I went to see my fifth doctor about my neck yesterday. Sixth, if you count the physical therapist. I have this truly disgusting, shocking MRI of the thing. I mean, my neck is off-the-chain.
I am pretty sure this is due to being kicked in the head with my father’s steel-toed boot, over and over and over and over…easily several hundred times. Imagine that? A little girl lying on the floor, her father kicking her in the head, “You think you’re smart, don’t you, Elsa? You’re too smart for your own good, but I’ll fix that…”
I was thinking about my brain as he kicked me in the head over and over, as a matter of routine, over a number of years. I was NOT thinking about my neck. But it’s easy to see how this kind of trauma would injure your neck; you get older and God help you when the arthritis kicks in.
So I have this trash-neck. That’s what I call it. It sounds real bad on paper (the description) but when you see the visual, the actual MRI, you just think, WTF? How is this woman walking around?
Well I am walking around and I have been for years. But I need treatment now and I have a very hard time getting it. It’s not really anyone’s fault. More like just an insane tragi-comedy. I have been pleading for help since November. I finally got it, yesterday.
I got it at a pain clinic place or at least I will, soon. They are going to kill the nerve in my neck, which is fine with me. But pain clinics are full of addicts. I can tell you this for sure because every single person in the waiting room with me was itching and shaking. I don’t know what to say. I have never been in a methadone clinic, but this is what I think one of them would be like.
They have you bring all your medication to your appointment. I am prescribed Tramadol for my neck, three times a day. I take one pill a day, so my “most recent prescription” has not been touched. I told her this, but she still dumped the bottle and counted the ninety pills. “You filled this in June?”
So she looks at this mri…and here I am with trash neck, surviving on one Tramadol and I don’t want a prescription. I told her I have a high threshold of pain, courtesy those head kicks, ya think? And that I preferred the pain over the side effects from meds. She proceeded to take care of me, like a queen.
Before they kill your nerve they do two test shots, to make sure they kill the right nerve. They had no openings until September. She said I could drive to the city and get in sooner….I said, “Fine.”
But in the end, she scheduled me at the end of the day, tacked me on to the work schedule. I’ll get my first test shot on Monday. I couldn’t believe it, I burst into tears. Jupiter in Virgo grace.
This has been very hard to deal with for the last eight or nine months. I can’t even imagine what it will be like to not feel it anymore. When something goes on this long, it’s impossible to track all the ways it affects you.
I hope something good is happening in your life too!