Naïveté

Growing isolated, when I got to town I was tremendously naive. To this day, I still stumble over various things that really bewilder me.  There are countless things I could list that I only figured out, 10 or 20 years after the fact, or because someone tipped me off. Even when someone does tip me to something, it doesn’t necessarily register and I mean it can take 10 years for me to really understand of assimilate the thing.

Case in point, I was in a situation when I was young, where I was in close proximity to a man who hired prostitutes all the time. The women were all ages and all colors and when he said they were his friends…well I’d have never thought they were anything but.

In this particular case, it was some years later someone told me these girls were all prostitutes and I was just *stunned*.  It’s not like I hear something like this and think, oh.  I knew that! And it’s not like I’m embarrassed either, I am just sort of in a state of disbelief.  I am in such a state that I don’t ask questions in a circumstance like this, other than maybe, “Are you sure?”  They’re sure.

Then it takes 10 years for me to really see what the situation was and this is probably because I don’t try that hard. I mean, who wants to know this stuff, anyway? I liked those girls, or at least I liked every single one of them I ever interacted with.

It’s also just disturbing what can go on under the nose of someone like me. I don’t want to think about it.

There are people out there who say they are onto whatever is going on in their environment . They say they scan all the time and I believe them. I can’t say that I scan at all but I do feel okay about all this to some extent because if there is something important for me to know,  I’ll find out in plenty of time somehow.  I have faith in this (Neptune)  because it’s been the case over time (Saturn) but this other thing is weird. I don’t exactly know when I’m clueless and I am so often the last to know.  Many times I am the first to know something so it makes it even stranger.

I am grateful to be partnered with a fellow weirdo.  My husband grew up in too many cultures to fit well in any of them so there is some affinity although we’re very different.

A few years ago, some of you might remember that I found out a friend of mine was dead.  I’d been looking for her for close to 20 years and finally found her sister’s names on a genealogy site. I contacted the family and learned she was killed in a car accident in Texas when she was in her mid-20’s. I w0n’t elaborate because this is already a long post but recently…in the last year or so, I have come to realize she was also very likely a whore.  I should have known but I could not have known. When you grow up in the desert, without a TV…well there are no whores out there so it’s just not something that would occur to a person like me…until maybe 35 years after the fact.

The bulk of my life takes place in the 8th house. This is true whether I’m conscious or not.

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Comments

Naïveté — 11 Comments

  1. Holy crap. I dont mean to pry but is this the Aqua/Libra girl? ;(
    I deny when things like this happen to me. Something horrible, horrible will be happening to me and I’m just obvious. Like when my dad died, when my parents split up, my mother hates me, I figure these things out in time but I dont realize how bad they are. I guess this is pisces in my 8th? and venus there too? Hm. I get these impressions and after a while I have come to realize they are usually spot on, and I choose to deny them. Mistake you know.

  2. Wow Elsa.

    I had kinda picked up on the fact that my mom had something against her father.

    It wasn’t until I was around 40, and he was long dead, that I found out why.

  3. I feel the same way alot of the time. Things I notice no one else does conversely I’m the last person in the office to know the gossip. I just don’t notice. I guess I do have strong Mars/Pluto.

  4. Sun and Mercury in the 8th, and I’ll admit certain things take me quite some time to process, but my thing is I often wonder how often people are on to my own covert thoughts and operations. Not that I employ prostitutes or do anything particularly unsavory.

  5. I’m oblivious most of the time with my Pisces and Sag, but the people around me are very subtle and keen readers and know everything about people around them as city people tend to do. It amazes me they can just assume so much and be right most of the time – they just don’t know what to do with me however as I don’t fit! I don’t like using my Pluto for examining others, but if I am forced to in defense, it’s on target. I do puke afterwards though because most of the time, I really don’t want to know!

  6. If I’m not interested in something, it flies right under my radar until someone else points it out to me. People being whores, office gossip, homosexuality, who’s a drug dealer, blah blah blah… I could go on. *smiles* It just doesn’t register.

    On the other hand, I can suss out who’s a liar and who’s real in about 1.8 seconds. 😉

  7. I love this, one. Often, you ‘tag’ a human experience with a word/character I would go a lifetime without calling it … like Naivete. My 8th and 10th Houses are full and square so I go through being out of sync in public because of all my Scorpio secrets that others see before I do.

    My native culture was so buried under illusion and tags of ‘bad’ leading to at least two generations being up a creek or out in the rough water without a clue. I like the tag “Naivete” because it softens the blow of discoveries that keep showing up. Better late then never, I like to say. Weirdo? That fits.

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