This weekend, I came across a story I wrote in 2002. I asked about it here but no one responded in five or six hours. I don’t know how to parse that kind of void. It’s definitely not encouraging.
I spoke with a friend about the story – it’s my personal favorite of everything I’ve ever written. This doesn’t mean it’s good. It just means I like it. My reasons would be weird and utterly personal. I had done something nutty with my daughter when she was young. It was just a really crazy idea I had that was inspired by any measure. I had no idea why I thought of it but we did the thing and we pulled it off. After that, months passed.
I was on the beach in Mexico when I realized where the idea came from. It was tied to this event in my childhood – this trickled into my head and sat up like a bolt, from my chaise lounge.
I wrote constantly, back then. I had my laptop so I reached for it and I started writing this story… in dialogue. It was a story inside a story which is another thing I like. Three stories, actually. It was the story of someone telling a story which explained the other story?
All of my stories come through me but this one was special because as I continued to write, it was the dialogue that flowed though me. I wound up writing the entire thing in dialogue – it’s not me talking (much). It’s my sister telling the story and the dialogue is exact.
Some of you know this, but probably most of you don’t. I have this ability to recall and transcribe exact dialogue from… as far back as 40 years ago. Hey! Don’t ask me. All I can tell you is can remember it and type it like a bat out of hell. It is PRECISE.
So in this story, there are three of us in the room and my sister (mostly) is the one talking. She’s astonishing. She has freakishly keen insight. I have definitely written about very personal things but this kind of takes the cake because it’s her voice. I share my personal thoughts and feelings in my story, always. But I don’t control her mouth, see? And it’s running like a Moon Jupiter exact conjunction in Sagittarius. The story is of course, shocking, as all my stories are. But it’s true and we/she have a good time telling it.
So I was playing with the idea of posting this but there was no response. I spoke a friend and mentioned some of the off-color stuff in it. Mega-swearing for one thing.
See, when I first started writing, there was gal who wanted to help me, edit me or something. She was very nice. She told me she loved the stories but I would have to get rid of all the swearing. She was from the South and said while people would LOVE my stories, if they came across the swearing, they would take my book out to the trash, carrying it with tongs!
I was pretty surprised by this, though I believed her. I thought about it but I told her I couldn’t do it because the stories were all true. Further, the dialogue in all of them is exact. Consequently, the characters come off the page because let’s face it. All I know are characters. But I just didn’t see how I could put a fake story out there.
Mars conjunct Mercury in the 9th. I will be telling you the truth, particularly in my 9th-house-ruled story or published work.
So my friend thought if I published the story… well, it may cause me some kind of harm. I guess she feels people are sort of hysterical today as compared to twenty years ago. But here’s the thing…
You’re hearing a real story in a real voice that happened at some other time. It’s not current. Can people not deal with such a thing?
For example, my sister swears like a m’fuker in the story but she has since which swearing and she never swears that I know of. Can people really not deal with things that are real?
I would really like to know.
I would also like to know what to do with this story and many others. All my stories have minor astrology – I’m an astrologer! But they aren’t really astrology blog stuff?
Do I have to start a new blog? Or is it best I retire my work because that’s how I found this story. I am deleting stuff from my blog, the forum and my hard drive – it’s a rigorous purge.
I need to figure out who is here now, reading. This way, I can figure out what I should do. And there is more than swearing in there, that might cause a person to have a conniption. Because it’s a real conversation about real people in a real voice.
One more thing… I have written about writing dialogue, many times. If you have ever read any of my stories, you know I can do this. I almost can’t not do it. I started this story on the beach, worked on it in the room and on the plane and finished it at home, about three days total, 65 pages. But yesterday it occurred to me that I may be the only person anywhere who can do this. I mean it. I have never heard of anyone doing this…
This is important, not because I think I’m special. It’s important because if I am the only one, or one of very few, then it is a gift from God. You’re supposed to use your gifts. Clearly I know this – I am here every day for 22 years or so, writing. Lots of work but not even the tip of the iceberg.
Since I’m laying this out, I might as well mention another thing I’m grappling with. If I am going to tell stories again, is this the one to start with? Probably not. It’s raw and Sadge funny, but yeah, RAW. Ya’ll might need to go fetch your tongs, see? Because Sagittarian mouths are not Libra mouths, truth be told.