They replaced the windows in the front of my house today. I am super cold-sensitive with this autoimmune stuff. So I put on a coat and a scarf while they worked.
I wear a coat indoors all the time, these days. It doesn’t matter that it’s 72 degrees in the house, I’m cold and the best way to deal with it is to wear a down jacket. Er…if I turned up the heat to where I would be comfortable, my family will be melting in the heat.
So they replaced the windows. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, though it was cold today. This is Colorado!
When they finished, one of the men asked me, “Would you like me to leave the window open?”
I looked at him in total confusion. “Well I’m wearing a coat…so probably not.”
He didn’t seem to register what I said. “I closed the window. I guess you can open it if you like,” he said.
I opened my mouth to explain why I was wearing a coat. What would I say? I have Lupus? I have Raynaud’s and the blood shuts off in my fingertips? It’s ridiculous. I smiled and thanked him for his work.
Later, I was talking to satori. “I realized there is no sense telling anyone you have Lupus. No one knows what it is, for one thing…and no one cares. Hey! If someone cared, they would get a new drug for this, more than once every fifty years!”
I’ve been trying to figure this out. What to do with this diagnosis (besides treat it). I have been wearing coats inappropriately for years now. No one has ever cared why.
Do you care if the person you are talking to is wearing a coat? And you’re not? I don’t think I would notice.
But maybe some people do care. So if someone asks, “Hey, Elsa! Why are you wearing that coat in the sun?” I will tell him I have Lupus…
Other than that, I don’t have anything.
It’s so weird, it’s been this way all my life. In my book I wondered (as a child), if no one knows that you have a problem, do you still have a problem?
This is a pure Saturn Neptune phenomena. I have these energies mashed in my chart.
Consequently, I can be cold (Saturn) for no reason (Neptune) and have no one know it (obscured). It’s quite weird.
I am also getting ready to move, most likely to a small community. You know how I am going to handle this? I am going to find myself a Gemini or maybe a Pisces. Anyone leaky or gossipy will do.
I am going to tell them I have Lupus and let them spread it around, unbeknownst to me.
“Psst – she has Lupus.”
“I don’t know, but she has it.”
And then if anyone ever asks me directly, “Do you have Lupus?” I’ll just answer, yes.
Simple, huh? Neat petite.
I wanted to write this, because I think the point about nobody knowing and nobody caring is very powerful. If no one knows and no one cares, it makes it easy, for me at least, to follow suit.
It’s not always best, your problems be your calling card. The concept of a defined (Saturn) mystery (Neptune) seems pretty cool to me.