I am halfway through the charts for my Bawdy Astrology class. The class is focused on people with difficult challenges when it comes to forming relationships and my writing has been cutting. I was thinking about this last night and feeling bad.
I don’t want to say things that cause people pain but it seems to be my job. I envy astrologers who can get away with telling a person something in such a soft-pedal way that both parties are excused. The astrologer is excused because they did tell them. The client is excused because the piece the need is swaddled in syrupy love, it can be easily denied.
That the client walks away no better off than when they showed up is beside the point, I guess. There has been a happy, if ineffectual exchange and this is something I just can’t manage.
Now I know there is room in the world for a person like me. I know that I am doing what I was made to do. I know I am supposed to skin it back but this heavy, I’ll tell you that. Sometimes it’s crushing, however, I also think it’s got to be done.
It’s like a surgeon who cuts open a person’s abdomen to save their life. I don’t like that picture in my head, myself. But I am glad there are people willing to do this because it not, we would all have to die from our rotten insides, I guess.
I don’t know that anyone has ever claimed that therapy was easy. I really think you’ve got to be willing to take a punch if you want to get from here…to there. I just don’t see how a person can progress without meeting some kind of resistance or poison patch of something. You can’t move if you won’t deal.
I do hate this at times. Sometimes it is painful to be the one who lays out the cards that will ultimately help to liberate a person. Sometimes it makes a person hate you, at least for awhile and maybe forever and that’s hard.
I wonder if there are oncologists out there who feel bad sending someone in for chemotherapy. I would hate to initiate something like that as well. You’ve got to introduce something into a person’s body that is going to make them heave and puke and lose their hair. It’s so sad but my hat is off to the men and women who do this day after day after day after day.
Last night, I tried to think of another astrologer as cutting as I am but I don’t think there is one. It is hard for me to articulate how I feel about this beyond saying I feel bereft. I wish I could be in the flowers and snails and puppy dog tails set but I just can’t hide my knife.