Let’s say you are in an exclusive relationship of many months. How would you feel about your lover maintaining contact with an ex?
How would you see this in your chart?
Let’s say you are in an exclusive relationship of many months. How would you feel about your lover maintaining contact with an ex?
How would you see this in your chart?
Venus in Sagittarius maybe? I have lots of friends and I’m friendly with almost all my exes (some of whom are friends, and some I’m just friendly with). It obviously didn’t work out, so being a friend isn’t a problem. Cause if it had worked they/I’d still be with the ex. But I’m upfront about the situation and I’d expect them to be as well.
If it seemed like more than still/just being friends then I’d have a problem and I’d say it. But then again if I felt that insecure I’m not sure I’d have any interest in the relationship either…
Venus is in the 12th and frankly relationships are murky enough for me anyway (which makes me a big fan of asking ‘Hey! This is what’s going on in my head . . Does this bear any relationship to reality?’) without outside messing with my head/making me insecure-ness.
Miss Double Standard here once again! I’d prob make thinly veiled psychological-sounding comments and talk about his moving on and how he needs to enforce boundaries. This while I am on very good terms with all my exes, which I would expect him to tolerate! 🙂
Now what this could be I don’t know, but I suspect that it’s really two sides of the same coin– feeling bonded and exclusive I want us to be each other’s forever, so this means everyone in the past is mine, and so is the current one, so there’s no room for others. A lot of Pisces at play.
So everyone belongs just to me, and I belong to everyone. Make sense?
PixieDust… that sounds more Scorpio than anything else…
Sulk. And sulk and sulk and sulk, until I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I would never be able to tolerate that. Maybe I’m insecure, maybe that just really irritates me to no extent or maybe I’m just insanely jealous. I think maybe it’s all three combined.
Venus in Scorpio in the 5th house conjunct Pluto.
( Possessive, jealous, suspicious, protective, and intense )
Mars in Aries
( Selfish as hell with what is mine )
one main bit for me is– are they hiding it? hidden contact with exes freaks my shit out. it’s one thing to say up front “I’m friends with my exes.” it’s another to see/talk to them on the sly.
full 8th house, scorpio mars. currently seething and contemplating places to bury the body.
2H Scorp Sun Trine Moon (Pisces), Conjunct Venus (Libra 2H), Sextile Mars( Virgo 12th). Maybe I’m possessive, although I don’t think of myself at all as the jealous type. I think there’s a difference.
Oh man, I would throw SUCH a fit. I can’t even pretend that I would be mature about it, even though I wish I could be. I want to be the center of their life!
Mars and Venus conjunct in Leo, heh heh.
venus/pluto opposition (aries/libra) = not a good idea to try to control other people
i also have a venus/uranus contact. freedom is essential.
‘course, i take it farther than most. not too keen on exclusivity anyway. even if i tend to be monogamous. it’s important to me to not feel shackled (which i’m maybe too sensitive to) and why would i hold someone else to a different standard?
so i’m not sure if i can even qualify for this question, except to say that, even when i have been in exclusive relationships, such things never bothered me, and i would have been really angry at anyone trying to tell me not to stay in touch with someone important to me.
aquarius sun and sagittarius venus and moon in 11H – most of my exes (not that they are many) are my best friends, because I become friends with them in the first place, so once the love is gone, great friendship remains.
With my current SO we have had issues with one particular ex so I told him she is off limits for communicado. Anyone else is fine. I talk with my exes but they are friends with girlfriends/have moved on so they are definately exes and he knows it. She on the other hand is not a friend so duh. 🙂
I have a lot of uranus contacts so am flexible to a huge degree, but also have a pluto square venus…so I don’t put up with bs.
i don’t have a problem with it, both of us are in contacts with exes we’d dated for several years. but that’s because i have no suspicion. if i thought something was fishy i wouldn’t hesitate to confront him about it and he would definitely know i was not happy.
i don’t know what to make of it. i have a packed 7th house (sun, jupiter, mercury, NN), venus on the cusp of 7th/8th. i agree with a point you’ve made before, elsa, you can’t control people; you can’t keep someone if their heart isn’t in it. but i don’t want people sneaking behind my back. it’s free will until you start deceiving me. then i’m out.
That would really disturb me, to the point that I would start to doubt the sincerity of their feelings. An exclusive relationship to me means both people put each other first, and I want to be their top priority in their romantic life, everyone else a distant second. Continuing contact with an ex implies that they’re still important and that bond is still active, which would make me wonder how I fit in compared to that, and that would unravel the whole thing. There’s only room for 2 people in an exclusive relationship. And they can expect the same from me. No problem though if they were just friends of the opposite gender and had never dated.
Venus/Mars in Aries in 10th opposed Saturn, 7th house Capricorn, 5th house Scorpio.
Hypothetically speaking (I’m not in a relationship), it would be OK with me if he told me openly and honestly that they were still friends (but I’d be deeply hurt if he kept meeting her behind my back without telling me and I discovered it accidentally). I don’t feel I have a right to tell anyone who they can be friends with or to demand that they stop contacting them. But I would probably insist on meeting his ex as well. Mostly out of curiosity, to see what sort of person she was, but also to check how he was behaving towards her and if he wasn’t being *too* friendly 😉
Venus in Gemini in 12th and Moon conjunct Pluto in Libra in 5th – I’m tolerant, want to be friends with everyone, but there’s still a tinge of jealousy and insecurity.
I have a business partnership with my ex (who, btw is married) so I see him everyday! My ex and I are good friends; totally platonic, but we are close. Like Jerry and Elaine. Like brother and sister. My current BF and ex get along fine… if he were the jealous type who had a problem with me working with my ex then I would not be in a relationship with him. Or vice versa – if my partner did not like my BF… then it would be a problem.
I don’t see any problem with having platonic friends of the opposite gender even if there has been sex involved in the past. So long as there is no sexual relationship NOW, then I am totally fine with it.
(Venus 6th house, Aries)
i put other, because i could imagine the scenario might bother me somewhat depending on the details or not, but honestly, it all boils down to trust with me. i don’t see my ex’s and have no desire to. if my husband wanted to, well, i wouldn’t really get it probably, but it’s his life. it may be me but i’d assume it’s my issue and not his unless he’d given me reason to feel otherwise. venus and mars in scorpio.
I have Moon wedged in between Pluto (both in Virgo in 2nd) and Uranus (Libra in 3rd). Pluto-Moon also trines Mars in Aquarius 6. Venus conjunct Jupiter in Libra (3rd).
So I like to *think* I’m all about freedom and openness and whatever, but I definitely get squirmy and anxious when actually faced with the reality. Plus, there’s that Saturn perched up on high, trying to orchestrate everything to its own rigid standards. That doesn’t sit so well with people.
Sooo…yeah. I’m a lot of fun in relationships.
Voted “could care less”. I think it would annoy me that attention was divided, but it wouldn’t matter to whom.
I wouldn’t care if my boyfriend kept in contact with exes, as long as he told me everything about their conversations. I need details. When he tells me the details it defuses any intimacy between them. I chalk this up to Venus in 11th house, sextile uranus & mercury.
When my husband was just my lover, he was friendly and in contact with his ex. I was newly out of a long-time marriage(23 yrs), and fresh with raw rips to the heart. I am Scorpio Sun, Venus conjunct Jupiter in Sag in the 11th House. What I get from this positioning is: I’m loyal and I get jealous. Relationships of an intimate sort are difficult for me, so are friendships … so murky is as murky does. The good part of the whole thing is I’m the one who voted: “I’d complain but tolerate it.” There was something to my lover’s friendship with his ex-that was compost for my Venus. I had some shit to get through and fourteen years later, and he’s still good friends with that ex and I like the woman, and she knows the two of us like real flesh/blood/human souls. I’dve never imagined being able to be this…like it’s a mystery!
I knowingly have a double-standard going with such things – I want to be free to be friends with exes, but get very uncomfortable when a SO is friends with their exes. I’d like to be less knee-jerk jealous/insecure, but so far I’ve not eradicated much of it – I just know that it’s my stuff and try not to yell at the other person about it. Apparently my Venus/Uranus square goes to me and the Scorpio/Taurus asc/desc. I apply to others.
I chose “other.” I don’t like the idea, really, but it all depends on circumstances.
I wouldn’t try to keep my SO from his/her ex if there were children involved because that’s just wrong. If I have suspicisions about motive, though, I would tell my SO that I was uncomfy with it and why and let it go from there. If there was any sort of sneaking around behind my back, though, it’s ON — full on attack-mode complete with ultimatums.
I’m lucky, in a way, because my man has no interest in keeping connected with his exes (he has Mars-Venus-Uranus conjunct in Scorp) — but he has no qualms about ex-sex when he’s unattached. :/
I am among those in a non-traditional relationship. We are open sexually but neither of us is seeking outside Romance. Right now my sex drive has tanked (very unusual for me) due to some health issues and we were just discussing the subject of my partner playing without me last night. I’m ok with it under certain circumstances.
As to the ex question, I pay very close attention to the energy going on there. If it is truly platonic on both sides I’m fine with it. If I feel like boundaries are getting slippery I will speak up very clearly and would be furious if I felt someone were trying to undermine my relationship. My partner is the same with me and my ex’s though he tends to have more ex’s who are still friendly than I do.
Jupiter in Gemini in the 7th creates expansion among my partnerships so I don’t like to limit unnecessarily. Scorpio Moon and ascendant say you better watch how you mess with MY energy and my love/romance/sex.
I chose other (no Libra can’t decide option) because I also think it depends on the circumstances. Which is to say that it automatically wouldn’t make me freak I guess.
Depends on the ex. As long as said ex isn’t obviously trying to get back into his pants, I truly don’t care. If it’s the former, it’s just tacky and annoying.
This is, of course, assuming the boyfriend isn’t trying to get back into the ex’s pants on his own. I do not get jealous without reason.
I voted ‘would bother me but….’. Good to think about. In principle I don’t want to restrict anyone’s freedom (Mars in Gemini, Venus in Libra 9th, Virgo Sun and Uranus in Leo 8th)and they’d better not try to control mine (!)… but my secret fantasy is domesticity and security (Moon in Cancer 7th opposition Saturn in Capricorn 1st). And yeah, it all depends.
My SO has known his ex since birth, and her mother cared for him as a infant at near-death when his mother was too fucked up to care for him.
I wouldn’t dream of saying anything about that. His family was just so happy I’m not a psycho they welcome it, and I see her regularly at family functions. (And she’s a Taurus, like me!)
His other ex, they socialized for the first time in YEARS after we started dating. I think they both liked that. It’s hard being with someone for years and just having them gone.
I hope you feel better soon, Lupa! (Not that I’m implying you’re “ill” just a well-wish).
L. thanks for your honesty. I like that.
Thank you Kashmiri. Actually I think I might be sick and if I’m right maybe I’ll be better able to deal with it all once diagnosed.
That makes sense, Lupa. I had a neck injury after my accident (years ago) and it affected my sex life hugely. Not being on top of your game (ha, nice pun) physically can be hellish.
Saturn is beginning to affect my Virgo Mars I think and also setting off my mutable t-square. I’m trying to look at the bright side because if I’m right this will explain assorted symptoms over the last ten to fifteen years. Strange to hope to be diagnosed with a serious illness but it would be so much better than people assuming I’m a whiner or a hypochondriac.
Pluto/Venus/Uranus here with a Leo Sun. I’ve done it, the hubs hasn’t, and my reaction if he would is not liking it, but not being bothered by it, at the same time.
I’m fully aware that I’m weird.
“Strange to hope to be diagnosed with a serious illness but it would be so much better than people assuming I’m a whiner or a hypochondriac”
UGH! I .hate. that! And you strike me as the last person who would whine or complain for the hell of it!
Have you ever tried cranial sacral therapy? It’s amazing. I see a practitioner who is also a massage therapist (they often do double duty, CTT’s). So I can claim it on insurance which is cool. If you have insurance for that kind of therapy, that is.
Lupa’s comment reminded me, I meant to say that this dynamic only plays if my partner and I have jointly decided to be monogamous. If we’re not being monogamous, I couldn’t care less about the ex situation.
(BTW, I hope you feel more yourself soon, Lupa. Good luck with the diagnosis!)
Kashmiri’s situation, ex being a close friend for most of your SO’s life, is also a good example where I’d have to just let it be. To ask that someone cut a person like that out of his/her life is just assinine and rude. I have to admit, though, that depending on their attitudes I could still be uncomfy with it, I just wouldn’t mention it. Much. 😛
I voted “other” because it really depends. For one, I don’t like to be restricted myself, so I try not to restrict in return. I love the sense of freedom my hubby and I have attained over the years (after digging ourselves out of years of jealousy and restrictiveness). It feels real good.
I can’t lie and say I don’t ever feel jealous, but when I finally let go (not entirely, but enough) of that characteristic, and realized the bigger picture, it was extremely liberating. I like to share my husband, not sexually, but his presence. All of the things I love about him, I want to share; the same way I like to share myself with others.
I think draw the line when I see ill intent.
Mars in Cancer in the 9th, but I think this viewpoint may be more closely related to my venus in the 11th.
Thanks Kashmiri and SaDiablo. I don’t have insurance at all yet but am working on it. I’ll be seeking the least invasive and most holistic treatments I can manage whatever the diagnosis is and I will keep that cranial sacral therapy in mind. I’ve heard of it but haven’t experienced it. I have a great chiro who will refer me to good people if I need more than she offers.
I voted other as I could consider the circumstances, if there are children involved it is a given, and needs to be respected, however if it was secretive due to not reallly being over that relationship then it would be a deal breaker.
In my current relationship this is a constant issue. We are both uncomfortable but tolerant of each other’s exes. The only time either of us complains is when the exes cross obvious lines, which unfortunately happens with some frequency.
I have a stellium in Leo, and largely I want to be respected as Queen of this household and Queen in his life. As long as my place is unthreatened, then all the other girls can do what they like and I couldn’t care less.
Something else astrologically that I didn’t think of: Moon/Neptune conjunct in Sagittarius in 7H. My Libra stuff is all either weird or expansive, all around.
I voted ‘other’. I’m not friends with any of my ex’s, and my husband is still friends with his. I’m her friend as well (even on FB). They have 2 kids, so there’s always going to have to be communication, and the friendlier the better. I might feel different if I had the slightest sense there was more to their friendship, but they had been split for nearly 10 years before I came on the scene, so I suppose if there was going to be anything more, it would have happened already.
Side Note: If I did suspect anything… I wouldn’t pout or hint or stew… I would amputate. (Scorpio Power)
I voted Other. Elsa, you forgot to add I have Libra and can’t decide! LOL.
On the one hand I have Taurus Mercury and that makes me pretty possessive, but at other times, depending on the situation, I couldn’t care less. I guess it’s all based upon how secure I feel in the situation (again Taurus).
Murky for me. Depends on the situation and how into the man I am ie how plutonian the relationship is. Some men just send me too far sideways.
Admittedly it would depend on what my spidey senses picked up between them or how attractive she is to him/me.
Ugh. I hate feeling jealous. I’d rather be angry than jealous. That’s the best part of being single. No little green monster.
Maybe Leo, maybe Cancer
Plis don’t tell me piscis!
Taurus: if is not worth, i don’t think…nah.
Anyway, that’s not good.
The world is too big.
I picked “I could careless I am still in contact with my ex.” I have lots of male friends (Mars in the 11th/12th)and they all love me! I have had relationships with most of them way in the past but would never consider having one with them now. But to lose them would be devastating to me. I encourage the one I am with to stay connected if they so chose. It makes them happy and it makes me happy to grant that freedom without head trips. Like someone stated above I’d rather have this out in the open than behind my back.
Hi!!
Sag Moon + Venus conjunct Uranus… couldn´t care less 🙂
Committed, exclusive relationship…. I would insist it stop……….period. (Of course, if children were involved, it’s a different story).
Not sure where that comes from astrologically; I suppose my Cancer moon is territorial!
Me no want to share.
I think it’s an ex by ex basis–
my comment above, I stand by my feeling that I wouldn’t get in the way.
the guy I’m dating now, his ex (I’ve known her for years) is snaky-and he gets upset everytime she calls. so i think she should just….go away. i couldn’t DREAM of saying anything. not my style.
I wouldn’t mind at all though I don’t know of I really “couldn’t care less”, I would make a note of it. But as long as it seemed on the up and up it wouldn’t bother me. I wouldn’t be dating a guy I didn’t think I could trust, and remaining friends with an ex shows that the other person is mature and a person who values their personal relationships. I have Venus in Aquarius with a trine & mutual reception to Uranus in Libra, plus sun in Aquarius and moon in the 11th.
I do keep in touch with some exes but I do not really spend any time with them out of respect for my partner (because it does seem to bother most other people). Besides, in my opinion it didn’t work out with the ex for a reason. But I’ll keep in touch, and be friendly.
I did have a lover who had an ongoing relationship with an ex, and it was an important element in deciding to become closely involved (7th H, 8th H, & 12th H) with him.
Really. He had little/few family still living – and those still living were not intimates. She was. In a family-ish way. And, while she and I have never been close (except for the hours immediately after, also before, he died – when she was there, with bells on) she’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Ditto the woman who met him, and loved him, and died, in between when I first met him, and later got to know him better. (What kind of freak would have wanted to circumvent that?)
Yes, I have a (I consider) normal level of jealousy. I’m an 8th House Taurus (Sun)… so, I don’t worry about this kind of stuff. I also don’t worry about what role history plays (we all have some, right? I hope so.)
For my part, I told him that there were things I’d never talk about, because past is past. And he, part of the “we have to discuss e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, endlessly, age (Neptune in Libra) group, was happy to hear that.
By the way, thanks for the opportunity to say this. Really.
I’m still feeling like I haven’t been able to say how I appreciate him, how I’m still affected by how he was who he was… Aka 8th House stuff, the most important kind (to me). Which is sublimely accentuated by my this-year’s Solar return chart (really. Saturn in SR-8th trine SR-Asc, Conjunct our first kiss, and his natal Jupiter).
🙂
Poppy
PS I wrote this before reading the other replies. I concur with Kashmiri’s statement:
“It’s hard being with someone for years and just having them gone.” (Why should they have to amputate? Clearly, there’s no romance going on… as proven by those years.)
And – I don’t get the astrology of this – shell saying:
“I like to share my husband, not sexually, but his presence. All of the things I love about him, I want to share; the same way I like to share myself with others.
I think draw the line when I see ill intent.
Mars in Cancer in the 9th…”
Me, too. And I also have Mars in Cancer in the 9th. But, why does this concur?