Oppositions In Synastry

Many people feel that oppositions between two charts are problematic. You don’t see things eye to eye (Mercury). Your values oppose (Venus. Your way of going about things (Mars) is very different.

Simply speaking, these things are true.  But there are other considerations.

For example, my Mercury in Libra opposes my husband’s Mercury in Aries. However, Aries-ruler Mars is conjunct my natal Mercury. Consequently, we both have minds and mouths on fire. There is a match, as much as there is a clash.

I also think oppositions in synastry are more difficult to deal with, when you’re young. You want to be around your own kind, basically. But as you get older you realize it’s good to have some balance in your life.

You can learn and grow by coming to understand a person who thinks or feels or acts differently than you do. This is true, even if their thoughts and feelings and actions, oppose your own by 180 degrees!

Most successful partnerships have at least one strong opposition between the charts. Reading this, I’m sure you see why.

A synastry report will tell you how you and your partner interact. The oppositions are often what keeps your relationship, fresh!

How well do you deal with people who have planets that oppose your own?

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Oppositions In Synastry — 20 Comments

  1. Oppositions are good! They create awareness and, as you said, balance. I have the feeling that, with an opposition in Synastry, each other is able to see where the other comes from.

  2. ITA with what you said about there being a difference of how oppositions manifest when you are young compared with when you are older.

  3. I dated a man for a few years recently that was my exact opposite, even by degree in Sun (5 degree Scorpio/ Taurus), Moon (27 degree Capricorn/ Cancer), and Mercury (0 Scorpio/ Taurus). Even our venus placements were squared. When I met him, I had never dated anyone like him: he was a jock, into lifting his car, skiing, comfortable, ‘normal’ life. I have always been ‘alternative’, practicing Chinese Medicine, punk straight edge but with the nerdy librarian look, living life on the edge because my principles are more important than my comfort. I thought since we were older when we met, it wouldn’t matter (ages 36/ 38).

    Our dynamism was incredible! Even after 2 years of being together, my heart would leap at the thought or sight of him. Sex was never boring. The more I knew him, the more I didn’t want to spend life without him.
    But, I had spent the last 16 years meditating by practicing tai chi, which develops prefrontal cortex. He had spent the three years up until he met me drinking liquor all day ever day, which destroys prefrontal cortex. (He decided to quit when we met and showed up to be in my life 6 months later.)

    After our initial 6 months of bonding, sex changed and became difficult. He wouldn’t accept any recommendations from me about how to please me. I even wrote him detailed erotica describing exactly what I like in the bedroom. Nothing fancy or hard to accomplish, just good old fashioned gentle position and slowness. He would insist he knew what good sex was and do what pleased him.

    Our dynamism woke up old deep wounds in me of being emotionally neglected and raped as a little girl. I had an opportunity to face those dark places and heal. He did not know how to support me through those times, though, literally left me when things got rough.
    Months later, he came back and asked me to marry him, which was my deepest desire. But, the way he went about it, I could sense his resignation, bothered me, so I said no.

    I contacted him on our 6 year anniversary of the day we met a couple weeks ago. All I sent was a text with the letter ‘E’, which is our signal for happiness and hello and love. We text chatted a little, but as usual, his responses confound me. He alludes to “things have changed”, which in my mind could be everything- he’s happily married with a child now, he’s discovered himself to be gay, he has quit chewing tobacco and wants me back, etc. But, I know better than to seek a straight answer. It never fails- our dynamic gives me an opportunity to face the unknown and get used to lingering in insecurity.

    It took me 2 entire years of self care and focus to get him out of my mind. He still appears in my dreams- dreams that appear in sequence of a life we started together and had a child in, sometimes we are signing college fund papers, sometimes we are making love. I wake up with the rush of longing and frustration that our potential still haunts me, after I have done so much work during the day to rid myself of him.

    I have other suitors, kind men that are far easier to get along with. I don’t want to do wrong by them, so I have made a conscious choice to consider his presence in my psyche to be a haunting.

    I will love him forever. But, I already love my ex husband, and my first loves forever, too. I know that loving someone and needing a functional relationship for day to day living are both essential.

    When my mind/ heart turn toward him again, like a compass, I treat myself like I have a psychic cold, giving myself tons of nourishment and space to refocus on reality. I send him love and wish him well, very rarely but sometimes in an actual message. I will not reach any further out to him until he comes to me.

    I want him. I want the dynamism between us forever. But, the gap between us was something I needed him to come meet me in at least half way. He doesn’t see it that way. He wants an easy love that doesn’t take inner personal work. And I can respect his choice. Time will allow me to move on.

    • Omg. I loved reading this! Such a beautiful and painful awareness of how love can be a dual-edged sword—breaking our hearts but expanding them just the same. I wish you peace. 💖

    • @AMarie what an experience, you sensed something was wrong and your intuitions were right/spot on not to marry him. (due to his reservations) He’s gay and is happily married with child? This guy has alot of confusion going on. time will heal.

  4. Big Cap’s Mercury is opposite my Sun, and his Mars is opposite my Mercury. No, we hardly ever see eye to eye, but there’s a very deep connection that can’t be denied – my Sun and his Moon conjunct, exact.

  5. Come to think of it, most of my exes and two of my kids also have Mars in Pisces opposite my Mercury. That’s a “scrappy” aspect, and I enjoy sparring with people (Mars conjunct the Sun), so there you go.

  6. (((AMarie)))
    I am familiar with the feeling of loving the One, with the only thing holding us apart being his preference to love from afar. Catch 22. But indeed, how can we continue to love when our beloveds refuse to show up? And yet how can we not?
    Your ‘haunted’ comment rang a bell and reminds me of Fiona Apple’s song ‘Shadow Boxer’. It’s the one I cried to twenty years ago when he and I first broke up. It still resonates.

    Oddly, he is a jock and I was a librarian at the time! No wonder I was weirdly drawn to your story. Thank you. 🙂

  7. LisLioness, I share the same aspects with ST as you share with Big Cap. (the ones mentioned above). Can’t tell you how many times the man annoys me on a daily basis, but my Mars is in the 7th, so butting heads with partners is a given for me anyway, LOL. His Sun and my Moon are 7 degrees apart in Taurus, so we’re a team regardless.

  8. Some oppositions really ARE difficult however. I am not young but I fell in love with someone whose Uranus/pluto is opposite my venus/moon. And to add insult to injury hs an Aquarius! Balance isn’t the issue. It is pure manipulation hell.

  9. Doesn’t the potential benefit depend on the individual natal charts ? I just imagine that some people are built to thrive on the dynamic of oppositions more so than others. I don’t know. I have had some partners with planets opposite mine (and being a pretty sultry Taurus (can I call myself that?), of course I’ve dated my fair share of Scorpios!) I recall two in particular with their moons opposite my venus… and I just remember that being such a drag because it was not going to work out. Perhaps a different flavored opposition would be better, but then again conjunctions might be just right in certain cases. Is there a term for two people having the same planets conjunct? I’ve been seeing a guy with mercury (and his sun) conj. my mercury… I was trying to explain to him that it’s about as common as having the same birthday. He was interested 🙂 My Venus will progress into Gemini in a couple of months, and I’m noticing myself starting to attract twins. People with very much in common, rather than strong polarity. Kindof interested to see where things go from here!

  10. I like oppositions and squares between the luminaries. For ex I have had Mars-venus conjunctions with men but never felt anything. But the few I have met with our mars-venus square I have felt huge attraction towards. Also Venus oppo venus feels good to me.

    But I think squares are more difficult if its involving the outer planets.

  11. Too many Trines and Sextiles with little or no squares or oppositions, makes for easy relating first off, but very dead boring long term relationship that won’t last unless you are a plain Jane or a simple Bill…. lol

    Cheers – Shane

  12. my husband has Leo, i have aquarius; only one, he has a stellium, and they’re important.we both have the 4th/10th house opposition, 9th/3rd. also virgo/pisces, we also have the scorpio/taurus.

    i remember reading that Hugh Jackman is a Libra with Gemini moon, and his long term Sagittarius wife has Libra moon. And Ronald Reagan Aqua sun/Taurus moon was married long term happily to the end with Cancer sun/Leo moon wife Nancy, i saw alot of oppositions and trines in their chart. I think the trines help too.

  13. Some of my worst enemies I’ve had “harmonious” conjunctions, trines, and sextiles with whereas some of my best friends I have nothing but straight up zero degree squares and oppositions with. My sun is in the 11th and my descendant is in Aqua so my chart demands the people in my social circles who are quite different from me. How dull it would be otherwise?!

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