Two weeks ago, I found out my husband has been cheating on me. We have great sex, he is my best friend and I always tell him everything. We have been married for 12 years, have 2 children and we both dedicate everything to them and to ourselves at night. But I can’t seem to cope with this.
The shock is that he has had sex with several people, not one in particular, different ones. He travels extensively and I found out he contacts these women via e-mail to have sex every time he travels. He also chats with 18 year olds. I am scared.
I confronted him and he says that all men do it and it’s natural, but that it means nothing. It’s just sex! We are still together but now living in a freezer home. He has left me with my mouth wide open and I can’t seem to comprehend it. I thought I gave him everything: the foreplay, the play of wearing costumes??
The worst is that I can’t talk to him. I just don’t know what to say and I am not sure if he is willing to let his cheating go either. I am a very sentimental person, I cry easily and that is why I can’t talk to him, my words do not come out as strong as I would like them and I let my sentimental feelings take charge and do not know how to be firm and strong.
What did I do wrong? What is this?? I’ve been reading books on cheating husbands but I can’t seem to find the answer for several cheatings and not one in particular. I truly thought I married the perfect man especially since he is 9 years older than me. I thought him being older made him mature enough not to play games with a marriage. He is currently 46 years old.
Can you explain any of this? What am I dealing with? I thought I was a very strong person and I guess he has made me into this helpless child?
You may be in momentary shock… this would certainly be understandable but you are not helpless. In fact your chart is strongly Cardinal (commanding) and I have no doubt you will ultimately assimilate this information, decide what you’re going to do and then execute as if a general in the army.
So just know that. Know you’re in there somewhere and you’ll be back. And what I’ll do is parse this situation for you, feeling confident you’ll find your way once you have the information ordered.
Now regarding your husband, obviously he is a liar and a very good liar at that. He has Neptune square his Sun (and his Moon) and he successfully obscured the reality of who he is. And you should probably brace for more information to come to light, because this is usually what happens in a situation like this.
As to what is driving him, I can’t say for sure. But he has a Leo Moon and he clearly needs SCADS of attention. Because he sounds like he gets a good deal at home, yet it’s no where near enough. And based on this, I would say there is something pathological about his behavior. He’s driven, you could say.
You could probably compare this to a drug addict or a drunk. A drunk drinks and in the throes of their addiction tries to convince others that ‘everybody does it…” Everybody gets falling down drunk. Everybody cheats. Which is erroneous of course.
So here’s the thing. You really are a competent person to the extreme. And I think you’d be well advised not to allow him to drag you into his skewed perception of reality, which he is clearly trying to do. And I’ll give you a hard core example of this for reference.
Last week I saw five minutes of the Oprah Winfrey show on NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association) which is all I could stomach. These men who want to have sex with boys have a club. And they actually believe that 8 and 9 and 10 year old boys are out there, just dying to have sex with them… a bunch of pot-bellied pimply pig men in their 50’s, if only parents and the government weren’t so damned oppressive. And they meet with each other and reinforce this freakishly distorted reality.
And you get the idea. Don’t let your husband sell you a NAMBLA type reality. Fact is, what he is doing is wrong and I expect he will need copious amounts of help to stop. This is assuming he wants to stop, which it does not seem to be the case. I’m sorry.
To answer your question specifically, you did nothing wrong and as for my advice… if it were me, I would be looking for the door and once I found it, I’d be through it just as swiftly as possible. And don’t worry about your ability to replace him either, because women who treat men the way you do are always in demand.