sasha – thanks. I have to tell you it is so confusing. People see me in various ways and the ways are so varied.
One person is scared to death of me, the other person thinks I am going to be crippled by their hate mail.
The person that loves me or thinks I am great often decides I am the bane of their existence at some point. The person who thinks I am lousy very often decides I am not.
Most people go back and forth like the tide so when I read what you wrote today (and this is not personal) I did not know how to respond or even if I should respond because I am pretty sure your impression is today’s impression which may be very remote from tomorrow’s impression or the impression you form next week.
With Neptune conjunct the midheaven my public reputation is always in flux. Because of this, I rarely thank people when they compliment me simply because I don’t want to hold them to their perception even in the moment because I know it is going to change.
I don’t want to attach to the compliment either. I don’t want to internalize it or believe it because I have just lived the Humpty Dumpty story about a million times. That is people see me up there on the wall – they identify me, but I know I am going to fall, see?
After a lifetime of experience, in would say that is inevitable I will not be able to maintain the person’s projection. They will think I am sensitive and like me, I will say something they think is insensitive and they will not like me. If they think I am nurturing they will later think me cold, if they think I am mean, generally speaking, eventually think I am nice!
Further if a person needs someone to shoot, I can tell you right now it is going to be me and while sometimes I can go a long way, I am telling you that inevitably I fall. Either I let out a string of swears words, or I disagree with the person on health care reform, or they find out I am marrying a soldier, or I so much as put an AD on my blog so I can try to be paid a dime and all the sudden that does it! I become the new thing of their imagination.
So anyway, thanks for your kind words and thanks for sharing your perceptions. I do appreciate them but I just want you to know (all of you to know) that I will not be holding you to them.