Being optimistic and fairly foolish I thought I might be able to manage a 1 minute video on this topic. I thought, forget everything going on. It’s a minute for chrissakes! I thought this would be a better format with which to make my point because half the story would be across my face but I couldn’t manage so y’all have to just remember what I look like and that I am real.
So on my daughter… she is in very bad shape. And I know people are curious and a few of them have written but I can tell you right now I am not going to talk about this except in the most general terms and I want to tell you why.
It is not because I am secretive. I could not possibly be secretive and post my private conversations – this makes no sense. But every single thing I post or put on this blog has this one thing in common: It is in service.
So if I tell this story will it serve anyone? No it won’t. It will not help my daughter and it most certainly won’t help me and I will explain why.
To tell a story you have live it or re-live it as you go. To tell a story is to give the thing energy too. It is like dwelling on something. And fact is this is a very bad story. It is a hideous, horrible story that will probably not end well and my family lives it on a daily basis.
So at the end of the day I dial a pal. Do you think I want to rehash events? I don’t. Matter of fact that is the last thing I want to do. I have just survived the day, see? So I don’t want to repeat it by talking about it. Am I stupid? I’m not. If you give me a break, I am going to take it.
Consequently people I have known for years and talk to nearly daily only a vague idea my problems and I have to say I am doing them a favor.
I am doing them a favor because I have the kind of problems, if you hear them you will be sick to your stomach. You will not feel good. You will like crap, you will feel pain, I can promise you that. So if you’re me you take one look at this and it’s not easy to figure out no one will be served by chatting so obviously I won’t be chatting. And if I have any doubts about this… well, I don’t. Because every now and then it becomes required I explain something to someone.
For example about a week ago I had to tell the soldier some stories that were not good. He knew they were there, but he knew the tip of the iceberg which is all I ever bother anyone with. But it became necessary I elaborate and I am telling you… it just makes a person sick. I have to apologize to people after I tell them my stories because this is just the kind of stories I have and I live.
And I don’t mind telling stories that are bad or nasty or intense (as long term readers can well attest) but I typically don’t go around hitting people with bricks for no reason. Who do you think that is going to come back on? This is Jupiter in Capricorn blog by the way.
I am responsible (Capricorn) for the stories (Jupiter) I tell. My stories (Jupiter) are real (Capricorn) and they become more real when I tell them so in this case… well this story is too real as it is. Make sense? I hope so.
I appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers and whatever else you’ve got but I guarantee you I won’t be talking about this until and unless I can see it will serve and at this point, that possibility seems remote.
This situation and my experience seems more along the lines of most of my experience – that is, it is to be had. I am to boil in the pot in the alchemical process and come up with the nugget which I will then offer to the collective.
How I got the nugget?
Well there is not much I can say about that. Does it really matter? What matters is I have the damned thing, at least this is what matters to me.
What matters to you?