to elsa : your enegry is radiant, but dark. not centripetal, but expansive. not bad, just dark.
sasha – thanks. I have to tell you it is so confusing. People see me in various ways and the ways are so varied.
One person is scared to death of me, the other person thinks I am going to be crippled by their hate mail.
The person that loves me or thinks I am great often decides I am the bane of their existence at some point. The person who thinks I am lousy very often decides I am not.
Most people go back and forth like the tide so when I read what you wrote today (and this is not personal) I did not know how to respond or even if I should respond because I am pretty sure your impression is today’s impression which may be very remote from tomorrow’s impression or the impression you form next week.
With Neptune conjunct the midheaven my public reputation is always in flux. Because of this, I rarely thank people when they compliment me simply because I don’t want to hold them to their perception even in the moment because I know it is going to change.
I don’t want to attach to the compliment either. I don’t want to internalize it or believe it because I have just lived the Humpty Dumpty story about a million times. That is people see me up there on the wall – they identify me, but I know I am going to fall, see?
After a lifetime of experience, in would say that is inevitable I will not be able to maintain the person’s projection. They will think I am sensitive and like me, I will say something they think is insensitive and they will not like me. If they think I am nurturing they will later think me cold, if they think I am mean, generally speaking, eventually think I am nice!
Further if a person needs someone to shoot, I can tell you right now it is going to be me and while sometimes I can go a long way, I am telling you that inevitably I fall. Either I let out a string of swears words, or I disagree with the person on health care reform, or they find out I am marrying a soldier, or I so much as put an AD on my blog so I can try to be paid a dime and all the sudden that does it! I become the new thing of their imagination.
So anyway, thanks for your kind words and thanks for sharing your perceptions. I do appreciate them but I just want you to know (all of you to know) that I will not be holding you to them.
I caught up with you right at the tail end of the Xanga days, been reading here since before there were comments, and yanno? So far you’ve never managed to do anything to change my perceptions. Sure, I disappear for weeks — sometimes months — at a time, but when I find my way back you’re still the same E I’ve come to admire. Still here, still real. Personally, I hope that doesn’t change. *smiles*
Deciding, bah. It’s overrated.
I’ve decided not to decide about you. You just are. End of the sentence. Who am I, or anyone else, to say what you should be. Earth is earth, water is water, etc.
It’s your trip, maaaaaaan. 😀
I think it’s important to not hold on to anyone else’s perception of ourselves. But it’s a struggle for some people (myself included). It’s nice to know that there IS someone out there that can do it.
I do actually hold back some of my own compliments of you, because of this fact about you. But I’m not one for complaints either, this is your blog, and I respect your boundaries. I think. 🙂
Well I am just perennially confused and that’s a fact. “You’re good, you’re bad, you’re shiny, you’re dull, you’re a fool, you’re a brain, you’re healing, you’re killing…”
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I’ll tell you what I do, do. I do my best at all times, otherwise I don’t think I could stand to be alive. I just could not survive the giving of support (Saturn Neptune)followed by the taking it away.
I also think of a lot of people are selling their love and I just don’t have that kind of currency to trade.
You strike me as someone who has found a way to be her own woman, not anyone or everyone elses. And I will say yes to that.
Public rather than personal perception of a person tends to be in response to the perceived bits of a person on show, and anyone in the spotlight would know what it’s like to be caught in that surreal kaleidoscope.
Fact is you can walk away from any of us at any time, switch the light off on that person, me included. It’s your place, your call, and the people genuinely, physically close to you know who you are, which is what really matters. The rest of us, it seems, need only mind our manners, which isn’t a lot for anyone to ask of us. Insults are unacceptable, and compliments are like being tickled with a feather, transient, but fun, worth enjoying, for sure.
My perception of the “you” who comes across the computer screen here, Elsa is that you are a vibrant person I thoroughly respect for her intellectual strength, a generous spirit, a little wacky ( I was reared to applaud wacky)now and then in a thoroughly entertaining way, occasionally fiesty in defense of your viewpoints and your boundaries,(understandably so), dramatic, wholehearted, capable of swiftly changing the mood and tempo like a clever musician and surprising/stunning, all of which makes your blog so addictive. You also have great hair.
Ok maestro..which bits of that did I project? ; )
Ha, it’s really nice to see such a long reaction triggered by a ‘transitory impression’/ personal projection (that, BTW, is something all people do – even you and even in this very post, a fact that I assume you know). You were the one who invited the impressions on in the first place. (neptune trine ascendant speaking here).
What made you think it was a compliment or that my words were ‘kind’, as you say ? i only used totally neutral, almost plastic words (caught you:).
Anyway, congratulations for you and soldier. Make the best of it!
Now you’re not gonna scapegoat me as the ‘naive projector’, are you?
OK. I will admit to one thing. I am jealous of your hair.
Even if it would look totally ridiculous on someone like me.
BTW, one of my favourite topics on this blog is people feeding on plutonian energy. Nice post and strig of comments afterall.
natasha – that was not at all my intention. I mean, I am a million miles away from having an intention like that.
Let me tell you a fact about me: I say exactly what I mean and have no problem outlining my thought process. In this case…
I saw your comment and thought I should respond… that it would be polite, that perhaps it was called for. I wasn’t sure though.
I read it a few times and it reminded me of a remark an old friend of mine made some 20 years ago, she was a Virgo with a Scorpio Moon. She told me she could see that I had been surrounded by black at one time but no longer was. It was a really interesting comment to me at the time – obviously, I never forgot it.
So anyway, I read your comment a few times and then decided to write this. I really was not directed at you… could not possibly be further from that as I decided to say something that it has crossed my mind to say for a number of years. That is….
People compliment me here and there on this blog and I very rarely respond. I always wonder if I should but I figure if I do the blog / comments will be filled with dick-sucking back and forth… other things i see on other blogs that I don’t like. Specifically, a commenter says something nice to the astrologer and then the astrologer thanks them and adds some other remark that is just plain… boring?
So anyway, I have opted away from this on my blog and I have done it for YEARS. I am sure some think I am rude for not acknowledging their compliment but… well it’s just as I said. I don’t want to have that kind of thing in the comments.
“Elsa you are smart.”
Elsa says, thank you and so are you for noticing? Oh, and by the way you are smart too, blah blah blah blah.
So anyway these are facts:
Your comment got my attention because it triggered a memory.
I decided to use to to make this point.
I am sorry if it made you feel bad. Again, that was absolutely not my intention. Er.. you remind me of a friend not an enemy.
Also, for old-timers, it was entity, “Sonia” who said that to me.
I was right on the other side of this murder case / investigation that came up yesterday and I had been to the pits of hell with that, so it was just very significant at the time.
She did not know of my history and it was a remark that held a lot of promise to me as I was trying to go forward with my life.
it might interest some of you to know that I had to live underground for more than 10 years after that, so you know….
It is never what it seems around me and there is little I can do about it.
“You were the one who invited the impressions on in the first place.”
I didn’t respond to this because it was in the spam filter… just found it so now is up there in order as you posted it. It is possible this caused some of the problem, if this is a problem.
On the invitation, just for clarity… I wrote the post you commented on a long time ago. It’s old, there are 6500 posts on this blog and I did not read it to see what you were commenting on.
I took the comment on it’s own because it struck me as I outlined.
Ignoring or rejecting what felt uncomfortable does reflect, however, some dependency on what other people throw on you :). If it’s convenient (if it makes a meal, how you would say), let’s take it and use it. If not, let’s pretend it never happened :).
That’s the point when I usually know I touched a sore spot in someone’s irrational. You just projected the projector in you on me and you weren’t able to move any further from what your ego immediately got hold on.
I’ll just take your word for that, natasha. I am weary maan, and only human. I meant to be kind.
Haven’t read all the comments to this post yet but want to say anyway, even if you don’t hold me to it: I believe you bring a lot of light. I’ve been reading here a few years, most intensely since 08 I guess — had a few consultations. Whether people call you mean or rude or nice or nurturing….whatever. The light is bright —
It’s obvious to me that you are here everyday, all day, busting your ass IN SERVICE — while dealing with your own life and family, etc
I’m just glad I subscribed to this entry, I’m learning a hell of a lot about you Elsa – at least, as much as a person can learn from reading…
And I am not a complimenter,btw. I can sincerely do it, but never fake it — unlike some friends of mine who use compliments as icebreakers.
hell, it was a scorpio moon who told you that thing about the dark aura? if my memory doesn’t fail me, you have pluto moon yourself, don’t you?
You really needn’t have outlined your thought process (here i should feel a bit underestimated :).
My comment was not a compliment. It was just meant to trigger a reaction. The direction that you could take for this purpose was your choice (actually according to what parts you decided to identify with and what parts you prefered to project and i suppose you know what i mean).
And don’t worry, you really didn’t make me ‘feel bad’ (hell:), i was just curious. Anyway, I could never feel bad without feeling good in the same time :D.
??? Alrighty then.
” It was just meant to trigger a reaction”
ha ha that was obvious! it is fairly obvious when an agent provocateur comes along…
my question to you would be “what’s YOUR angle???”
PS. Elsa has written about a Pluto-Moon transit extensively. It’s in the tags.
I don’t have a Pluto Moon.
I have a Jupiter Moon which is obvious by this thread.
I see you as a source of information. You have quirks but so does everyone else. I’ve never known this stuff, so I love the info.
Sometimes I get the impression of you like that one other lady, someone that’s got a calling and just tends to gather others around. It’s good because it helps others.
I started writing because I was at home with small children and it was an outlet for me.
Later, when my kids should have been in school… my daughter fell ill and taking care of her precluded me having an outside job of any kind.
My daughter got worse and worse and worse and worse and eventually writing here became a matter of survival for me and on more than one level.
Now this blog is my job and one I hope to keep.
i see the saturn/neptune on the midheaven manifesting in the ‘work’ of art/inspiration that is elsa’s blog…
and this has me thinking about projections/compliments re: work vs the personal
perhaps paying tribute to an artists work is an avenue of gratitude that pulls back on the projections? i love picasso’s art, i’m not sure who he was as a man….regardless i pay tribute to his creativity…
eh, hope i’m not sticking my foot in the wrong place here, but it occurs to me that rather than trying to compliment elsa and figure out who she is or isn’t….it would be more meaningful to pay tribute or pay literally for the saturn/neptune astrology as art she presents
Well, I compliment you from time to time and don’t expect anything in return. I only hope you know I am sincere…I don’t say things I don’t mean. And for the record, I have never changed my opinion of you over the past 8 yrs or so…*shrug* but then, I have the same aspect…so, maybe it’s just that I can relate… 🙂
The main thing to take from this is:
I often don’t respond to compliments because it makes “clutter” in the comments. I worry about being seen as rude because of this but have come down on this side of the question right or wrong. I does not mean they are not appreciated.
My manner here is not the best but it IS the best I can do and I really can’t say more than that.
Neptune conjunct Mid-heaven huh? That’s why you have such an exotic look to you.
Neptune is conjunct my sun right now and soon it will transit my midheaven (conjunction)..
I taught the conjunction of midheaven to neptune would mean confuse on your life path.. the direction of your life.. Isn’t it neptune on ascendant that influences the perception of people?
I have neptune in opposition with my ascendant from the 6th house so I do understand where you are coming from but I didn’t know that it meant the same for the midheaven..
Re: Natasha “You just projected the projector in you on me and you weren’t able to move any further from what your ego immediately got hold on.”
I can see that kind of thing as well – I can see (or project) how Elsa may use the neptune on her midheaven in a way other than she claims to use it but what i’ve gained invaluable understanding is to not react to her perspective because it is in fact her perspective.. her life.. and is true to her.. and so not up for debate. In doing so my own projections are grounded. She really is a mirror/slingshot and if one stops and listens and takes in her points of view instead of arguing about something that is inherently subjective than one truly gets deep insight into her and into astrology. Much more valuable than reading theories in books.
I’m curious Elsa, how does your family see your neptune midheaven?
“I’m curious Elsa, how does your family see your neptune midheaven?”
Liz – I am writing you a new blog but on this:
“Elsa may use the neptune on her midheaven in a way other than she claims to use it ”
I am not sure you can use Neptune, I think it probably uses you. It’s like you think you use it but you are mistaken. 😉
How’s this for a Pluto in Capricorn/Saturn in Virgo idea? Don’t clog the blog with compliments, press the Donate button instead.
Thank you, opal. 🙂
Opal … WERD.
Neptune Conjunct the Midheaven is a difficult aspect because Neptune does not like to be in the limelight. I have Neptune conjunt my Sagittarian Midheaven and form a midpoint between my Midheaven and my early Capricorn sun. I also have Jupiter widely conjunct my Mideheaven in Sagittarius in the 9th house. My Leo moon widely trines my early Capricorn Sun, Trine my Neptune, Midheaven and Jupiter in Sagittarius! Thank god I have the Sun and Mercury in Capricorn, as Capricorn/Saturnian energies are the antehesis (opposite) to both the Moon and Neptune. Note I have Mercury in Capricorn quinitling my Late Pisces Ascendant and Gemini North North Node in the 3rd! This makes me quite elequent with words, and gives me the ability to pick up the essence of situations quickly, not to mention potential qualities of my future mate (Virgo in the 7th,) ruled by Mercury rules partnerships, marriage and the ‘shadow self’. Most women I’m attracted to either have a strong dose of Virgo or Capricorn in their charts! Now back to Neptune..! It is my chart ruler, on the midheaven and aspects my Moon, Sun and Jupiter in powerful ways. I was bullied and victimisted as a child by my Father and by peers at school. For being quirky, eccentric,wise and perceptive beyond my years (Sun in Cap in the 10th, Sat in Scorp in the 8th and ASC in Pisces). If any one has read the book by Roald Dahl, Matilda,I was a young male version of that character. I was intelligent, quirky and a sympathetic character. At age 10 I had a mindset of an Adult, not to mention an ability to see ‘ahead’. I used to criticise my Parents at an early age. My Father did not like it and my Mother adored it. I always wanted to either be a Nurse, Teacher, Geologist or a Doctor. I became a teacher (Elementary School). It took me until my late 20’s to achieve my goal as a teacher. Life was tough in my early to mid twenties. I wanted to be either an Archaologist or Historian. My Father was deeply disapointed with my dreams and my Mother thought it was ‘airy fairy’. I worked hard in numerous jobs as my Father did not believe in subsising his children after 18 years of age. I’m not resentful of the fact, infact it has made me a stronger person. I had Saturn Semisquadrate my Midheaven, it gave me a dose of both reality, work ethic and indecicion. It took me a while, but after completing my Bachelor of Arts at University majoring in History, Politics and minors in Australian Studies/International Relations, I decided to study a Graduate Diploma of Teaching. I worked extremly hard at University plus I worked 25-35 hrs a week with casual work. In Neptunian ruled Petrol/Gas Stations. Just because you have Neptune conjunct the midheaven, doesn’t necessarily mean that all of your knowledge is impractical,like a guru from Timbuk Tu! It depends on the signs and aspects involved with your midheaven. Yes I’m spiritusl, but I’m also realistic and incredibly practical.
Signified by my Capricorn Sun/Mercury in the tenth with Saturn Semisquare my Sun and Semisquadrate my midheaven! So if Neptune is on the midheaven find out the sign and aspects to other Planets, to help paint an accurate picture.
Kindest Regards Brenton Proctor