My Mother Talks About Herself, Non-Stop!

Wall-of-SoundHi Elsa,

My mother has Sun, Mercury, Venus and Uranus conjunct her Ascendant. Her ascendant is at 27 degrees of Aries in the 12th and Sun is located at 20 degrees of Aries in 12th. Mercury is 5 degrees of Taurus, Venus is 7 degrees of Taurus and Uranus is at 12 degrees (in the 1st house). So, she constantly talks about herself — all day.

Mercury is also square Pluto in Cancer in the 4th house, Mercury is sesquiquadrate Neptune in Virgo in the 6th, and Mercury is also quintile Jupiter in Virgo in the 5th.

Conversations with my mother are very challenging, so can you give me any input or advice as to how I can communicate with her? Or should I just give up and let her do all the talking, as my brother and stepfather do, other than saying yes or no occasionally.

Thank you.

What an interesting question. I’d like to offer you some kind of trick that would help your deal with your mother, The Wall Of Sound.  But she’s got a good lock on “self-centered, forceful communication”. She’s going to say what she wants, when she wants, the way she wants.

As annoying as this may be, I don’t think you have much chance of altering her personality. Any change would have to come from her and I wouldn’t hold my breath!

As a workaround and an alternative to how the men in your family handle this, you could write down whatever it is you want to say to her. She can read it when you’re not there to talk to. This may not be that satisfying but you’re dealing with an outlier and it may be as good as it gets.

Sometimes we’ve no choice but to take people as they are. She’s the one who can’t listen and can only talk on one topic. If you get caught trying to change this, you’ll be as locked up as she is. So if you can accept her limitations, you’ll be expanding yourself, rather than “losing” or throwing in the towel.

Good luck!

Is there a Wall of Sound in your life?  How good are you at hearing another person’s point of view?

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My Mother Talks About Herself, Non-Stop! — 22 Comments

  1. ? omg this is my mother, too. Her Aries sun is at the top of her chart opposite Libra Mars, Mercury in Aries is conjunct MC and she has Uranus in Taurus way up there, too. Every conversation gets turns toward herself (My sister and I live in FEAR that I could do that). I just let her talk. If I REALLY need to say something or redirect the conversation, I take the wheel and steer it back onto the road. She has been this way forever. It’s the way she is. You know what though? She can remember details about the family, relatives, stories; all the anecdotes that fill in and give life to the names and dates and dry facts in the family genaeology. I love that.

    • That’s great you can take the wheel and steer it back onto the road. Most of the time I can’t do that with my mother because she refuses to listen to reason and after all the time and frustration, in the end it’s just not worth the hurt feelings we both have.

      • Yeah, I pick my battles. And I only do that if I’m trying to tell her something informative or something I need to tell her. She’s VERY stubborn. But she also has this way of agreeing with you, but then going off and doing it her way anyway. I can be that way too just to get people to get off my ass. ? I wonder where I got that? Haha

  2. My Mom talks constantly and about herself all the time, too. She is like an energizer bunny that I just have to wait until she winds down until she can hear what I have to say. Unfortunately, that has meant, over years, that she has worn out her body and has odd health issues at only her mid-60s. But, since part of my life has been to learn to be a healer, she has been one of my greatest teachers! This talking all the time and focus on self made it so she was not much of a nurturer. I have had to make up for that in my own personal habits. My mom’s role in this lifetime seems to have been to plow a path for women in the corporate world. She bulldozed her way from RN to Vice President with much skill. I am grateful for her work because she made it possible for me to have even more choices than she did for what I can do with my life. As she ages, I see her as a wounded soldier. She does not know how to go inside and introspect, find peace within herself. So, I do it for her. When she is in her winding down, exhausted space, she calls me and I help her sort out her emotions and thoughts. When we do this together, she is able to sleep. She is Taurus Sun with Libra Moon, Mars in Scorpio (ascendant unknown). We are three generation lineage of women with Mars in Scorpio. My mother’s opposes her sun, mine is conjunct a five piece stellium at my IC and my daughter’s is conjunct Venus opposite her Moon. We all definitely know how to key into our purpose and get what we want!

  3. I’d be tempted to video one of these conversations and then show it to her. Because she can’t see herself and therefore doesn’t understand how she comes across. After that I’d probably just pull the video out and start watching it every time she starts ranting.

    Compassionately though, if OP’s brother/father already just block any meaningful communication it’s probably like that for all her friends. She’s wants to be heard but no-one’s listening. And deepdown she can see that, although she probably wants to see nods of genuine agreement to know she’s been listened to.

    Of course none of that guarantees she’d ever get past her Aries/Taurus selfishness and the their archetypcal lack of understanding that there are others out there but sometimes a lesson is needed. And with transiting uranus and pluto heading towards her sun and other planets maybe it’s time to learn.

    • Yes, it is sad that my mother can’t have normal conversations. Most of her friends and clients are those who have played the victim role and my mother, their heroine. I think that’s the relationship she’s most comfortable with. However, being Libra, I want to help her, but I also have to realize that reasoning doesn’t work with everyone. P.S. – Please don’t think I don’t appreciate my mother. She has “saved” my life on several occasions – one when I went through a divorce, another when I was having a health issue, and last time when I had to move out of my condo. She’s a wonderful Aries person to be around in tragedy situations and I try to remind myself of all the nice things she’s done for me even though she’s a pain to live with. But that’s the reason I try to love all people because I think God put us here to fulfill a role that we can only do as individuals.

  4. I attract this type of person. Always have. It is uncanny. Initially I enjoy these people, but eventually the one-sidedness begins to feel abusive and I just let them go. It is awkward, as I am relatively new to this small town. In the past, in the big city, they would just float away. Here, there is a real emphasis on reciprocating invitations, but I can’t do it with these people. I will accept their invitations if there is no way to decline, and I will just listen listen listen, but I won’t be inviting them back unless something shifts. I do wonder what it is in me that attracts these motor-mouth types. My Pisces compassion maybe? I have Uranus in the 7th, Mercury and Mars in Aries, Cap rising.

  5. Sometimes we’ve no choice but to take people as they are.

    I love this sentence. It’s what works in my family and with luck they learn as I have with them….to love me just as I am too. I have worked hard to change so many things but in the end I am just me ~ flawed ~ praying for acceptance and so are they.

    Even so…they still annoy me and I annoy them…. I always hope love conquers … but there are days…..

  6. I, too, have sun, mars, mercury conjunct Sag ascendant. Venus is in that group but is one degree out of orb to be conjunct ascendant. It does conjunct sun, mars, and mercury though. Yes, I’m a “communicator” and yes I can talk a blue streak about things that fascinate me.

    However, as I’ve grown older I’ve trained myself to shut my mouth and open my ears. It’s something I work on daily. It was hard but it has been doable. I had to train myself to actually listen to what people are saying to me and not think about what I was going to say next and not really hear what was being said by the other person. I don’t have any squares to the ascendant, sun, mercury, or mars.

    One work around that I’ve taught myself in the last 10 years or so (since Pluto crossed my ascendant) is to write down my thoughts instead of running off at the mouth constantly. Now what I hear most from people is how good of a listener that I am instead of being told that I was a motor-mouth. I really think that Pluto passing over all of those personal planets and the ascendant changed me or rather forced me to change myself.

    It’s interesting to note that my mother and her sister are exactly like the querent’s mother. But then again, all of the women in my family were like that.

    • Thanks Momof5. I made a note of what you said about teaching yourself to write down your thoughts, and the fact that you’re now a good listener is quite an accomplishment! I also have a Sag ascendant and also with a Gemini Moon, Libra Sun, Mercury sextile ascendant, trine Mars in Gemini, etc., I always could do my share of talking (always got in trouble for talking at school, at work, at church, etc). However, I’m turning a new leaf and I’m going to try writing my thoughts down and being more selective about how much and what I say to others. I’ll let you know how it goes. P.S. – I have a Saturn return this year, too! I’m sure it’s time to learn a new life lesson.

  7. Thank you Elsa. I LOVE everything you said. Yes, I’m tired of being as locked up as she is. So instead of trying to get through to her, I’ve got to accept her limitations and start writing down my thoughts (to share with her later when I’m not around). No, it’s not really satisfying, but having peace is better than the frustration and hurt we usually end up with.

  8. OMG, what a genius suggestion 🙂 Would be hilarious if, when confronted with her monologue, you were writing your answers down and putting them up in front of you..like a sign. lol Pure entertainment! If she was your mother she would know you were kidding so hopefully it wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

  9. I just want to report that I was able to stay out of hot water with my mother today — ya! I kept on “light” topics and if anything really required any deep thought, my plan was to write it down. I didn’t even have to do that (today). And yes, she talked about herself, as usual, but I’ve decided not to let it bother me and one day I’ll look back on all this and know it was worth it and hopefully, I’ll be able to keep it going. I obviously do like deep conversations, but I ask myself, is it really worth it? Who needs my opinions anyway? Why not try to be like my brother and stepfather and just keep a lid on it? It works for them. Are they shallow or what? I really don’t know, but sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. 🙂

  10. Buffy – why do you think your mother is like this? What are the payoffs of it? Or what’s missing from her life that she’s trying to get with this style of communication?

  11. I agree with the person who said ‘small doses’. Definitely try and limit your time down – which is what I have to do with my father. I probably shouldn’t talk too much online about it but he’s a Capricorn and has Chiron in Capricorn – really controlling of the people around him. I don’t like to get too involved in this because I am a man of my own distinction. LOL

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