Your Experience With Virgo Rising In Relationship?

Dear Elsa,

I have Pisces on the cusp of the 7th. Would you think that with that particular arrangement that you might attract or be attracted to dead or ghost relationships? It’s like trying to be friends with zombies or mannequins. They let go of the closeness a long time ago, but you keep hanging on from your end trying to breathe life into it, sometimes for years.

At one point you had a very close and sincere connection, you expect it to wake up and come back to life any minute – like if you let it go, that might be the end. It will just sink to the bottom of the ocean which it probably would and probably should have long ago since the other person isn’t trying to keep anything afloat.

Virgo Rising
United States

Virgo Rising, yes people with Neptune associated with Venus or their 7th house routinely have relationships with what is essentially a figment of their imagination as the other person has left the building long ago.

As common, but inordinately difficult to see is the fact the Venus Neptune person is a figment themselves and in your case you’ve got a triple whammy:

Pisces on the 7th
Venus in the 12th (Pisces) house
Venus is square Neptune

What are your experiences with Venus Neptune types or if you have this aspect in your chart, how does it manifest?

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Your Experience With Virgo Rising In Relationship? — 17 Comments

  1. Yes, yes, yes.

    Neptune IN the 7th and sextile Venus.

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had men disappear or check out on me, with no resolution.

    One guy even went as far as to refuse to give me his new address after he moved. It dawned on me after we’d broken up that he’d checked out of the relationship (he was an Aquarius with Neptune square the Sun–forgot the houses they fell in, since this was over 15 years ago) long ago, but was being very evasive about it.

    He also wouldn’t take me on double dates with his sister. I found out, shortly before we broke up, that she asked to do this all the time, and he never told me! I was furious, needless to say.

    Neptune isn’t as strong as the straight shooter planets in my chart, so I wonder if these evasive guys saw the same thing in me. I’m the furthest thing from dishonest or evasive, but I like my space. It confuses me, because now I’m really wondering how other people see me. Am I a straight shooter or an engima?

    Neptune and Jupiter are both in the 7th…Jupiter exactly opposes my Aries ASC, and Neptune exactly inconjuncts it.

  2. i have venus trine my saturn in pisces in the 7th. and i’ve had a history of relationships where the other person is evasive, untruthful or simply disappears. some also had issues with addictions, often hidden.

    i’ve come to the conclusion there’s no point in not letting go, because it already ended in it’s current form, y’kno? all that’s left is the dream for it at that point. some of these relationships have reappeared, and others haven’t. i WILL say without reservation that while the disappearing is painful, i’ve never been left not better off for the experience, either coming or going or re-appearing, in one way or another.

    for me, accepting i could not control the other (nor should i try) allowed me to find and form the kind of partnership i wanted in my life. if i’d tried to hold on to each of these relationships (romantic and otherwise), i don’t believe this would have worked out for me.

    good luck!

  3. Hmmm, I have seen both sides of this. My Venus has a strongly Saturnine vibe but I do have Neptune conjunct my Capricorn DC and this is how it has played:

    When Pluto conjuncted my DC I attracted 5 of these Virgo rising/Pisces 7th types. Almost all of them started out as male friends, didn’t express any apparent interest in me until I started to go through some rough times, then they swept right in to save/fix me (and date me at the same time). I really needed a friend – but the strings of romance that came attached with these ‘friends’ disturbed me. It made me feel weak and put upon, and of course controlled. I told every one of them up front that I was not interested and behaved accordingly, but they kept coming until one day the veil dropped and reality set in. They dropped me and replaced me with other wounded people that they could ‘save’ and date at the same time. From my point of view it was all very deluded: the idealization at the beginning, attempts to make me ‘fit’ some saviour fantasy, my falling from grace for being myself, and my eventual replacement. It’s like they found me attractive when I was at my lowest but not at any other time! Only my wounds were acceptable and attractive, but not any other part of me. I didn’t like being defined in such a negative way, didn’t need to be saved from anything because I’m not defective – and I didn’t want the responsibility of saving them either! My ideal partnership was different: I wanted to be loved w/o boundaries for being my actual real self.

    On the flip side, I have loved someone who pursued me for years, dated and became close to, my ideal partner and of course he disappeared. My feelings have not disappeared, they have no replacement, despite the time that has passed and the physical reality of it that has seemingly vanished. I guess this is another face of Neptune conjunct DC – disappearing love and partners.

    • There you have to consider the Capricorn DC. You probably have a *scarcity* of *real/physical* (Earth) relationships. Equate Capricorn to $aturn/Cronos and the “dead of winter” where only void happens, death expressing as a need to kill whatever is there. Or it is so dry it drives everyone off. Also see this as *blindness* to what’s really going on meaning that if you can’t see it or are in denial things won’t happen as Conscious creation of yours but “happening to you” => victim(ized) pattern.

      With Cancer AC and Capricorn DC you deeply and dearly crave a family, babies and instinctively know there’ll be this scarcity of “right” candidates so you’ll probably aim at what best *serves your practical interest*.

      In all this Neptune and its idealism brings fog, confusion, haziness, imagine you under water and mismanage distances meaning you think you have something you don’t really have type thing, miscalculations.

      The position of the Moon, ruler of AC, and Saturn, ruler of DC, and all planets aspecting AC/DC and Moon/Saturn will also be important.

      Neptune in the DC equates to Venus (exalted) in Pisces, because of her altruism and selflessness the best and most beautiful lover there is. But because you as a lover are also defined by the Capricorn/Saturn and your “strongly saturnine Venus”, this selflessness tends to exacerbate to a self-deprecation/humiliation, a pattern of suffering, victimizing, martyrdom, destruction, being trampled, crucified. And didn’t religion teach you how beautiful and aspirational being a martyr/saint can be?

      Final note: to change AC/DC/houses move west to a different country/state to get a Leo AC and a radical change in relationships. But then your saturnine Venus may not be happy cos it’ll all be exciting and fun like Marylin but perhaps not as stable and serving as you want/need.

  4. I also have Virgo rising and thus Pisces on the 7th cusp, and I’ll write more about that later if I have time. But it’s interesting that yesterday, we were discussing Neptune as it relates to health and today we’re talking about Neptune as it pertains to relationships!

  5. ana-that’s a very interesting observation. virgo loves to serve and pisces loves to sacrifice, and it sounds like you plugged straight in to it. and i’ve had this dynamic with relationships on the other side, although i didn’t resent the others improving. (mine didn’t improve – the relationship imploded instead.) i think the trick for the virgo/pisces folks is finding the right kind of service and stepping out of the rescuer thing to use that energy in a more helpful and universal way, perhaps.

    good luck with your own search.

  6. First, the number of Pisces with whom I’ve had serious relationships far outnumbers any other Sun sign. Second, Neptune is in my 1st house, so I almost always start a relationship wearing rose-colored glasses no matter how hard I try not to. And definitely, they’ve checked out long before the whole thing really ends or before I get it. My Virgo Ascendant wants to give, give, and give, and I tend to realize only in hindsight that the Pisces’ giving tends to have a very amorphous quality to it and often lacks genuine substance or effort.

    Another thing to pay attention to, however, with Pisces on the 7th cusp is Jupiter. Jupiter is the traditional ruler of Pisces and therefore also describes relationships and partners of Virgo rising people. In my case, Jupiter is retrograde in Capricorn in the 5th house and forms an out-of-sign opposition with my Venus in Leo. My ex-h was a Capricorn and he often threw cold water on my creativity, self-expression, and enthusiasm.

    Jupiter in Capricorn: Big Daddy…an authority figure instead of a partner.

    Then there was the Pisces with the Capricorn Moon, the worst of both worlds…like yesterday’s discussion about Neptune and health, I could write a book on this one too.

  7. goddess – I sure did. Never experienced anything like it before. I’m attractive to very few and only rarely so. My Venus/Saturn tends to keep people at arms length, and pushes people away before they can attach. But this time that part of me was stripped away and all my pain took center stage – and it was like a magnet. People wanted to ‘help’ me left and right, all with strings attached of course. When I ask for help they withold it, when I’m doing ok and don’t need it they force it on me and won’t take no for an answer despite how many times I reject it. I never realized just how much people like looking at pain. They’re fascinated by it. All of a sudden I became super attractive – especially to people who want to play out their Venus-Neptune thing. Since I have Neptune on my DC, they found a great person to idealize/save even though most of them don’t even like me much.

  8. Virgo rising Pisces 7th cusp as well. Funny we’re talking about this. I have Pisces Saturn in the 7th and just yesterday was thinking about something I read about being attracted to Saturnian types (teachers, I believe?). And all my life I’ve been saying to myself that I learn from all my romantic realtionships and that they are ALWAYS the catalyst for becoming who I am and giving me direction. I mean I can point out man by man exactly what MAJOR direction I took and what I learned from him.

    Now I’ve always taken credit for this, like I gleaned something from the realtionship on my own; what I am thinking as of yesterday is that I attract teacher after teacher, that it is precisely to learn something specific that I enter a romantic relationship with that certain person. I’m still thinking this through so am not completely clear. Maybe this is why I have so many relationships and chafe at limiting myself to one, because I see it as a classroom and not as a traditional relationship. Wow.

    Because of this I can’t hold a grudge, and am so grateful to my teachers that I love them forever. No one ever leaves my life. My exes are devoted to me and I to them and if any man were to require that I cut them out–HE’D get cut out.

    As for the fantasy thing–well, perhaps in the sense of I do like to have a “fated” quality to my relationships. Like I always believe we met in a past life blah blah. And he’s really got to share that feeling if anything is meant to be.

    But I don’t think I’m particularly delusional, and I have a Pisces moon and Mars Virgo in the 12th, so it’s possible I could tend towards that. Whatever!

    Interested to see what else you all have to say.

  9. Venus rising here also…

    AnaBanana on this in particular “my falling from grace for being myself” – Yes! This happens to me so often!

    It has made me afraid to be myself for a long time. It’s like, they bought the wrapping paper – but it’s out-of-sync or misrepresentative of what’s inside. And what’s inside is still good stuff! But it’s not what they bought.

    And then when I people who I know will like what’s inside, they won’t buy it. Because wrapping isn’t what they’re looking for.

    Ugh.

  10. I have Pisces DC conjunct Mars and Venus (somewhat loosely) oppose Neptune (in Cancer/Cap).

    I definitely never have a clue when someone is interested in me.

  11. yeah.
    used to loss, things disappearing.
    of pain and love mixed up a lot (but could that be my pluto/venus thing?)

    i’ve learned how to let go gracefully. i’ve had to. i’ve also had to learn when it’s time to let go.

    i do pretty well when i’m looking for evolved neptune (spiritual, deep, fantasmagoric) though….

  12. I had a protracted maybe quasi-love affair with somebody who had Virgo rising and our composite Venus in the 12th in trine to Neptune. Oh, it manifested in a wonderful painful rapturous “soulmate” love that just never really materialized and sort of dissolved into the night. It was just as well–that whole situation still makes my very self-respecting 10th house Juno conjunct Mars in Taurus cringe. It expects solid, tangible results, none of this namby-pamby “it’s complicated” business that kept me strung along for years.

  13. Your post perfectly described the relationship with my ex-husband. He has a Virgo Rising. Once Tr Neptune crossed his DC he professed his met “the woman of his dreams.” That’s all I needed to file for divorce (Yes, I psychologically checked out of the marriage years ago.). His “dream woman” spent a lot of money and left him a few years later. He consoles himself by drinking these days.

  14. PixieDust on September 16, 2008 at 5:52 pm said:

    “…I have Pisces Saturn in the 7th and just yesterday was thinking about something I read about being attracted to Saturnian types (teachers, I believe?). And all my life I’ve been saying to myself that I learn from all my romantic relationships and that they are ALWAYS the catalyst for becoming who I am and giving me direction. I mean I can point out man by man exactly what MAJOR direction I took and what I learned from him.”

    PixieDust perfectly describes my dating relationships, too. My Virgo Venus squares my Sagittarius Saturn – I have learned something about myself and what I want in a relationship from every man I’ve dated. Now, I just have to “make” my ideal partner from these assorted relationship puzzle pieces! Hello, Picasso Cubist-period man!

  15. 7th = Venus = Libra

    Venus conjunct Neptune = Venus exalted in Pisces => altruism, selflessness, non-possessiveness, beautiful giving lover.

    If 7th/Venus/Libra aspected by Saturn this selflessness/altruism may express as martyrdom, sacrificial lamb, low to null self-esteem, masochism, self-sabotage through relationships, attraction to losers/addicts/cruel/heartless/jailed people over and over again or become one yourself. Also finding love in career/work/interest based pragmatic “love” which the Pisces/Neptune try to offset into balance.

  16. The man that I am furious with right now has Pisces on his 7th and no one measures up to his standards. He uses people and then throws them out. While he was married to his wife, he tried to have sex with me because he’d tried for years but I refused him.

    I have been seething in fury since last night over his comments and his making my husband cry. My husband is nice and tried to apologize for whatever mistakes he made. I won’t apologize and as far as I am concerned this man can go F himself!

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