I wrote the newsletter about the planets in Leo and the Uranus square… plus moon, Mercury, Neptune. It’s been less than an hour and something utterly new to me, came to me, about myself!
Okay, I think that’s funny. Me, me, me. But I’ve been performing self-exam, both formally and otherwise for many years. It’s been a long time since I had a radical insight.
Many are aware of how I piss people off, either right away or over time. I am sure there are numerous theories about this. I could sit here and rattle of fifty of them and it would probably be the tip of an iceberg. You see, Santa, there, looking over a list of my flaws.
What hit me today is, Neptune. It’s exhausting. Neptune on my midheaven, I mean.
People fix on me; maybe I am a character they like or they think they like me. But then I do or say something outside their schema; it’s disrupts them and they’re thrown from their horse.
Many they get back on their horse. I’m still pretty interesting, right? But I keep doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it; like a jackhammer.
I know this and I try to stop or rather, I try to figure out how to stop. I know most people like me would not do this, but I have Libra, so there is really no choice. I have to try to be non-offensive but I also have to be honest.
The only way to never offend is to be a superficial, disingenuous, capitulating, two, three, four or five-faced liar. This is akin to behaving like a sociopath and I’m just not going to do it. But over time, these insults of offenses people suffer at my hand, add up. A person will start gathering my errors… in judgement, in grammar, whatever. They build a case against me and it’s pretty solid too. Very solid! But then what happens? It dissolves. It dissolves and very nearly causes a reset to occur. At that point, this process repeats.
How often this happens and how many times is variable to the individual but eventually, enough is enough – why?
I might have said or did something particularly offensive but more often, I think a person just gives up. I’m too hard to define, too disruptive, too challenging, irritating, pontificating, etc.
I’ve understood this for years. My new insight puts the lack of definition as the main problem. Society, really like to see things and people tagged and organized into stark categories. It’s gross because the categories are inorganic. To fit in one, you have to hack of some body part or a chunk of brain or whatever. But all people are a conundrum, if you get to know they beyond the superficial.
This blog is the only place in the world where I can even begin to be myself. I really hope you can be yourself here as well.