I realize this is not the most popular topic, however I am not done talking about it.
“He’s not sure,” I told my sister regarding the soldier. “We are discussing it. He thinks people may in fact change. He’s bringing up cases, for example he said he thought you’d changed.
She was surprised. “Me?”
“Yeah. But I don’t think you have. You haven’t changed a bit and either has this interaction.”
She waited for me to elaborate.
“You and I do the same thing now as we did when were kids. You’re always warning me of stuff. You can’t do that. You shouldn’t do that or this bad thing is going to happen. Do you remember ducking down in front of the window because they were going to shoot? And I kept standing up? You kept telling me to get down. You said you didn’t want me to get shot and get blood on you,” I said with a chuckle.
“I remember having to do that all the time but not telling you about getting blood on me.” “Well you said that. I wrote it all down but anyway, I was always doing all this stuff and you were always telling me I’d better not. You can’t steal a truck! Yes I can. We can’t move to town, we don’t have suitcases! We can move to town without suitcases! We don’t need suitcases to move to town, let’s just move to town!”
I paused to give her a chance to respond but she was quiet so I continued…
“Yeah, you always told me about all the bad things that were going to happen if I did all the things I was going to do and I always did the things anyway, and you do the same thing now. Maybe it is big-sister-looking-out-for-me or maybe it’s just Capricorn but you still do it.”
She asked me explain.
“Oh, I write some crap on blog, blah, blah, blah and you worry about it. Like when I wrote bitching about money. You worried about it. You’re going to make people feel guilty for reading your blog, you said. It’s not that you’re wrong it’s just that I think, so what? People feel all kinds of things when they read my blog so this is just another thing for them to feel! Biiiiiiiig deal, let them have a feeling and deal with it. If they can’t survive their feeling, then what the hell! But you see the pattern and it’s not changed a bit. I pull stuff, virtually non-stop and you warn me of the consequences. You are never wrong about what you say, by the way, it’s just that I don’t care. I care about doing the thing I want to do or saying the thing I want to say and I am willing to accept the consequences of it without question. I’m going to be strung up? Then string me up! But you get my point. You and I have not changed a bit. You have been warning me all my life as far as I can tell and I don’t think you could stop if you tried. I guess I am your responsibility, little sister and all. But anyway, this is how we interact. You can’t do that, Elsa! Don’t you see all the bad things that can happen? I always feel bad about not listening to you but I just like to do what I want to to. Risk is part of my life, I guess you could say. Oh Elsa! She did shit and she paid the price. That seems okay to me, see? That seems just fine, I will pay the bill for my fun.”