Who can tell or judge if an attitude is bad or jaded? I think my attitude might be bad or jaded and I am sure I could get legions of people to support this. I am specifically talking about my attitude around motherhood which I think is a total crap shoot based on my experience.
No one tells you it is a total crap shoot but I know that it is because my experience being a mother has been horrific. I’d have rather had my heart pulled from chest or been steamed alive than have gone through what I have and there is no cutesy spin for this.
I think, or at least I wonder if I am on the outer edge with this but I am not at all confident this is the case. Another mother raises their kid and let’s say they’re killed at 19, perhaps they went to war. What does that mother think? How does she feel as she outlives her child by 5, then 10, the 20 or 30 or more years? Does she think in poetry? I wonder.
Your kid runs off with Jim Jones and winds up drinking the kool-aid. Is this cute? Is it transcendent? Was it worth it, raising that kid to be left in pain everlasting?
I asked someone why they thought I wound up a mother in the shadows. How does this happen to such a bright and shiny Venus in Leo? My answer was silence. Shadow? What shadow?
I suppose this sounds angry but I don’t feel this way, I write this way. I may express myself forcefully but what I FEEL is that it is a crap shoot and I lost the bet. It’s a little bit like losing in Vegas. No one talks about it, it’s just not done so here comes, Elsa P, with her taboo.
As far as I am concerned, if something horrible doesn’t happen to your kid, you’re lucky and this is true whether you realize it or not.
Now am I jaded? Or am I right?