Men And Women And The Chip On Your Shoulder

Saturn god for webI was talking to a client today who used to be down on men. She judged them harshly as a matter of routine which is easy enough to do. A bitter woman can find all kinds of company.

This woman transformed over these last months. She now sees men as people – MALE people. She’s quit requiring or expecting they act like women. Instead she’s become intrigued with finding out what the man in her life is really about, what he is really saying, how he really feels and frankly, it is a lot more interesting then the standard, ‘All men a pricks,” which can only lead you to one place.

She sees lots of good men out there now, she told me so today. I have been working with her awhile and can speak freely…

“Look. A man gets a certain age and he figures this out. He sees a woman and she’s got a big ol’ chip on shoulder. In reality, why would he go anywhere near her? He’s going to see the chip and avoid the woman. He’s not going to say, oh let me help you with that. Why would he? The expectation he would or even that he might, is insane. He’s going to go right for the woman who’s got no chip. What would you do if you had a brain?”

Later I checked with my husband.

“Men get a certain age and they see a woman out there with a chip on her shoulder. Are they interested?”

“Yeah, they’re interested. They’re interested for five minutes; just about the amount of time it takes to get their dick in and then that’s it. End of interest.”

Got a chip on your shoulder when it comes to the opposite sex?

*from 2010. Still relevant.

 

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Men And Women And The Chip On Your Shoulder — 33 Comments

  1. I had one for many, many years. Working with men for 2 1/2 decades taught me to see them as people. I won’t say that chip’s not there any more, but it’s atrophied and not much of a problem.

  2. Heh. Despite my ranting and raving this week, I’m actually a huge fan of men and manliness. I also love me some good old fashion girl talk as well as a night out with the Queens. Everyone has something to offer. 🙂

  3. I didn’t used to? 😛

    It’s a small chip. My big chip is unworthiness / abandonment issues and all you have to do to fulfill that is be a person. Male genitalia not required.

  4. Yes, I do. But real men often deviate from what I think they are. And they like me. Sometimes.

    Thank you, Elsa for this post.

    Does the Soldier think there is that kind of prickishness in many men?

  5. Nope, I don’t think I ever have either. My brief streak of independence and singledom didn’t count as a chip either.
    I work with all men right now too. I’d be having a terrible time if I hated them!

  6. I’m gonna second pippa, even with all the changes coming (my transits, progressions, solar return & solar arcs all say changes are coming) and all that’s going on right now, I still can’t imagine life without some girl-time or some man-time.
    Angie

  7. Hmm, I’ve always had the opposite problem—I relate more to guys than I do to women. I just have a natural wariness towards women, especially if they’re under 30 (I’ve been burrrrrrned, big time). I’m slowly learning to trust my own gender again, though, thank Gawd.

  8. I’ve been perpetually fascinated with men. I don’t have a chip but I can completely understand why some (a lot) of women do. Coming from an almost completely mutable/female astrological point of view, men can offer me something I can’t ever really offer myself. I don’t understand men but the lack of understanding is the best part.

  9. Chiron in Pisces, 7th house.

    Chip on shoulder = anger, and anger is a catch-all for either hurt, fear, or frustration. I sorted my shit out, and acknowledge that I am terrified of men. I’ve worked hard to discipline my thinking and how I vibe to others, so I think I’ve been able to erode the ‘chip’. I view them as human, albeit very capable of boorishness, ineptitude, and violence; so I listen with an open mind and create harmony wherever — while emitting ‘just friends’ vibes. Two and a half years of therapy have done little to move me toward being able to trust a man again; but it has helped me be o.k. with being alone.
    I think a lot of women who carry their hostility toward men openly (or otherwise) are unhappy in their own skins; and angry that there’s no man willing to come along and save them from themselves. That’s def. not me, but I’ve been single for eight years and counting. I’m a self-contained unit and see no reason to risk my serenity for another potential disaster — think “Chernobyl” — and you’ll get my drift.

  10. I like men a lot, and boys… so much so that I deny the manhood of some quasi-male lowlife by defining them as ‘sewer rat’, ‘piece of shit’ or ‘toerag’. And I am perfectly happy with this.
    I cannot understand how men to a woman, or women to a man, can be a ‘chip’ on the shoulder. More like a boulder, perhaps?

  11. To chip (in) or not to chip (in). I’m a plateau of chip(s). A chip= a deeply fried rectangular potatoe .British. A definition of ‘chip’ wouldn’t hurt. If chip means emotional wounds or emotional baggage, I’ve never met anyone without a chip on their shoulder regardless of their gender. Saturn conjunct lilith in aquarius.

    • “I’ve never met anyone without a chip on their shoulder regardless of their gender.”

      That’s interesting. I have met a lot of people who don’t carry a chip.

      • Hi Elsa! That’s because you have your own definition of chip. I have mine in the above comment. I still have no idea what’s your definition and if we’re talking about the same thing. I have chiron in 7th- never have I met anyone who wasn’t wounded.

        • I thought I defined it in the post.
          I agree, there is no one who escapes injury in life. But many (most) can manage not to project it onto an entire sex or class or race of people.

          In other words, a man who hurt you does not represent all men. If he does, I would consider you to be carrying a chip on your shoulder.

          To offer a personal example, my father was a very bad man. It’s a fact. But there are legions of good fathers out there.

          Rather than project my experience onto innocent people, I simply appreciate good fathers when I meet them.

          Come to think of it, I just saw this dramatized. A teenage girl was bitching about her father. And older (28 yo ish) woman, told her, “Look. I know bad fathers and you don’t have one.”

          So that’s what I’m talking about.

          • I understand it better once you expanded on it, it wasn’t clear to me from the get go. Well now I get the whole post. I have to rectify- I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t wounded but there aren’t many people who eat chillis and cry burn and when they taste chocolate they still cry it’s burning, blaming the chocolate. Eh probably not the best example. Maybe if the tongue was wired to be burning from the start. I don’t have to what to compare to with males and father. But I had uncles and they were good people. Still are.

          • @Elsa I think this has to do with healing. I can project and be aware of it. I might even understand my thinking is wrong, understand that the opposite is true (not all men are the same for example). So what? Our brain is one thing but our body is another. And so on this physical bodily level we hold on to our projections no matter what our brain tells us, until we are healed. I just felt I had to comment because that chip on the shoulder – it’s not there by choice, it’s not there for the lack of wanting or lack of trying to change! This, to be specific is in reply to ‘many can manage not to project’. This isn’t true simply because we can’t put all people in one category. There’s a difference between a person traumatised by past experience and the person who fared better and avoided trauma. The latter will fairly quickly drop the projection. So out of people who experienced trauma very few will be able to manage not to project.

            • “The latter will fairly quickly drop the projection. So out of people who experienced trauma very few will be able to manage not to project.”

              I don’t agree with this at all but I respect your different view.

  12. I was a regular walking bag of chips for a lot of years.

    Looked for men to save me, got dumped, got cheated on.

    Bad cycle.

    Went to therapy – got better and stronger. Had to own my Lilith in Capricorn in the 12th house, close to Mars.

    So… Then I Tinder dated for a whole year to learn more about men, see them anew and meet a lot of men. Exposure therapy you can say.

    It did me good. I have a very amazing BF today and I thank the lord for not carrying all those crumbs on my shoulder anymore!

  13. Of course, I used to be angry sometimes because of bad behavior, but one thing is for sure, I love man’s company, how they think, behave between each other, simplicity, rationality, and how they rarely hold a grudge. No matter how badly I would get hurt by them sometimes, I always gave them another chance, not every man is the same. What I did wrong was that I had a pattern. My expectations were just too irrational, I was comparing them too much, and what’s important, or I was too clingy, or I wouldn’t let them be men when they are supposed to. I was raised to be strong, independent, not to ask for help. I was going from one extreme to another, and since I realized it and gained balance, my relationships with men are much better.

  14. I like the men in my life just fine. They are comfortable in their own skin and don’t have anything to prove as far as I can see. Could be an age thing that I really don’t relate to them on a gender level. As far as a sexual relationship, I think it is clear that I don’t have the man space open in my life at this time. I am a bit puzzled at the definitive maleness thing. I have no clue what that is at the moment. I can’t separate it out from the men people I know.

  15. Flip side:

    “Women, you are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It’s not your job to fix him, change him, parent or raise him. You want a partner, not a project.” – Julia Roberts

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