare that is! To be satisfied with your body, as it is at the moment, because it is this kind of self-acceptance that leads to better self care, where otherwise leads to more over-eating!
And on the man… well, people can see each other. You can see your boyfriend and he can see you. And really, people don’t look all that different naked. He also probably knows you are scared, so how about you talk to him? He loves you, right? So tell him about your fears and maybe he can help you. Turn the lights off, for starters. Go slow. But whatever you do, I hope you will begin to take steps that will heal this for you. I don’t imagine there is an easy fix, but there is definitely a path out, away and eventually clear of your bad feelings.