Meat For The Scorpio Moon

scorpio dollThis weekend, I came across a story I wrote in 2002. I asked about it here but no one responded in five or six hours. I don’t know how to parse that kind of void. It’s definitely not encouraging.

I spoke with a friend about the story – it’s my personal favorite of everything I’ve ever written. This doesn’t mean it’s good. It just means I like it.   My reasons would be weird and utterly personal. I had done something nutty with my daughter when she was young. It was just a really crazy idea I had that was inspired by any measure. I had no idea why I thought of it but we did the thing and we pulled it off.  After that, months passed.

I was on the beach in Mexico when I realized where the idea came from. It was tied to this event in my childhood – this trickled into my head and sat up like a bolt, from my chaise lounge.

I wrote constantly, back then. I had my laptop so I reached for it and I started writing this story… in dialogue. It was a story inside a story which is another thing I like. Three stories, actually. It was the story of someone telling a story which explained the other story?

All of my stories come through me but this one was special because as I continued to write, it was the dialogue that flowed though me. I wound up writing the entire thing in dialogue – it’s not me talking (much). It’s my sister telling the story and the dialogue is exact.

Some of you know this, but probably most of you don’t. I have this ability to recall and transcribe exact dialogue from… as far back as 40 years ago. Hey! Don’t ask me. All I can tell you is can remember it and type it like a bat out of hell. It is PRECISE.

So in this story, there are three of us in the room and my sister (mostly) is the one talking.  She’s astonishing. She has freakishly keen insight. I have definitely written about very personal things but this kind of takes the cake because it’s her voice.  I share my personal thoughts and feelings in my story, always. But I don’t control her mouth, see?  And it’s running like a Moon Jupiter exact conjunction in Sagittarius.  The story is of course, shocking, as all my stories are. But it’s true and we/she have a good time telling it.

So I was playing with the idea of posting this but there was no response. I spoke a friend and mentioned some of the off-color stuff in it. Mega-swearing for one thing.

See, when I first started writing, there was gal who wanted to help me, edit me or something. She was very nice. She told me she loved the stories but I would have to get rid of all the swearing. She was from the South and said while people would LOVE my stories, if they came across the swearing, they would take my book out to the trash, carrying it with tongs!

I was pretty surprised by this, though I believed her. I thought about it but I told her I couldn’t do it because the stories were all true. Further, the dialogue in all of them is exact.  Consequently, the characters come off the page because let’s face it. All I know are characters.  But I just didn’t see how I could put a fake story out there.

Mars conjunct Mercury in the 9th. I will be telling you the truth, particularly in my 9th-house-ruled story or published work.

So my friend thought if I published the story… well, it may cause me some kind of harm.  I guess she feels people are sort of hysterical today as compared to twenty years ago.  But here’s the thing…

You’re hearing a real story in a real voice that happened at some other time. It’s not current. Can people not deal with such a thing?

For example, my sister swears like a m’fuker in the story but she has since which swearing and she never swears that I know of.  Can people really not deal with things that are real?

I would really like to know.

I would also like to know what to do with this story and many others.  All my stories have minor astrology – I’m an astrologer! But they aren’t really astrology blog stuff?

Do I have to start a new blog? Or is it best I retire my work because that’s how I found this story. I am deleting stuff from my blog, the forum and my hard drive – it’s a rigorous purge.

I need to figure out who is here now, reading. This way, I can figure out what I should do. And there is more than swearing in there, that might cause a person to have a conniption. Because it’s a real conversation about real people in a real voice.

One more thing… I have written about writing dialogue, many times. If you have ever read any of my stories, you know I can do this. I almost can’t not do it. I started this story on the beach, worked on it in the room and on the plane and finished it at home, about three days total, 65 pages.  But yesterday it occurred to me that I may be the only person anywhere who can do this. I mean it. I have never heard of anyone doing this…

This is important, not because I think I’m special. It’s important because if I am the only one, or one of very few, then it is a gift from God. You’re supposed to use your gifts. Clearly I know this – I am here every day for 22 years or so, writing. Lots of work but not even the tip of the iceberg.

Since I’m laying this out, I might as well mention another thing I’m grappling with.  If I am going to tell stories again, is this the one to start with? Probably not. It’s raw and Sadge funny, but yeah, RAW. Ya’ll might need to go fetch your tongs, see? Because Sagittarian mouths are not Libra mouths, truth be told.

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Comments

Meat For The Scorpio Moon — 86 Comments

  1. Personally I would love to hear the story. And any others. I love hearing people talk about people and personal jazz is what defines a human experience. I think a person recalling things from the distant pass and passing those into the world is worth gold. I love the experience of that tying into real life astrology. I find everything I read on this blog from then to now wholesome.. especially when it contains an f-bomb or 12

  2. I write a a lot. Fiction based on my experiences. I’ve been working on a novel for seven years. The same 3 characters, on the same spot of earth, with the same talents and relationship to one another. I can’t not write them but there story continues to change. I’d like to say evolve but I can’t kid myself. One of my characters curses. Twenty years ago maybe that would have upset folks but, unless these people do not read or watch any current medium, not now. I’m 70, from the south and believe that to be true.

    As to the writing. I’m realizing my characters are not living in a novel. Some of the circumstances I write about feature one of them over the other two. I’ve decided to approach this as a series of short stories.

    I’m sure this doesn’t answer your questions but I yes I’m interested and would love to read your spot on, as it was said, dialogue.

    • Interesting. My stories take place from when I was six years old until I was about thirty-five. This particular story took place when I was twelve but I’m in my late twenties or so, when we’re talking about it.

      My whole life is shocking; each story more shocking than the rest. I used to feel I was supposed to write this stuff so that people could see that people like me (heavily abused) are truly people… with an array of thoughts and feelings and humor or whatever.

      I was personally motivated to do this because every once in awhile some parent beats their kid to death. A story like this hits the news and invariably I would have someone tell me, they felt the kid was better off… would no longer be abused. I understand the sentiment but might the kid have an opinion?

      I was a kid like that; exactly like that. I would say something but no one ever seemed to understand. This is what saw me do this… write about all kinds of unspeakable things.

      See, people project onto people like me and they’ve generally got it so very wrong. The best way to illustrate this is to tell the damned story.

      I am constantly thinking and talking and whatnot in my stories; it’s abundantly clear I was not a girl who would be better off dead! While no one ever told me this, I suspect anyone who has ever read even one of my stories will not be someone out there making a remark like this.

      But I don’t think people like the truth as much as they like their myths, to be frank about it. I told my friend, if people can’t take it, I guess they can go see the new, tired ol’ Top Gun movie. It’s pathetic.

      Reheat CGI leftovers – OK!

      • Saying the dead victim is “better off” sounds like an attempt to rationalize why God allows evil to exist. It’s uncomfortable to admit that we really don’t know why.

        • Well, it’s just really ignorant and that’s the word I want. I was never offended because I understood where they got their idea. But I thought if I could tell these stories, they would cease to be ignorant. Because they would have access to a specimen who openly shares.

          That is another thing about my stories. I automatically write in my voice at the age of the story. You can tell when teenage rebellion sets in for example. And maybe I’m a little jaded in my 30’s or whatever. It’s reality. I grow up, sort of.

          In this particular story, I don’t like my sister’s husband much so I don’t talk as much as I usually would. This kind of nuance is in there. And you know I don’t like him because I call him, “XXXXX”.

          *note she has a different husband now.

          • Elsa,

            thank you for this sad but SO enlightening story. I’m so sorry you were a severely abused child. And now you give voice to legions of abused children right? The unseen. Your gift is valuable.

            I’m not a writer or editor – just read a lot. Commercially I think if you could, or wanted to, edit this story way down – like to 1/3 or 1/4th it’s current length – you have a great short story that would “sell” so to speak. (I mean find a wide audience.) I think the swearing is not only ok but adds a lot of humor, and illustrations your sister and your relationship nicely. I’m from the New York area and it’s not over the top for New Yorkers.

            Anyway, best of luck in getting your stories to a wider audience. Really – this story is teaching and truth telling that entertains while awakening the reader. Bravo.

  3. Please, please, PLEASE post the story! Start with it and keep ’em coming! Your ability IS a gift from God. It’s only right to share it, authentically!

  4. I love to read your stories Elsa. I write in dialogue, too. I’ve read lots of books and short stories with swearing in them and it makes it more real.

  5. Elsa, what would have offended me 20 years ago is nothing now—and I’m from the South. Life is much more complex now and how we talk reflects that. I consider my salty talk a stress reliever. So I am probably not the only person that would find your writing somewhat refreshing! I’d love to read your reflections on the past!

  6. Well, it is interesting. I explained to my friend… it’s me, my sister and her husband in the room talking. When I write, I am right there in the room even though the conversation happened many years ago. The live entities in the room (the people) are intact and talking.

    By that I mean, I am in my position – in this story. My sister is across the room from me, smoking a lot. Her husband is to my right. And they’re just talking and I can transcribe it. I don’t edit at all. My sister can tell a story. She needs no help!

    Anyway, it’s just a conversation that took place and a person can be right there and enjoy it because I can recreate, verbatim.

  7. I enjoy your writing, Elsa, and would love to read your stories. BTW, what’s the story with the Madame Alexander dolls? I had them as a child.

  8. I would love to hear it! I have a Pisces Mercury square Sadge Uranus and Jupiter. I love a good story and am not easily offended. I can’t imagine anyone giving you a hard time about it. If they do, it’s their problem right? I miss the old days when people were real, all this censoring is getting really old.

  9. Having a stellium in sagg (including mercury) I definitely would say tell the stories but wonder if you would consider a podcast instead? I personally would like to hear your voice telling the stories. Growing up Italian, I grew up with oral story telling and the olds used to retell stories from the homeland verbatim whenever they would get together. Hearing stories feeds your soul in a different way to reading stories. Joey Diaz, the Cuban American who is the most Italian non-Italian I have ever seen and heard is a good contemporary example of this. His dynamic with Joe Rogan highlights his story telling best. The swearing must stay as it’s integral to the story.

  10. Dear Elsa, in short, I wouldn’t even want to imagine a life where I have never read your stories. If you do decide to publish this, I would consider it a personal holiday 😉

  11. Elsa, first of all, I adore you. As a professional writer myself, one who aspires to do more and more writing, I struggle with the issue of “who is my audience”. “How do I write to get through and into people without alienating them?” If people don’t like us, and judge and dismiss us, what kind of service are we providing? I can’t help but think of things as services. (Jupiter in Pisces in the 6th?) Personally, I like to keep swearing to a minimum always – mostly because it tends to unconsciously perpetuate negative energy toward natural biological processes, like sex and defecating. I deeply believe that is unhealthy for us personally and as a society. But with that said, I highly value the vulnerable sharing of “teaching moments”. Love you, Elsa!

    • Thank you, Radha. The problem is, I am from extreme circumstances and so is my sister. We are products of this extreme environment, which is part of what makes us so compelling. If I whitewash our language, you will be reading fiction.

      I am not “putting” swearing in. I am writing real life dialogue! I am not ashamed of myself or my sister. You live through 1/1000th of what she and I have and I guarantee you, you’ll say “fuck” a few times.

      You are talking about what is ideal. I am talking about an actual conversation about an actual event or rather a series of them. We are products of our environment and I rather like how we turned out, even if we were swearing our heads off in our twenties.

      • Your recall of language is a rare and stunning gift. And I say, do YOU girl! Let the chips fall. I also like how you turned out, very much! My life has also expressed itself through many “extreme circumstances”. I am still learning how to write about it.

        • Yes, it’s very weird. And my sister outshines me in this story. She’s on a roll. But I can’t do anything about my dialogue after the fact, because it is what it is. And her husband is there which is part of the reason.

          Anyway, my stories are true to the bone and I can’t have it any other way. The entire point of writing them is to record various events. If I move or alter anything, you won’t know what happened. I actually want people to know what happened, and also to be entertained, of course.

          In particular, the whole world is fake right now. A tomato is tasteless. I am against this. I want to know what actually happened.

          I know I am weird and people are curious. I’d rather tell them the truth than have them make it up.

  12. I’ve been coming around here for a long time and i for one sorely miss your stories. To me, synthesis of life experience and understanding that literally everything is astrology, is integral to full underatanding of it. Some of your stories I think about often and I consider them part of my astrological education. This is a different world and a MUCH different internet than it was 10-20 years ago and who knows how people will respond. I have mercury/uranus and my instinct is to say “fuck it” and do it anyway. You have said many times this blog is a unique place. I vote for keeping it that way and fostering or better yet leaning into it. So many people are starved for true experiences.

  13. I would love to hear your story elsa!! I wish I had this ability. So many lost conversations I can’t remember. But I journal to remember things and I write a lot of conversations down. I have been writing a lot of dialogue lately too for a book I am working on! I am gemini sun 9th house gem mercury in 10th

  14. Hi Elsa, we love you and would love to read your stories. If you plan to have your stories read on the radio, or produced for TV, the FCC has rules that media outlets have to follow – no swearing until safe harbor hours (10 pm – 6 am) – they are known as the “George Carlin rules”. Many artists today use swear words and all radio stations edit them out to avoid being fined by the FCC. One suggestion is to publish the real story and an edited FCC clean version.

  15. Your stories, your writing, your life, a gift from God. To be cherished and loved and cared for. Be gentle with your work, keep it, love it. Because it is awesome. I have always been drawn to this place, truly inspirational, on point, funny, and still caring.

  16. Love stories, especially real stories. With my aries 3rd and mars, no problems with the swearing. I am moved about what you said that some voices say that heavily abused people should be better off dead and not asking them their own damn opinion. It will be something worthy for those who don’t share their stories, who think they are alone in their heavy situation. Despite the unique, unimitable and unprecedented situation you found and grew up yourself in, it would help them too. I agree with Lunarose- it would be great to hear it, as in through your voice, as well as written. A moon jupiter sag should have no shortage of luck in matters of publication.

    • Problem here is it’s not my voice. It is primarily my sister’s voice. She’s telling my story from her perspective, which is one of the things I like about it. If my sister’s mouth is running like a faucet. I have no desire to say her words. I have my own words!

      What I like about this story is how it came about; surfacing from my subconscious. But my sister is brilliant in this. She’s not wrong about anything she says and she speaks freely. Also, she is the one with Moon Jupiter in Sadge.

      Basically, I don’t want my sister’s words coming from my mouth. The insights are hers and hers alone. I can just tell you that she is not wrong.

      • By voice I meant it in a literal way, something like a podcast/audio because it’s nice to hear it in spoken form as well as in written. I see what you were reffering to with the different voices now. In literature usually multiperspectivity is a resort but you could be drawn towards something different. Co-autorship would be something too- to preserve two distinct voices, if sister is on board but maybe that’s really overcomplicating it due to multiple reasons. In the end, I hope you’ll get to put it together in a way that’s satisfactory to you.

  17. I’ve pretty much decided to post this but I don’t know how or where. It’s written as a serial. I used to post my stories in blog-post-sized pieces which is what comes naturally to me. This would piss people off though, because the stories are crack and you want to know what happens next? But on the upside, people got to have conversation about what they read which was really good as well. Great, actually.

    The other problem is this story is 65 pages long. It does need some cleaning up. My usual bad punctuation which was much worse, twenty years ago. If I am to post this story all at once, I will have to edit this large document which is a labor as I try to maintain my blog and newsletter, do consultations, get my garden in, etc. I can do it. It will just take time and fixing a giant document is my idea of *not fun*.

    Then, where do I post it? On a “Page” rather than a blog post?
    I wonder if I should post all my stories. I wonder why I should and why I shouldn’t and I have no answers for these questions.

    • Yes, you absolutely should post all your stories — you have a whole new crop of readers now who will be eager to read them, plus old fans who will enjoy them again. Perhaps one page per week right here with time to discuss and anticipate the next installment?

  18. Personally, I’m not offended by swearing, and I love a good story, so I’m in! It amazes me that folks are offended by swearing, but not offended by other things like poverty, injustice, war, etc.

    Each to their own, I s’pose. 😉

  19. I just thought of something else. There is a phrase out there, “spitting truth”. People say this or that person is “spitting truth” when what’s really happening is an actor is reading a script.

    Another reason to post this story. Real spit, real truth. I think people should learn the difference!

  20. Thanks. I’m working on it and just about got the first part ready to go. My sister actually explains my personality in this. I guess it’s not really a story but a record of a conversation.

    I have to be ready to go to court at all times. I’ll let her explain! It’s like people are inexplicable but then again, not really. It’s all understandable for anyone with the capacity to understand.

    My sister explains many things in this, not just about me, but about life. So I will get this going. I should have something posted today.

  21. Oh My God!
    I named a person in this story, “Anna”.
    Jesus Christ! This was before the Disney movie! I swear!

    I named her, Anna, because it’s my sister’s name, in part. I’m just going to leave it because you should be able to differentiate between the characters which have nothing in common. Plus, I was first! 🙂

  22. I’ve just read this first part, and I just love how you draw the reader in so they are *there* in the room with you. Yes, the subject matter is dark, but it’s honest and real and authentic – three of my favourite things! The profanity doesn’t bother me – I’ve got a mouth like a Sailor when the mood takes me:)

    • Thanks. I’m going to just keep posting chunks as I get them fixed, which basically, I go in and remove 1100 commas.

      This is because I write what we say – Jupiter family – blah, blah, blah. If you read it out loud, you can hear her. She’s going places you’d never dream. 🙂

  23. I remember reading your stories before you started this website. I especially loved the dialogs because they added to the ‘realness’ of them. I didn’t mind that they were in chunks.

  24. Ahh, what joy to have your fresh story. I checked and I still have your Little Mike story, Sonia story and your book available in my Kindle acct.

  25. Love this! “But I don’t control her mouth, see? And it’s running like a Moon Jupiter exact conjunction in Sagittarius.” Lol!

    I’ve always enjoyed your writing. I used to watch your videos all the time. When I’m reading an article on your site, I try to guess the author. When I read what you write, I hear your voice loud and clear, as if it were a video.

    If people can’t handle swearing, they aren’t your audience. F ‘um if they can’t take a joke! Plenty of Southerners swear, believe me!

    You just keep telling it like it is, Darlin’, just like you’ve been doing for decades. You can’t be any other way!

  26. This exercise is going really well. I’m getting new insights which is something that’s high-value on my personal “currency” scale. Insights valuable enough, I consider my labor to be paid-in-full. I am going to try to finish today. Should be no problem.

  27. I’ve read the whole story. I don’t even know what I want to say. I loved the humour despite the awful events and marvelled at the way it’s told so matter-of-factly, I just couldn’t stop reading. More than anything, it made my heart ache for that little girl. Wonderfully evocative storytelling!

    • Thank you. I think this is enormously important to write. I truly believe that people are maleducated around things like this. It’s supposed to make you stop and think, and hopefully recalibrate on a number of levels.

      Plus, the astrology! Can you see the Neptune midheaven or what? How about my 8th house? JUPITER!

      Also, Jupiter Uranus aspect in my chart. It’s never what you expect.

  28. Keep being real! If people can’t handle the swearing, they don’t have to read it. I have to admit to being a learker. I read you everyday, but I don’t comment. I’m usually absorbing what you said. I’m sure that I am not the only one. I will try to comment more.

    • Thank you. Because I hate talking to myself. To be completely honest, I am ready to quit. It’s just not reasonable to continue expending energy when nothing comes back.

      I am not blaming, people. I am telling you that google has deindexed blogs; this one anyway, but everyone else’s turn is coming. So my kind of content is soon to be eradicated from the internet, save some kind of miracle.

  29. Maybe publish an overview or a snippet of it here to get feedback (if that’s what you really want)? But can you publish it as a novella and make some money (Amazon, whatev)? People read all kinds of things; I wouldn’t let an old comment about swearing dissuade you. Especially if it hits a #MeToo chord or any other recent hot button, I don’t think people care at this point.
    If you’re being trolled just block the MFers and move on. It’s them, not you.
    Lastly, I understand change, especially if T Pluto is now in your 1st H, but re: purging your blog, I’d do it with this lens:
    Could / would this post still help someone grappling with this? If yes, then leave it, so it could be found during a Google search. (As mentioned, I found your blog during a ‘Pluto transiting 12th house’ search.)

  30. Bring it on! I have lived a real life with real people and though I like to be creative with my swearing… “Jiminey Cricket On A Motorscooter” is my favorite… traditional swearing does not offend me.

  31. Elsa, Elsa! Send it out, and those who will under- stand or are curious will read it. The others won’t know what they missed – now and probably many times in their lives. Blah B&W! There are so many colors of gray, and I’ll bet you use every one of them. If something you write offends me, then it’s because I choose to be offended. That’s a choice all of us can make several times every day. But it’s far more fun to dance than it is to sulk. Write, Woman, Write. Send it out to the ethers, and never look back!
    Sara
    PS. We have your back if you do look back. Hundreds of us and soon, thousands of us. You’re safe!

  32. Hi Elsa, my family has your family “type” of raw history too, swearing, religion, violence you name it – yes THE LOT and way more. Two women in my family have exactly your gift, both Capricorns, they remember dates, people, words, great writers and prolific too. I have this gift as well with other qualities thrown in, in fact I have a wardrobe full of manuscripts, (Mars, Merc in Cap 9H), I know oodles of folk with manuscripts coming out their ears too, so you are not alone in this. . . thanks for publishing your stories, fabulous, love them raw and all.

  33. Re: “you’re hearing a real story in a real voice that happened at some other time. It’s not current. Can people not deal with such a thing?”
    My take…in the current political climate possibly not:). Just ask Tinkerbell, Captain Hook, Dr. Seuss….characters beloved by millions for decades, attacked, potentially “canceled” & they’re not even real! My other take, the more important one is: your work is your gift & it’s uniquely you. Once you start writing for the critics out of fear instead of creating from your own self, you have your foot on a soul deadening path that may make you wish it WERE on that proverbial banana peel:):) No, some, maybe many people can’t/won’t deal well with some of your work. But then, they won’t be there at your deathbed, when you & your soul sit down for that one on one talk about how well you followed your heart through your voice, will they?:):)

  34. Hahaha I came here wondering what Elsa had to say today and it was a mouthful! I love your energy. Please publish your stories.

  35. After that intro, I think it would be truly unfair if we didn’t get to hear the story in all it’s foul-mouthed glory.

  36. Why wouldn’t u tell your stories is the question. People need to hear it and if they can’t handle the cursing then they must of had some easy soft life that left them unprepared for the real world. I work with abused teens in a psych hospital..so I know there are peole out there who need to hear from people like u and me. (Neptune on the ascendant in sadge opposing mercury) I help people talk about their craziness and secrets. And use my own to teach them. Tell all your stories verbatim! In my opinion…You have the gift for a reason.

  37. You have a definite talent for dialogue and, accordingly, character development, and I wonder if you haven’t thought in terms of movies and script writing?! Very fresh. The writing puts the reader right into the scenes.

  38. sag stellium here thinks you shouldn’t censor anything 🙂 I’ve read you for years, you have a voice no other blog/astrologer has in my opinion. Please don’t go anywhere! Love your vids too.

  39. I just realized this morning, this story is about people not knowing the truth when they hear it.

    In my mind, this is a freakishly severe handicap and very common in this day and age.

    I read a quote recently, there are only two ways to be tricked. Believing a lie or failing to believe the truth!

    Hard to argue with that!

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