As soon as I found out that I was having a baby I began engaging in the neurotic activity of looking at possible charts trying to guess which one would be hers. I found myself having thoughts of an offbeat sentimentality such as “Oh look, my dad has that aspect” or “Leo mars sure does run in the family.” I am also ashamed to say I have had several butt clenched moments of “ooooo, please don’t be born that day, please don’t be born that day.” And yes today (and tomorrow and half of the next day) is one of those days.
I just don’t know what I would do with a Capricorn moon baby. No offense to any Capricorn moons out there, especially those who would like to have me as a mom. My anxiety stems not from my observations of any of you, but of the indelible mark of one particular Capricorn moon to whom I am karmically indebted… my mother.
My mother had a famously bad relationship with her own mother and vowed to be the most self sacrificing mothering mother of all mothers. Her solemn promise to… herself? God? me and my sisters? …whoever mostly manifested as insane worrying and control freaking obsession over inconsequential detail. She actually changed me to a different school a week before the first grade because she found a place with “cuter” uniforms.
But that’s not my worry. My mother is one of my closest friends in the world. I’ll be extremely lucky if my baby turns out anything like her because I’ll have a new future best friend. I’m shaking in my boots because, well … this would be karma. I can see the universe laughing at the idea of sending my mother back at me. I was a deceptively good little girl until… hormones turned me horrid. My teenage years into my early twenties were fraught with heart attacking hijinks. (Ring ring “Hello?” “Hi mom, do you think you could wire a couple hundred dollars to Ulan bator? I need to buy a horse.” “WHERE ARE YOU!?!?” ) After the first sonogram, when I told my mother the news “its a girl!” she laughed maniacally for an uncomfortable stretch of time and let out an ominous rasp “just what you deserve, muahahahahahahaha!”
Its still a little early and I seriously doubt that the baby is ready yet, but still, if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in bed with my legs crossed for the next few days.