Men Who Get Women To Dump Them To Avoid Their Wrath

Venus marsMy husband says that all men know if they break up with a woman there will be repercussions. Consequently, when a man wants to break up with a woman he’ll often get her to break up with him. This way he can avoid her wrath.

He says that even if the woman hates the man and wants to be rid of him, if he’s the one who initiates the break-up, she’ll still get pissed and be likely to pull something.

He thinks this is uncanny but assures me all men know this and they’re smart enough to not to take that risk.

Have you ever manipulated someone into breaking up with you, so you could walk away unscathed?

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Men Who Get Women To Dump Them To Avoid Their Wrath — 32 Comments

  1. No I have always been the person who left the relationship. However my husband and I have a friend from my high school days. Was married for 29 years last year before their anniversary she just went around the crazy bend. She expressed that she wanted a divorce and so at her request he moved out. However what he did do is beat her to the court house and filled for divorce first. This pissed her off to the point she would not show up in court or do anything towards finalizing their divorce in fact she refused to. To the point that she was in contempt of court and was being threatened with jail time. In a state it should only take 90 days to split the blankets and it all be done and done it took him well over a year to just get divorced the disentangling part was delayed so he is still going through that part. His divorce story is as bad or worse than my husbands.

  2. No, that’s too devious for me. My ex had a thing about the woman having to end the relationship, but I think with him it was more so he could be perceived to be without responsibility for the trauma ::rolls eyes::

  3. I do this. Actually, I’ve done it pretty much every time I’ve been in a relationship, but it hasn’t been on a conscious level, I just do stupid things and get dumped. In hindsight I realize I must’ve wanted out of the relationship but hadn’t fully understood it yet… I’m still friends with each one of them. They don’t hate me, I don’t hate them and we don’t make each other’s lives miserable.

    I don’t get this whole “women do x and men y”… Well okay it probably works for some, but my experiences don’t fit with these stereotypes.

  4. He’s right, women turn off the sex and get distant so their husbands will leave them and be the bad guy. The guy looks like a jerk for being “disloyal” and “controlling” and “demanding” while the woman gets the sympathy. In reality, they get rid of the husband they didn’t want, take half the money and maybe alimony, and get to look the victim 🙂

    I rarely believe in divorce that it is one person’s doing. The other person helped to set the whole thing up, but the one person who pulls the trigger is cast as the bad guy.

    Two to tango, an all that..

    • Whoa Pixie! I’m so sad for you, that this seems like a regular occurrence in your life. I know for a fact most women who end up divorcing ARE NOT like this, but I assume you’ve had some bad experiences for you to talk like that. And, well – if not and it turns out that this is just an opinion of yours, then I suppose I’m here to say that you’re just plain wrong. Either way, you have my sympathies!

  5. No. Life is short. What a coward-ass thing to stay in a relationship you don’t want and do things to make the other person leave just so you don’t have to be the heavy. It’s deception and wastes everyone’s time.

  6. I have to add to my earlier post: my behavior has to do with the Saturn-Venus rejection as discussed in Elsa’s previous post… and like I said, it’s not conscious. I wouldn’t do this on purpose. No one has ever done it to me either, although I remember someone trying, but that happened when I was a teenager.

  7. @Del — I totally agree!

    (A friend and I were just discussing something very similar to this yesterday!)

    Behavior like that is just cowardly. And it would seem to show that the man is actually afraid of the woman. And it’s a telltale sign of someone who doesn’t want to be responsible. So, that’s not much of a man, imo.

    And it just doesn’t fly with me. I just want to say to people who do stuff like this: “Grow a spine and have some class. Take responsibility for your actions and your emotions.”

    (And that’s my Cap 7th house speaking…)

  8. This is something that I learned long ago. Now, I always make sure that my ex’s think that it was their idea to break up with ME if I decide to break up.

    This is especially true of one ex. He was HIV positive and it didn’t take long for me to discover that the relationship was something that was sapping him of energy and I felt if I stayed it would do medical harm to him. So, I did the only thing I thought was best for him (even though I still loved him), I broke up with him by making him feel it was HIS idea to break up with me.

    It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. 🙁

  9. No, and others haven’t done this to me, either. I’ve been straightforwardly been broken up with a few times. Guess guys aren’t afraid of my anger. (laughs)

    Once I did think someone was trying to do this with me, but when I broke up with him – thinking I was doing him a favor – he really fought hard to stay together with me. So I read that wrong. Guess he just wanted to stay miserable in a relationship. I was glad to break up with him…

  10. I can’t imagine doing this or having it done to me. What a ridiculous waste of time and energy. I’ve never had anyone break up with me but in those cases where I had to break up with someone, I did it with compassion for the other person and I did it with finality. No staying “friends” or keeping in touch afterwards (except with first husband as he obviously had to maintain a relationship with our kids). No blaming or finger pointing. Puto-Venus square here doesn’t believe in playing games or dragging things out.

  11. God, no. How the hell well does this even work?

    I read a book in high school where the heroine did this (she was deathly afraid of fights) to get her nice-but-boring-and-not-too-smart boyfriend to break up with her so she could date the guy she had become interested in. Well, boyfriend was rather baffled by the whole thing AND still wasn’t quite over her, so she was forced to eventually be an asshole and just dump him flat out so he got the clue. Sad.

  12. “How the hell well does this even work?”

    It works great. The man starts being an inconsiderate slob, dismissive and such and lets the woman’s friends tell her how great she is and how she deserves better – voila!

  13. No, but I’d understand it if a guy did that because he thought he’d incur my wrath. It’s pretty similar to what the Soldier said about making himself look unappealing so women looking for trouble will stop hitting on him or do anything vengeful to him.

  14. See, I have a hard time understanding how that works, Elsa. In my world, men have too much pride to become slothful or rude in order to have a woman dump him for not being good enough–and vice versa. I can’t imagine a woman doing this. This must be my own ego and sense of pride talking. Hanging around in a dying relationship waiting for or encouraging a man to break up with you sounds like hell.

  15. I have seen several men do this to girlfriends of mine (ie cheating on them is the most common). But I do know that women are just as likely to do this to men as others have noted above.

    What fascinates me is the extent to which people are a) unaware that this is actually what they’re doing or b) unaware that their supposed partner would do this to them!

    Seems obvious to me that when either partner starts acting up in whatever way that may be that it is a symptom of being unhappy and desiring of some change. I just say, uh, pay attention and learn to make choices that work best for you.

  16. happens a lot. both genders. have a female friend who never broke up with anyone… just hated on them until they left
    i guess responsibility is scary?

  17. Arguably this is how my marriage ended, with me withholding sex, etc., though I prefer the official story that he ran off with someone else. It’s a clean break for me. Poor martyred wifey! He was mentally unstable and dependent, so I felt trapped into staying. I couldn’t face the guilt of walking away. Cappy Moon, ya know.

  18. Yes, yes yes. I have cheated, turned into a bitch, and argued them to death just to get them to leave. I’m trying to get a handle on it but you know how it goes.
    Maybe learning to leave someone is a life lesson.
    Who said that? Some strong women, I’m sure.

  19. If a guy breaks up with me it is beneath me to aim my wrath at him. I walk away without berating him because of my pride. Even if I’m devastated I’ll never let him see it. Don’t want to give him the satisfaction. On the other side of the gender divide, whenever I’ve broken up with a guy his wrath has come raining down on me and made my life hell.

  20. definitely. in the past, i tried to break up by telling the ex i’m leaving; i got beat up, and locked up basically. mental and physical abuse, kind of like how that horrible Austrian father locked up his daughter, you tell them straight up you want to leave. And they will make sure you never leave. So you have to be clever to survive in this world if you’re dealing with psychopaths. or men/women who will turn into one. You never know. So there’s another perspective. being up front doesn’t always work.

  21. This is true of women and men, but often only visible in hindsight. I don’t believe most of the people here who deny it, though I think they’re telling the truth! They just haven’t seen the whole truth yet!

  22. Oh my, yes. You’ve got to be smarter than what you’re working with. Let them think it’s their idea. Women manipulate men all the time so don’t whine when it happens back at you.

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