wyrdling writes around my decision to blow off reality:
“… I can’t say I hear everything, but you never really know what someone catches and what they don’t. Just because most people miss something doesn’t mean everyone does…”
“Do you want to play to other people’s holograms? Particularly because they’re never solid and keep shifting?”
wyrdling that’s a good point. I have not figured this out exactly, it’s so tricky but I do feel it would be wise for me to quit trying to jam my foot into a shoe I will never be able to actually wear. It leads to pain, pining, and a sense of hopelessness. I would go as far as to say it leads me to despair and if there is a way for me not to feel that, then it’s an option worth considering.
Now I understand that stating I am suffering while simultaneously producing copious amounts of work and grinning the way I do creates cognitive dissonance in people’s minds. They have little choice but to adjust reality for their own comfort level. I, Elsa P, am not going to be able to stop this phenomena however I probably can act in a way that creates fewer problems for people, sparing myself in the process.
Because there is nothing quite so painful and jarring as telling someone your child is fighting for their life and having them tell you that you are lucky, you have it made and you are having a great day.
Do you have any awareness of your psyche’s tendency to alter reality when faced with this kind of disconnect? A smiling person telling you they are suffering for example? How do you handle a situation like this?
I try to get out of their way and let them get on with what they have to do.
I realised young that sometimes things are shit and there is nothing you can do so you might as well try and find the brighter side as collapse in a heap, and so I assume if someone says they are suffering their ability to smile or produce does not mean they aren’t suffering.
If they want to talk about it I’ll listen and if they want to compartmentalize and get on with their day I’ll do what I can to make that easy, because even when its one heck of a whopper sometimes putting things to one side to get on with other things is the only possible route. And it hurts and is fucked up but . .
I just believe them and understand that everyone deals with things their own way. No one has to put on a show of suffering in order for me to believe it’s there. It wasn’t always this way, but I’m going through Pluto opposing my moon right now, and I have come to understand how private that pain can be. No one believes that I’m suffering either. But what am I going to do, cry and wail and convince them of my pain? I don’t think so. They can think what they want, and I’ll just be happy that someone that clueless isn’t privy to my pain, because obviously if this is all they can do then I don’t need them there right now.
how might this be resolved?
A mood ring?? A set of happy or sad pins???
I don’t know that you’ll ever solve it for folks Elsa, but maybe just knowing that it exists perhaps will make it easier for you to wind your way around the obstacles that the obtuse can cause just because they are standing in your way smelling the roses of life, while all about you yours is wilting. Side-step those folks and get on with what you need to do to get through!
If a smiling person tells me they are suffering, I don’t think this has ever happened to me, but I would probably think that they are putting on a brave face. I would probably either try to empathize through the facade (if I sensed they wanted to break down but were afraid), or go with the facade (if I sensed they were trying NOT to break down).
They could be doing neither of those two things, but I would have no way of knowing. Unless I asked, which I might do if my gut told me I could.
midara took the words out of my mouth. i try to take what people say at face value though sometimes my asc. and mercury in scorpio tell me otherwise. unless they’re directly getting on my nerves, it’s not my business how others misrepresent themselves or not. shoot, i’ve got my hands full already trying not to misrepresent myself!
*sending you some positive energy* your blog is brilliant, elsa, and a solace and comfort to me more than you could know. 😀
Your blog is a solace and a comfort for me too! I don’t think that anyone understands anyone else’s pain….how could you really?
“Your blog is a solace and a comfort for me too! I don’t think that anyone understands anyone else’s pain….how could you really”.
I just want to join Tam is his words. It takes special feelings and inteligence to give people the right answer. Thank you for your kind letter and for the “Secret in the Stars” tube. It was a perfect give in perfect time.
p.s. none of these guys live by me…the cancer is in sacramento, i’m in san diego, the libra in in massachusetts and will have to stay there for another year and a half, and the aquarius is chillin in LA.
seems like i got a thing for long-distance love…
If a smiling person told me they were suffering, I would probably feel a little threatened!
Thanks for all the support! I have an idea forming how I am going to change this. I have several pieces floating around, no quilt yet but I can see there is going to be one. I really think this is going to have great impact on my life so thanks for let me work this out in public… which I guess is appropriate seeing as we’re talkin’ the 10th house.
why don’t you go barefoot, then?
smiles + suffering = resilience, in my experience.
if you figure some ways of smoothing out the disconnect between your internal world and your external perception in a way that works for you, i’d love to hear about it. good luck. it can definitely be a miserable experience.
Hmm. I guess I don’t have much useful to contribute to this discussion, but that really put my own more trivial problems in perspective.
If a smiling person tells me their suffering I listen and empathize, just because someone appears they’re ok doesnt mean they are. I have learnt this from my own experience (Pisces ASC, Neptune in the 10th) but especially from my sister which has this as a promient theme in here life.
She has packed 12th house, Jupiter rising and Venus Libra in the 10th. I never seen someone so projected on, all we can do is trancend and laugh about it. People think all time shes incredibly happy and fine despite the fact she could be going through hell and even when she mentions shes not fine people dont believe her.
So while I will not begin to imagine the pain or suffereing your in elsa or anyone else I wont discard it because you “appear” to be smiling and getting things done.
BTW we both love your saying “Dimples rising”.
First..wyrdling.. you always seem so incredibly perceptive, like you get right to the core..:::bows respectfully::
Maybe..sometimes when things are really bad, the only thing we can do it carry on with what makes us feel connected to our own “normal”. as others are saying here we can’t ever know or feel another’s pain, but if they choose to share, we can connect and give whatever warmth we have in whatever way we shine, and that’s fine. If they prefer to keep it private, and even if we know they are suffering, best we can do is send a little love and warmth along anyway.
Elsa, Neptune may bring projection, but it can also disguise the reality of the fact that people may not know the details,nor may you want them to, but there are plenty of good people who will sense the essence of you. I’m so sorry for all the times you hurt quietly, carrying that stuff, no matter how gladly you do what you do, I’m sorry that you have to.
Would you also count Neptune in the 10th types not conjunct Midheaven?
“A smiling person telling you they are suffering for example?”
I remember someone on an online forum commenting with disgust at the interview of a girl after she was molested. The commentor said she must have liked it because she kept smiling while she was describing what happened to her. I watched the interview and one could see quite obviously that this was a nervousness and discomfort thing and not a happy smile. When explained this, by others as well, on the forum, that person wouldn’t agree. Possibly attached to their feeling of disgust, superiority or who knows what.
Personally, I’d want to be told if I was getting something wrong. But I also understand what an uphill frustrating task it is to correct someone’s illusions.
They are often too attached to what their initial assumptions made them feel.
And this may be selfish on my part, but Elsa I hope you always find the strength and never stop to fight / correct those illusions when it matters most to you.