s left this comment on the flashback Bagdad Cafe post:
“…I think all these judgments are fascinating because the way I see it, each tells more about the judge than the person judged. If I had this aspect, I’d exploit it for the way it reveals the unspoken “shadow” side and valued stereotypes of the people around me..”
It prompted me to go back there and read the thing because when I put these flashback bits together, I never do. I should but I don’t (apologize to Saturn in Virgo for shirking duty) and it says this:
Consequently, I walk around and people say this:
“That bitch is rich.”
“Oh, Elsa is terribly poor.”
“She’s got a man.”
“She does not have a man.”
“No, she’s Jasmine.”
“She’ll give you the coat off her back.”
“She’ll cut your throat and not look back.”
“Crazy my ass. Crazy like a fox, maybe…”
“She’s got it made.”
“Elsa? She’s had a worse life than anyone I have ever heard of!”
And if you’re me?
Well you’re confused to say the least. 😛
That was 15 months ago and yesterday, I wrote this in response to a comment:
I get it joana. I have definite access to joy but when I get even a whiff of the idea someone thinks I have it made… well I almost feel a responsibility to correct the perception even if the effort is futile anyway. If people reading here knew the facts I assure you they would have a very hard time getting their jaws off the floor.
Thankfully (for everyone involved) the universe has provided a extremely effective smoke screen.
So it is not like I don’t see an upside, I do. I could and would not be me without this phenomena but I’ll tell you what it’s like:
Every now and then someone catches a glimpse of me and it is a glorious experience.There are times people make a simple statement that lets me know the see me at least in that moment and it generally moves me to tears it’s so rare. But then the tide goes out and when that happens, the same person who once saw me will now see a projection or some distorted thing which forces me to either wait for them to reorient or if they are smart (and all my friends are), they have learned when I say, “That’s not it,” I mean THAT’S NOT IT.
It sounds like this:
“Elsa P, are you a wreck?”
“Nope, I’m good.”
And then they believe me.
Now that doesn’t sound so difficult but I am telling you the average person can’t manage it. They get the fan going. The fan that blows back and dissipates reality. Sounds like this:
“But I thought you were this..”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? Because you said that and then this so I thought you meant that and I guessed this other.”
“No I am okay, like I said.”
“Boy, I don’t know how you could be okay. When I saw your eyebrow up like that, I just figured…”
Oh God, someone shoot me.
“What gets past Neptune?”
Yeah, Dim that is going to be my next question..”
Also, Dim, no hell no people who read here don’t get me. They get a hologram of me. People think so much erroneous shit you wouldn’t believe it.
The soldier and I were talking about this the other day. He told me it was very easy to do… get mixed up. It happened to him actually. He contacted me because he thought I was suicidal.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? ::shakes head::
I have never been suicidal in my life.
I get mail every day that says this:
“Elsa, I know you……..”
And whatever it says after that is completely foriegn to me and I mean it is incomprehensible.
And if I TRY to figure out where they came up with the thing it becomes even more confused.
shell _ ha ha ha. Thank you! And it’s a saint or sinner aspect so I get them both. But if you’re me, your image of yourself is going to be distorted no matter what. It’s a hall of mirrors – period! Except for the exceptions to that which I am going to address next.
“What gets past Neptune?”
A couple weeks ago I pulled up an old video and I wrote above it, “I pulled up this video from January..”
In the comments someone remarked how good my hair looked in the latest videos. Ha ha ha.
Can you imagine the duress for Venus in Leo? My old hair is being admired. ::pouts::
I might want to punch someone over that! 😛
Don’t be telling me my hair USED to look good. The soldier does that. My hair was straight when I was young. Seriously. And he liked it.
He says I got electrocuted somewhere along the way and I just want to beat on his chest.
Seems like enough people get you on this blog, at least. Those who come to perch jack into your thing.. and those who don’t.. don’t. What gets past Neptune?
I know I don’t know you, but the image of who you are in my mind is fantastic.
Totally superficial, but you just appear to be awesome.
After all, you created this blog 🙂
I have found in real life people are different from who they portray in virtual life (ie online)… to really know some one takes time… and you can not really know a person on line… there is a country song about that … Brad Paisly sings about how this guy lives in his mothers basement but online he is 007 🙂
I also think that’s it’s a huge disappointment for some people if they have a picture in their mind and the reality is something completely different. I think it then means that they have to adjust their whole concept of their relationship with you and where they fit into your life. I am having this now with family staying with me. I took for granted that I was visible to them – turns out they are looking for a stranger. Actually don’t know who is the more disappointed !
Sorry, just read your most recently posted blog Elsa – I think what I just wrote would have been more appropriate there!
I think people probably get the broad strokes… the problem seems to be when they try to fill in the holes or add detail. I think it’s pretty clear to anyone here, for instance, that you’re a strong woman and you don’t let people push you around…. but then they try to add to that, and convolute something really simple into something it just isn’t. I wonder if this is what happens to every Neptunian…….
Or maybe I’m just projecting my experience with it onto you. lol… I don’t know anymore!
i get… uh, naw, never mind, i don’t get it 😛
seriously, i struggle with this all the time with a couple of friends of mine. i’m only starting to see how seriously, and often, they get totally confused. i used to think they knew what they were talking about.
my neptune’s square the AC, from the other direction (close to the IC… so, yeah, my family really really doesn’t get me, but it happens with a lot of other people too.)
dissonance- it is an inherent feature of being human that we are percieved to be different than who we truly are. Part of this is in the eye of the beholder and it is also due to the fact that what we project as who we are is often different than who we truly are. There is a gap or dissonance or incongruity involved. Part of the trick I think is to live your life so that who you project you are is as close as possible to who you really are. The hall of mirrors part is that even if you are doing your best to live your life like this, there will always be people who will never get you. There will be some that that get a glimpse and some who get most of the picture, but how can it be possible for anyone to get the entire picture when who you are is changing like the bow wave in front of the vessel that contains your soul as it moves through the river of life.
I guess what I was going to say was something close to what Spinner said…
Don’t we all need to try to picture someone as we are talking to them? (I mean who they are as a whole). So if you don’t know bits, you fill in the gaps. We’ve all watched the news where the reporters are interviewing the neighbors of the mass murderer (or whatever). “I don’t understand. He seemed like such a nice man. Quiet. Always kept to himself…” I try not to take people for granted. People have a public persona, the nasty bits, weird bits, etc., are usually hidden.
Elsa, it drives you crazy that people form all these whacked out ideas of who you are… but would you like it if you were an open book? “Oh, Elsa is like this, like that, and like that.” Wouldn’t it suck if it was true? Wouldn’t it suck if all your mystery was gone, and everyone could just read you?!!
Hmmmm, I’ve only been hanging out here for a few weeks, but I’m beginning to get that eerie feeling about things being fated . . .
Elsa, as far as I know you are a powerful, fearless being who has lived many lives before this one, and who is quite naturally unknowable. Not like God, exactly, but a mystery is a mystery, after all. The parts I can see of you here, and only after this brief period, I like.
Now what about me? I still want to talk about me. I have my Neptune conjunct Mercury, both also conjunct Midheaven in Libra. And these three are nearly exactly opposite Moon in Aries. My Sun, in a similar vein, happens to be in that part of Virgo that Goldschneider and Ellfers (The Secret Language of Birthdays) call “the Enigma.”
I’m getting to be up in years, and I’ve got many many questions about my identity, persona, mind, heart and soul. And life is after all turning out to be quite transient in any case. The longer I live, the more questions I have. That said, there are a few people in my life, from time to time, who “get” me. But as you’ve said, even this experience is quite transient. I think nearly everyone can understand a little at least, what we’re talking about here, but there do also seem to be scads of people who just don’t really have questions. They don’t necessarily have answers either, but they seem to be doing just fine, rich and/or contented even. Is this an illusion?
I greatly enjoy reading here every day Elsa, and reading this post I can say that I do know one thing about you and it is this: you are generous. You are generous with your spirit and you are generous with your knowledge. It’s a beautiful and admirable thing.
Now what about me? I still want to talk about me.” your honesty made me laugh, jjj. 🙂
“Part of this is in the eye of the beholder and … also … that what we project as who we are is often different than who we truly are. … [T]he trick I think is to live your life so that who you project you are is as close as possible to who you really are.”
Mmmm. I think it’s more complex than that.
I’ve done (tried?) this since elementary school, which led to a lot of fallacious gossip about my life, personality, and hobbies/interests. I’ve been living as true to my grain as I can, letting it all hang out, for at least twenty years; a friend of sixteen years still reads me incorrectly and projects onto me.
With Sun trined Neptune and a Pisces MC, I think it’s inevitable. People are going to think what they’re going to think about me and it’s just my good fortune that 92% of the time I couldn’t possibly care less about their opinions. 😉 I’m a complex cat, I’ll admit it, but that can’t account for how flabbergasted people are by me.