Men Avoid Talking To Woman To Avoid Trouble

My husband has come to the conclusion that it’s not possible to speak to women. He says if you say anything to them they get the wrong idea. For example, if a man says anything even remotely nice, the woman will get the idea the man is interested in her.

This may sound outrageous to some. I don’t know that it’s universally true but I have certainly seen it happen to him, without fail and happen to others, frequently. The man says, “That’s a nice dress”. The woman decides this means he wants to do x, y, z to her or with her or whatever. My husband says he’s learned by experience not to talk to women at all because of this. If they hand him something, he’ll say “thank you” and that’s it!  He literally goes out of his way to avoid conversing with a woman because he doesn’t want a headache.

What I think is interesting is I don’t know that women feel a similar type restriction. I watch what I say to another woman’s husband but that’s not all men by a shot.

What is your experience with this?


Comments

Men Avoid Talking To Woman To Avoid Trouble — 78 Comments

  1. I wrote this in 2011…Tom commented today, but oddly, my husband and I were discussing this last night.

    He was talking about how people (in a Catholic setting) mistake the intimacy between people that’s brought via the Holy Spirit / the Eucharist, as something different from what it is.

    It’s interesting, that’s for sure.

    • Ms. Elsa -You have quite an understanding.My problem is with the double standard that seems to be out there in “man-woman” communication, usually imposing an unfair burden upon genuine, sensitive grown men. Is that why more guys just don’t play?

  2. Wow. I usually don’t have trouble with people incorrectly judging where I’m coming from. I do make a conscious effort to be neutral with words and body language. I dress athletically and realize that I get unwanted looks and comments when I put a feminine touch to what I wear or how I act. I have never thought of myself as anything but plain but with Moon Merc Venus and Saturn in Scorpio I can’t hide passion and drive which is my core in all I do. I am a Mars in Cap native and am careful to not advertise for someone/something Im not interested in. I’m usually noticed and or sensed and its a challenge to manage my drive but its a skill I usually am lucky to have at the ready. I enjoy conversation a lot and I’m always honest. SJ

  3. Count me in the same group as your husband. I’m extremely awkward, unattractive and have a history of making women uncomfortable through my fumbled attempts to relate through adolescence and early 20s.

    The problem with avoiding women altogether is that they tend to notice and judge you as if you were the next misogynist psychopath about to go on a rampage. Instead I’ve taken the approach of trying to appear as innocuous as possible, polite and agreeable but never initiating non work-related conversation. If they want to talk, fine, but it’s got to start from their end and it will take quite a while before I relax and reciprocate. Puts their minds at ease for the most part, although you will still get some who resent it as a snub.

    I get that women need to wary of unwanted attention to an extent men don’t, and there are plenty of women who are nothing like this anyway (obviously I get on a lot better with them). Trouble is there’s no way of telling who the straightforward people are by first impressions.

    You seem like a pretty relaxed person. That’s not a come on, by the way.

  4. American women lead the world in obesity,abortion,single motherhood,divorce,debt and initiate 75% of the 50% of all marriages that end in divorce.Women destroy men for child support,no fault divorce,maternal presumption and lifetime alimony settlements.At this point there really is no reason to fraternize with females who also take mens jobs and college admission from us.
    Ladies,seriously you need to get over yourselves and start offering more than mammories to the table and have the ability to bring a warm loving heart and your own dollar bills.Its not a choice to be a celibate as a man in the Usa,its easy to be celebate as a man in the Usa.Most importantly,avoid westernized women and buy a dog and put your nuts on ice.

  5. Anyway, as a college professor of 30 years of experience, I have seen things change a great deal in my time. I don’t think it’s mostly true that women tend to object to a man simply being friendly, but on the other hand, how many examples of a male co-worker in your midst being censured or fired because of a comment does the average male need? To be fair, I am not sure why any man needs to comment on a woman’s apparel–can’t he just think this and move on? That’s what I do. I remember Mylee Cyrus once saying that she was going to try to ‘not give the press anything to misinterpret’. Doesn’t seem like she lived up to that goal, but the advice is well taken. Years ago, Dear Abby used to say, ‘if you are not sure how someone will take a comment, then don’t say it’. Again, very well taken. As for the holding of doors, I am still trying to train myself not to do this, but since I live in an Asian country, that behavior is not yet seen as somehow offensive. I try to not to get too close or too friendly with my students, but it is an irony that if female students like you in many Asian countries, they can get very up close and personal. I just remain professional at all times. As for colleagues and staff, I have learned to be ultra-respectful–as they say in the Fast Food industry—‘friendly, but not familiar’. Being single also has its drawbacks at work, as unattached women in their 40s and up, may see me as a ‘target’. Once I figure out who these women are, I stay just as far away from them as possible. All in all, I don’t consider work to be a social club or a dating service, and I don’t really understand why others do, and this seems to especially go for a pretty healthy proportion of women I have known the workplace over the years. I am very serious about work and often work when others are ‘hanging out’ over ‘tea and biscuits’ or something. My goal is to get my work done at work, so my time is actually my time when away from work. To me, feminism has encourage women to ‘express themselves’ at work, and far too often for my comfort has led to women focusing on ‘bonding’ at work, when I see that time as me being paid to actually WORK! I don’t give a damn if women are bosses, CEOs, or whatever, but I do mind if feminist agendas take the place of productivity, and being seen as a ‘team player’ is actually code for ‘men are expected to basically act as women at work’. I basically avoid women at work, am never alone with a female at work, and never accept any sort of gifts or complimentary opportunities from female superiors. As I said to start, the actual risk is not high, but then again, how often does the airplane need to crash?

  6. I haven’t said more than two words to a women in years(2005), since I attended a mandatory “Men are all bad, you are lucky you are permitted to exist seminar conducted by HR on Campus”.
    The theme was “There is no such thing as a false allegation, we will sacrifice you to retain funding under title 9 no matter what the circumstances are.”
    During the seminar it was suggested that men should avoid being alone with a women AT ALL TIMES. An example was given suggesting men should wait for the next elevator if a lone women is on it.

    Last week I got a promotion(after graduation I got a job at the university) and had to go to HR. I was in the garage and had to wait for three elevators to pass in order to catch one. One women who came up to the elevator after I had been waiting was curious why I wouldn’t get on the elevator with her and gave me an odd look when I wouldn’t. She turned out to be the HR director lol who i had to meet with. I left the door open (also suggested in the seminar) when I went in for the interview. I think she understood at that point.

    Interact with someone who could end your life on a whim ? No thank you, I have way to much to lose.

    Women simply fail the cost benefit equation.

  7. I’m a Libra Sun and I avoid casually talking with men that I’m not interested in. I’ve quickly learned over the years that me initiating a conversation equals interest.

  8. I always assume the man is NOT interested. I’m not always the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to that. I’ve learned to not even to try to figure out a mans intentions. I think they don’t even know their intentions sometimes. I’ve thrown in the towel with ever trying to figure out what men want from me.

    Also This is making me think of a girl I work with who is convinced every man is in love with her. Maybe they are, I don’t know. But I just think it’s a really distasteful thing to go around telling other women how attractive men think you are.

  9. I think another thing that some women don’t understand is that even if a man is flirting with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean he want to have sex with you and it doesn’t have to be threatening. Sometimes the flirtation itself is the fun part and enough for the people involved. It often is for me. I love it when a man flirts with me! It always makes my day and it doesn’t matter how old or attractive they are. (Often times they are older.) And I’ve never been accused of leading a man on. They seem to just enjoy flirting as much as I do.

    And as a woman with Lilith conjunct her sun and a lot of Scorpio I can say that some men my age actually seem to be really scared when I casually talk to them. Like I’m going to trick them into having sex with me. So it goes both ways.

    • It isn’t you trapping them into sex which makes them back off. It’s you trapping them into marital servitude under threat of the law ruining their lives forever.

      • My whole post was about the benefits of not assuming what someone’s motivations are. (I wrote that over two years ago btw). Yet you assume mine. That is blindness in the extreme.

        I hope some day that you can realize your own power.

  10. Whenever I tell a woman she is wearing nice earrings, for instance I usually receive a thank you. As a lifelong bachelor I have never gotten out of line with a woman, or harassed a woman. I merely keep to myself as I have gotten burned in the past by women who were not so nice, but I digress.

  11. We’re still overcoming a very long period of widespread misogyny and women being treated like cattle. And I understand the need to lock down every perceived offense until balance is gained.. But I do think we’ve lost our minds on this boy-girl interaction business, quite frankly. When we fail to communicate with each other, we fail collectively. Exercise a bit of common sense. Not every action is driven by a need to exploit sexually or otherwise.

  12. Right now I think people in general are encouraged to make a lifestyle out of being perpetually offended. I find it a joy when a man flirts with me in a warm and respectful way.

  13. Sadly,women of all races in America lead the world in abortion,obesity,single motherhood,divorce,personal debts and mental illness….
    Our country has become a joke.The average womans ego is so pumped up in America because many men are nasty and will have sex with basically anything at this point….I find the average woman I meet brings absolutely nothing to the table asides sex…
    Just say no thanks to sex in America because of child support,lifetime alimony,maternal presumption and no fault divorce.No thanks.
    I think the dating game has changed, which is why thirsty American women have to walk around naked most everywhere they go and why there is an epidemic of female school teachers having sex with school boys and girls.American women have lost their minds.
    As an American,I have refused to date,have sex or even talk to most women as of lately,for years.Whats the point????

  14. According to government records, I have made over $2 million across my working life. Having made the mistake of marrying, I have nothing to show for it except a paid-off wreck of a house that she never cleans even though she lives off me. She doesn’t cook and I do my own laundry. I can only afford to eat twice a day, and one of those meals is hardly more than a snack.
    Young men today are well advised to not marry. There is no benefit to doing so. Hire a professional escort if you desire companionship, then go back to your own life. If your escort stops pleasing you, stop calling her and hire someone else. No divorce, no lawyers, no legal rape.

    • personally i always look at that as a “gamble” in life. Like, when i was first marriage, i married a drug addict (heroin, cocaine, meth all of it) and alcoholism, plus he has many records in burglary and in prison all the time since he turned 18, and this guy has had a wealthy family who gave him everything. So he wasn’t poor. It just happens in life. You either get the hell up and try again or wallow in misery (which i did too)

      so that wife of yours who doesn’t cook, clean or do your laundry, maybe she has other assets that u like. because professional escorts dont cook and clean and do your laundry either.

      • I used to think so, but the more I learned, the less attraction there was. I eventually left her. It wasn’t worth it anymore. It was costly, but I’m happier without someone who drains my energy along with my bank account.

        It was a tough lesson, but it’s a mistake I will never make again. It’s better to pay a woman for what you want then send her on her way. Better to have a good time once and enjoy the other days of the month than to ONLY enjoy maybe one day a month and regret having to go through the other 29 with nothing good happening in your life.

  15. I avoid talking to women at work in the sense that I only talk work related issues and keep it strictly business. Work is a professional environment. I do feel comfortable talking to older women vs younger ones. I also feel more “free” to talk to my male colleagues. I care about my work, it’s my prime source of income. Why taking a small risk by making some kind of “jokey” comment that can be construed in such a manner deemed offensive and then I will be laid off? I won’t be with a woman alone in a room unless there are windows. I won’t be alone with a woman in an elevator. Pence rule for me. I have been called misogynist by some….so be it. I’ve seen a colleague flushed away down the drain TWICE in my career due to some bogus allegation (handshake settlement) and I thought “it ain’t gonna be me”. You won’t find me on those Friday afternoon work parties either. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t like it when others drink it. So I stay away.

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