Is This Guy Creepy? Or Is This Woman A Dirty Rat?

Hi Elsa,

My conscience, or something else, is bothering me, and I’m not sure whether I should be listening to it.

I recently cut a guy loose rather abruptly because of something he wrote in one of his emails that sounded creepy to me. He believed God might want him to focus on providing a safe, secure environment for his tenant, an unwed 22-year-old who just found out she’s pregnant. For instance, he might not insist she pay rent.

This guy is a Pisces and was given to talking about the charity he owes to his fellow humans. But from other things he’d mentioned it seems he has a particular interest in being charitable to very young women. (He’s 53.)

I emailed back telling him I was uncomfortable about what he said, and he was either truly obtuse or pretended to be and didn’t get my point. So I wrote back and told him we were over. I’m pretty sure this blind-sided him. We’d been getting along very well until then.

We’d been dating only about 5 weeks, but had been in daily contact, mostly by email. This was the first time I’d dated someone I met online, so maybe I was hyper-vigilant. I don’t have second thoughts about breaking up with the guy.

What I’m wrestling with is whether it was right for me to cut him off so quickly by email? I’ve had foggy perception in my romance all my life. So, now I try not to overlook warning signs. But if I did the right thing, then why do I feel like a kicked a puppy? I guess I’m worried that instead of being more clear-sighted, I’m just being more fearful and intolerant. Do you have any advice?

Thank you,
Nagging Conscience

What a great question! The guy sound inordinately creepy to me. At 53 years old you know exactly what you are doing so I don’t think this guy is obtuse. I also don’t think he was blindsided. I think he was workin’ his game and you with your squares from Neptune were taken in… and then he took a misstep and rightly reacted. Now you second guess yourself because when do you really know anything for sure, anyway?

If you want to go deeper… you probably felt some jealousy (Leo) but with Uranus involved with your Venus and Mars you do not approve of that. Ego, that is! You think on some level you should be able to detach and let your 53 year old boyfriend support anyone he wants so you are chastising yourself for not being COOL. But facts remain.

And the facts as far as I am concerned is any 53 year old man who focused on any 22 year old woman is someone I would cut loose same as you did. Yecch.

Anyone else with an opinion?

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Is This Guy Creepy? Or Is This Woman A Dirty Rat? — 52 Comments

  1. Very good point about her Neptune in the 5th house, Elsa, squaring that Mars in the 2nd. That speaks volumes about her inability to see men clearly and maybe this is the one time she saw right through this man’s motives. If that was her gut feeling then she should definitely RUN with it.

    I have found that one person’s poison is another’s remedy.LOL! Funny how that works out.

  2. Well, not having the context of the email handy to see the words he chose, etc, I don’t find anything particularly offensive in the idea that he might be willing to help out a young woman in a difficult situation by letting the rent slide for a month or so until she got on her feet again.

  3. Rkkggg – I see your point, it is the pattern that is troublesome. And being someone who knows (healthy) men in this age range – they tell me unequivocally they stay the hell away from 22 year olds who are not their daughters and find men their age who do not to be suspect.

    I would also add that I was a 22 year old woman that 53 year old men were interested in “helping” and there was always, ALWAYS a shadow. I also witnessed other young women ‘helped” by older men and again… always something going on there.

    So this is where I come from and I realize I may be jaded (and I am a Venus Neptune square myself) which is why I put this up here as an open question so this gal could get a variety of opinions and very much appreciate your alternative view.

  4. Yes. And if her gut picked up a pattern which caused her to be suspicious, she should trust that. I have got into a number of stupid situations my instincts told me get the hell away from, and I logic-ed myself out of trusting them and… the lesson with that, for me was -Trust Your Instincts! They know things you don’t and even if they don’t make sense, well, life is always more complex than our logic can ever completely work out. Particularly when it comes to other people.
    I don’t recall being “helped” by men that age back then, but I also avoided it. And there was that landlord who took an inordinate interest in me…. (and that was Creepy!)

  5. Absolutely right the guy’s a creep! And to Elsa and everyone’s excellent aspect comments I would add that this woman’s 12th House Sun probably inclines her (in a positive manifestation) to want to be supportive of the ‘Cosmic motive’ (that Elsa defined so well in the less positive view of, as “wanting to be cool”!) and that her 12th House Mercury probably makes her very good at picking up the unspoken–so it looks like a good plan to trust and nurture her intuition–drop him like a hot rock, and listen to the inner voice!

  6. Oooooh, Elsa! I’m with you on this one. (Venus square Mars and Saturn!Yikes!)

    I do think Rkkggg has a point also. We never know the motives of another until we truly understand the person themselves.

  7. I have spent the day recalling various old guys who were interested in helping me. Invariably they would lean and try to kiss me or some such shit. I always right about these women falling on men’s dicks. These old men’s lips would fall onto mine, or happen to brush my shoulder. ::snorts:: Old fucks!! They rely on having you obligated in some way. It’s a manipulative mind fuck… who would accuse “grandpa” you know?

  8. ” I always right about these women falling on men’s dicks”

    I’m lost here, Elsa. Can you help me out?
    I really get the part about these dirty ol’ bastards but you lost me with this sentence.

  9. jamie – it’s just a phrase I use when women write and they’re screwing some guy… maybe some other woman’s husband and they act as if they don’t know how it happened. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    “slipped on a banana peel and fell onto his dick” is usually what I write.

  10. There is also the question, what’s his motivation on telling you about this? I mean, would he have told you if the tenant was a 40 years old man, or a family in need of help? As it seems he only “helps” young girls… With Sun and Mercury in the 12 house you can say that your intuition is always right – unless they prove that black is white. They have a right to do so, and you have a right to stay away in the meantime.
    By the way, when people invoke “God’s call”, they do so to undermine your conscience. Take care!

  11. >>>By the way, when people invoke “God’s call”, they do so to undermine your conscience. Take care!>>

    Conny – great point. I never thought of that but it makes sense.

  12. nagging c- that would have creeped me out seriously, and you know, there are tons of relationship disaster stories that begin with, “well, i had this weird feeling but i had no proof something was wrong, so i just ignored it…” i’m really glad you moved on.

    fact is, it doesn’t matter if he understands or not. you were not mean to him; you told him what your concern was and gave him a chance to respond. and whether he’s pretending not to understand or incapable of understanding is irrelevant.

    further discussion after you’ve made a break from someone you’re uncomfortable with becomes negotiations almost by definition, and you don’t seem interested in negotiations. besides,if he truly doesn’t understand why that creepy lolita scene doesn’t work for you, there’s no way that an hour in a coffee shop is going to make it clear to him.

    he owns his emotional response, ya know? even if his response is to something you’ve said or whatever, it still belongs to him…you acted reasonably, upfront, and without ill intent. and if he chooses to have issue with it, honestly it’s just further confirmation you’ve made the right move for you.

    i think you just steered clear of a very ugly trainwreck. good luck!

  13. Oh, that’s so funny cos’ I always tell my husband that he can never, ever use the excuse, “Oops! I slipped and just fell into her vagina”…in the case of explaining cheating.

    Gotcha’!

  14. I loved your response, goddess. Very well stated and there seems to be a consensus on this particular post that she trust her inner voice above all else.

    further discussion after you’ve made a break from someone you’re uncomfortable with becomes negotiations almost by definition, and you don’t seem interested in negotiations. besides,if he truly doesn’t understand why that creepy lolita scene doesn’t work for you, there’s no way that an hour in a coffee shop is going to make it clear to him”

    Excellent insight.

  15. at this point it is a little late to second guess yourself….look at it in a different light. Insted of did “I” do the wrong thing be glad you aren’t around when things come out on him that are bad….filed against for being a perv or some such thing.

    Don’t second guess yourself it makes you trust yourself less.

  16. thanks, jamie. i’ve seen folks guilt-tripped into ongoing contact after breakups, and without fail, it’s become negotations.

    and i think it’s funny sometimes how we seem to think the only way we can honorably break off a relationship is if we can get the other person to agree that it’s a good idea. we want breakups to be nice and friendly and “i’ll always wish you well” kinda thing. which it’s nice when it happens, but sometimes, the relationships that we most need to escape simply cannot end that way for the same reasons you need to escape in the first place.

  17. I should have said that one should always trust their instincts. I don’t disagree there. As for old men helping younger women *always* having an ulterior motive, I can’t buy that. I can buy *almost always* or *usually*, but nothing is *always* in this world. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think you were right to dump the guy if your gut said to do so. Guts aren’t often wrong…and when they are, it doesn’t matter all that much in the scheme of things.

  18. “goddess Says:
    The 17th of December, 2007 at 3:54 pm
    nagging c- that would have creeped me out seriously, and you know, there are tons of relationship disaster stories that begin with, “well, i had this weird feeling but i had no proof something was wrong, so i just ignored it…” i’m really glad you moved on.”

    That is SO key! Trust your intuition! Always always always! I can’t tell you how many times my mom calls me and tells me about a guy she is dating and she second guesses herself at least twice per sentence. One time on a first date a man (in his 50s) insisted that they sneak into a movie theater to see a movie. Neither of them were drunk. That was the less creepy thing he did that night and she still felt bad about not calling him back.

  19. I’m the one who submitted the question. Thanks very much, Elsa, and the rest of you, for your insights. I do second-guess my instincts, especially if it’s a matter of hurting someone else’s feelings. But I think this was the right response. (Helps, though, to hear from you all.)

    Just like Elsa, this got me thinking back to when I was in my early 20s. Some middle-aged guy was trying to grope me as I sat next to him in the theater. He was kind of my boss and I’m amazed to remember how paralyzed I felt to do anything. Ridiculous, of course, but that’s how it was.

    The sad and strange part of this guy I was just dating is that he seems to be fairly nice guy and probably doesn’t think he’s at all creepy, just a good samaritan. But this wasn’t the only warning sign. I liked the goddess’s perspective, to let them own their own responses. This hits the mark with me. Still. Dang. ๐Ÿ™‚

    So anyway, Elsa Collective, I’m grateful for your comments. Thanks.

  20. I went through something similiar at the start of my divorce.
    Men who show up when a divorce or seperation happens, or some other dire situation, are predators looking for prey. Their speciality are the wounded ones who are so lost in pain that they can’t see the wolf underneath the sheeps clothing.
    The one i ran into was piscis(?) rising, neptune in the 7th, with a cap. moon.

    Great column, Elsa, you prsent excellent situtions to learn from. thank you, i just can’t spell today.

  21. Hubs and I do voices and running jokes- my husband’s main voice character is a Southern preacher who loves to save “troubled young women”, combing bars and beaches for these “lost souls”..we joke he’s a polygamist whose wives find out he has no money and they refuse to cook for him…

    Old man helping young woman is a type, no doubt about it!!!

  22. Ugh…skeevy old guys. I have a couple of them at work that I am struggling with right now. They like to tell me how ‘good’ I look every day and they do it like they are just paying me an innocent compliment, but I think its more than that.

    Anyway, I feel like this woman was following her intuition and made the right call. If your gut is telling you something is off, then something is off. More people should listen to their inner voices. I think this is bothering her maybe because she never had this level of clarity before and is not used to recognizing it.

  23. Completely agree. Also I note that this man, after a five week relationship, made a special point of explicating the 22 year old. Why bring this up?

    Testing the waters. Are you going to play, respond? Would you write back and say I completely understand; I will be a willing accomplice to your inappropriate fantasies, wherin I validate some kind of weird spiritual marriage to a twenty two year old girl?

    Or would you question it further so he could defend it and build a case regarding his spiritual love and compassion?

    This was a test. If you had let him get away with it or done anything but break it off, the Pisces Game would be on. I am so glad you decided not to play. There are so many other fish in the sea — and since they spread themselves around you could easily find another one just like him tomorrow if you wanted to :).

  24. Nagging c, go with your gut. From experience it’s so hard to do but I also believe you did the right thing. Experience is a hard task master. I wish you all the best ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. Wow, I don’t have much to add, but I so appreciate reading the insight.
    I am sometimes foggy on piecing together motivations that others can see clearly without trying. I think bartenders are great at this (I dated a bartender and we talked a bit as I waited for him to get off of work about how he knew who was going to start a fight, who was cheating, who was trying to impress, etc. Always amazed me.) because they have so much opportunity to observe.
    Trusting my gut is something that I need to learn- after a deep betrayal a few years ago I was panicked, talking to a friend- “How can I ever trust anyone again!?!” and then the lightbulb went on- “Oh! I only need to trust MYSELF and my judgement, oh.” If I had listened to my gut I would have known pretty much everything I needed within the first 20 minutes.

    Like Maya Angelou says “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

  26. “My conscience, or something else, is bothering me, and Iโ€™m not sure whether I should be listening to it.”

    From the rest of her text she says, “I donโ€™t have second thoughts about breaking up with the guy.”

    I would say, the deed is done. What he does from this point foward is not his concern. Your concern seems to be with “why” you felt compelled to do it so quickly and abruptly.

    Looking at that 5th house Neptune she may be confused about her own standards regarding the “rules” in romance. To me, the quick cut off would relate to Uranus, but I’m having trouble seeing the chart and can’t tell of any major aspects to anything yet is in the same house as Venus.

    I’m not educated enough to talk about the astrology part directly to her, so my suggestion would be..”this event raised eyebrows on your side for a reason. Now, it is time to introspect on what it was that triggered your alarm? The fact he didn’t directly respond to your question? Your inkling that he may not be what he seems? Fear? Do you know what your personal rules in the ‘dating game’ are?”

    And let it go from there. He very well could be a creep. Or he could be a dumbass. To me, that’s not the issue here..it’s her own questioning of..”I know I did what was right..but..” But what? Either you are comfortable with your decision or not. In order to not be faced with the deliberation on the next date, it would be best to find the definitions for those romance rules YOU value and intend to uphold now.

  27. This is an appropriate topic since today an older guy hit on me – even though it was clear that he is married and that everyone knows it, including me. I used to think it is disgusting, now I am just too tired. I find it depressing that I seem to only meet this dark, miserable face of emotional connections. I have Venus and Mars in Pisces, 12th house and Saturn in 7th. I see Nagging Conscience also has Venus, Mars with Neptune and Saturn in 7th – maybe it really is a pattern.

  28. creepy, perhaps made moreso by the “god wants me to” bit.

    wyrdling, I had a similar run-in w a creepy potential landlord when I was 22. guy informed me that I would not be allowed to have men sleepover & he lived downstairs. My dad said: stay far far away from that creep.

  29. Dang. I learn so much from reading this blog: “Men who show up when a divorce or separation happens, or some other dire situation, are predators looking for prey.” When my sister (LIBRA/LIBRA/LIBRA) was going through her divorce, this guy, who for some reason unnerved me, showed up and at the time, seemed like he wanted to be Mr. Helpful. I never liked him, in fact, something about him made me feel like he was hiding something, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Inevitably, he did turn out to be a real shit, but ultimately blamed my sister for all their miscommunications. But reading the blog today, I get it–I was picking up on his “predator energy.” That energy brings out an instant reaction in me to be protective. Good to know.

  30. I’ve had more than plenty of experience with this… except I was 16 instead of 22.

    All I can say is, TRUST your instincts. They do not lie. If you feel something is wrong, get out immediately and never put your own safety at risk of making someone else uncomfortable.

  31. ick. creep alert! 99 times out of 100, that’s a creep!

    unless it’s an unusual but safe situation, e.g. he has grown kids and lots of spare rooms for rent in the gorgeous, massive house and there are study abroad students or roommates who pay rent, and he’s just a landlord.

    but if you get the slightest tingle, runnnnnn out of there as fast as you can!

  32. “I have spent the day recalling various old guys who were interested in helping me. Invariably they would lean and try to kiss me or some such shit.”

    Oh my God Elsa, truer words have never been spoken. Older men *always* expect something in return, I learned that lesson early on. Instincts are to be trusted.

  33. Creep alarm sounding full blast.

    Also seconding Elsa’s note that old guys don’t ever help without wanting something back, even if they aren’t consciously clear that they want it. (But usually the older ones are together enough to know what they’re up to.)

  34. the creepy dude..

    D (as i shall refer to him here) is a 65 year old man who began writing to me via chat site 2 years ago. he claimed to be 42 when we first started exchanging messages. he would tell me about his house and that he didn’t need to have a real job because he lived off his residuals from the market and such. he would never show me a picture of himself online because he was the secretary of a catholic church and town and couldn’t broadcast his face across the internet. (uh-huh)

    i was very tight on cash at the time. i was a student; already $75,000 in debt; only bringing in about $180 a week from my part time job. struggling to keep gas in the car just to get to class, i needed help.

    he offered to pay me for some landscape work. i accepted. but then, when the job was done.. he still offered to keep “helping me”, because “he knew how hard it was” for me to keep up on my income. i continued to accept.

    i am not proud of this by any means, but i always made it plain and clear that i was not interested in him romantically and did not desire a relationship. he bought me groceries, and put gas in my car. he would take me out for dinner. he helped me pay some of my student loan payments after classes and my forbearance was up. he used a connection he had to get me an incredible deal and put paid a small down payment in my car when the last one literally exploded one day. (the car has always been in my name, and i have paid for all but that first down payment.) then he asked for my social security number. (HUH?) he claimed that he was going to make me the sole executor of his will, and needed my SS# to process the papers through his lawyer. he wanted to keep me around until death.

    he told me he loved me and this was his way of showing his love. i tried to explain that for me love has nothing to do with the material world.. i told him i wanted him to be happy, and i didn’t think could be the person to make him happy. i couldn’t show him the love he wanted. but he assumed that since he “loved” me, i HAD to love him back.

    he would try and kiss me whenever his face got close enough. he offered to give massages all the time. he bought bottles of my favorite liquor to keep on hand knowing that i would not drive if i had been drinking, and would then have to stay over at his place. (i never drank in his presence). he always told me i should come swimming in his pool.. even bought me a bathing suit. i got my ass pinched and my crotch groped on a regular basis. i convince myself that this was just a job.. that i deserved to get paid for spending time with this man who would otherwise have no other companionship. it made him happy to walk through the mall next to me and buy me clothes.. so i played the game and told myself i was doing a good deed. (yeah.. right…..)

    beyond the vileness of his nature, he was physically one of the most unattractive men i have ever known.. sorry i have venus in libra, and i’ve dated a 58 year old.. this man did not take care of himself. he lived his entire life in his home town; in the same neighborhood. no desire to explore anything beyond the hill (my packed 9th house was baffled by this). he was rude to people in public (every server we ever had in every restaurant we ever went to). he owned his black convertable sports car for 3 years and barely had 11,000 miles on it… it had never seen a highway. he lived very sheltered from reality in his little world of figurines and silk flowers.

    as my financial situation improved, i saw him less and less. he would complain and whine that he hadn’t seen me in so long, and that he really wanted to go out to dinner with me. i couldn’t handle being one step above prostitute anymore.. it was weighing on my conscience. was i just using him? or was he the one using me.. we were in fact using each other. and it needed to stop.

    it was at this time that i began chatting with another guy in the area on that same chat site. D came up in conversation.. “hey, do you know this guy?” he was doing the same exact things for/to this other kid.

    when i finally called D on his true age and claimed that to be a breach of confidence, i pretended to be upset that he had lied to me for so long about something so trivial.. i felt like a nasty scumbag, and i was. but so was he. he cried. i told him i didn’t want any further contact. “i swear i was going to tell you how old i really am if you ever moved in here with me..”

    MOVED IN!!?!?!?! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    the entire time this went on.. and even now. i have always referred to D as “the creepy dude”. that is his official name amongst my inner circle.

    now, just another chapter from the darkest years of my life. i was horribly ashamed of myself, and still am; but it’s done.

  35. My 53 y/o BF left me for a 23 y/o co worker whom he was always โ€helpingโ€ and told me I was too jeaulous. Like I was the crazy one. He also had women roommates and when I told him this made me uncomfortable he just laughed.

  36. Well, this is purely anecdotal but –

    I know of a guy who is a professor. My friend became enamored with him and asked HIM out at the end of the semester. She likes to believe that she snagged him, but her naivetรฉ still makes me laugh/cringe.

    He was 58, she 21.

    It didn’t take long for her to move in with him. He had the typical scorpio den. Dark, floor to ceiling books on rape/feminism/conspiracy theory/occult (he had the cover of “Hating Women” prominently on display), skulls, random photos of his ex lovers. Oh, and his ex-girlfriend’s 18 year old daughter. Yes, he was letting her live with him (have his bedroom) for free while she was going to college nearby.

    My friend lived in his 1 bedroom condo and slept with him on his couch while this girl was occupying his bedroom for almost a year.

    The guy fancied himself a psychotherapist even though he was merely a sociology teacher at a community college. He had a “Rape Crisis” hotline in which he gave his personal home phone number.

    The first time I met him, it was myself and a few girlfriends of my friend. We had dinner. He stared at my breasts unashamedly the whole time and insulted me repeatedly (telling me I had father issues because I was married, etc) while this friend of mine just stared at him longingly. It was pretty sick.

    After years of enduring his manipulation and obsession with “saving” young women and girls my friend reduced herself to cheating on this man to get out of his grip. I thought it was a disgusting move, but it was really the only way to get him to write her off/get out of her life.

    He continues to pull this shit at 60+ years old and he is far from attractive. But his kind are a dime a dozen in WeHo and there’s always some poor soul to fall for it. Pisses me off.

  37. Jeez guys… seriously.
    He was thinking about doing a NICE THING for someone in a tight place.
    So, he believes in God & brings it up.
    Sorry, I think you kicked a puppy =(

  38. Nah, skeevy predator. No reason to run his free rent plan by his gf if he didn’t have an ulterior motive with the girl, even if he wasn’t quite conscious of it yet.

  39. l met my best friend when l was 17 he was 50. He did help me and was like a father to me. He was a Pisces a very unusual man and could better relate to younger women because of his tastes etc… After all this years his still my friend, nothing fishy was going on there. He would not dare and l would not have let him.
    We were friends and that was that. l know many people thought: wow the age difference but oh well we didn’t care. Both our famillies were fine with our friendship.
    l didn’t meet him online though. This is my story but l guess the girl knows what she feels and should trust on that.

  40. This young woman is already a “tenant”, it is not like he is offering to help some young girl off the street. I had my first daughter young as well, it would of been a blessing if someone would of cared enough to offer me the same kind of housing assistance. When my family and ex-husband turned their backs on me I ran into extremly hard times, I ran into many male sleazebag opportunists, over time I’ve learned to forgive them as well as myself. At the same time their were “male” & female “earth angels” that assisted me. All was part of my “life’s journey” and no one said it was going to be easy.

    I believe people should be slow to judgement when someone else says that they believe “Spirit/God” is asking them to do something. It is for that individuals own spiritual growth that they maybe be asked (by Spirit) to do such things, it is hard enough to make the choice to be willing to be obedient. Don’t make it more difficult by being judgemental.

    Regarding compatibility, it is probably the best choice that you were up front with him and decided to call it quits because it does not appear that you can handle someone who says that they be willing to do what “God/Spirit” is asking them to do no matter how crazy the task may sound,whether it is the truth or not. Sounds like you may also have a problem with why he chooses to have compassion on certain individuals versus others.

    Good Luck to you ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. I have a creepy guy at work and I think he’s a cheater. He complimented me on coming out of my shell basically. Uh I don’t have a shell.. I go to work and avoid people I don’t like. He acts like I’m 19 when he’s around me instead of the 36 year old mature woman that I am. It’s annoying. I used to be able to avoid these men but now I work with them.

  42. In my mid and later 20s I had two love affairs with much older men – both charismatic and good looking, and successful in their spheres. One was 46 when we met, the other 52. Neither was in the least ‘creepy’. Both wanted to help me so far as they could; the first gave a great boost to my career, and the other was always offering me money, of which he had a great deal – I never took it, though he did buy me some books. Both would feed me, in good restaurants, often. There were lots of other older men around at the time who also helped me, and whilst most wanted to bed me, they didn’t make heavy weather of it.

    There are times when such approaches from older men are ‘creepy’, and yes there is often a sexual attraction, but it’s not always to be derided or feared. It’s open to any woman to react as her gut and her fancy prompts her. I have no regrets – on the contrary both affairs were very precious to me and comprise fond memories. But being a Cap, even in my 20s I had heavy Saturn and wasn’t your typical 25/28yr old, maybe

    I don’t regret accepting help from older men who fancied me but in whom I had no interest, sexually, either. In most of those cases, the men genuinely LIKED me, realised I’d had a rough deal, and wanted to offer a helping hand – with bits of work, meals out, bar bills etc etc. I was very grateful, and we enjoyed one another’s company.

    I’d argue by the way, with the idea that a man of 53 is old! I don’t think old age even starts to kick in until a person is 60+. Many men in their early 50s are still vigorous and attractive.

    I’ve known some very successful marriages btw of men in their 50s with much younger women – though usually in their early 30s rather than 20s (though I do know of at least one such, a conductor and a young violinist in her early 20s… they were very happy until his death in his late 70s)

    It seems quite natural to me, for a man in his 50s to find young women attractive. The way they handle that is of course the distinction between ‘creepy’ and normal ๐Ÿ˜‰

  43. “If you want to go deeperโ€ฆ you probably felt some jealousy (Leo) but with Uranus involved with your Venus and Mars you do not approve of that. Ego, that is! You think on some level you should be able to detach and let your 53 year old boyfriend support anyone he wants so you are chastising yourself for not being COOL. But facts remain.”

    THIS.
    Man, that shook some things loose for me today. *grins* Thanks, Elsa!

    Now back to your regularly scheduled commenting… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  44. My creepy older Pisces Guy story…
    I was in my early 20’s, just starting to get deep into astrology, spirituality, the occult. Met him in a book store. He was so knowledgeable and helpful, kind, considerate, non-threatening that I asked him for his number. He was a college professor – easy with younger women, easy in the role of the older wiser teacher.

    Before I knew it I was calling him for everything, he was always available and always ready to help, always pouring out deep insights. I felt like he was “close to god” so to speak. There were no boundaries. Went well for months… until I got a boyfriend. Then he confessed his “feelings” for me over lunch. A major guilt trip, I actually felt bad about having a bf.

    This guy was sort of my guru. He said he’d drop the whole thing, that we could remain friends, but I should break up with my bf. As he put it “He’s never going to fulfill your needs.” I have too much Scorpio in my chart to do the whole control/power struggle/mind game thing. I have no tolerance for it. I instantaneously erected a fortress in our boundless mist of teacher/student friendship and gave no quarter.

    The rest of the lunch was all blah*blah*I*want*to*control*you*blah*blah.
    Close to god indeed.

    I paid for our lunch, literally with my last few dollars because I didn’t want anything more from him. Left, and never spoke to him again. I hurt, I second guessed my actions several times, I worried I had been rash, I slept soundly and knew I’d made the right choice despite everything.

  45. He went on endlessly…

    Never mind that I want to control you, you should be ok with it because I’m a kind harmless wise old guy who cares about you. It’s not about sex, not at all. Not unless I can control you with sex…

    I’m your benevolent leader guiding your to peace and enlightenment for the minor price of your freedom. You need to let of of your “self” anyhow, right? It’s better off in my hands than that guys!

    Who needs freedom anyway? You have needs! And look here I am to (help) fulfill them, just sell your “self” to me and we’ll be on our way!

    I have these uncontrollable feelings for you, that I am going to control, so long as you do what I want. I’d never hurt you, just consume you.

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