Mars in Libra Bitched Out By Aries

Today I complained about how the men around here don’t do their share, keeping the house up. The soldier listened carefully and then told me it was entirely my fault for not commanding my troops well enough… or for that matter, not commanding them at all.

“You can’t expect a man to know what to do if you don’t tell him what to do,” he insisted. “There is no one here who won’t do whatever you want us to do but you have to come up with what it is you want us to do. Write it down! Then if it’s not done you can say, do it motherfucker, it’s just job! It’s says so right there,” he said pointing his finger at the hologram lists of chores. Now get off you ass and do what you’re supposed to do!”

He was yelling so I stayed quiet. Really, I didn’t know what to make of this in the moment. “I don’t like to boss people.” I said. “I don’t know why you can’t have common sense. If the trash is full how come no one but me takes it out?”

“P, it doesn’t work that way. It just doesn’t. You make a list of what ever you want us to do and I promise you we’ll do it but you can’t get all pissed off at a man for not doing things you have not taught him and trained him to do and it makes me mad you’d even complain about this. We’ll do our job as soon as you do yours which is to tell us what our job is. Who runs this house? You do! I know you don’t like to boss people but if you don’t nothing is going to get done and I don’t want to hear you complain about it either. It makes me mad, P. It makes a man mad he’s in trouble for not doing something he doesn’t even know he’s supposed to do.”

(a little insight into men for y’all)

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Mars in Libra Bitched Out By Aries — 22 Comments

  1. Yeah, but if you have to boss your lover around to do chores, it turns you into his mom in his mind and that is NOT sexy to either party. He should just take the damn trash out.

  2. Well I guess this is the nature of the opposition. People see things differently.

    Actually I want my son in charge of trash on all levels and the soldier can do the bathroom because he’s got lots of years in the military and definitely knows how to clean.

    But again, what I think is interesting is how he views this and I am learning it is indicative of how women have so many problems with men. They expect them to think like women when they just plain DO NOT.

  3. Elsa, I’m not sure who’s right and who’s wrong in your scenario (yep, I’m Libra rising) but I read your story in between chores… Like so many good men and grand partners…your soldier sounds infruratingly perfect and perfectly infuriating.. lol.

  4. I just had a momment of insight into my own stuff
    that I am not too happy about, and then I read this…are you kidding? Your son may need to be
    shown some direction, but the soldier he is an adult. Maybe Taurus soldier does not like to be shown the “error of his ways”,and turned it back on you. I think you were right in the first place,
    Elsa.

  5. Well, I don’t. I see his point… of course I would, I have Libra! He is the one who can’t see the other side where I can’t help to see the other side…

  6. Well what he points out is that his way works… and mine obviously does not.

    Unfortunately he is probably right. My idea has already proved not to work and I am pretty sure if I put a list of crap up for the men to do around here they will do and if they don’t, well he’s right again, I can say, “Do it, it’s your job, it says so right there!”

    In whatever case I am making a list and see if I don’t get a trash free – clean bathroom house out of the deal…

  7. “the soldier can do the bathroom because he’s got lots of years in the military and definitely knows how to clean.”

    The army is good for something then! πŸ™‚

  8. Taurus energy is fundamentally lazy when it comes to housework. Maybe he just looks at it differently, and maybe he is blowing a bit of smoke there, I mean, when the trash can is overflowing it’s obvious and it’s disgusting, and even with my severe ADD, taking out the trash promptly (when it is 3/4 full, is my policy) is something I can see needs doing, and I do it.

    With all you do and all you are going through Elsa, it strikes me as unfair, but I guess you don’t have a choice but to do it the way he says. You are a better woman than I in this way, because if the person I live with fails to hold his own, I feel very resentful and it hurts the relationship.

    I have tried writing it down and have had no success with men disinclined to do housework, the pattern is hard to budge, I hope you fare much better. Let us know how it goes!

  9. Reminds me of something I read a long time ago about how men & women communicate…a woman will say something like “it would be great if you’d take out the trash,” thinking he’ll do it…but the man hears it as something optional because of the phrasing. Just gotta tell those boys in no uncertain terms, I guess πŸ™‚

  10. LOL. Hmmm…I’m female (and Aries) and I have to say I think along the same lines as the Soldier – if I want something done that’s exactly how I do it. With one exception, since I also have Libra, I let people decide what they want to do and how they want to do it, then I make the list and keep things on track. So in effect you command (Aries) the process, but each troop gets to have his choice (Libra). And you get a clean house πŸ™‚

  11. I don’t know, Elsa. I get this. I lived with a Taurus who used to leave carburetors (I kid you not) in the middle of the kitchen table, grease and all.

    But I couldn’t change him. No way, no how. He fixed cars and stuff (something I had no interest in and my mind kind of “fogged” when I looked at stuff like that) and I did kitchen stuff… and I imagine his mind kind of “fogged” at those duties.

  12. I’ve made the lists and it still didn’t help in my house.
    Example: It was my guy’s turn to clean the kitchen. He would wash the dishes we needed to cook or eat off of, but wouldn’t finish the deal (washing after the meal was over), so it was his turn for over six weeks. For over six weeks, this Saturn-in-Virgo had a messy kitchen with dirty dishes piled up everywhere — no room even to make a sammich — because it was his turn. *lol* Then Mars-Pluto woke up and started smashing dishes until he agreed to clean. πŸ˜‰

    Of course, we’re both stubborn and lazy, but at least we no longer argue about housework. Much. πŸ˜€

  13. Well actually it’s a compliment. You’re the boss, yeah? You give the orders when it comes to your nest. That’s how he sees it, and that — believe me — that’s good.

    How would you like it if he was the boss? And he had a list of chores written down for you every day? or got all pissy because *you* didn’t clean the bathroom to his liking or didn’t vaccuum around his easy chair? Wanted his pants ironed and folded, not hung in the closet?Or had some expectation about how his cups were arranged in the cupboards? Can you imagine having a reverse conversation? “Well,honey, you just write down everything you want me to do and I’ll do it”. Not a chance, right? Because you *are* the boss that way and he’s just giving it right to you.

    you’re in charge, girl! Your man has just told you he is willing to do what you say! Take it and *run*.

  14. You just cant expect a man to think like a woman. Learned a LONG time ago, if you want a man to do something – you have to tell him you want him to do it. They’ll do it in most cases, and do it willingly.. but no they just dont see what needs done & do it.

  15. i have had that conversation with someone (from the soldier’s angle) myself. sharing a household is freakin’ complicated, and when someone else is in charge i can’t figure what they want done by others and what they don’t… at least when they’re extremely territorial about some things (and i never know what is or isn’t on that list) but they don’t want to “nag.” (lots of scorpio trine 8th house cancer saturn.)
    it’s not just a man/woman thing, though i imagine that’s often how it plays out.

    gah. sometimes it’s just easier being on your own. but then you have to do all the work πŸ˜›

  16. “β€œthe soldier can do the bathroom because he’s got lots of years in the military and definitely knows how to clean.”

    The army is good for something then!”

    I was stupefied when I read this comment a few days ago. I guess if you happened to be living in Georgia right now you’d have some idea what the military is good for.

    ::shakes head::

  17. Oh man! I was talking to my Aries friend the other day, complaining about a man. And I said exactly like you did!

    “He should know, it’s common sense.”

    “But does he know that?”

    “HE SHOULD!”

    “But did you tell him?”

    “No.”

    “Then you can’t HOLD THAT AGAINST HIM.”

  18. Well I have updated this situation and I now have the cleanest bathroom in the world. All told, he spent SIX hours cleaning it from the floor to the ceiling, every inch is spotless.

    “They thought you were tricking me,” I said

    “No, I’m not tricking you, I just didn’t have any orders. Now I have orders… I always fulfill my orders, that’s all there is to it.”

  19. Love this post – this was exactly my experience with my ex. Did nothing, I fumed and eventually blew, whereupon he said ‘You didn’t tell me you wanted anything done, tell me what to do, the lady is in charge of the house, just tell me what to do’. I have to say he trained up beautifully, even washed nappies! It was a good lesson for me in how much more effective a reasonable request is to my usual; ‘he should just know’ stuming. Because men don’t, at least in the things we regard as second nature.

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