Mind My Mind Wanders, I Can’t Enjoy Sex


Dear Elsa,

I really don’t know if it’s a 8th house Saturn thing or if I have too much Virgo in my chart, but lately I just can’t enjoy sex. I’m happily married with a Saggie. I haven’t had a sexual relationship with anyone else but my husband.

As I’m a slow learner and never had much experience in the sex field, during the past 3-4 months I “discovered” masturbation and how to reach orgasm while having sex (all these after 8 years of active sex life… wow am I slow or what? 🙂 ).

The problem is that I cannot relax and focus on sex. And now the problem is worse, even though I think of sex all the time, I cannot just empty my mind and relax. I think of many irrelevant things: I wonder if my smell is fine, I’m thinking that it takes time for me to come and my partner will probably get tired waiting for me, that I have to hurry up. There are also irrelevant pictures (pleasant or not) cross my mind at that time.

I really don’t know what to do and feel a bit sad about it. Sometimes I’m thinking that the only way to relax and think of nothing is to take drugs or get drunk (don’t worry I would never do that).

Elsa I know it’s not an 100% astrological question… but I decided to write you because I was hoping that you might have an answer (or suggestion) from an astrological point of view.

Suffering Wife

Dear Wife,

Yes, I can look at this from an astrological perspective and I think I can help you. First, I use Equal Houses which leaves Saturn (impediment, delay) solidly in your 9th house rather than the 8th (sex) so I’m going to go with that.

And if you read your post, your problems do not really sound “Saturnian”. You are not afraid to have sex, for example. And you are not deprived of sex. You are simply worried, which is a Virgo trait. You are also sort of Virgo “puritan”… “I would never do that…” And this is just as well because it leaves your problem very focused and consequently pretty easy to solve.

Now with 4 planets in Virgo (including Venus and Mars aka love and sex) you are always going to be thinking. You’re a thinker! So you’ve got two choices. You can either put yourself through sort of grueling training in an attempt to clear your mind and learn to meditate… or you take the much easier path and simply change what it is that you thinking about.

I recommend the latter. I recommend rather than trying to focus on not thinking, instead throw the door wide open and fantasize in any and all directions you fancy. And your chart supports this, by the way.

You Neptune (fantasy) square your Venus in Virgo and if you will learn to incorporate this energy (it’s slippery!) your sex life will morph beyond your wildest dream. So this is my advice. Use your imagination during sex. Imagine you are not a puritan, for starters!!

And one more thing that supports my thinking. I’m offering this to your Virgo, which always wants as much evidence as possible…

Uranus is in Pisces right now, activating the Venus Neptune square in your chart. Uranus brings experimentation and ultimately freedom, so you can see you’re right on track. It’s time to liberate your innate ability to experience bliss via sex and you can see this is exactly what you’re doing.

Start with the masturbation, then incorporate your God given ability to fantasize and finally invite your husband in on this whole deal. Do this and you will have a completely new life.

Have fun and good luck.


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Mind My Mind Wanders, I Can’t Enjoy Sex — 2 Comments

  1. Hey Elsa!

    What great advice…

    And for you, the woman whose minds wanders, I can relate. Except I think about ANYTHING else than the task at hand (pardon the pun) some interludes. If only it was ONLY sex related…sometimes it is inane, like: laundry. Work. Mom! ACK!

    I find it helpful to ask my mind to leave me alone to enjoy myself. Maybe that’ll help you too? I hope so! Good luck; you are not alone. And it is a workable thing.

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